第1章开局送老婆
秋千市，厕所。
yangluoyuqidichendishuodao：
“gemen，nizheiniaofenchadeqingkuang，youxiexuyanzhonga。”
yipangdenanzi，benshijianmeixingmuqizhibufan，cikeliansequejiweiyinchen，zhitingqichenshengshuodao：
“关你屁事！”
yangluotanlekouqi，huidao：
“anliwobugaiduoyan，kewolianggeneimeyuan，anquanjulizugou，nijuranhainengjiandaowodexieshang！suhuashuo，youbingbukepa...”
nanzilianseyihong，jieshidao：
“zheimeniaoxiguanle，niaobiedexingzhuangwokesou！”
yangluomianluwanxi，zhuanshendasuanzouren，ernanzisihuyijingniaowan，xiexialexinlibaofu，yinchendeshengyin，bianchuanleguolai：
“zhidaowozheigemimideren，doudesi！wotangtangyaojiezhanshenlongzhenshan，zenrongniyijiefanren，zaiwomianqianchuyanbuxun！”
yangluomeixiangdaoshanggecesuohainengyudaozheizhongshi，youxiewunaidishuodao：
“nikan，nibushuohaihao，xianzaikanzheibenshuderendouzhidaole。”
longzhenshanliansetieqing，yigulingrenzhixideweiyahaobushouliandisisankailai，kongjiandoufangfoningjieyiban，zhanshenyinu，sanjiezhandou！
“nengsizaiwodeshoushang，yeshiniderongxingle！”
longzhenshanshuowan，yunhanzhexiongyongyuanlideyiquan，gekongxiangyangluohuichu！
“咣！”
...
yangluoshifenyumen，tatingshuoyiweidarenwuyaolaizheilijinxingyanjiang，jieshihuiyoumianfeideshiwutigong，weilecengdunchide，caipaodaowenhuaguangchang，kemeixiang，huodongchuxianyiwaizhongtuquxiao，daozuihoushenmeyemeilaozhe！
“咕噜噜...”
yangluoduzizhijiao，takaishikaolvyaozhaofen**le，zaizheimexiaqu，zijizhendehuiesi！
yangluowufuwumu，congxiaobeiyilaotoushouyang，laotousihou，jingyingshuyuanderenwubianluozailezijishouli。shuyuandebanxuezongzhi，shiweisanjiexueqianertongtigongqimengjiaoyu，tingqilaishifengaoshang，kexianshicankuwubi。
xianzaidexiaohaidouqugaojiyoueryuanle，sheihaiqushenmeposhuyuan？nagejiazhang，buxiwangzijidehaizigenzhepiaoliangdeyoujiaojiejie，yingyingyingbanditiaowu？youyousheiyuanyigenzheyangluozheizhongyewunenglidixiadecaohan，changpaodiaodeerge？
yangluozhidaozijibushiheganzheixing，kejiranlaotouyouenyuziji，jiubunengrangtashiruozhenbaodeshuyuanguanmen！
“xiaogege，tingshuojiawoweixinhaoyoubingzhuanfadiyitiaopengyouquan，nixihuanderendiertianjiuhuiduinibiaobaie！”
sisuozhiji，yimingshenchuannvpuzhuangdenianqingguniangzouleguolai，zhijianqizhazheshuiwangwangdedayanjing，huangdongzhexiongqianyouyuanyoubaideerweima，zaijiashangruannuodeshengyin，jibianzhidaotashizuoguanggaode，queyijiurangrenyouzhongjujuetajiushifanzuideganjue。
raner，yangluoshensemoran，lenglenghuidao：
“buxinyao，buchuanyao！”
guniangyileng，zhangzhezuibuzhiruhehuiying，zuizhongbuzaiyanshixinzhongdebiyi，zhijiemadao：
“yaonidaye！choufeiwunitamejiuguduzhonglaoba！bu，zhunijintianjiehun，laopomingtianhuaiyun！”
guniangshuowanfenranliqu，yangluozhanzaiyuandi，wangzheguniangyuanqudebeiying，nannanshuodao：
“wu，zheijiushifanchamengba，zhenkeai。”
qishi，yangluobushibuxiangjiahaoyou，zhishishoujizaojiuqianfeitingjile，beirenfaxianduoganga？xiangdaozheili，taganjuezijihundegengcanle。
“zongyouyitian，woyaorangqiaobuqiwoderendouzhidao，laozishoujibuzaiqianfei！”
yangluochouchumanzhidiwangshuyuanzouqu，zoudaoyiban，jiufaxianlushangdumanleche，erqiequanshiqingyisedeheisehaoche，chetouguazhehonghua，kanjiashishidahurenjiayingqin，yangluoyixialailejingshen，shuobudingkeyicengdunfan，yushishunzhecheduijiuzhaoleguoqu，zhidaokanjianyiliangzuoweitouchedebaisechaopao，tingzailezijishuyuanmenkou。
shijimingshenchuanheiyidejuhanzhanzaineili，tamendaizhemojinggegeqishibiren，weiguanqunzhongbuzijuedijiugekaileyiduanjuli，erdamenqianzeshijimingnanzijiaojidizoulaizouqu，haoxiangzaidengdaizheshenme。
“duzaizheilihairangburangrenzuoshengyile！daihuierbuqingwochidunfan，wogaonimenfeifajihui！”
yangluojiguorenqun，youxiexinxudishuodao，tadaobushipaneixiejuhanbaobiao，padeshibeirenjiechuan，yinweizijipingshigenbenmeishengyi！
yangluodehua，ziranyinqileduifangzhuyi，yimingjuhanlenglengshuodao：
“你靠的太近了。”
yangluonaohuo，tabenlaijiuedexinhuang，zijijiamenhaibeiduzhubunengjin，zheibushiqifurenme？
yucitongshi，neijuhanjianyangluomeiyouhoutuideyisi，jushouyibazhangjiushanleguoqu，tahenqingchu，jintianqingkuangteshu，ningyuancuoshayiwan，yejuebunengchurenheshulou！
“呼！”
zheiyibazhangshidalichen，napashiyimingjinguangqigaoshoudounengbeichougebansi，raner，yangluoduodoumeiduo，yinweitakandaoyimingnianqingnanzi，zongshenyijiaojiufeitiguolai！
“嘭！”
juhanbaobiaodaodihunmibuxing，ernianqingnanzilidoumeili，fanerxiangkandaojiuxingyiyang，zhuazhuyangluodeshou，shifenjidongdishuodao：
“meifu，dengnihaojiule，nizhongyulaile！”
妹夫？等我好久？
这结婚的是自己？！