wanzhengbanxiaoshuo《wozaidoushizuozhizunmayi》youyishuihanyunzuixinxiedeyibendoushishenghuoleixiaoshuo，gushizhongdezhujiaoshijianglilinyaer，wenzhongdeaiqinggushiqimeierchunjie，wenbijijia，shilituijian。xiaoshuojingcaiduanluoshidu：guiwang：wonengshangtianrudi。wo：nibeiwodegouyaoguo。guiwang：zhongguijietingwuling。wo：nibeiwodegouyaoguo。guiwang：wunengkuayueyinyang，hengduoshengsi！wo：nibeiwodegouyaoguo。guiwang：zannengbutinidegouma？wo：nibeiwochouchouguo。guiwang：……damaoshandaoshirudoushi，shangchouguiwang，xianveyinbing，wuguisihun，qilingbapo，jietingwuling！...
“ei，jintianzhendaomei，chumencaidaolaoshu，youbeishuijianleyishen，nimenshuoneichequebuquedea！zhenshide，woshenshanggangmaideyiwankuaiqiandeloqun……wanshangwohaiyaoquchanggeni。”
随着叮咚一声。
wosuiyikanleyandiannaopingmuzhongtongxuequnlidexiaoxi，ranhoumengdiwanghouyizuo，yizigezhigezhixiang。
xianzaiqunlimanshijiebaoyuandeshijialibeieryouqiandehuangrongrong。
tabujinyouqian，haifubaimaomeidazhangtui，heshangjianledouhuitou，tiaojianjianzhishenxiankaiju，danjiushirenpinchaledian。
这年头还就这怪。
wonaozhetou，xianglexia，daodigaibugaitixingtajinwanbuyaochumenni？
xianshuotachumencaidaolaoshu，zheishizhuanghuisha，jiazhibeishuijiandao，zheijiumingxianshi“mingchongshuiyin”。
congkanyushangshuo，kendingshijialihuoxingluolemaobing，wanshangyaoshichumendehua，liaoleyinchenchonghuangdao，dingdechushi，qingzetoupoxueliu，zhongzeshangjindonggu。
houzheshiminglixuantong，neiqianzhejiushirenzuoniebukehuo，tajialibachengshiganleshajianbuderendeshiqing。
zheibuwohaimeishuohua，xiaoyouqunlijiukaishipengqihuangrongronglai，meicizheigeshihou，gongrendetiangoulitianliangbishishoudangqichong。
“rongrongxiaoxiannvdanxinshenmeni，bujiucaidaozhichoulaoshume，zenmenengshalezanmenliuxiaoxiaohuadexinqinga？zanjiubieguanneiliangpoche，zheizhongrensandaibeiyun，babeitaoxian，jinwanzanmenzheimeduolaotongxuekejiuquanzhiwangxiaorongrongnichanggezhentaizini！”
sibanmingzuichentaoyetiaochulaileshuodao。“duiaduia，zanmenkedoushiyangmuliuxiaoxiaoxiannvnidechanggonga，caidaolaoshu，zheijiao“shu”fengliurenwu，haikanzanxiaoxiannver！”
“bieshuo，wokeshixiaoxiannverdetouhaogefen！”
……
haojiahuo，manpingmuzheiyidunhuazhiluanzhandekuazan，zhenjiulengbuyaolianbei。
wowuyudekanzhepingmu，xindiliquehaizaikaolvyaobuyaoshuoyisheng，zhifumosuoyimeishangleniantoudefangkoutongban。
shuoqilaiwonengkanyulunxuanzheijianshier，haidecongwoshiyisuishuoqilai。
woyeshichushenyigebuxiaodejiazu，danjiushishinianqian，jiangjiamomingzaoyuyinbingjingbian。
jushuoneitian，shudaohuxing，huangliuhengshi，youqingguanglvedongnan，feixianguojiang，fanzhengshenmeguangguailulidechuanshuodouyou。
jiangjia，yiyejianmanmenzaotu，woshibeiwodeshifuguimenguanxiajituohuilaide，congciburudaomen。
shinianxiuxing，zheiyiciwoshichuaizheshangfangbaojianlaide，xuehaishenchou，miemenzhiyuan。
woshenxiyikouqi，jiurenyiming，zengshoushinian。wokuaisuzaijianpanshangdachuyixingzilai。
“huangrongrong，nijintianyudaodeshishazhao，jinwangejiaduoshabuyaochumen，lingwaizaiwenwenzuijinjialirenyoumeiyouganxieshenmeshangtianhailideshier，yaoshiyoujiuzaodianhuaqianxiaozai。”
dawanzheijuhua，wohuchuyikouqi，suanshihaorendiandaoweizhi。
xinbuxin，jiuyoutale，zanyebushipusaa，pusahaishouxianghuoniwoshousha？
jieguoxiabianhuangrongrongjiufalaiyiduanwenzi，wokanlelijirenbuzhufanlegebaiyan。
“jianglinizhouwoshibushi！wojialikebinisuanqiongbiyouqianduole，yongdezheganshangtianhailideshiqing？youbingzaodianquzhi！”
哼，我咒你？
woxintouqibuguo，lijifaguoquyiduanhua。
“xinbuxinyouni，taiyangluoshanzhihoulianggeshichen，shacongxibianlai，duozhuyizhuyixibian。”
wozheijuhuahaimeiyoufawanyimiaozhong，huangrongrongneixiegetiangouyiwofengdeyongshanglai。
litianliang：“jiangli，nigeqionggoushibushixiangpianqian？zanxiaoxiannvdeqianshininengpiande，bukankanzijidexing，qiongchushendejiaohuazigezheilizhuangshenmeshengun？”
chentao：“hahakantajiubushishengun，tuotuoyi**bushi，zheiniantousheihaixinzheige，gouxin，goudoubuxin！”
“ganggangshuodeneisandaibeiyun，babeitaoxianshuodejiushinibajiangli。”
“jiuta，peima？renjiahaodaihaiyouliangche，jiangliyousha，kuchazimahahahahaha。”
chenrongrong：“zanbieguanta，jinwantianhuoktv666haofangjianjian，mouxierenabiejingxiangzheixie，zuihaoyebielai，jizanmenzheixielaotongxuediefener！”
……
“cao！”womaleyisheng，zhijiebazhujijiguanle，roulexiatou，zheiniantouzuohaoshidoumeirenlingqing，kanlaishibudaohuanghebusixin。
fanzhengwohaorenzuodaozheilile。
haoliangyannanquangaisigui，dacibeibuduzijueren。
buguoyinbingyishi……shizaishimafan，woxianglexia，yaobuyaozaiqunliwenwenshixiongdimen？
huran，shoujilidingdongyisheng。
woshuliantaochuxiaozhangdeliudianwuyingcundapingdiankaiqq，xiaoxi999+，quandoushilaiziyigequn——“damaoshandaguijiaoliuqun”
kanjianzheigeshuzi，wolijifanlegebaiyan，jiuzhidaoshidishixiongmenyoucheleyiwanshangduzi。
zheigequnbenlaishidashixiongchuangjianjishixiongdimenjiaoliudaguijingyande，houlaibuzhidaozenmedijiupaopianle，tiantianyiqunerbimengezhetiannandibeizaizheilichuibizhapaocheduzi。
meishideshihouwoyexihuanzaizheilishuishui，zheiligegedoutamarencai，shuohuayousaoshibushi……
gangyidakai，jiuguishishenchaditiaochuleyiduanzi“jianglishixiongshangxianle！”，ranhoujiuyouyitiaodaduanxiaoxituisong。
“zhenghunzhenghun！nvfangjiadiyinshi，guniangershichutoujunqiaosiduohuaer，jianmiansongershiwan，rumenjike4sdiantidaben。nanfangyaoqiu，daibaerdedoucheng，cuoguolezheicunjiumeizheidiana！doulaikankana……”
woyanqianyiliang，youhe！tianshangdiaodaxianbingerle！
“sheitemedeyoubazheigoutuixiaosirendefangjinlaile！guanli！guanli！”xiamianlijiyouyourengenxiaoxi。“dabaitiandehebuherena！”
“jushuoneiguniangtiaolouside，naoqiaodoushuaichengbabanle……”
“sheitemexiabibini！woqushoudehuner，yelizhibowanhuobeishaosidehaobuhao！”
woxindilidouranyizhenehan，zheiniantoujuranhaiyougaozheichazide。
yanguanghuzhuandeshihou，xiamianyijingyouyiduirenlaokaile。
“yourenzhidaozhangmensifangqianzangnalilema？kuaikuaikuai，jianghujiuji！jianghujiuji！baituoshixiongshijieshimeishidimen！aitequnzhu，aitejianglishixiong，aite……”huranyigetouxiangshipikaqiuderenfaleyitiaoaitequanguanlidexiaoxi。
“yo，juranyourenguanxinzhangmensifangqian，niyaozheigeganma？shibushishiniangpainilaide？”guazhemoukangnihongtuanzhangtouxiangdequnzhulikehuileyiju。“zanshuohaoledekeshiheshifutongyigemingzhanxiande！”
“bushibushi！yizhiduiwai！yizhiduiwai！zheibuyeshimeibanfa！zuotianwozaixiangxidajiangshideshihou，buxiaoxinbazhangmenqiannvyoudezhaopiandanghuangfurengchuqule，qianghuilaideshihoujiushengtiaogebole。woxianzaidoubuganhuishan！baituodalaomenkuaigaosuwo，zhangmenjiubugandawole。”
“liuliuliu！zheibocaozuogousao！nibuzhidaoneishizhangmenweiyiyizhangma？”
“heiheiheihaha，zhangmenqiannvyouzhangshayang？youziyuanma？”
“牛逼了我的哥！”
“操作骚！”
……
yiduikanrenaobuxianshidadeshixiongshidimenqiangzhehuixiaoxi，pingmuwaidewoyouzhongxianghuaqinggemingjiexiandechongdong。zheishuohaodetongyizhanxianni？
“zhangmenzaixiejuxiamianzangleliubaikuaiqian，zaimaofangyoubiancaijiaodebanzhuanxiazanglesanbai，xiankaimaofangyoubiandiyikuaiwaneilihaiyouyibai。haiyou……”
“zhangmenmeiyicizangqiandounengshuapowoderenzhidixian……”
wotemezhenxiangwulian，zheiqunshenjingshidimenshizenmezhidaozhangmenzangsifangqiandedifangde。
“neigelaowangbadanganmanzhewozangsifangqian！qianbanerleshiba！yiqunxiaotuzaizi，dengwoshoushiwantajiulaishoushinimen！”turanyiduanxiaoxidanchu，dingzhexiyanghongdetouxiang。
“zheishi？”yourenxinxuwaijiashitandifalaierzi。
“**！shiniang！”yourenrenchulaile。
“nagequexinyandebashiniangfangjinlaile！zuiguozuiguo……”
zhenggequnbuguojigezhayandeshijianjiuyihongersan，wozaicirenbuzhuwulian，zheidoushishenmezhuyiyangdeshidia……kelianzhangmentalaorenjianeibalaogutoule……
dingdongyisheng，yitiaolaiziershixiongdexiaoxifaguolaile。
“kannishangxianle，daolejiangbeima？”
woyanguluyizhuan，yizhanglengkuwubiaoqingdelianfuxianzainaozili，ershixiongzaitadedamaoshanliantanpaixingbangshanggaojudiyi，zhijinwurennenggouhandongsihao！
“daole！heiheiheiheizheibushidiyitiandaolejiushangmaganhuoma？”wokuaisufaguoqujigezi，zaijiashangyichuanjianxiaodehuangdoulian。
duimianyouyuleyihuier，falaiyitiaoxinxi。
“zheicijiangbeiderenwu，jiangjiayinbinganshibushi？”
“heiheiheiheiershixiongmingchaqiuhao！”
“bieshaomeizhengjingde，renzhendian。”
“neiyoushenmea，dingduoliangsangeyuejiujiejuelebei。”wosuishoufachu。“shifuhaidengzhewoshaojibenxiaohuangshuhuiquni。”
yidiandianchenmoshijianhou，yidachuanwenzifaguolai。
“yinbingzhishikedakexiao，qingbuguoshijihuoliucuandebinghun，zhongzehuangchaobingmaxionglingshenzhishishiwanyinsiguibing。”
“nisuichushenjiangjia，xinxicananzhenxiang，danqiebukewangruxiongju，mingbailema？”
“wozaishanshangjinitandianxiaoxi，yudaobugairededongxijiuhuilai。”
zheimeyishuo，woxinlifanqiyixiexienuanyi，yangyangde。suishuoershixiongshilengledianba，danyeshitingtitiede。
“xieershixiongguanxin！shidiganjitiling！heiheiheiheidaiwoxiangzhangmenwenhao！”
“ng。”ershixiongdetouxiangmashangjiuheile，shiyizhizuilaobandeqie。
wosuozaideshanmen，daofajiemingyue：chongshan。jianyusuichao，shiyujinghangdayunhezhinan。xianjindaofaqizongzhiyi。
buguodangnianzushiyexingxuyeshicuhancuo**siyige，kaishandadianshihezuilejiudabiyihui，damaoshan！jiuzheiyang！
同行们：稳！
ranhoulengshibeitongxingxiaoleyiqianduonian，zuihouhemoushanmenduizhishi，liangbianxianbengdetejin，hanzhendeyiju“wodengdamao……”，quanchangdangshijiuxiaobengleqi，zhangmenyiqizhixiagaiming“chongshan”，houlaijiuzheimejiaolejibainian。
buguozheiyidaichongshanshishouleyiduideerbi，xianzhemeishiganshaheilishidoujitaolechulai，zushiyedouchadianqidecongfenlipachulai。
zheishihou，yitiaoxiaoxituisongturanfaguolai。
shilinyaerde，yizhiholleykittydetouxiangliangleqilai。
“jiangli……kanqunli……nihaoxiang，zhidaoneixiefashushiba？”
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