早上七点。
sheyingshikaiji，《baomadeshenghuo》zhengchangkaishiluzhi。
“dao……daoyan，ka……kale！”
“你卡了？”
“bu……bushi，zhibojiankale！”
daoyanlaidaohoutai，zhijianzhangchendezhibojianlirenshufengkuangbaozhang，kaibobudaoyifenzhong，renqizhijiechongposhiwandaguan。
“嘶！”
daoyandaoxiyikouliangqi，zheicaikaipaidiertianjiuhuole。
guanjianshiyidangjiaoyuleizongyijiemu，yaoqingdexuanshouyedoushiputongren，gengqingxiangyugongyixingdejiemu，yagendoumeixiangzheyingli，zenmelaizheimeduorenkan？
daoyanbunenglijie，shifenbunenglijie。
“liudao，huole，zanmenjiemuhuole！”bianjuzheishixingchongchongpaoguolaihuibao。
zuotianfadetiezihuole，yinghelamazhangmamayehuole，wanquanchengleyigewangluofengkou。
xianzaiweiboshangzhiyaofayigegenyinghelamayouguandeneirong，limajiulailiuliang。
gedawanghongbozhuxianzaizhengmangzhecengreduni。
“lianxigongsifuzezhibodetuanduiguolai，wubibaozhengzhibozhengchangjinxing。”daoyanduigongzuorenyuanshuodao。
henkuai，gongsidezhibotuanduiganguolai，jiangxianchangzhibojierugengdadefuwuqizhong。
ranhoudaoyanhebianjuconghoutaijiukandao，zhangchendezhibojianrenqimengzhang，liandaizheyangmamahewangmamadezhibotongyangfengkuangshangzhang。
yidangmeiyouxuanchuan，chungongyimudedezongyijiemu，jiuzheimehuole！
banxiaoshihou，zhangchenzhibojianderenqitingzailewushiwanrenshu。
zheishiyigefeichangkongbudeshuzi，daoyanhebianjuyanjingdengdeliuyuan。
“quanmingxingzhenrongdejiemu，ruguoxianchangzhibodehua，renqikongpayebuguoruciba？”
“zenmeshuoni，zhangmamaxianzaideredububimingxingcha，zhengchang，henzhengchang！”bianjuziyanziyudeanweizheziji。
正常个屁啊！
daoyanhuranluchuyifutongxindebiaoqing，yaozhidaojiemunengzheimehuobao，jiubushuotashigongyixing，zheihuierguanggaofeinadaoshouruan！
【chulailechulaile！zhangmamadengchangle！】
zhangchenhuahaozhuang，zhibozhengshikaishi。
hanxiaonaituanziqichuang，shuayaxilian，shiwufenzhonghoushoushiwanbi。
【zheijiushihuobaoquanwangdeyinghelama？yemeikanchuyoushenmetebiedea！】
【fensedechanzishishenmelangeng，jiuzheimehuobaoquanwangle？xianzaiwangluodoushirenweicaokongde？】
jiemuzukaiboyilai，zhengchangdeguanzhongjiuzaishiwanzuoyou，zhangchenzhibojianliduochulaidesishiwanguanzhong，jihudoushizaiweibohuozheqitapingtaikandaoguanyuzhangchendetiezimumingerlai。
danxianzaikanleershifenzhongzhibo，bujiushizhengchangdebaomazhaoguhaizima？
这有什么稀奇的？
shenzhiyourenhuaiyijiemuzuweilezaoshi，huaqiantouliule，zijidoushibeimaideliuliang。
kejiuzaitamengangshuowan，xiayimiaofashengdeshiqingzhijiejingdiaosuoyourendexiaba。
zhijianxiaonaituanzizuozaichuangshang，beiduizhezhangchenrangtajizhabianzi。
zhangchenzeshizoudaochuanglianhou，tichulaiyitaixichenqi，yongshouyiniuzhangfangxingdexitoujiuzhaixialai，kanxianshuchengdujiuzhidaobushidiyiciganzheihuoer。
yishounazhexichenqideruanguan，yishounaqiyitiaofashengtaozaishangmian，yongjiaoenkaixichenqidekaiguan，duizhexiaonaituanzidetoufayixi。
“呼呼呼……”
xichenqijiangsuoyoutoufadouxijinruanguanli，zhangchenchouzhunshijiyonglijiangfashengyilu，taijiaoenxiaxichenqikaiguan，naqixitouzhongxinzhuangshang，fanghuidaochuanglianhoumian。
zhenggeguochengyiqihecheng，liansanshimiaodeshijiandoumeiyong，yigejinshidemaweibianjiuzhahaole。
xiaonaituanzishuaileshuaibianzi，sihufeichangmanyi，bengbengtiaotiaodejiuchulefangjian。
erzhibojiandeguanzhongdouzaicikezhenjingdemudengkoudai，zhengzhengwushiwanrendezhibojian，xianzaijingranlianyitiaodanmudoumeiyou。
zhidaohaojimiaozhongguohou，danmucaixiangjingpenyiyangpiaoguo。
【wocao！maweibianjuranhainengzheimezha？xuedaole！】
【yongxichenqizhabianzi，zheimenitiandecaozuo，zhangmamashizenmexiangchulaide？】
【zhangmama：wozhixulveweichushou，bianyijingshizheigefenduandejixian！】
【sheishuobuyinghede？zheihaibugouyinghema？】
【guanjianshizheijuranshizhende，woganggangshileyixia，chenggongle！】
【zhabianzi，kansihennan，shizeyidianyebujiandan，buguojintianzhongyuxuehuileyizhao！】
【……】
benlaijuedewuliao，shenzhizhunbeilikaizhibojiandeguanzhong，zaijianshilezhangmamadeyinghehou，zhibojianderenshubujianfanzeng。
【ding！yinghedaiwarenwuwancheng，huodejifen1283，zhibojiacheng23512，dangqianjifengongji：30507！】
zhengzhunbeizuofandezhangchentingdaoxitongtishi，zhijieheledayitiao。
yongxichenqizhabianzizaoganlebuzhidaoduoshaohui，meicijiushikeliandejigejifen，zheicizhijiepoqianle？
haishiguangjichufenjiupoqian，zhijiejiachenggengshidadaoliangwansan！
zhangchenxiayishidekanleyiyanjingtou，zheizhinengshuomingyigewenti，zhibojianrenshuzengjiale！
【zhenshihuimouyixiaobaimeishenga！】
【ng？yanshenbutaihao，gemen，wozenmemeikandaozhangmamaxiao？】
【yaoyongxinquganshou，niyongyanjingdangrankanbudaozhangmamaxiaole。】
【？？？】
【舔狗叉出去！】
jifenduoshihaoshi，sheiyebuzhidaohoumianzengqiangtizhihuibuhuizaichuxianjifenbianduodeqingkuang。
zhangchenxinlikaixin，yishounazheguochanzaishouwanshangzhuanleyiquan，yishounaqijidanzaiguobianyike。
“啪！”
danqingdanyediaozaiguozhongyang，zhenghaoxingchengleyigexinxing！
jiuzheimeyishoujiandandecaozuo，kandezhibojianlizhijiedahu‘wocao’！
huodexitonghouzhangchenduihuandediyigejinengjiushimanjichuyi，zuoyidunzaofanziranshiqingqingsongsong。
xinxingdejianjidan，liangmianjinhuang，kanderenshiyudakai！
reniunai，shangmiangaizheyicengbobodeyoupi！
jiulianmantou，doubeihunrugezhongshucaizhi，zuochenglegezhongxiaodongwudexingzhuang！
dangzaocanbaizaizhuozishangdeshihou，zhibojianlibuzhidaoduoshaorentongshiyanlekoutuomo。
【qingzaoqichuang，wobaozhexiaonaituanzizuozaicanzhuoqian，richudechaoyangzhaozaishenshangnuanyangyangde，buyihuier，zhangmamaduanzhekekoudezaocandidaowomianqian，neixiaoriziguode，zeze……】
【gemen，dazaoshangnijiuheshangle，zheimengnidouganzuo？】
【bieshuole，woyoutangniaobing，rangwozixingta！】
【buxing，bunengrangtachangdaotiantou，huangeyouniaoduzhengshangquzixingta！】
【……】
zaocanjieshuhou，zhangchendaizhexiaonaituanzixialou。
ercishi，yiloudewangmamazhengjizannuqizhi，yidunzaocan，yinyinchilekuaibangexiaoshi。
“weishenmerenjiaxiaonaituanzinenghaohaochizaofan，nijiubunengni？”wangmamazhiwendao。
budengyinyinshuohua，xiaonaituanziyouyoudeshengyinpiaoguolai。
“hai，guandebei，nietayishangwu，mingtianzhidinghaohaochifan。”