第4章 内疚

wojilikongzhizhuzhandoudeshengyin,shuoleju“zhidaole”,xiaozhelikailegongsi。

woxiangyaojizhaiyuhaodadianhua,dakaishoujideyishunjian,wokanzhepingbaoshangwoyutadejiehunzhao,turanyouzhonghuangrugeshidecuojue。

为什么?

weishenmetayaopianwo?weishenmeyaogufuwoduitadexinren?

cikewocaikaishiaohui,woyuanbenyiweinanrenjiuxiangfengzheng,wulunfeidezaigao,zhiyaoxianzaiwoshouzhongjiuxing。keshishishangwojitadexinrenjiuxiangfengzhengxian,feideyueyuanbianyuerongyiduanlie。

womeiyoubotongdianhua,yinweiwobuzhidaoyinggairuhezaiquxiangxintashuodehua。

woyebuyuanyiyushengdouhuozaiqipianyuhuangyanzhong。

zhuanyanyoudaolezhouwu,zheitianwomeiqushangban,zaizuchepingtaishangzuleyiliangbuqiyandexiaoche。

xiawusandian,wojiangchezitingzaizhaiyuhaodegongsilouxia,shuangyansisidingzhedashadechekuchurukou。

woyifangmianxiangyaochachuzhenxiang,lingyifangmianyouqidaozhezhaiyuhaobuyaochuxian。

xinliyougeshengyin,zaibutingweitabianjie:zheiyiqieshichangwuhui,zhaiyuhaomeiyouchugui,taconglaijiumeiyoubeipanguoni。

sidiangangdao,yiliangshuxidelansesuvcongchekushilechulai。

chezicongwocheqianfeikuaishiguo,wokanjianchulezhaiyuhao,fujiashideweizhihaizuoleyigeduanfanvren。

sudutaikuai,wokanbuqingshishei。

xinzangcitongdelihai,fangfoyouyikuaijushiyazailewodexinkouchu,rangwozhixidechuanbuguoqilai。wodeqingxubengkuidaolejidian,yaozhuzuichunburangzijikuchushengyinlai,yicaiyoumengenleshangqu。

zhaiyuhaodecheziyilukaichuzhuchengqu,jinrulejiaoqu。

yigexiaoshizhihou,chezitingzaileyijianjingshenbingyuanwai。

zheijianjingshenbingyuanwosuiranlaidehenshao,quebingbumosheng,yinweiwodemuqinjiuzhuzaizheier。

kanzhechechuangwaijiebaidejianzhu,wolengzhule。

woyouduojiumeilaiguozheilile?jiudaowoyijingjibuqingrizile。

dangnianmuqinpaoxiawohezhangjie,yurensiben,shangxindefuqinyibingbuqi,zuizhongsashourenhuan。

houlaimuqinyoubeineigenanrenpaoqi,zaiyuyuguahuanzhonghuanshanglejingshenbing,shanliangdezhangjiedanfuqileshanyangtadezeren。

kewojinshengjinshidouwufayuanliangta。

wufayuanliangyigezisichuguideren。

chekuli,zhaiyuhaohenvrenxialeche,wozheicaikanqingneigenvrenjingranshibiwodashisuidezhangjielunianxue。

“xiexienihewoyiqilaikanmama。”lunianxuexiaozheshuo,“jiulianxiaozhenyejingchangshuoqi,shuotaxiaoyifushigehaonanrenni。”

zhaiyuhaowenhedao:“buyonggenwokeqi,sisishiwolaopo,wotitazhaogumuqinyeshiyinggaide。erqiexiaozhenyeshigehaohaizi,tayechabuduogaidaoleba。”

songxiaozhenshiwodezhinv,jinnianershiersui,xinggehewojieyiyangshanliang。

wodexinlituranyizhenneijiu,yuanlaizhaiyuhaomeizhouwutiqianxiaban,jiushiweilebangwotanwangmuqin。

yixiangdaozheixietianlaiduizhaiyuhaodehuaiyi,woxiukuidehenbudezhaogedifengzuanjinqu。

wozuozaicheli,naqishoujijitadaletongdianhua,kanzhetahenkuaijietong:“wei,laopo。”

“laogong,woxiangnile。”woqingshengshuo,sangyinyouxieshaya。

zhaiyuhaojinzhangdao:“chushenmeshilema?biepa,youlaogongzai。”

“meiyou,jiushituranhenxiangni,wozaijiadengni,nizaoxiehuilai。”

zhaiyuhaoyikoudayingle,guaduandianhuahou,wozhengxiangjiachelikai。

turantingjianlunianxueyiweishenzhangdiwen:“niheneigenvrendeshi,sisitahaimeiyouchajueba?”