chenxudeshenghuo，shiyouyixiliejingzhundeshuzihekedugouchengde。qingchenliudiansanshifen，naozhongzhunshixiangqi，
shengyinshijingguocedingdesishiwufenbei，zuyihuanxingshuimian，youbuzhiyujingraoxinzang。shuiwenhengdingzaisishisheshidu，
shuiliuyimeimiaolingdianwushengdesulvluoxia。zaocanshiliangpianquanmaimianbao（bashike），yimeishuizhudan，
yibeiliangbaiwushihaoshengdetuozhiniunai。chumenqian，lingdaijiedekuanduyuzhangdu，
bixuyangefuhetajingzhongfanfuxiaozhunguodebiaozhun。tashizheizuochengshizuidingjiandeshenjingneikeyishengzhiyi，
tadeshijierongbudebandianhundunyupiancha。danao，neijingmiruyuzhoudeqiguan，
zaitayanzhongyebuguoshidianxinhaoyuhuaxuedizhideyouxuzuhe。
taxiguanyuyonghecigongzhendehuidutuxianglaidingyiyigerendetongku、xiyuenaizhiailian，
bingjianxinneicaishizhenshide、kebeilianghuadebenzhi。raner，zuijinyifenwufabeilianghuade“yichang”，
zhengqiaoranqinrutazhixujingrandeshijie。tademuqin，qishisansuidelinxiuzhi，
zaibannianqianbeiquezhenweiaercihaimozheng。bingqingfazhandexunsuercanku，xiangyikuaiwushengwuxidexiangpica，
zhengzaihuanmanerjiandingdimoqutayishengdejiyi。takaishiwangjiguanmeiqi，wangjihuijiadelu，
wangjiganggangchiguoshenme，zuihou，kaishiwangjichenxudelian。chenxuweitaqinglezuihaodebaomu，
huanlezuianquandezhusuo，zhidinglezuixiangjindehulijihua。tajiangmuqindebingshiweiyigexuyaoguanlideyixueanli，
yongyaowuhexunlianyanhuanzherenzhideshuaitui。danyouyizhong“zhengzhuang”，chaochuletadekongzhifanwei。
muqinkaishipinfandi、guzhidixunzhaoyigehezi。yigelaojiude，yinzhemohumudanhuadetiepibingganhe。
“wodehezini？axu，nikanjianwodehezilema？”tahuizaishenyeqiaokaichenxudefangmen，
yanshenlishihaitongbandemimangyujiaozhuo。chenxufanbianlelaozhaidemeiyigejiaoluo，yiwusuohuo。
tashituyongluojianfuta：“ma，kenengzaojiurengdiaole。yigejiuhezieryi，buzhongyao。”“zhongyaode！
”muqinhanjiandijidongqilai，kushoudeshouzhuazhutadegebo，lidaodadejingren，“limianyouhenzhongyaodedongxi！
banfengxin……dui，shibanfengxin！”banfengxin？chenxuzhoujinmeitou。zheizaitaderenzhitixili，
shiyigewuxiaoxinxi。yifengxin，yaomewanzheng，yaomebucunzai。“banfeng”shiyigebeilun，
shijiyibenghuaichanshengdeluanma。tajiangciguijieweibingzhengdedianxingbiaoxian——xugouyucuogou。
zhidaoneigezhouliudexiawu。tatuidiaoleyigexueshuhuiyi，liuzailaozhaibangmuqinzhenglijiuwu，
shituzaichediyiwangqian，weitabaoliuyixieguoqudehenji。zaiyigechenfengduoniandezhangmuxiangzuidiceng，
yazaitunsedemaoyihejiuzhaopianxiamian，tadeshouchudaoleyigebingliangde、jianyingdewuti。tabatatuolechulai。
zhengshineigemuqinniantaolewushubiandemudanhuatiepihe。heshenxiujibanban，
mudandehongsehuabanjihutunchenglefense，suokouyijingshiling。chenxudexintiao，diyicituolilejidingdejielv。
tagandaoyizhongmomingdejinzhang，fangfojijiangdakaide，bushiyigexiaohezi，
ershiyigebeishiguangmifengyijiudemimi。tashenxiyikouqi，xiankailehegai。
limianmeiyoutayuxiangdehudiefaka、jiuyoupiaohuozheliangpiao。zhiyouyixielingxingdexiaowujian：yimeiguanghuadeeluanshi，
yizhangbianjiaojuanqudetangzhi，jiliyonghongxianchuanqilaidexiangsidou。ranhou，
tadezhijianchudaoleyidierouruande、fanhuangdezhizhang。taxiaoxinyiyidiquchulai。zuishangmianshiyizhangheibaizhaopian，
zhaopianshangdenanrennianqing、yingjun，meiyujiandaizheyigushujuanqidewenrou，quebushitadefuqin。
zhaopianbeihouyonggangbixiezhejuanxiudeziji：“sheyuwangjiangting，1965nianchun。yuzhiyuan。”shenzhiyuan。
yigewanquanmoshengdemingzi。chenxudexinwangxiachenlechen。tajixufankan，xiamianshiyitahouhoudexinzha，
yongniupijinzixidikunzhe。xinfengshangdezijiyuzhaopianbeihoutongchuyizhe，shouxinrenwuyiliwai，
doushi“linxiuzhitongzhi”，jixinren，zeshi“shenzhiyuan”。jixindizhishiyaoyuanbeifangdeyigelaogainongchang。
xinjianderiqi，jizhongzai1966niandao1971nian。chenxudehuxipingzhule。
zuoweilishizhishichubeideyibufen，taqingchudizhidaoneiyiweizheshenme。yigetacongweixiangxiangguode，
shuyumuqinde，fengbaobandeniandai。tayouyuleyixia，zuizhonghaishichouchulezuishangmiandeyifengxin。
xinzhicuiruodefangfoyipengjisui，moshuizijiyeyiyunkai，danyirankebian。“……xiuzhi，jianzirumian。
beidikuhan，ranxinzhongcunniyinian，bianrunuanyang……zhuwobaozhong，woyirucipanni。qianluhuian，
weiwangnianhao，qiemoguanian……zuorimengzhong，youhuidaowangjiangting，jiangshuihaodang，
yiruniwodangnian……”xinzhongdeyuyanshihanxuerkezhide，danzaineizilixingjian，
chenxuquedudaoleyizhongxiongyongde、beishidaiqiangxingyayideqinggan。neishiyigeshenchunijingdenanzi，
duiyuanfanglianrenzuishenchen、zuiwulideguanian。tayifengfengdiduxiaqu。tongguozheixieduanxudexinjian，
yigemohudegushilunkuozhujianqingxi：qingnianshenzhiyuan，sihushimuqindaxueshidaidelianren，
yinjiatingchengfenwentibeisongwangnongchanggaizao。ermuqin，zezaijiatingdejudayalixia，
zuizhongyuchengfen“qingbai”、xinggewentuodegongren——yejiushichenxudefuqin——jielehun。zheixiexin，
shimuqinqingchunshidaiweiyide、yeshizuihoudefankangyiji。chenxugandaohoulongfajin。
tayizhiyiweifumudehunyinshipingjingshenzhipingdande，shineigeniandaizuichangjiandejiehefangshi。tacongweixiangguo，
zaifuqinchuxianzhiqian，muqindeshengminglicengyouguozheiyangyiduanchilieerwujierzhongdeaiqing。
neigezaitajiyilizongshiweizhezaotai、xutaozhejiazhangliduandemuqin，xingxiangkaishibiandemohu，querdaizhide，
shiyigetacengwubimosheng，chuanzhejiushiyiqun，yanshenqingcheeryoushangdenianqingguniang。tafandaolezuihouyifeng。
zheifengxinyouweibutong，meiyouxiewan，zhiyougulinglingdeyiye，tingliuzaixinzhidezhongduan。
zijibiqianmianderenheyifengdouyaoliaocao、jicu，fangfoshuxiezhezaijidujidonghuohuangluandezhuangtaixialuobi。
“xiuzhi，zuixinlaixinshouxi。zhinichujingjiannan，jiazhongbinibiaotai，yuwohuaqingjiexian，xintongrujiao。
woshenxianlingyu，qianchengjinhui，shibuyuanzaituoleiniruhuanianhua。ruo……ruonijueding……”xin，
zaizheilijiaranerzhi。meiyoushuming，meiyouriqi。zheijiushimuqinkouzhongniannianbuwangde“banfengxin”。
chenxuniezhezheibanyebozhi，fangfoniezheyikuaiguntangdetan。tashunjianmingbailezhei“banfengxin”dezhongliang。
taningguleyigenanrenzaimingyundezhongyaxia，zhunbeizhudongfangqiyishengsuoaishi，neisixinliefeidetongchuyujuewang。
zheishiyifengweiwanchengdejuebiexin。neime，muqindehuixinni？tazuizhongshiruhe“biaotai”de？
tashifoushoudaolezheifengwanzhengdexin？zheibanfengxin，weihehuiduduliuzaimuqinshouzhong，chengweitakuayuebangeshiji，
jishiyiwangyiqieyeyaojinjinshouhudemimi？wushuyiwenxiangchaoshuibanyonglai。
chenxushituyongtashuxideyixueluojiqufenxi：shidanaohaimatideweisuo，
daozhiqingjiejiyitiqukunnan；shieyegongnengdeshuaitui，
rangtawufaqufenxianshiyujiyidesuipian……danzheixiebinglengdeshuyu，zaicikexianderucicangbaiwuli。
tadiyicirucizhenqiediganshoudao，zaineixieshuaituideshenjingyuanhewenluandedizhibeihou，
shiyigehuoshengshengde、cengjingaiguo、tongguo、zhengzhaguodelinghun。“axu？”muqindeshengyincongshenhouchuanlai，
daizhegangshuixingdemenglong。chenxumengdiyijing，jihushixiayishidi，
jiangneizhangzhaopianheneibanfengxinxunsusaijinlezijidexizhuangneidai，ranhouheshangletiehe。“ma，nixingle。
”tazhuanguoshen，nulirangbiaoqinghuifupingjing。linxiuzhidemuguangquezhizhidiluozailetashouzhongdetieheshang。
tadeyanjingshunjianliangle，xiangmishidehangchuanzhongyukandaoledengta。“zhaodaole！wodehezi！”takuaibuzouguolai，
yibajianghezibaozaihuaili，kushoudeshouzhiyibianbianfumozhexiushidehemian，
lianshangluchuhaizibanmanzueranxindexiaorong。chenxukanzheta，xinzangxiangbeiyizhiwuxingdeshoujinjinzuanzhu。
muqinjidezheigehezi，jidetahenzhongyao，quekenengyongyuanyewufazaijiqi，
limianjiujingzangzhezenyangyiduanjingxindongpodeguowang。“ma，zheilimian……zhuangdeshishenmeya？”tashitanzhewen，
shengyinyouxieshaya。linxiuzhitaiqitou，yanshenmangrandizhalezha，nulisisuozhe：“shi……shihenzhongyaodedongxi。
bunengdiude……”tazhongfuzhezheijuhua，quejibuchugengduodaan。jiyideshenyuan，yijingtunshilejutidexijie，
zhiliuxiayizhongbennengde、zhizhedeqingganyinji。chenxumeiyouzhuiwen。
tamomodikanzhemuqinxiangbaozhexishizhenbaoyiyang，baozheneigetiehezouhuifangjian。neiyike，
他做出了一个决定。
tayaoquxunzhaoneishiqude“lingyiban”——bujinjinshineifengxinkenengcunzaidexiabanbufen，
gengshimuqinneiduanbeisuiyuechenfengde，wanzhengdeqingchunyuaiqing。liyongyicixueshujiaoliudejihui，
chenxulaidaolexinshangjichudeneigebeifangchengshi。wushiduonianguoqu，dangniandelaogainongchangzaoyibufucunzai，
jiuzhishangjianqilexindegongyeyuanqu。chengshimianmaohuanranyixin，
xunzhaoyigebangeduoshijiqianzaicidigaizaode“shenzhiyuan”，wuyiyudahailaozhen。taquledangdidedanganguan，
chayuelesuonengzhaodaode、yuneigenongchangxiangguandesuoyouweisuojiaojuanhedanganjilu。zaifahuangcuiruodezhiyejian，
zaimimimamademingzizhong，tahualezhengzhengsantianshijian，zhongyuzaiyige1970niandemingceshang，
kandaoleneigeshuxidemingzi：shenzhiyuan。houmiangenzhejianduandejilu：jiguanjiangnanmoushi，zhishifenzijiating，
1971niandiyinbingbaowaijiuyi，houxialuobuming。
“yinbingbaowaijiuyi……xialuobuming……”chenxujujiaozhezheijigezi，xinqingfuza。
zheiyiweizheshenzhiyuankenenghuolexialai，danyekenengzaoyi……tabuganshenxiang。xiansuosihuzaizheilizhongduanle。
jiuzaichenxuzhunbeifangqi，daizhemanxinshiluofanhuishi，danganguanyiweijijiangtuixiudelaoguanliyuan，
zaixianliaozhongtingtatiqizheigemingzi，ruoyousuosi。“shenzhiyuan……？haoxiangyoudianyinxiang。jinianqian，
womenzhengliyipijuanzengdedifangzhishougaoshi，haoxiangkandaoguoshumingleisidemingzi。
juanzengrenshiyiweibendituixiudelaojiaoshi，jiuzhuzaichengdongdelaojuminqu。”fenghuiluzhuan。
chenxuannazhujidongdexinqing，genjulaoguanliyuantigongdemohudizhi，zhaodaoleneipianhongzhuanqichengdelaojiulouqun。
jijingdating，tazhanzaileyishanqipiboluodelvsetiemenqian。
kaimendeshiyiweitoufaquanbai、daizhelaohuajingdeqingqulaoren。tachuanzhexidefabaidejiuzhongshanzhuang，beiweiweigoulou，
danyanshenqueyiwaideqingche、wenhe。“ninzhaoshei？”laorenwen，shengyinpingwen。“qingwen……shishenzhiyuan，
shenlaoxianshengma？”chenxudeshengyindaizhezijidouweichajuedezhandou。laorenlengleyixia，fuzheyanjing，
zixididaliangletapianke，yanzhongshanguoyisikunhuo，suijishilerandepingjing。“woshi。nishi……？
”“woxingchen，chenxu。wocongnanbianlai。”chenxudunledun，shenxiyikouqi，
shuochuleneigezaitaxintouyingraolewushubiandemingzi，“wodemuqin，jiaolinxiuzhi。”shijian，
fangfozaizheiyikeninggule。shenzhiyuanlianshangdepingjingxiangshuimianyiyangbeidapo，tongkongzhouranshousuo，
shentijibukechadihuangdongleyixia。tafuzhemenkuangdeshou，zhijieyinweiyonglierfanbai。chenmolezuzuyoubanfenzhong，
tacaiceguoshen，shengyindichenershaya：“qingjin。”wuzihenxiao，chenshejiandandaojinhujianlou，
danshoushideyichenburan。shujiashangduimanleshuji，qiangshangguazhejifuyijingyouyuandeshuimohua，
kandechushizhurendeshoubi。shenzhiyuanjichenxudaoleyibeiqingcha，ranhouzaitaduimiandetengyishangzuoxia，