娱乐判官：我写谁塌房，谁就必糊小筱诗史-著

小说简介

xiaoxiaoshishiweiwomendailaileyibukourenxinxiandeduanpianyanqingxiaoshuo《yulepanguan：woxiesheitafang，sheijiubihu》，zhujiaojiangyulinweiweidegushilingrennanyiwanghuai。zaizheigechongmanxuanyihemaoxiandeshijiezhong，tamenjinglilezhongzhongkaoyan，zhanxianlejianrenhezhihui。“linweiwei！jieshiyixiazheishizenmehuishi？”“zheishinidezhuliba？zidaoziyanyouyisima？”“nideyanjishibushidouyongzaishenghuolile？”shipinhezhaopianshunjian……。

精彩章节

jiarenmen，wozhenfule！wojiushigezaihengdianhunfanchidedicengxiaochangji，

tiantiangandebushikangqicaijiushijimingxingdasandehuoer。zuotianneigekaogandieshangweidelinweiwei，

youguyizhaochamawobenshoubenjiao，bawoqidea，wanshanghuiquliangansanwanmifan，ranhounukaifanqiexiaoshuo，

nimingxielepian《yulequandiyizuojing：linweiweijintiandaoyoulema？》。chunshuxiaxiezhewan，

bataxiechengleyigezhishangpendi、yunqizeicha、tiantianchuyangxiangdejueshidaomeidan。xiewanwojiushuile，

genbenmeidanghuishi。jieguojintianyidaopianchang，wojiukanjianpingshizhuaideerwubawandewangfudao，

zhengdiantouhayaodijilinweiweidikafei，neisongyanggenwozuowanshangxiabiandeyimoyiyang！wodangshixinlijiugedengyixia，

ganjinduodaoyibiantaochushouji，kanwozuowanxiedexiayiduan——woxietaxiawupailuoshuixihuishuaigegouchishi，

jiafapianhaihuifeijindaoyandebeizili！wodemaya！zheiyaoshichengzhenlekehaidele？wojiujielesanmiaozhong，

jueding……coujindiankan！zheizhongmingchangmianbukankuilea！xiawu，hubian。linweiweichuanzheneishensiguidexifu，

niuniunieniediwanghubianpao。yebuzhidaotanagenjindacuole，feiyaojizijijiagehualidezhuanshen。ranhou，hei！

nincaizenmezhe？tazhendeyijiaocaizaizijineituodidezhangqunshang，“putong”yisheng，jiejieshishishuailegedamapa！

shuihuajianqilaogao！zhenggepianchangshunjiananjing，ranhoubuzhidaosheixian“pu”leyisheng，

jiezhejiushiyipianyayidemenxiao。zuijuedehaizaihoumian！tabeirenqishoubajiaowangwailaodeshihou，

toudingshangneipiandongxi，“sou”diyixiajiufeilechuqu，zaikongzhongzhuantiliangzhouban，

jingzhundidiaojinlesanmiwaidaoyanneigepaozhegouqidebaowenbeili！“pu——”zheiciwomeirenzhu，xiaochulesheng。

linweiweidejianjiaochadianbafangdingxianle。woganjinditou，kanzhewoshoujiliganggangluxialaideshipin，shoudouzaidou。

zheinashichuqia，zheijianzhishikaileguanga！

yigedadandexiangfazaiwonaozilimaolechulai：yaoshi……wozaixiedianbiedeni？wanshanghuidaojia，

wodingzhediannaopingmu，xintiaodegendaguside。woshizhezaixiaoshuolijialeyiju：【mingtian，

wangfudaopaimapipaimatizishang，huibeilinweiweipoyiliankafei。】diertian，woteyiqilegedazaogandaopianchang。

guoran，wangfudaochuanzhexinxizhuangyouzailinweiweixiuxishimenkouhuangyou。linweiweiyinweizuotiandeshizhengqibushunni，

wangfudaocoushangqugangshuoleju“weiweijieninjintianqisezhenhao”，linweiweiyanpiyifan，

naqipangbianneibeiguntangdekafei，“huala”jiupoleguoqu。wangfudaodangchangshihua，lianshanghaiguazhechayemo。

woduozaizhuzihoumian，zuibazhangchengleoxing。shichuile！woxiedewanyierzhennengchengzhen！

zheipotiandefuguizongsuanlundaowole！wohaidangshenmeshouqibaochangjia！jieyaodangyuyanjia！bu，

shizhuanmenzhicaizuojingdezhengyishizhe！wolimadakaifanqiezuojiahoutai，shouzhitouqiaodefeiqi。

woba“kafeimen”shijianxiangxiangxixixielejinqu，yuyanjijinkuazhanggaoxiao，

shunbianhai“yugao”lejiexialaijitiandeqingjie：【jukekaoxiaoxi，linweiweimingtianshuadapai，

feiyaochichengxineijiapaiduisanxiaoshidewanghongtiantianquan，quanzugandengliangxiaoshi。】【houtian，linweiweijiachangluxian，

duikouxingmanbanpai，xianchangguanzhongxiaofeng。】【dahoutian，linweiweineishenmidegandielaitanban，

jieguozaitingchechanggenduijiaxiaohuadejinzhuzhuangche，liangrenchadiandaqilai。】fachuqumeiduojiu，

wozheipianxiaoshuojiuzhale！pinglunquchedilunxian：“**！bozhunishilinweiweiduzilidehuichongma？

”“yuyanjia！daoledaole！”“dunyigemingtiandetiantianquan，woduwumaoqiankendingchengzhen！

”“hahahahawangfudaoshican，danwoxiaodehaodasheng！”“bajiekuaigengxin！guazibandengyibeihao！

”kanzhecengcengwangshangzhangdedingyuehedashang，wozuidouxiaowaile。

zheibiwozaijuzuleisileihuozhengneisangualiangzaoqiangduole！guoran，jiexialaijitian，

wo“yugao”deshijianyiyiyingyan，bixinwenlianbohaizhunshi。tiantianquanshijian，✓。jiachangchuanbang，✓。

jinzhuzhuangche，✓。wodepinglunquchenglequanwangchiguashengdi，meitiandouyouwushurenlaidaka，

cuigengdepinglunnengshuachujiqianlou。lianfanqiebianjidouzhaowoqianyuele，gaofeijideneijiaoyigetongkuai！woerhuabushuo，

zhijiebajuzudegongzuojicile。baibaileninlei，jieyihoukaobiganzichifan！linweiweineibiangujikuaiqifengle，

youshifalvshihanshuoyourenzaoyao，youshimaishuijunxidi。kexi，zaitieyibande“yuyan”mianqian，

yiqiezhengzhadoushitulao。wangyoushenzhifaminglexinci——“qiubadeba”，yisishiqiubajiebaoliao，

bajiejiuhuirangnidedaoshichui。yankanlinweiweijiuyaoliangtou，wojuedingjitalaigezuihoude“zhugong”。

wozaixiaoshuolixiedao：【yankanxingshibumiao，linweiweituanduijuedingtingerzouxian，

zidaoziyanyichang“beisishengfangenzongkonghe”dexima，qitumaicanwanhuixingxiang。shijianjiuzaimingwanshougonghou，

didianzaiyingshichengdongxiang，yanyuanshitadezhuli，haihuiyou“qiahao”luguodejizhepaizhao。】xiewanzheiduan，

wofanshoujiushiyigenimingyoujian，bashijiandidianrenwuqingjie，yigunaofajilejigeyiwaliaohenchumingdegouzi。

ranhouwokailepingfeizhaikuaileshui，zuodenghaoxikaichang。diertianwanshang，dongxiang。

linweiweidezhulizhengguiguisuisuidiwangtacheshangtiehongzitiaoni，sizhoushanguangdeng“kacakaca”liangchengyipian！

haojijiameitidejizhexiangcongdidimaochulaiyiyang，bamengbidezhuliheyilianjingkongdelinweiweiweilegeshuixiebutong。

“linweiwei！jieshiyixiazheishizenmehuishi？”“zheishinidezhuliba？zidaoziyanyouyisima？

”“nideyanjishibushidouyongzaishenghuolile？”shipinhezhaopianshunjianyinbaoresou。

#linweiweizidaoziyan##linweiweiqiubadeba#zhijiebaole。wangyoumenlefengle：“bajieniubi！

lianzheidounengyupan！”“zheijianzhishijiangweidaji！”“linweiwei：woyoujuben。bajie：bu，

nidejubenshiwoxiede。”“ganxiebajieweiwomendailaichixubuduandekuaile！”linweiweichediliangliang，

daiyanquandiao，juzuhuanren，chawucirenle。gaokualelinweiwei，

wozheige“quanneibajie”deminghaosuanshizaiquanliqiaoqiaochuankaile。bushaomingxingtuanduisixiadatingwo，

youdexiangshoumaiwo，youdexiangqiuwobiexietamen，haiyoudeshenzhixiangzhaowohezuogaokuaduijia。pei！jieshineizhongrenma？

jiedemubiaoshititianxingdao（shunbianzhuandianxiaoqianqian）！

wobamuguangtouxianglexiayigemubiao——yigezongaiduinvyanyuandongshoudongjiaodeyounizhipianren。

wozaishuli“yuyan”letagongsizhangmubuqing，toushuiloushui，bingqie“anshi”leshuiwubumenhenkuaihuiqubaifangta。

meiguojitian，xinwenjiubaochulai，gaizhipianrengongsibeicha，renjinqule。

woyouxieleyigechaoxichengxinghaifanyaoyuanzuozhedebianju，

batajiexialaijibu“yuanchuang”juben“jiejian”lenajibenlengmenxiaoshuodouji“yugao”le。henkuai，

tajiubeiyuanzuozhemenlianminggaole，peidedikudoubusheng。kanzhezheixieniuguisheshenyigegedaotai，

woxinlineijiaoyigeshutan，ganjueyulequandekongqidouqingxinlebushao。dangran，

wodexiaoshuoyezhangqiguazaifanqiechangxiaobangshang，yinxingkalideshuzikanzhejiurangrenxinqingyuyue。zheitian，

wogangshoudaoyibifenghoudegaofei，zhengzhunbeichumenshechiyiba，chigeriliaofangti。shoujituranxiangle，

shigemoshenghaoma。woxinqinghao，suishoujieqilai：“wei，nawei？”dianhuaneitouchuanlaiyigetinghaotingdenansheng，

daizhedianxiaoyihehaoqi：“wei，nihao，shi‘quanneibajie’ma？”woxinliyijin，sheia？diaomajiale？

“nisheia？”woyuqijingti。neibianqingxiaoleyisheng，shengyindichenyueer：“woshijiangyu。”jiang……jiangyu？

lehaojigeyingdi、yanzhiyanjishuangshuangzaixian、lingfeiwenbuchaozuo、beiquanwangchengweiyulequanzuihouyipianjingtudejiangyu？

tazhao**ma？wozuijinmeixietaa！wohaoyangmaokedoushitiaoneixielanyezixiashoude！“a……shiwo。

”wojinliangrangzijideshengyintingqilaibuneimexinxu，“jianglaoshi，nin……youshenmeshima？

”xinlifengkuangtucao：wanlewanle，shibushiwowuyizhongdezuizheizundafole？tayaoshizhaowomafan，

wozheigangqibude“shiye”qibushiyaozhongdaobengcu？“jianglaoshi，nin……youshenmeshima？

”wonaoziliyijingkaishipansuanpaoluqunageguojiabijiaobianyile。dianhuaneitoudejiangyusihudixiaoleyisheng，

shengyintouguotingtongchuanlai，youdianyangyangde。“biejinzhang，‘bajie’。wokanlenixiededongxi，henyouqu。

”youqu？yigeyingdishuowoxiexiaozuowenyouqu？zheibilinweiweidejiafapianfeijindaoyanbeizihairangwojingsong！

“ahaha，jianglaoshininshuoxiaole，wojiushisuibianxiezhewande……”**babadihuiying，shouxinyoudianmaohan。

tagaibuhuishilaixingshiwenzuideba？nandaowobuxiaoxinchuletanagepengyoudemeitou？

“xiezhewanjiunengbalinweiweihetaneihuorenjingzhunsongzou？”jiangyudeyuqidaizhedianwanwei，

“nizhei‘wan’deshuiping，tinggaode。”woyishiyusai，buzhidaogaizenmejiehua。zheidagedaodixiangganma？

tadunledun，sihuhuanlegegengshufudezishi，beijingyinhenanjing。“fangxin，wobushilaizhaomafande。xiangfan，

wojuedenigandetingpiaoliangde。neigequanzi，queshigaiyourenzhizhile。”yi？huafenghaoxiangbudui？

zheibushilaiwenzui，shilai……dianzande？woshaoweisonglekouqi，danhaishibaochizhejingti：“jianglaoshi，

ninguojiangle。wojiushiyunqihao，xiamaopengshangsihaozi。”“yunqiyeshishilideyibufen。”jiangyucongshanruliu，

“erqie，wokannitiaodemubiao，douting……jingzhunde。”tateyizai“jingzhun”shangjialezhongyin。

woxinlineidianxiaodeyiyoudianyabuzhule，zuishanghaishiqianxu：“doushidajiakanbuguande，woyejiushititianxingdao，

shunbianzhuandianliuliang。”“ng，lijie。”jiangyudeshengyinlixiaoyigengmingxianlexie，“suoyi，

youmeiyouxingqu……hezuoyixia？”hezuo？！wochadianbashoujirengchuqu。wogenjiangyuhezuo？

zheizuhetingqilaibilinweiweihuiyanxihaibukaopu！“hezuo？jianglaoshi，ninbiekaiwanxiaole。ninshidayingdi，

wojiushigexiexiaozuowende，womenyoushenmenenghezuode？”woganjinjujue。genzheizhongjibiederenwucheshangguanxi，

wopawozheidianxiaomimifenfenzhongpuguang。“biejizhejujue。”jiangyubujinbumandishuo，

“wozhidaonikaozheigezhuanqian。wozheibianni，ganghaozhidaoyixie……gengjingbao，erqiebaozhengzhenshi，

danbutaifangbianyouwochumianbaoliaodeneimu。niwenbihao，yingxianglida，youni‘yuyan’chulai，xiaoguoyidinghenhao。

baochoufangmian，buhuibinixiexiaoshuodeshourudi。”tadunledun，buchongdao：“erqie，

mubiaojueduishiniyexiangshoushideneizhongren。biru……neigeyizhisaoraoxinrendexuanjiaodaoyan，lidehai。

”lidehai？neigequanliyoumingdelaosegui，zhangzheshouliyoudianziyuan，buzhidaoqianleduoshaoxiaoguniang，

mingshengchoudehen，danyinweishouduanyinbi，yizhimeibeishichui。woqueshizaojiuxiangxietale！

dankuyumeiyouquezaode“liao”，guangkaobianfengxiantaida，wanyimeichengzhenfanerdacaojingshe。wodexintiaoyoudianjiasu。

jiangyutigongdeliao，zhenshixingkendingmeiwenti。jinengshoushi**，younengzhuanqian，

hainengkuodawo“bajie”deweiming……zheiyouhuo，youdianda。danwohaishiyoudianyouyu：“jianglaoshi，

niweishenmezhaowo？niziji……”“woshenfenbufangbian。”jiangyuzhijiedaduanwo，“erqie，

you‘quanneibajie’chushou，gengyouxijuxing，bushima？dajiagengxihuankannide‘yuyan’yingyan。

”tashuodehaoyoudaoli，wojingwuyanyidui。jianwochenmo，jiangyuyoujialebahuo：“nikeyixiankaolvyixia。

buzhejihuifu。zheishiwodesirenhaoma，nixianghaole，suishidajiwo。”shuowan，tajuranjiuzhijiegualedianhua，

gancuililuo。wonazheshouji，zhanzaiyuandibantianmeidongdan。genyingdijiangyumimihezuo？baoliaoquanneiheimu？

zheiqingjiezouxiang，biwoxiedexiaoshuohaimohuan！jiexialaidebantian，wochiriliaodouxinbuzaiyan，

naoziliquanshijiangyudehua。lidehaineifuzuilianzaiwoyanqianhuanglaihuangqu。shoushita，wojueduishileyide。

erqieyouqianzhuan……fengxianni？zhuyaoshipadiaomajia。danjiangyukanqilaibuxiangyaohaiwodeyangzi，taneizhongdiwei，

xianggaowoyoudeshibanfa，meibiyaoraozheimedaquanzi。jiujieleyiwanshang，wokanzheyinxingkayue，

youxiangxianglidehaiganguodeposhi，yiyaoya，yiduojiao。ganle！woshenxiyikouqi，botonglejiangyudedianhua。

dianhuajihushibeimiaojiede。“xianghaole？”jiangyudeshengyindaizheyisiyuliaozhizhongdepingjing。“ng。

”wojinliangrangzijideshengyintingqilaihenzhending，“hezuokeyi。danwoyoujigetiaojian。”“nishuo。”“diyi，

liaobixubaozhen，erqiebunengshejiwuguderen。dier，wodeshenfennibixujueduibaomi，chuleshinidebaowo。

disan，baochoudetiqiantanhao，antiaojiesuan，zhichiweixinzhuanzhang。”dianhuaneitouchenmoleliangmiao，

ranhouchuanlaijiangyudididexiaosheng：“xing，douyini。‘bajie’guoranmingbuxuchuan，henjinshen。”tazheimeshuangkuai，

wodaoyoudianbuhaoyisile。“nei……lidehaideliao？”“mingtianfaniyouxiang。baozhengjingbao。”jiangyudunledun，

yuqilidaizhedianbuyichajuedelengyi，“tabengdadetaijiule。”gualedianhua，woxinqingfuza，

jixingfenyoutante。wozheisuanbusuan……shangleyingdidezeichuan？diertian，woguoranshoudaoleyigejiaminimingyoujian。

limianshiguanyulidehaidexiangxiziliao，

baokuotaliyongxuanjiaozhibiansaorao、xiepoduomingnvxingdeshijian、didian、bufenluyin（guanjianbufenzuolechuli，

danzuyitingchushita），haiyoutasixiashoushouhaochu、weiguicaozuodeyixiezhengju。zheiliao……taimengle！

zheiyaoshibaochuqu，lidehaijueduidejinqucaifengrenji！woannazhujidongdexinqing，

kaishigousizenmebazheixieneirongqiaomiaodibianzhijinwode“yuyan”li。bunengzhijiefangzhengju，neiyangtaimingxian，

dexiangzhiqianneiyang，yongneizhong“quanneibajiedujiayuyan”dekouwen，bashiqingshuochulai，rangtamenziji“yingyan”。

wozai《yulequandiyizuojing》defanwaipianli（linweiweiliangle，zhuxianwanjiele，danwodehaobunengfeia！

）kaileyigexindanyuan，biaotijiujiao【neigezhangzhezililaochi“doufu”dexuanjiaodaoyan，nidehaorizidaotoule！

】woxiedao：【juxianbao，mouzhiminglixingxuanjiaodaoyan，guanyongjiaosezuoyouer，xingbuguizhishi，shouhaizhezhongduo。

jinqiyinqixingshiguoyuxiaozhang，yiyinqiduofangbuman。yujisantiannei，qiguowangliejijiangbeiquanmianpuguang，

baokuodanbuxianyusaoraoluyin、shouhuijiludeng，huojiangmianlinfalvzhicai。tixingyiju，bushibubao，

shihouweidaoe！】fachuquzhihou，woxinlihaishiyoudiandagu。zheicihezhiqianbuyiyang，

zhiqianduoshaodaidianqiaohehewode“chaonengli”，zheicikeshishidashidebaoliao，wanyijiangyujideliaochudianchacuo，

huozheshijimeibawohao……raner，jiangyubanshiqueshikaopu。jiuzaiwofawenhoudediertianwanshang，

jijiaquanweimeitijihutongshifabuleguanyulidehaidezhangwenbaodao，

fushanglebufendamadeluyinwenzibanhejiaoyijilujietu。zhengjuquezao，chuidebunengzaichui！quanwanghuaran！

#lidehaixuanjiaoqianguize##lidehaigunchuyulequan#dengcitiaoshunjianyinbao。

erwodepinglunquzaicifeiteng：“bajie！nishiwodeshen！lianzheizhonglaoyoutiaodounengyuyan！”“santian！

zhendejiusantian！bajiezheizuikaiguoguangba！”“weiminchuhai！bajieniubi！

”“wojiushuobajiebeihoukendingyougaoren！zheiliaotaimengle！”yucitongshi，wodeweixinshoudaolejiangyudexiaoxi，

yanjianyigai：“hezuoyukuai。gaofeiyizhuan。”wodiankaizhuanzhang，kanzheneiyichuanling，yanjingdouzhile。

zheibiwozheijigeyuexiexiaoshuodezongshouruhaiduo！wozhandouzhehuifu：“hezuoyukuai！jianglaoshidaqi！

”fangxiashouji，wokanzhewangshangduilidehaideyipianmasheng，xinliyongqiyiguqiansuoweiyoudechengjiugan。zheiganjue，

bidanchunkao“chaonengli”ezuojushuangduole！kanlai，heyingdide“mimihezuo”，sihu……haibucuo？

jiuzaiwomeizizidishuzheyinxingkayue，jihuazhexiacibaonageguadeshihou，jiangyudexiaoxiyoulaile。

“xiayigemubiao，youxingquma？

guanyuyigezhangqimaishuijunmoheiduijia、toushuiloushuihaili‘jingyenvshen’renshedeshihou。”shihou？！

zheijibiekebilidehaigaoduole！woyanjingshunjianliangle，shouzhifeikuaididazi：“you！taiyoule！ziliaofawo！

”de，wozhei“yulequanjiwei”demingtou，kanlaishichedizuoshile。genzhejiangyingdi，

zheishiyaoyiluhuohuadaishandian，chanbianyulequandeniuguisheshena！shoujiyizhen，jiangyudeziliaohaimeifaguolai，

yijuxiandaole：“zheicimubiaoyoudianzhashou，tatuanduifanyinghuihenkuai，ni‘yuyan’deshihou，

cuocikeyigeng……xijuhuayidian。”dongle，jiushiyaogengqirenyidianbei。zheigewozaixing。womoquancazhang，

huifu：“mingbai，baozhengrangtakanlexueyashenggao。”henkuai，yigejiamiwenjianchuanleguolai。wodiankaiyikan，

haojiahuo，zheiweiyi“wenroujingye”zhuchengdeqinshihou，beidilikezhenshiyidiandoubuwenrou。

zhangqiguyongshuijungongsiduitongqinvyanyuanjinxingrengewuruhezaohuangyao，shuiwuwentigengshichumujingxin，

jinedadaorangwoshulingshulebantian。lizhe“rendanruju”derenshe，sixialiduigongzuorenyuanhulaihequ，

piqibilinweiweihaibao。zheiliao，goujingbao！yegouweixian。zheiyaoshizashile，

qinshihoukebushilinweiweineizhongkaogandiedecaobao，tadegenjishendehen。wozhuomozhejiangyushuode“xijuhua”，

naoziliyoulezhuyi。womeizhijiechuitashuiwuheshuijun，ershizaixiaoshuoligengxinleyiduan：【aiyaya，

tingshuomouweiyi“foxi”shirendeqinxingshihou，zuijinyoudianfane。yibianyaomangzhegenshuijuntouziduizhangben，

shuzitaida，suandetoutengba？lingyibianhaiyaowuzhexiaoxingan，shengpashuiwujuturansonglai“nuanxinwenhou”。

tixingyiju，xiacili“jingye”rensheqian，xianbazijiagongsidezhangbenzuopingha，neikulongdadedounengpaomale！

lingwai，duishenbianzhulihaodianba，burannatianrenjiabukaixinle，banimarendeluyinwangwaiyifang……zeze，

neihuamiantaimeiwobugankan。

ps：tingshuotazuijindaiyandemougaoshepinpaizuikanzhongyirenxingxiange～】zheiduan“yuyan”yifachuqu，

xiaoguoliganjianying。pinglunqumiaodong：“**！qinxx！jueduishiqinxx！”“shuijun？shuiwu？luyin？

bajiezheishirenglegehedana！”“hahahashentama‘nuanxinwenhou’，bajienishidongxiucide！

”“pinpaifangkuaipao！@xxpinpai”qinshihoudetuanduiguoranbushichisude，budaobanxiaoshi，

wodexiaoshuodixiajiuyongjinlaiyidapixinzhucedexiaohao，