第1章

wojiaoniesheng,gumingsiyi,wodechushengjiushiyizhongzuinie。

yinweiwoshiyige“congshitoufenglibengchulai”deguaitai。

wodemuqin,shishenmixiangxi“sanguai”zhiyide“luodongnv”。

dangnianhaishihuanghuaguinvdeta,zhibuguoyinweiwulebanche,zaihuangjiaoyewaideshandonglishuileyisu,huijiajiushuozijibeishanshenkanzhong,yaobeiquzoule。

qitianhou,yigemeiyouyueliangdeyewan,shengzhuangdabandeta,zaizijiwulihanxiaoerzhong,jushuoshibeishanshendaizoulehunpo。

zheiyeshixiangxisuoyouluodongnvyizhidejieju,waigongyijiasuiranbeifen,danyezhinengrenming。

keyuqitaluodongnvbutongdeshi,jiuzaitashiquyizhounianjirideshihou,quanjiarenjingranyoushoudaotatuomeng,rangjialirenqutadangchuguoyedeshidong。

zaineili,tamenjiandaolegangchushengdewo。

jushuogangbeijianhuilaidewoheqitaxinshengermeishenmebutong,doushizhoubabachouxixide。

chuleyoushoushangyouyikuaifugailebangeshoubeideyingpi,huipupude,xiangdashanlidewanshi。

buguowaigongyijiajianxinwojiushitamendenverheshanshendanxiadehoudai,bianbawodaihuijiafuyang。

danwodecunzai,youdaijizheigejiatingwuqiongdeshangtong。

ruguoshuomuqindeshiqushiquanjiarenxinkoushangdeyidaoshang,wodecunzai,jiurangzheitiaoxuelinlindeshangbayongyuanwufayuhe,kandaowo,tamenjiuhuixiangdaozijishiqudeqinren。

wocai,tamenyidinghenlewohenzhangshijian,buguangjiwoqile“niesheng”zheigemingzi,dacongjishiqi,waigongwaipojiumeijiguowoyigexiaolian。

jialiduiwozuihaoderenshixiaoyihejiujiu,meiciwozaiwaimianbeirenchaoxiaoshimeibameimadeyezhong,tamendouhuidapaoneixieqifuwodedahaizi。

nianzhangyidiandejiujiuhaihuimozhewodetou,renzhendigaosuwo:“shengyazia,moku,zheipianshanjiushinilaozi,nishishandezai。”

kexi,woshenshangjiuxiangdaizhezuzhou,duiwohaoderendoumeiyouhaoxiachang。

basuineinian,jiujiuzaidaiwoqufujinzhenziganjidelushang,beishanshangyikuaimomingqimiaodeluoshizasuiletou。

neishiwodiyicikandaoqinjinderensizaizijiyanqian,dangshiwolitazhiyouyimiyuan,xianhongdexuehe**posuidenaohuajianlewomantoumanlian。

qiangliedezhenjing,shenzhirangwowangjilebeishang,naoziliyipiankongbai。

wojiushashazhanzaijiujiudeshitipang,zhidaojialiqitarenwenxunganlai。

“wuwuwu!haiyazia!nizenmejiudiuxiamumaxianquleni!”

wokandaowaipopuzaijiujiudeshitishang,kudebeitongyujue。

tashuangshouzhandou,buduanshitupinhejiujiuzhiliposuidenaoqiao,quedouyinweihuanidenaojianghexueshuiershibai,zheicanjuerenhuandeyimukandewomaogusongran。

turan,taxiangfengleyiyangpudaowomianqian,juqishoubei,xiangshixiangdawo,keyouxiabuqushou,zuihouzhinengsisizhuazhuwodejianbang,kushoudeshouzhijuranbaofachunanyixiangxiangdeliqi,shenshenqianjinwoderouli,qiadewoshengteng。

tayongliyaohuangzhewo,shengsilijiedimawo:“douguaini,nizheigesaobaxingya,yaobushini,hongmeizihehaiyaziyebuhuichushi,tamendoushibeinihaiside!nizenmebuqusia!”

红妹子就是我妈。

suiranhenkuai,tajiubeiwaigonghexiaoyimalakai,xiaoyimahaiqinzheyanleianweiwo,womadeshizonghejiujiudesidoushiyiwai,genwowuguan,waipojiushishuoqihua,rangwobiewangxinliqu。

danwokanzhetashanshuodeyanshen,naoziliquehongranyixiang,xinzangyexiangbeishenmedongxihenhenjiuzhule。

wodezhijuegaosuwo,waipodeqihua,huoxuzaimouzhongchengdushang,shuochulezhenxiang!

wodeqinren,doushibeiwohaiside?

我是个灾星?

wowangleneitiandehunluanzuihoushizenmeshouchangde,zhijidezaijiandaowaiposhi,yijingshizaixiaojiujiudezanglishang。

zheigecengjingpoladelaotaitai,shuangmuwushen,biaoqingmamu,wanruyijuxingshizourou。

pazaijiujiudebingguanshang,zhishi“aa”dijiao,quemeiyouyidiyanlei。

baifarensongheifaren,tadeyanleiyijingkuganle。

meiguoduojiu,tajiuwochuangbuqi,henkuaiyeguoshile。

maizangwomahejiujiudeneipianxiaoshanposhang,youduoleyizuoxinfen,genwojiazhengmenyaoyaoxiangwang。

cunlikaishichuanchuliuyan,shuowoshishanlidejingguaitoutai,shilairenjiansuomingde,woma、wojiujiu、wowaipo,doushibeiwokeside。

buguanwozoudaonali,zongnengshouhuoyanedeyanshen,xuexiaoliyemeiyoutongxueyuanyigenwoyiqiwanle,tianzhidaozaitamenfumudezuili,yijingbawochuanchengleshenmekepadeguaiwu。

woweiyidepengyou,zhiyougaowoyijideheyang。

tajiashidaidoushiwomenzheishilibaxiangde“shigong”,zheishiwomenlaojiaduibutuochandeyinyangxianshengdezuncheng,tamenpingshiyiyangzhongdi,pengdaoshile,pishangdaopaojiunengnianjingzuofa,yibannandejiao“shigong”,nvdejiao“xiangu”。

jutazishu,tazuikaishigenwojiaopengyoudeyuanyin,jinjinshihaoqijingguaizhangshayang,qidewohaojitianbulita,dangududewo,zuihouhaishijujuebuleyongyouyigepengyoudeyouhuo,yuanliangtale。

yinweijiaxueyuanyuan,wocongtaneilitinglaihenduoliqidegushihefengsu,shenmehengyanghaishoua、chenzhoufua、xupudeganshijiang、miaotongluogudecaoguipo……woyemanxihuantingde。

jinianxialai,woshumeidujinquduoshao,zheixiexiqiguguaideminsudaoshibeidegungualanshu。

yejiushizaizheijinianli,waigongyekangbuzhujieerliansandedajiqushile。

kongdangdangdejiali,zhishengwohexiaoyilianggeren,duimianshanshangdefenyijingbijialiderenhaiduole。

zheiwuyigengzuoshilewo“tianshaguxing”demingtou,cunlirenningkeraolu,doubuyuanyicongwojiamenkouguo。

liuyanfeiyu,baxiaoyicongyigehuajishaonvhuoshengshengbichenglenanrenpo。

weilefuyangwo,taxiejuelesuoyoutiqinderen,genwoxiangyiweiming。meitianqizaotanhei,cunlinanrendoubuyuanyizuodekulihuo,tazuo,meidangtingdaoyourenbeihouququwoshi,tahuixiangtoufanudemulaohu,shangqubarenmadegouxuelintou。

yaoshimeiyouta,wozhangbuda。

zheijiushiwodetongnian,rizijiankudanwennuan。

zhidaomouyitian,heyangturanxingzhibobodizhaodaowo,shuo:“nixiaozibushiyizhiguaiwojinijiangdedongxifenbu**jiama?wotingwowulirenjiang,guanyinshanshangzuijinxinlaileyiluwutongshen,lingyandehen,jiuwenniganbuganqu!”

jingguotazheimeduoniangushihuidexuntao,wodangranzhidaowutongshenshigeshenmedongxi,jiushinanfangchixianghuodeshanjingyeguai,genbeifangde“wudaxianjia”chabuduo。

buguojushuowutongshengengxie,tanchihaose,yaoshibeifanrenmaofanle,tamendebaofuxinyegengzhong。

“走起!”

woliangyipaijihe,yitouzuanjinledashanli。

doushuowangshanpaosima,guanyinshansuishuoliwomencunzibuyuan,dandangwomenzhenzhengpadaoshanshang,tianyijingcaheile。

guanyinshandingshangshiyipianpingdi,chuzheyikejirenhebaocuxidegushu,shuganyijingzhongkong,xingchengyigeyouheideshudong。

danjintianshudongqianqueduoleyizuoxiaomiao,kanqiangpideyansehaihenxin,buzhidaoshenmerenqide。

miaoligongfengyizunbanrenbanshoudenixiang,waixinghenchouxiang,shenzhikanbuchushishenmedongwu,yinggaijiushiwutongshendeshenxiangle。

buguodouyijingzheigedianle,neixieshangshanbaishenderen,ziranbuhuihaibuxiashan,suoyixiaomiaoqiankongwuyiren,zhiyoulengdiaodexianghuizaishanfengchuifuxiayizhenzhenyangqi。

xiyangdeyuhuiyijingzhaobuliangzhouweisensendeshuying,fengyichui,maomideshuyejiuxiangwushushuangshouzhangzaipaida,susuzuoxiang。

turan,wokandaonongmideshuyingzhong,yigerenyingshuhushanguo,mingmingqianyimiaoneilihaishenmedoumeiyou!

“谁!谁在那里!”

“naliyouren?”heyangdeshengyinzhandouqilai。

“jiuzaineilia……neikeshudixia。”

woganjueneigerenyingshenshangyouzhongshuxideganjuexiyinzhewo,buyouzizhudizouleguoqu。

heyangxianglawo,yebeiwowuyishidiyibashuaikaile。

zhongyu,jiezhexiyangzuihoudeyuhui,wokanqingchule!

cucaodelanselaodongbugongzhuang、pengluandetoufa、cangbaishouxuedelian……haiyouneishuangwowubishuxideyanjing!

wotuokouerchu,handao:“xiaoyi!”