我亲手杀死了我自己！
《我亲手杀死了我自己！》 小说介绍
zuozhe“xuanxiaochao”chuangzuodeyanqingxiaoshuo《woqinshoushasilewoziji！》，jiangshudeshizhujiaoyaozifangzizhangjingyaozhijiandegushi，jingcaineirongjieshao：”fangzicongyafenglijichulianggebinglengdeziyan。jiuzaitahuayinluoxiadetongshi，yibiandousheng！shuzhuohoude“zhangjingyao”yanzhongxiongguangbaoshan！tabingfeishushoudaibizhiren！zai……
《我亲手杀死了我自己！》 我亲手杀死了我自己！精选章节 免费试读
woqinshoushasilewozijijuntongtegong“yaozi”jiedaojuemirenwu：dingtigangbeichujuedehanjianzhangjingyao。
taqianruzhangzhaishufang，quefaxianzhangjingyaobenrenzhengzuozaishuzhuohou。“dengnihenjiule。
”zhangjingyaolengxiaozhejuqiqiang。yaozishunjianmingbai——zijicaishibeishejideliewu。qiangxiangqian，
shufanganmenturandakai：“zhushou！”ribentegaokeanchazaizhangjiadenvyongfangzichiqiangchuxian。
sanfangduizhizhong，yaoziturangaohan：“fangzi**！tacaishijiahuo！”“zhengjuzaitashuzhuoangeli！
”zhangjingyaoxiayishimoxiangchouti——zheigedongzuobaoluletadeshenfen。zhenzhengdezhangjingyao，
genbenbuzhidaoangedecunzai。binglengdeyushui，daizhechudongteyoude、nengshenjingutoufenglidehanyi，
congqianhuisedeyemuliqingxiexialai，henhendizazaiqingshibanlumianshang，jianqiyipianmimengerwuzhuodeshuiwu。
kongqilimimanzheyizhonghunheleshimutou、chennianhuichenhemouzhongruoyouruowudetiexiuqiweideyinlengqixi。
1943niandeshenqiu，lunxianqudeye，chenzhongderangrenchuanbuguoqi。yaoziweiweigoulouzhebei，
xiangyipianbeifengchuiluodekuye，wushengditiezaigaoqiangtouxiadenongzhongyinyingli。
tashenshangdeheisenizidayixibaoleyushui，chendiandiandizhuizhe，shuizhuyanzheyijiaobuduandiluo，
zaitajiaobianjiqiyixiaopianshuiwa。yanqianzheizuozhaidi，zaiyumuzhongzhishengxiayigepangdaermohudelunkuo，
rutongyitouzhefuzaiheianlidejushou。zheilishizhangjingyaodefudi，
neigeganggangbeijuntong“liren”xingdongduichujueyuchengxi“zuixianlou”yajianlidehanjiantoumudechaoxue。
renwuzhilingjianjieerbingleng，meiyigezidouxiangcuiledudebingzhen，
zhazaiyaozideshenjingshang：“mubiaozhangjingyaoyiqingchu。‘yaozi’jikedingti，
jieguanqishenfen、qingbaowangluojizichan。yaochizaixinxiangjiaceng。anhao：yexiaosanti。shixian：limingqian。”dingti。
yigesiren。yigeqianfusuozhi、liangutoufenglidoushenchuyouwudehanjian。
yaozixiongqianglineikebeiwushurenwumolidejinhumamudexin，cikequexiangbeiyizhiwuxingdeshouhenhenzuanleyiba，
fanqiyizhenqiangliede、shenglixingdeyane。tajianguozhangjingyaodezhaopian，neizhangyouhuashigudelian，
neishuangzangzhejiaokuaihetanlandeyanjing，haiyouneibiaozhixingde、shulideyisibugoudeyouliangbeitou。xianzai，
tayaobazheizhangpinang，shengshengtaozaizijishenshang。tashenxileyikoubinglengchaoshi、daizhesiwangqixidekongqi，
qiangxingyaxiaweilifantengdebushigan。zheishimingling。juntongdemingling。tameiyouxuanze。taxiangyidaozhenzhengdeyingzi，
tiezheshiluludezhuanqiangyidong，dongzuoqingqiaodemeiyoufachuyisishengxiang。
raoguozhengmenhunhuangdedengguanghedazhehaqiandeweijunshouwei，
tashurendizhaodaohouyuanqianggenyichubeimaomitengmanbanyanzhede、zaoyibeisuiyueqinshidesongdongdezhuankuai。
shouzhitanrubinglenghuanidefengxi，jikuaiqingzhuanbeiwushengdixiexia，luchuyigejinrongyirenzuanguodexiazhaidongkou。
taxiangsheyiyanghualejinqu，luozaiyuanneisongruandenidishang，jianqidenidianzhanshilekujiao。houyuanliyipiansiji，
zhiyouyudiandazaibajiaoyehewudingwapianshangdedandiaoshengxiang。kongqizhongneigutiexiuweisihugengnongle，
haihunzaleyisiruoyouruowudetianxing，xiangfubaidehuaduo。yaozixiangbihuyiyangjintiezhebinglengdeqiangbi，
kuaisuchuanguohuilang，mubiaomingque——erlouneijianweiyuzoulangjintou、menmeishangdiaokezhefanfuhuawendeshufang。
neishizhangjingyaodequanlihexin，yeshiqingbaozhilinglimingquetidaode“shenfenjieguandian”。yaochi**suokong，
fachuxiweide“kada”sheng，zaijijingdeyuyelixiandegewaiqingxi。taqingqingxuandong，tuikaichenzhongdexiangmumen。
yigunongliedehuabukaidexuexingwei，hunzazheangguidexueqieyansihejiushuzhizhangdemeiwei，mengdipumianerlai，
qiangdeyaozihoutoufajin。shufangneiyipianlangjie。angguidebosiditanshang，
jibensanluodedabutoushujijinpaozaishensede、shangweiwanquanninggudeyetili。yizhanghongmuyizifandaozaidi，
yituiduanlie。judadehongmushuzhuohoumian，neizhangxiangzhengzhezhangjingyaoshenfendegaobeipiyibeiduizhemenkou，yibeidingduan，
yinyuekejianyiliubeifalagudingdewensibuluande、youliangdeheifa。chenggongle？yaozixinzhongweiweiyisong，
renwujianbaolidehuamiansihudedaoleyinzheng。tafanshouqingqingguanshangmen，jiangwaimiandeyushenghehanyigejue。
jiaoxiacaidaoleshenmezhanchoudedongxi，ditouyikan，shixue。anhongsedexue，zaiditanrongmianshangwanyan，
yizhiyanshendaoshuzhuohoumian。tapingzhuhuxi，yibubuzoujinshuzhuo，meiyibudouxiangcaizaimianhuashang，
youxiangtazaishaohongdeluotieshang。taxuyaoqueren，xuyaoqinyankandaoneizhanglian。
jiuzaitajulishuzhuozhiyousanbuzhiyaoshi，neibachenzhongdegaobeipiyi，
jinghaowuzhengzhaodi、jiqihuanmandizhuanleguolai。pigemocafachuqingweidezhiyasheng，
zaisijideshufanglirutongguimeidediyu。yaozidexueyezaineiyikeshunjiandongjie，
xinzangxiangbeiyizhibinglengdeshoujuezhu，zhourantingzhiletiaodong。tahunshendejiroubengjindaojixian，
tongkongzaijinghaizhongjijushousuo。yizishangzuozheyigeren。yigehuoren。yigechuanzhekaojiudeshenzisechouduanshuipao，
toufayongfalashudeyisibugou、youguangkejiandenanren。neizhanglian，yaozizaizhaopianlikanguowushubian，
meiyigexijiedoushenshenyinzainaozhong——lvexianfuzhongdeyandai，boerxiapiedezuichun，
haiyouzuomeigushangneidaoqianqiandejiuba。zhangjingyao！taduanzuozaineili，youshousuiyididazaishuzhuoguanghuadezhuomianshang，
zhijianjiazheyizhiranleyibandexueqie，niaoniaoqingyanpanxuanshangsheng。tadezuoshou，zewenwendipingfangzaizhuomianshang，
wozheyibawuheizengliang、qiangkouyoushendebolangningm1910shouqiang。qiangkou，bupianbuyi，
zhengduizheyaozidexiongtang。neizhanglianshangmeiyourenhejinghuang，zhiyouyizhongjinhulengkudepingjing，
yijiyisi……maoxilaoshubandewanwei。“dengnihenjiule。”zhangjingyaodeshengyinxiangqi，dichen，
daizheyizhongzhangqijinyinquanlieryangchengde、burongzhiyideqiangdiao，meiyigezidouxiangbingzhuzizazaiqingshibanshang，
qingxiyouhanleng。yaozidenaozi“weng”deyisheng，fangfobeizhongchuijizhong。
binglengdehanzhushunjiancongejiaohejibeishenchu，jintouletieshendeyiwu。xianjing！
yigejingxinbuzhi、tianyiwufengdexianjing！juntongdexingdongduishishoule？bu，bukeneng！
neifenchujuechenggongdemibaohesuizhierlaide“dingti”zhiling……shiyouer！zijicaishineigebeidiaoshanggoudeyu！
suoweide“qingchu”，suoweide“dingti”，genbenjiushibatasongruhukoudecuimingfu！shishei？shisheichumaileta？
shixingdongdui？haishi……genggaoceng？zhangjingyaozuijiaoneisiwanweidexiaoyijiashenle，
sihuhenmanyiyuyaozilianshangwufayanshidezhenjinghejiangying。tahuanhuanxileyikouxueqie，
yantoudehongguangzaihunanzhongmingmiebuding，yingzhetaneishuangshenbujiandideyanjing。“henyiwai？
”zhangjingyaodeshengyindaizheyisichaonong，“‘zuixianlou’yajianlineigetisigui，yandehaibucuoba？
hualewobushaoxinsi。jiuweilediaochunimenzheixiezangzaiyingoulidehaozi。”taweiweixiangqianqingshen，
shuipaodechouduanfachuxiweidemocasheng，qiangkouwensibudong，“rangwocaicai……juntong？zhongtong？
haishiyananneibianpailaide？buguowusuoweile，fanzheng……”tadunledun，shouzhidashanglebinglengdebanji，
zhijieyinweiyonglierweiweifabai，“……sirenbuxuyaoshenfen。”neiheidongdongdeqiangkou，rutongshenyuandeningshi，
shunjianjuequleyaoziquanbudeganguan。shijianfangfobeilazhang、ninggu，
tanengqingxiditingdaozijixueyezaiermolibenliudehongming，haiyouchuangwaiyudianjidabolidedandiaojiezou。
siwangdeqixi，nongliederutongshufanglisanbukaidexuexingwei，jinjinezhuletadeyanhou。
jiuzaizheiqianjunyifadesijizhizhong，shufangyouceqiangbineipaigaodadetanmushujiashenchu，
turanchuanlaiyishengjiqiqingwei、queyouqingxiwubide“kada”sheng，xiangshijingqiaodejihuangbeidankai。
yaozihezhangjingyaojihushitongshimengdizhuantou。shujiazhongjianyikuaibuqiyandequyu，jingqiaowushengxidixiangneihuakai，
luchuyigejinrongyirentongguodexiazhaianmen。menhouyinyingli，yigeshenyingchiqiangerli，
qiangkouwenwendizhixiangshufangzhongyangdeliangren。
zouchulaideshiyigechuanzhezhangjiayongrenchangjiandeshenlansetubumianao、xizhebaiseweiqundenvren。tashenxingbugao，
lvexianshouxue，toufazainaohouwanchengyigeganjingliluodeyuanji，
luchuguangjiedeetouheyizhangqingxiuquemeishenmebiaoqingdelian。
zhengshizhangjiachufanglineigechenmoguayan、shoujiaomalidenvyong，fangzi。ranercike，
talianshangneizhongguanyoude、jinhumunedeshuncongxiaoshile。
querdaizhideshiyizhongbinglengde、xiangshoushudaobanjingzhunderuili。tadeyanshen，meiyousihaonvyongdeqienuo，
zhiyouyizhongzhiyexingde、haowuganqingdeshenshi，rutongdushesuodingleliewu。tashouzhongwozhede，
heranshiyibaxiaoqiaoquezhimingdenanbushisishishouqiang——“wangbahezi”，
qiangkouzaihunandeguangxianxiafanzheyoulengdelanguang。“zhushou！”fangzideshengyinbugao，queyichangqingxi，
daizheyizhongburongzhiyideminglingkouwen，shunjiandapoleshufanglijinbengdesiwangduizhi。tademuguangrutongtanzhaodeng，
zaiyaozihezhangjingyaoliangzhangjihuyimoyiyangdelianshanglaihuisaoshi，zuizhong，neibinglengdeqiangkouweiweiyidong，
zhixianglezuozaishuzhuohoudezhangjingyao。tadeyanshenruilirudao，daizheshenshiyiqiedechuantouli，xianran，
yanqianliangge“zhangjingyao”deguiyichangmian，rangtashunjianjinrulezuigaojiebeizhuangtai。sanfangdingli！qiangkouhuzhi！
kongqifangfobianchenglezhanchoudejiaozhi，meiyicihuxidoudaizhezhuoshaofeiyedetonggan。shuzhuohou，
zhangjingyaolianshangdewanweihezhangkongganxiaoshile，querdaizhideshiyisibuyichajuedecuoeheningzhong，
tawozhebolangningdeshouxiayishidijinlejin，qiangkouzaiyaozihefangzizhijianweiweihuangdong。yaozizexiangyizunshidiao，
hunshenjiroubengjindaojizhi，danaoquezaijidudesiwangyalixiayiqiansuoweiyoudesudufengkuangyunzhuan！shengji！
zheituranchuxiandedisanfang，zheiguiyidejiangchi，shitaweiyide、shaozongjishideshengji！
fangzibinglengdeshixianzaicisaoguoyaozi，neiyanshenlimeiyourenhexinren，
zhiyouchuncuidepingguhesuishizhunbeikoudongbanjidejuejue。tadeqiangkousuiranzhixiangzhangjingyao，danyaozihaobuhuaiyi，
zhiyaozijiyourenheyidong，neiba“wangbahezi”huidiyishijianzaizijishenshangkaigekulong。
tabixulikedapozheigejiangju！bixubashuichedijiaohun！bixurangfangzideqiangkou，
sisidingzaishuzhuohoumianneigerenshenshang！du！duyigezaiwushuqingbaosuipianlipincouchude、weijingzhengshidecaice！
yaozimengdixileyikouqi，xiongqiangjulieqifu，fangfoyongjinlequanshendeliqi，
yongyizhongjinhusiliede、chongmanjinghuanghezhikongdejianlisangyin，chaozhefangzisihouchusheng：“fangzi**！biexinta！
tacaishijiade！tashijuntongpailaideshashou！”shengyinzaisijideshufanglizhakai，rutongpingdijinglei！
fangzidetongkongzhouranshousuo，qiangkoumengdiyizhan，shunjianlaolaosuodingleshuzhuohoudezhangjingyao！
tadeyanshenbiandegengjiaruili，rutongcuiledudezhen。shuzhuohou，
“zhangjingyao”lianshangdejiroumingxiandichouchuleyixia，wozhebolangningdeshoubeishangqingjinbaoqi，
yanshenlishanguoyisibeijiechuanbandehuangluan，tajihushitiaojianfanshebandilishengfanbo：“baga！hushuobadao！
fangzi，bietingtade！tashizhineijiandie！kuaikaiqiangbileta！”shengyinyijiuweichizhezhangjingyaodeqiangdiao，
danneifenkeyiweichidechenwenyijingdangranwucun，zhishengxiaselineirendepaoxiao。
yaozixinzhongneigenjinbengdexianmengdiyizhan！duduile！duifangluqiele！talikezhuazhuzheidianguanghuoshidejihui，
bujiduifangrenhechuanxihesikaodeshijian，yonggengdadeshengyin，gengjicudeyusu，
shouzhizhandouquewubijiandingdizhixiangneizhangkuandadehongmushuzhuo：“zhengju！zhengjujiuzaitashuzhuodeangeli！
tagenbenbuzhidaozainali！neishizhiyouzhenzhengdezhangxianshenghefangzi**nincaizhidaodejueduijimi！
”zheijuhuarutongtourugunyoudehuoxing！fangzideyanshenshunjianruilidaolejidian，daizheshenshiyiqiedechuantouli，
sisidingzai“zhangjingyao”lianshang。qiangkouwensibudong。ershuzhuohou，“zhangjingyao”defanying，
chengleyakualuotuodezuihouyigendaocao。dangyaozihanchu“ange”zheigecideshunjian，
talianshangzuihouyisiqiangzhuangdezhendingchedibengta，yanshenlizhishengxiachuncuidejingkong！tademuguang，
jihushibennengdi、wanquanbushoukongzhidi、feikuaidisaoxiangshuzhuokaojinzijizuoshoubiandeneigediaohuachouti！
fangfoneilizhendezangzheshenmezhimingdezhengju！zheigexiweidejihunanyichajuedeyanshenyidong，
zaifangzineishuangshouguotegaokezuiyankexunliandeyanjingli，beiwuxianfangda！tadeyanshenshunjianbianderutongjidihanbing！
neiyanshenlibuzaiyousihaodeyouyuhepinggu，zhishengxiabinglengdeshayiheyizhongbeiyunongdebaonu！“chunhuo！
”fangzicongyafenglijichulianggebinglengdeziyan。jiuzaitahuayinluoxiadetongshi，yibiandousheng！
shuzhuohoude“zhangjingyao”yanzhongxiongguangbaoshan！tabingfeishushoudaibizhiren！zaifangziyanshenbianhuadechanei，
tayizhishenfenchedibailu，zaiwuzhuanyuanyudi！tamengdifachuyishengkunshoubandekuanghou，
shentirutongbeiqianglidanhuangdanqi，wanquanbugufangzizhimingdeqiangkou，jingzaijijinjulinei，
jiangshouzhongdebolangningmengdidiaozhuanfangxiang，qiangkousisizhixianglelitagengjin、sihuyegengrongyideshoudeyaozi！
tayaozailinsiqian，lazheigejiechuantashenfendejuntongtewudianbei！“qusiba！”“peng！
”qiangshengsilieleninggudekongqi！zheneryulong！
jihujiuzai“zhangjingyao”diaozhuanqiangkou、shouzhikouxiabanjidetongyishunjian，
fangzishouzhongdenanbushisishiyepenchulezhimingdehuoshe！tadedongzuogengkuai、genghen、gengjuejue！
meiyouyisiyihaodeyouyu！liangkezidan，daizhejianruidepokongsheng，zaixiazhaideshufangneijiaocuoerguo！
yaozizaineishengkuanghouxiangqideshunjian，shentiyijingzuochulebennengdefanying！meiyousikao，
zhiyouqianchuibailiandejiroujiyi！tamengdixiangzuocededimianpudao，shentiquansuochengyituan，
yiyigelangbeibukanquezuidaxiandujianshaoshoudanmianjidezhanshufangundongzuo，shitubikaineizhimingdeyiji！
tanengganjuedaoguntangdeqiliucazhetoupilveguo，zidandazaishenhoushujiashang，
fachuchenmende“pu”shenghemuxiebaoliedeshengxiang。yucitongshi，lingyikelaizifangziqiangkoudezidan，
jingzhunwubidizuanrule“zhangjingyao”deyoujianjiaguxiafang！“ea——！”yishengqilidecanjiaoxiangqi！
“zhangjingyao”shentijuzhen，zhenggerenbeizidanqiangdadechongjilidaidexianghouliangqiang，
zhongzhongzhuangzaigaobeipiyideyibeishang，fachuyishengmenxiang。tashouzhongdebolangningzaiyewochibuzhu，
“kuangdang”yishengdiaoluozaiangguideditanshang。xianxuerutongbeiningkaidehongqi，
shunjianjintouletashenzisedechouduanshuipao，zaihunandeguangxianxiaxunsuyinkaiyidapianshensede、lingrenxinjideyinji。
tatongkudigoulouzheshenti，youshousisiwuzhuzuoxiongxiafangkaojinyewodeshangkou，xianxuecongzhifengjianguguyongchu，
lianshangyinjutongerniuqubianxing，doudadelenghanshunjianbumanleetou。yaozicongfangunzhongxunsubandunqishen，
xinzangzaixiongqianglikuangtiaodexiangshiyaozhakai。tapieleyiyandiaozaidishangdebolangning，julizijizhiyouliangbuzhiyao，
dantaqiangxingyazhizhulepuguoqudechongdong。fangzineibinglengdeqiangkou，zaijidaojiazhangjingyaozhihou，meiyousihaosongxie，
rutongdushedexinzi，yijiuwenwendizhixiangleta！neiyanshenlidejingtiheshayi，
sihaomeiyouyinweijidaoyigemubiaoerjianruo。“biedong。”fangzideshengyinbigangcaigengjiabingleng，
daizheburongzhiyidejueduizhangkong，“dongyixia，xiayikezidan，dachuannidexigaigu。
”tadeshouzhiwenwendidazaibanjishang，nanbushisishideqiangkouzaihunandeguangxianxiawensibudong。
yaozibaochizhebandundezishi，xiangyitoubeilierenweikundegulang，jiroubengjin，huxicuzhong。tahuanhuanjuqishuangshou，
shiyizijimeiyouwuqi，muguangquefeikuaidisaoguodishangtongku**dejiazhangjingyao，
youluohuidaofangzineizhanghaowubiaoqingdelianshang。
shufanglizhishengxiajiazhangjingyaoyayibuzhude、duanduanxuxudetongku**sheng，yijichuangwaiyongbutingxiedeyusheng。
fangzixiangqianjinshenditaleyibu，qiangkoushizhongbuliyaozi。tademuguangruilidizaiyaozilianshangqunxun，
sihuyaochuantouneicengjingxinweizhuangdemianpi，kanqingtazhenshidemianmu。“ni，
”fangzideshengyindaizheyizhongshenxunbandeyapogan，“daodishishei？nizenmezhidaoangedeshi？
”tademuguangsaoguoyaozineizhangyuzhangjingyaojihubiewuerzhidelian，yanshenlichongmanleshenshihehuaiyi。
yaozitianletianganliedezuichun，houjieshangxiagundongleyixia。tazhidao，zijidehuidajiangjuedingshengsi。
tabixujichuyigenengzanshiquxinyuzheigelengkunvtegongdeliyou。“juntong，daihao‘yaozi’。
”yaozijinliangrangzijideshengyintingqilaipingwen，daizheyizhongjiehouyushengdepibeihetancheng，
“fengming……fengmingdingtizhangjingyao。”tadunledun，muguangtouxiangdishangquansuoderen，“zhiyuta……wobuqingchu。
danqingbaoxianshi，zhenzhengdezhangjingyaoxingshijiweijinshen，duishufangangedeshezhiheweizhishiweizuigaojimi，
chuletazijiheyige……yigejueduixinrendeyingzihuwei，wurenzhixiaojutixijie。
”taqiaomiaoditingdunleyixia，meiyouzhijiedianchufangzi，danyisiyijingzhaoranruojie。“gangcai，woduleyiba。
tatingdao‘ange’shidefanying，zhengminglewodecaice——tagenbenbushizhenzhengdezhangjingyao！
”fangzibinglengdemuguangzaiyaozilianshangtingliuleshumiao，sihuzaipanduantahuayudezhenwei。ranhou，
tadeshixianhuanhuanyixiangdishangneigeyinweishixuehejutongerliansecanbai、shentibuduanchouchudemaopaihuo。
tayanzhongshanguoyisijiqifuzadeqingxu，youbeiyunongdefennu，yourenwushibaideaonao，
dangengduodeshiyizhongbinglengde、shenshiliewudeshayi。tazaicixiangqianyibu，zoudaoshuzhuopang，
jugaolinxiadikanzheneigemaopaihuo。tadedongzuodaizheyizhongmaokedongwudeyouyahezhiminggan。“shuo，
”fangzideshengyinmeiyourenhewendu，xiangbingzhuiyiyangcirumaopaihuodeermo，“zhenzhengdezhangjingyao，zainali？
”qiangkouweiweixiayi，jingzhundizhixianglemaopaihuolingyicewanhaowusundexigai。
maopaihuoshentijuliedizhandouleyixia，yinshixueercangbaidelianshangchongmanlejidudekongju。tazhanglezhangzui，
sihuxiangshuoshenme，danjutonghekongjurangtazhinengfachu“he…he…”dechouqisheng。
fangzideyanshenmeiyousihaobodong，zhiyouyizhonglengkudenaixin。taweiweiwailewaitou，
sihujuededuifangdeshengyinbugouqingxi。“kanlai，nixuyaoyidian……bangzhu。”tadeshengyinqingpiaopiaode，