战神爹？先过尿布关！芝芝816-著

小说简介

《zhanshendie？xianguoniaobuguan！》shiyiburangrenchenmidegudaiyanqingxiaoshuo，youzhizhi816qiaomiaogousi。gushizhongdezhujiaoxiaohengxiaotangyuanjinglileyilianchuanjingxiancijidemaoxian，yuxieeshilidouzhidouyong。xiaoshuoyiqijinzhangcijideqingjieheshengdongbizhendemiaoxieyingdeleduzhemendehecai。zhouchengkuzhelian，cuozheshou，kankankudezhichouchoudexiaozuzong，youkankanbinlinbaofadejiangjun，jidehanruyuxia：“jiang、jiangjun……shuxia……shuxiayemeidaiguohaizia……。

精彩章节

1yuye“duozi”yujianmianlishanyulaideyoujiyoumeng，doudadeyudianzazaiyaoludemaocaowudingshang，

pipazuoxiang，chaoderenxinfan。wo，shenzhiwei，zhengbaozhegangchibaohezu、dazhexiangtiannaigedebaobeierzixiaotangyuan，

zuozainuanhonghongdetanpenpang。xiaojiahuochuanzhewoxinfengdenenhuangsexiaoguazi，xiangkebaomandexiaotangyuan，

**nendelianjiashanghaizhanzheyidianmeicaganjingdenaizi，zhenghuiwuzhexiaoquantou，yiyiyayadigenwo“liaotian”，

wuliuliudedayanjingliangdejingren，fangfoshengmanlezhenggexiayedexingguang。“xiaohuaidan，jintianzheimejingshen？

”woditouqinleqintaguangjiedeetou，zhijianqingqingchuolechuotaruanhuhudeliandan，

“shibushizhidaoniangqinjinizuoledingweifengdexiaolaohumaozi？jiuchahuayanjingla！”huayinweiluo，

wuwaimengdichuanlaiyizhenjicu、chenzhong、youyuanjijindematisheng！neishengyinmijirulei，

daizheqianjunwanmadebentengqishi，shunjiangaiguolehuahuadeyusheng，

zhendewozheijianbenjiuyouxieniantoudeyaoluchaimenzhigazuoxiang，lianchuanglingdouzaisesefadou。jinjiezhe，

yigebingleng、jianying、guoxiezhewubiannuhuoheburongzhiyideminglingdeshengyin，chuantouyumu，

henhenzazaimenshang：“shenzhiwei！kaimen！”ze！woxintoumengdiyitiao，suijifanlegedadadebaiyan。zheishengyin，

huachenghuiwodourende！sannianle，zhengzhengsannian！yinxunquanwu，yizhilengbingbingde“zhenwangjunbao”bawodarudiyu，

haiwochuaizhetadezaierduodaozheishenshanlaolindang“weiwangren”，changjinrenqinglengnuan，

shouzhezheijianpoyaoluhegangchushengdeerzijiannanduri。xianzaidaohao，huobengluantiaodihuilaile？

haidaizheqianjunwanmaduwodemen？zheiqishixiongxiongde，shilaixingshiwenzui，haishi……qiangerzi？

ditoukankanhuailimengdongwuzhi、zhengbeiwozhouranbengjindeshoubeiledeyoudianbushufu、kaishiniudongxiaoshenzidexiaotangyuan，

yiguwuminghuo“cheng”dijiucuanshangletianlinggai。xinga，xiaoheng！daliangzhanshenshiba？

jintianlaoniangjiurangnijianshijianshi，shenmejiao“weimuzegang”！woshenxiyikouqi，

nuliyaxiaxiangbamenshuanzaijiagusandaodechongdong，feikuaidibaxiaotangyuanguojinhoushinuanhedeqiangbaoli，

zhiluchuneizhangfendiaoyuzhuodexiaolian。xiaojiahuosihuyeganshoudaolewaimianbutongxunchangdedongjing，bunaole，

zhengzheneishuangqingchechunjingdedayanjing，haoqidiwangxiangmenkou，xiaozuihaiwuyishidibajileliangxia。henhao，

baochizhuzheifentianzhenwuxie！wozhenglileyixiabeierzicengdeyouxielingluandeyijin，

zhejiaoluolineimianmohudetongjingchechuyigezirenweizuilengyan、zuishuli、zui“shendafuwohenbuhaore”debiaoqing，

ranhou，mengdilakaileneishanbaojingfengshuangdechaimen！“hula——！

”binglengdeyushuiguoxiezhesushazhiqishunjianpumianerlai。menwai，huobazaiyushuizhongyaoye，

yingzhaochuyipianlingrenxinjidetiejiahanguang。yushuishunzhebinglengdekaijiawangxiatang，huijuchengxixiaodexiliu。

heiyayadeqibingliezhensuli，rutongchenmodegangtieconglin，sanfazheshengrenwujindelinliehanqi。erzaizuiqianfang，

yirenyima，rutongyuantingyuezhi。xiaoheng。taduanzuozaiyipitongtiqiheidejunmashang，

yushuishunzhetaxiantiaolengyingdexiahediluo，dashilexuansedepifeng。neizhanglian，yijiushijiyizhongdejunmeiwuchou，

zhishitunquleshaonianshidejifenwenrun，duolejifenshachanglichudeshenkelengjiaohechenningrutiedeweiyan。cike，

neishuangshentanbandemouzizhengsisidingzhewo——zhunquedishuo，shiwohuailidexiaotangyuan。neiyanshen，

ruilidexiangcuilehanbingdedaofeng，daizhehaobuyanshidezhanyouyuheyizhong……beiqipiandebaonu？

“baerzijiaochulai！”tashouzhongdezhangjian“shua”dizhixiangchaimen，jianjianzaiyushuizhongweiweiwengming，

shengyinlengyingdemeiyouyisizhuanyuanyudi。he！haodadeweifeng！woxinlidexiaorenyijingzaichayaokuangxiao：jiaochulai？

xinga！jiupanixiaodajiangjunjiebuzhuzheipotiande“fugui”！woguyibashengyinfangdeyoulengyouman，

xiangshanjiandongleqianniandebinglengzi，

muguangqingpiaopiaodisaoguotashenhouneiqunnulibiezhebiaoqing、yanshenquexiemanbaguadeqinbing，

manyouyoudikaikou：“xiaoheng，”woteyishengqulezuncheng，“niqueding，niyaozheihaizi？

”neiqiantaicizaimingxianbuguo：dangzhezheimeduoxiaodidemian，kebiesong，yebiehouhuie。

xiaohengdemeitouhenhenyining，yanshengengjiaruili，fangfoyaojiangwokanchuan。tameiyousihaoyouyu，liluodifanshenxiama，

dongzuokuairushandian，jibujiukuadaolewomianqian，gaodadeshenyingdaizheqiangliedeyapogan，

jihujiangwowanquanlongzhaozaiyinyingli。

neishuanggujiefenming、bumanbojiandedashou——neishuangcengwoguowushudiqiutouludeshou——daizheburongkangjudelidao，

jingzhichaowohuailidexiaotangyuanzhualai！neijiashi，nalishibaohaizi，fenmingshiqiangzhanlipin！

xiaotangyuanbeitadiezheituruqilaide“reqing”heleyidatiao！xiaozuiyibie，

wuliuliudedayanjinglishunjianxumanleleishui，yankanjiuyaobaofajingtiandiqiguishendehaoku！

jiuzaizheiqianjunyifa、woerzijijiangyongkushengkongsutadiecubaoxingjingdeshunjian——puchi——hualalala！！！

yiguwenrede、daizhenongyunaixiangheduteqiweide“ganlin”，rutongjingzhunzhidaodequanshui，benyongerchu！

tayixunleibujiyanerzhishi，yiwanmeidepaowuxianjiaodu，

wubidi——jiaozailedaliangzhanshenxiaohengxiongqianneifujinguangshanshan、xiangzhengwushangrongyaoyuhehezhangongdelongwenjinjiashang！

！！shijian，fangfozaizheiyikebeianxialezantingjian。huahuadeyusheng，huxiaodefengsheng，mapibuandexiangbisheng，

daoxilengqi、pinmingyayiqueyoushizairenbuzhuconghoulonglilouchude“puchi”sheng……quandouchenglemohudebeijingyin。

woqingxidikandao，xiaohengneizhangwannianbingshan、taishanbengyuqianersebubiandejunlianshang，

shunjianliekaileyidaojudade、mingwei“zhenjing”、“mangran”he“shouzuwucuo”defengxi！

tabaozheshunjiananjingxialai、shenzhihaiduitaliekaimeiyadexiaozui，luchuyige“chunzhenwuxie”xiaorongdexiaotangyuan，

整个人僵在了原地，

xiangyizunbeitianleipizhong、waibiaoyijiuweifenglinlinneiliqueyijiaohuyipiandejinjiashenxiang——ng，

sanfazhexinxianchulu、reqitengtengdeteshuqiweideneizhong。binglengdeyushuishunzhetalengyingdexiahexianhualuo，

dizaitaxiongqianneipianxunsukuodade、shensede、haizaiweiweimaozhereqide“ditu”shang。

taneishenjiazhilianchengdelongwenjinjia，cikezhengwushengdikongsuzhetazaoyude“qichidaru”。

“puchi——hahahaha！”woshizaimeirenzhu，kaozaimenkuangshang，xiaodeqianyanghouhe，yanleidoukuaibiaochulaile。

jizanlesanniandebiequ、yuanqi，zaizheiyikesuizhezheichangkuailinlidexiaosheng，feizouledaban。“xiaodajiangjun！

”wohaoburongyizhizhuxiao，calecayanjiao，shengyinlidaizhenongnongdexingzailehuo，

“zheijianmianli……kehaimanyi？woerziqinzisongde，dujiadingzhi，tongsouwuqi，goubugoufenliang？

goubugoujingxi？”kanzhetaxiongqianneipianshilulu、haidaizhedute“fenfang”dehuihuangzhanji，woxinqingwubimingmei。

xiaohengdelian，chediheichengleguodi。taditoukankanhuailixiaodeyilian“wugu”deshizuoyongzhe，

youkankanzijixiongqiancanburendudejinjia，ejiaodeqingjintutuzhitiao。tabaozhexiaotangyuandezishi，

yecongzuichude“qianglveshi”，

bianchenglejiqijiangying、xiaoxinyiyi、fangfopengzhegesuishihuibaozhadeliulizhanbande“gongfengshi”。

“jiangjun……”fujiangzhouchengyingzhetoupishangqianyibu，xiangbangmangyoubuzhiconghexiashou，

biaoqingniuqudexiangtunlezhicangying。xiaohengshenxiyikouqi，neikouqixichendefangfoyaobazhouweideyushuidouxijinqu。

tamengditaitou，yanshenfuzadidenglewoyiyan，neilimianyounuhuo，youganga，youbiequ，haiyouyisi……renming？

tameishuohua，baozhe“anjingguaiqiao”dexiaotangyuan，zhuanshen，

yiyizhongjiqibieniu、jinliangburangshiluludexiongkoupengdaoerzidezishi，dabuliuxingdizouxiangtadezhanma，

fanshenshangmadedongzuodoudaizheyigubeizhuangdeyiwei。“huiying！”tajihushiyaozheyajichuzheilianggezi，

shengyinchenmendexiangzaidalei。matishengzaicilonglongxiangqi，tiejiahongliurulaishibanxunsutuiqu，

zhiliuxiamandilangjiedeniningheyidibiebuzhuzhongyubaofadehongxiaosheng（dangranshizaitamenjiangjunzouyuanzhihou）。

wozhanzaimenkou，kanzheyumuzhongneigebaozheerzi、xiongqianditugewaixingmudebeiying，zhongyurenbuzhufuzhemenkuang，

zaicixiaodezhibuqiyao。xiaohengaxiaoheng，daibingdazhangnishizhanshen，daierzi？he，

nide“zhanzheng”caiganggangkaishi！2yechuangjunyingyu“jishuzhidao”yushijianxiao，xixilili。

wopaozaifangleanshencaoyaodereshuili，yinyundereqixunderenhunhunyushui。

naohailiquebuyouzizhudifuxianchuxiaohengbaozhexiaotangyuanneifurulindadidejiangyingmoyang，

haiyoutaxiongqianneipian“huihuangzhanji”，zuijiaoyourenbuzhuqiaoleqilai。“gai！rangnidangchu‘si’deneimegancui！

rangnixianzaishuaweifeng！”woziyanziyu，xinlineidianxiaodeyixiangpaopaoyiyangwangshangmao。raner，

deyijingerhaimeiguoduojiu，zhongshujiuyilianyouxinchongchongdipaolejinlai：“furen！furen！

shanneibianjunyingli……xiaozhuzidekusheng……kudekexiongle！duanduanxuxu，tingzhesangzidoukuaiyale！

zheidoukuledabangeshichenle！”wodexinmengdiyijiu！xiaotangyuansuiranpingshitingguai，danbijingcaibageyueda，

zhouranlikaishuxidehuanjingheniangqin，

beiyigehunshentiexiuxuexingwei、dongzuohaineimeculude“moshengren”daizou……tagaiyouduohaipa？

xiaohengneigedalaocu，tahuihonghaizima？talianbaodoubuhuibao！gangcaidexingzailehuoshunjianbeijudadedanyouqudai。

naohailibushoukongzhidishanguoerzikudexiaoliantonghong、shangqibujiexiaqidekelianmoyang。neikusheng，

fangfotouguoyumuheshanfeng，zhijiezuanjinlewodeerduoli，jiudewoxinjianteng。“zheigebendan！chunhuo！mangfu！

”woqidemachusheng，hualayixiacongyutonglizhanqilai，shuihuasijian。yegubushangcagan，

huluantaoshangganjingdezhongyihewaishan，zhuaguoyijianhoushidepifengguoshang，

shunshoucongyaojulizhualeyixiaopinganshenzhumiandexianggaochuaijinhuaili。“furen，ninzheishi……”zhongshudanyoudiwen。

“qujunying！kankanneigebendanbawoerzizhetengchengshenmeyangle！”woyaoyaqiechi，jiaoxiashengfeng，

xiangyizhibeiremaoledemubaozi，yitouzhajinleyijiupiaozhelengyudeyeseli。shenmeqianchenenyuan，

shenmemianzijinchi，cikedoubeiduierzidedanyouchongdeqilingbaluo。shanlushihua，yefengcigu。

woshenyijiaoqianyijiaodigandaojunyingwaiweishi，yishihunshenshileng。

zhongjundazhangneijudadelunkuozaiheianzhonggewaixingmu，limiandenghuotongming，yinyuechuanlai……ng？

kushenghaoxiangxiaolexie？bu，shibianchenglelingyizhonggengshaya、gengweiqu、duanduanxuxudechouye，tingderengengjiaxinsui。

wobikaixunluodemingshao，pingzheduijunyingbujudemohujiyi（bijingtayiqianyedaiwolaiguojici），

xiangyimoyouhunbanqiaowushengxidiqiandaolezhongjundazhangfujin。houzhongdeniupizhanglianbingfeimibutoufeng，

woxundaoyichuxiweidefengxi，pingzhuhuxi，ceshen，xiaoxinyiyidiwanglejinqu。zhangneidejingxiang，

rangwoshunjianwangjilehuxi，chadiandangchangxiaochusheng，youxintengdexianglikechongjinqu。

zhijianwoneipingriliweifengbamian、haolingqianjundedajiangjunqianfu，cikezhichuanzhedanbodezhongyi，toufalingluan，

etoushangquanshihan（buzhishijidehaishirede），zhengyiyizhongjiqibieniu、rulindadidezishi，

shitubakudexiaoliantonghong、xiaojiaoluandeng、hunshenxiemankangjudexiaotangyuan，saijinyige……e，

neiwanyiernengjiaoqiangbaoma？！neiqiangbaobeitayongjigenbudaizihengqishubadikunzhe，

huotuotuobawoerzikunchengleyigebutingniudongde、fennude“xiaozongzi”！xiaotangyuandexiaolianbiedetonghong，

yanleibitihuleyilian，xiaozuizhangzhe，fachusiyade、weiqudaojizhidewuyan，

xiaojiaoyapinmingdidengchuaizheshufutadebudaizi，fangfozaikongsutadiede“baoxing”。

zhangneihaichuzhejigewudasancudeqinbing，gegebiaoqingningzhongderutongzaicanjiazangli。yigepengzhenaiping，

zishijiangyingdexiangpengzhe**bao；yigepengzheganjingdeniaobu，yanshenmangranrutongkantianshu；haiyouyige，

shoulinazhegebolanggu，benzhuodihuangzhe，shituxiyinxiaozuzongdezhuyi，

jieguoneidandiaode“dongdong”shengfanerrangxiaotangyuankudegengweiqule。xiaohengejiaodeqingjintutuzhitiao，

shengyindaizhebinlinbengkuibianyuandeshayahefanzao，duizhezhouchengdihou：“……tazenmehaizaiku？！

bushiganghuanguoma？！naiyebuhe！baozheyebuxing！fangxiagengbuxing！zheidaodiyaozenyang？！

”neifujiaotoulane、shushouwucedemoyang，bidangnianbeishiwandijunweikunzaijuelonglingshihaiyaolangbeibaibei！

zhouchengkuzhelian，cuozheshou，kankankudezhichouchoudexiaozuzong，youkankanbinlinbaofadejiangjun，

jidehanruyuxia：“jiang、jiangjun……shuxia……shuxiayemeidaiguohaizia！

zhei……zhei……”taqiuzhudemuguangsaoxiangqitajiren，neijigezhuanghanlikeqishuashuahoutuiyibu，

batouyaodexiangbolanggu。“pu……”woduozaizhangwai，sisiwuzhuzui，jianbangdoudelihai。zheichangjing，

jianzhishinianduzuijiaxiju！tangtangdaliangzhanshen，beiyigebageyuedadenaituanzibidaolejuejing！buxingle，

wodejiuchang……bu，shizhengjiuwokeliandeerzi！woshenxiyikouqi，nuliyaxiafengkuangshangyangdezuijiao，

zhenglileyixiabeiyefengchuiluandebinfa，ranhou，mengdixiankailehouzhongdezhanglian！“yo，xiaodajiangjun，

”wodeshengyindaizheyisigangshuixingbandeyonglan，yijihaobuyanshide、kanrenaobuxianshidadexingzailehuo，

shunjiandapolezhangneilingrenzhixidejuewangfenwei，“zheishi……zaipaishenmeqimendunjiazhenni？

duifuwoerzizheiyuan‘xiaojiang’，ganjueruhea？zhankuang……sihubutaileguan？”shua！zhangneisuoyoumuguang，

rutongjuguangdengban，shunjianjujiaozaiwoshenshang！neijigeqinbingdebiaoqing，xiangshikandaolejiukujiunandehuopusa，

chongmanleganjitiling。erxiaoheng——tamengdizhuanguotou，kandaowodeshunjian，neishuangshentanbandemouzili，

fanyongguojiqifuzadeqingxu：jingya、ganga、beizhuangpolangbeidenaonu、rushizhongfudeqingxing……zuizhong，

tongtonghuaweileyizhonghunhezhepibeiheqiuzhude、nanyiyanyudefuzaguangmang。

tabaozheneigekudezhichouchou、haizainulizhengzhade“xiaozongzi”，jiangzaiyuandi，yishijingwangleyanyu，

zhineimezhigougoudikanzhewo，fangfowoshitaweiyidejiumingdaocao。wowushitaneinengshasirendemuguang，

jingzhizouguoqu，daizheyishenyeyudehanqi，quedongzuowubiziran、wubiliuchangdi，congtajiangyingrutiedebeiwanli，

jieguolewoneikuchengxiaoleibao、weiqudekuaibeiguoqiqudebaobeierzi。shuolaiyezhenshishenqi。

xiaotangyuanyiluoruwoshuxide、daizheniangqinqixidehuaibao，xiudaoneilingtaanxindeweidao，

neisixinliefeidekushengshunjianjiujianglebadu，bianchengleweiqubaba、duanduanxuxudehenghengjiji，

xiaonaodaixiangzhishoujingdexiaoniao，pinmingdiwangwowennuandejingwolizuan，xunqiubihu，xiaoxiaodeshentihaizaiweiweizhandou。

“ee，guaiguai，niangqinzaini，bukubukule，”woxintengjile，shengyinshunjianroudenengdichushuilai，

yishouqingpaizhetadebeianfu，yishoushuliandiqujieneicanburendude“zongziqiangbao”，zuilihaibuwangyeyumouren，

“shibushibeibendiediehedaole？kankanzheikunde，bawomenxiaotangyuandangzongzizhuni？”jiekaishufu，

luchulimianshitoudeniaobuhexiaojiahuomendeyouxiefahongdexiaopipi。womeitouyizhou，xintengyouhaoxiao：“zezeze，

kankanzheixiaopipihongde，shoudaweiqulee。mouxierena，kanrennaodaitinglisuo，huangeniaobugenyaomingside，

benshoubenjiao。”woyiyousuozhidipielepangbianchuzhedangmuzhuangdexiaohengyiyan。talianseyizhenqingyizhenbai，

quantouniejinleyousongkai，houjieshangxiagundonglejixia，xiangshuoshenme，