《yurenjiedangtian，wanghonglinjutouwojia》shixiaobaiyangchuangzuodeyibuxiandaiyanqingxiaoshuo，zhujiaozhaotianlemachunhuadegushilingrendongrong。zaizheigelingrenzhixideshijiezhong，zhaotianlemachunhuajinglileyixiliejingxindongpodemaoxian，tongshiyexianrujiujiedeganqingjiugezhizhong。zheibenxiaoshuochongmanxijuxingheyinrenrushengdeqingjie，bidinghuixiyindaliangduzhedeguanzhu。linjumenyefenfenfayan：“renjiahuaqianmaideshiyongquan，nidaohao，shuozhanjiuzhan？”“xianzaidewanghongzhenshishenmeguijudoubujiangle！”“ganjin……。
第一章
woqianjiaozaigonggongyangtaishaiwanyifu，houjiaojiujiedaoyigemoshengdianhua。
“18louyangtaisheideyifushouyixia，yingxiangwomenpaishele。”
woshunzuidayingle，lenglejimiaocaifanyingguolai。
18lougonggongyangtaishiwohualeqianmaixialaide，aizhesheideshierle。
henkuaixiaoquyezhuqunlijiuyourenkaishimawo：“youmeiyougongdexina，kuaibagonggongyangtaijirangchule。”
开什么愚人节玩笑！
neigonggongyangtaiwokeshihualeqianmaixialaide，wocaibuyaoshouzheigewonangqi。
1
wodiankaifaxiaoxiderenziliao，shilouxiaxinbanlaidezhuhuzhaotianle，haifalezhangzhaopian。
zhaopianliwojialiangzhedeyifubeipshangledadadehongcha，kanzhejiulaiqi。
“zheiweizhaoxiansheng，womenzheicengdeyangtaishiyongquanshijiaoguofeide，niyaozhibonengbunenghuangedifang？”
woshunshou@lechenjingli，“wuyenengquerenyixiama，zheikuaiquyudeshiyongquandaodiguishei？”
qunlidelaozhuhudoukanbuxiaqule：“xinlaidebudongguiju？neipiandishi18loutamenjihuhemaide。”
chenjingliyeganjinhuifu：“shide，neipianquyuqueshishi18louyezhumendezhuanshushiyongqu。”
我这才松了口气。
邻居们也纷纷发言：
“renjiahuaqianmaideshiyongquan，nidaohao，shuozhanjiuzhan？”
“xianzaidewanghongzhenshishenmeguijudoubujiangle！”
“ganjindaogeqian，cheleshebeiba。”
woyiweizheishijiuzheimewanle，sheizhidaoshoujituranxiangle，duimianerhuabushuojiukaima：
“wei，nizheirenzenmezheimebujinrenqing？”
“womenkeshiyou300wanfensidewanghong，jieyongxiachangdizenmele？”
“nizhidaowomendengleduojiucaidengdaozheigecaiguanghaodechangdima？”
wodouqixiaole：“yuanlaishizhaotianlea，buhaoyisi，zheiyangtaiwomenjiaoleqiande。”
“zheiyangba，nixiangpaishejiwo200kuaiyitian，wobangnixiediaoqitazhuhu。”
“wokannimendoupailekuaiyigeyuele，shibushigaijiaodianchangdifei？”
zheicaimingbaiguolai，yuanlaizheihuorenchenwomenzheicengzhuhuzuijindoubuzaijia，toutouzhanledifangpaishipin。
baipiaolezheimejiu，haizhenbazheierdangzijiahouhuayuanle？
dianhuaneitoudunshizhaguo：“nizheibushiqiaozhama？”
“yaoqianmeiyou，yaomingyemeiyou！”
“你给我等着！”
gualedianhuahou，woyemeitaidanghuishi。
diertianyizao，woquyangtaishaibeizideshihou，faxianzhenggeyangtaidoubeirenpomanleyouqi。
wojiazuotianliangdeyifuquandouzaoleyang。
wohuomaosanzhang，likebaojing，tongshirangwuyediaojiankong。
chenjinglizhizhiwuwudishuo：“neige…zuowanneipianquyudejiankongganghaohuaile，biededifangdouhaohaode…”
jingchasichuchakanhoushuo：“zhouweiyoumeiyouzhuhumenkouzhuanglejiankong？shuobudingnengpaidaoshenme。”
woxinliyijingyoulehuaiyiduixiang，danmeiyouzhengjuyebuhaoshuo。
taochushouji，wojizhaotianledaleguoqu。
“zenme，xiangtongleyaojiwomenrangchangdi？”
“是你搞的鬼吧？”
duimiandeyidixiao：“youbenshininachuzhengjua！”
woyaoyaqiechi，zheijiahuobaimingshichidingwomeizhengju。
“shixiangdeganjinpeichang，buranworangnizaizheigexiaoqudaibuxiaqu！”
wolengxiaoyisheng：“nijixu，wodaoyaokankannihainengwanchushenmehuayang！”
gualedianhua，wolimawanggouleyitaojiankongshebei，zhunbeizhuangzaizoulangguaijiao。
zheici，wokannihainengbunengxiaoyaofawai！
ganganzhuangwan，jiutingjiandiantikouchuanlaichaonaosheng，yigenongzhuangyanmodenvrenzhengzhihuizhewanggonggongyangtaibanyunzhiboshebei。
wozouguoqutixing：“buhaoyisi，zheishiwomendegonggongquyu，bunengzaizheilizhibopaishe。”
machunhuafanlegebaiyan：“womentianlekeshiyoujibaiwanfensidewanghong，nizhidaodanwuwomenzhiboyaopeiduoshaoqianma？”
2
wozheicaikanqingchu，yuanlaishineigewanghongzhaotianleyijiazi！
guaibudezheimexiaozhang，zhangzheyoudianwangshangmingqijiuweisuoyuwei。
“zheiweidajie，zheipiandifangshiwomenjihuhemaide，nimenxiangzhibodexianjingguowomentongyi。”
machunhuagenbenbudaliwo，ziguzidizhihuizhegongzuorenyuanjiasheshebei。
woyebukeqi，zhijiezoudaoshexiangjiqianmian，taochuwuyezhengmingpailezhangzhaopianfadaoyezhuqun。
“zhaotianle，niyaoshizaibubashebeibanzou，wojiubanimenqiangzhangonggongkongjiandeshifadaowangshang。”
“你敢！”
zhaotianleturancongdiantilichongchulai，“nizhidaowoduoshaofensima？xinbuxinworangtamenwangbaoni！”
wolengxiaoyisheng：“laia，zhenghaorangwangyoupingpingli，kankansheiduisheicuo。”
tayibatuikaiwo，kaishidiaoshishebei，machunhuayezaipangbianjiaoxiao：
“woerzikeshidawanghong，nigandezuita？”
woerhuabushuobaolejing，sunjingguanhenkuaijiulaile。
“jingchatongzhi，zheipianquyushiwomenjihuhefagoumaideshiyongquan，xianzaibeirenqiangzhanlaigaozhibo。”
“fangpi！sheiqiangzhanle！”
zhaotianledengzheyanjing，“womenshijixiaoqudailiuliang，nimenyinggaiganxiewo！”
sunjingguankanlekanzhengmingwenjian：“zheiweitongzhi，zheipiandifangqueshirenjiayijingmaixialaile，nihaishiganjinbanzouba。”
machunhualimakaishisapo：“jingchatongzhi，womenhaoburongyizhaodaogehaochangdi，zheibumashangjiuyaokaibolema！”
“buxingjiushibuxing，ganjinbanzou。”
yankanjingchataidujianjue，zhaotianleyijiarenzhihaoxingxingdishoushishebei。
linzoushi，zhaotianlehenhendiwanlewoyiyan：“nijiwodengzhe！”
wolandelita，zhuanshenhuilejia。
dangtianwanshangyiqietaiping，zhidaobanyeliangdian，wodeshoujituranfengkuangzhendong。
dakaiyikan，wodedouyin、weibopinglunququanbeigongxianle，wushuwangbaoyanlunputiangaidixilai。
“bujiushigepoliangyifudedifang，zhiyuzheimexiaoqima？”
“shibushijiduwomentianleneimeduofensi，yanhongle？”
......
woganjindakaijiankonghuifang，guoranzailingchenyidian，zhaotianletoutoumojinlewomendequyu。
zhijiantanazheshoujiduizhewoliangdeyifuyidunkuangpai，haizidaoziyanleyichu“zaoyezhuwuliqugan”dexima。
zuikeqideshi，tajuranzaishipinlipshanglewojiademenpaihao！
wolikebawanzhengjiankongshangchuandaogegepingtai，bing@lezhaotianle：“zaoyaowumie，xinbuxingaonifeibang？”
meixiangdaozheijiahuogengxiaozhangle，zhijiekaibohuiying：“dajiapingpingli，womenwanghongdegongzuoyeshigongzuo，pingshenmeburangpai？”
zhibojianshunjianbeitadefensizhanling，gezhongweixie、manmajiezhongerzhi。
wolengjingdibaocunlesuoyouzhengju，diertianyizaojiuqubaojing。
jingchagangyaoshangmendiaocha，zhaodaqiangjiuchongchulairangrang：
“woerzikeshizhimingwanghong，nimenjingchayaoshiganzhuata，womashangfashipinjubaonimen！”
wodoutingxiaole：“nierzizhimingzaina？kaozaoyaocengliuliangchumingdema？”
zhaodaqiangqideliantonghong：“nigechouxiaozi，xinbuxinworangwoerzidefensibanirenrouchulai！”
wotaochushouji，batamendeweixieyoululexialai。
zheishizhaotianleyechulaile，kandaowozailuxiang，limabianlelianse。
“shandiao！mashangshandiao！”
他冲过来抢我手机。
wozaoyouzhunbei，wanghouyishan：“laia，zaidongshoushishi，wozheikedouluzheni！”
3
zhaotianlehuayinweiluo，turanwuzhexiongkoudaozaidishang，kaishidagun。
wokanshaleyan，zheizhongwanghongjiechangjiande“pengci”juranrangwoyujianle。
machunhualimapushanglai：“woerziyouxinzangbing，nimenbatahechushile！”
zhaodaqiangyejiaorangqilai：“kuaijiaojiuhuche！nimenyaopeiqian！”
sunjingguanmianwubiaoqing：“bieyanle，zaoyaofeibangkeshiyaofufalvzerende。wangshangshandongfensirenroutaren，qingjieyanzhongdezuigaokepansannian。”
“zaishuole，nierzizuowanbuhaizaizhibotiaowuma？nalaidexinzangbing？”
zhaotianlelianseyibian：“sheishuowanghongjiubunengyouxinzangbing？nizheishiqishi！”
wolengxiaodao：“neizhenghao，wocunlenizuowanzhibodeshipin，yaobuyaodiaochulaikankan？”
“duile，shandongwangbaoherenroutaren，zheizuimingkebuqing。”
yitingzheihua，zhaotianleyijiadunshihuangle。
machunhuaturancongbaolitaochuyipingjiangyoujiuyaowangwoshenshangpo：
“nimenqifuren！wogennimenpinle！”
woyanjishoukuaiduokai，jiangyouzhijiepodaolesunjingguanshenshang。
jingchazheixiazhennule：“xinga，xijingshiba？doudaizou！”
zhaotianleyiguliupaqilai：“buzhunpengwoma！”
worenbuzhuxiaochusheng：“yi？xinzangbingzheimekuaijiuhaole？”
zhaotianleliansetieqing，jingchataochushoukaozhunbeidongshou。
zhaodaqiangjile，chezhesangzihan：“jingchadarenla！kuailairena！”
linjumenfenfentanchutoulai，zhaotianlefumulimatangzaidishangdagun。
wotaochushouji，bazheihuangdandeyimufadaolewangshang：
“zhimingwanghongweiqiangzhangonggongkongjian，jiaosuowangbao、pengcijingcha，haiyougeng**dema？”
shipinpeishangletamenjiadeweifashishi，danjitamendalemasaike。
zheixialundaozhaotianlehuangle，chongguolaijiuyaoqiangwoshouji：“shandiao！buranworangfensigaosini！”
wozaoyouzhunbei，wangpangbianyishan：“laia，nizheihuawoyeluxialaile。”
zhaotianlejihongleyan，yibazhuaguowodeshoujiwangdishangzaqu。
“wanle，xianzaikeyijiashangguyihuihuaitarencaiwuzuile。”woxiaozheshuo。
jingdishengyouyuanjijin，zhaotianlezheicaiyishidaochuangledahuo。
sanrenbeidaishangjingcheshi，weiguandelinjumendoupaishoujiaohao。
zaipaichusuozuobilu，wozixisuanlesuansunshi。
加起来一共六万。
zhaotianleyikandangchangjiuzhale：“liuwan？zenmebuquqiang！”
“我不可能赔的！”
jingchaqiaoqiaozhuozi：“neijiujuliujiaqisu，nizijixuan。”
tafumuyinweixijingyeyaobeijuliu，zhaotianlezheicaifuruan，buqingbuyuanditaoqianpeichang。
linzoushi，taehenhendishuo：“nijiwodengzhe，zheishimeiwan！”
wosongsongjian：“suishifengpei，wozheiercunzhenidesuoyouweifazhengjuni。”
sheizhidaozheijiahuobaofuxinzheimezhong。
yurenjiedangtian，wopeilixiaowanhuiniangjia，heledianjiujiuzaineibianshuixiale。
banyejiedaolouxialiuayidedianhua：
“xiaowanga，nimenjiashibushiwangguanshuilongtoule？shuidouloudaowojialaile！”
woyigejilingqingxingguolai，lianshengdaoqian。
gangyaochumen，lixiaowanlazhuwo：“buduia，wozoushiteyijianchaguo，shuidiandouguanlede。”
4
womengdixiangqilaile，chumenqianlixiaowanteyidingzhuguo。
buguangyaosuohaomenchuang，shuidianbaokuoranqiquandouguanle。
“buduijing，zanmenganjinhuiqukankan！”
lianyekaicheganhuixiaoqu，yuanyuanjiukanjianjihulinjuweizaiwojiamenkou。
liuayiyijianwojiujile：“kesuanhuilaile，shuidouliudaowojiaketingle！”
woyibiandaoqianyibianbaojing，dakaifangmendeshunjian，yiguhunzhuodeshuiliuhualalayonglechulai。
zhenggeketingpaozaishuili，xinmaideshafa、chajiquandoujinpaozaishuizhong，qiangjiaohaiduizhejigedakaidekuangquanshuiping。
wuyehesunjingguangandaoshidoujingle：“zenmeyoushinimenzheier？”
“jingchatongzhi，zheimingxianshiyourenguyiweizhi。”
wodiaochushoujilideshipin：“zheishiwomenlikaiqiandezhuangtai，ninkan，lianyangtaidoushoushiganjingle。”
jingfanghenkuaizaixianchangtiqulezhiwen，danzheiciduifangxianranyoubeierlai，liangejiaoyindoumeiliuxia。
zhengfachoushi，duimenwangdamaturanshuo：“ei，wojiaxinzhuangdejiankonghaoxiangpaidaolediandongxi。”
diaochujiankongyikan，yigedaizhekouzhaodeshenyingguiguisuisuidizaiwojiamenkouzhuanyou，shoulihaitizhelianggedasuliaodai。
suirankanbuqinglian，danneibiaozhixingde“wanghongdaban”yixiajiubaoluleshenfen。
jingchalikezhaoshangmen，zhaotianleyilianwugu：“zenme，xianzailianzaizoulanglizoudoubuxingle？”
“woneihuiershilaisongkuaidide，qiaomenmeirenying，zheibujiuzoulema？”
wangdamalimachaichuan：“nifenmingzaineizhuanyoulebangeduoxiaoshi！”
zhaotianlelengxiao：“neiyouzenyang？nimenyouzhengjuzhengmingshi**dema？”
woqideshuobuchuhua，zheijiahuoguoranbaxianchangchulidedishuibulou。
zhaotianledeyiyangyangdiqianwanbiluyangzhangerqu，haibuwanghuitoubigeshenglideshoushi。
wohexiaowanmanghuodaotianliang，zongsuanbafangzishoushidenengzhuren。
culvegusuanlexiasunshi：shimudibanquanpaolanle，dingzhishafabaofei，qiangzhiyedezhongtie，qianqianhouhoudeshijiwan。
lixiaowankanzheyipianlangjiedejia，yanleizhibuzhudiwangxiadiao。
zheishishoujixiangleyixia，dakaiyikan，zhaotianlezaixiaoquyezhuqunlifaletiaodongtai：
“yurenjiekuaile！jintianzhenshigeshiheezuojudehaorizini～”
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我带四娃，婆家想兼挑两房？做梦！
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我妈让我还我哥八十万我启动家族清算系统
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