第2章 冷宫生存指南:把柴房过成脱口秀现场

di2zhang:lenggongshengcunzhinan:bachaifangguochengtuokouxiuxianchang

lenggongdechaifanglouzhefeng,linxiaoxiaoqueredemaohan——tazhengyongshuzhizainidishangjinxing“linghunchuangzuo”:huazhongxiaojuechuanzhefenseshaqun,beiyizhijuxingtuoxiezhuidemanjiepao,pangbianpeiwen:“lengwangmiwen:qishishigepatuoxiedeyingyingguai”。

“yohe!zheihuagong,buqujietoubaitansuanmingkexile!”

linxiaoxiaoshouyidou,shuzhichuojinnili。huitoukanjianqiwangyexiaoceyaozhezheshanzhanzaichaimenkou,taohuayanxiaodemichengfeng:“dimeizheishizaijihuangxionghua‘meizhao’?”

【di!zhixianrenwuchufa:rangxiaocezhenjingzhidadao30dian,jiangli‘sheniubiaoqingbao(chuji)’】

【dangqianmubiaozhenjingzhi:0/30】

linxiaoxiaolikebashuzhiyidiu,cengdizhanqilai,pailepaishoushangdeni:“qiwangyehuiyan!wozheishizaijinxing‘lengwangxingweiyishuyanjiu’——ninkanzheipiaoyidequnbai,zheijingkongdexiaoyanshen,shibushibawangye‘wailengneire’debenzhikehuaderumusanfen?”

xiaocezoujinliangbu,dunxiashenyanjiumanhua:“e?wozenmekanzhexiang‘wailengneisong’?”

“wangyeguorandongyishu!”linxiaoxiaoshuqidamuzhi,turanconghuailitaochupianganjingdewutongye——shangmianyongtanbimiaozhegangcaidemanhua,“laidoulaile,wangyeyaobuyaomaizhangqianming‘yishuzhao’?maiyisongyi,fuzenglengxiaohuayize!”

【xiaocezhenjingzhi+5,dangqian5】

“qianmingzhao?”xiaocetiaomei,“nizheipoyeziyenengmaiqian?”

“zheininjiubudongle!”linxiaoxiaobayezijudaoyangguangxia,“zheijiao‘yuanshengtaiyishuzaiti’,xianliangban!ninkanzheiyemaiwenlu,genwangyeninshanzishangdeshanshuishibushiyouyiqutonggongzhimiao?”

taqingleqingsangzi,baichushuoshuxianshengdejiashi:“lengxiaohuashijian——huashuoyougebaozizouzailushang,turanjuedeele,jiubazijichile。wangye,ninshuozheibaozishibushisha?”

【xiaocezhenjingzhi+10,dangqian15,meirenzhuxiaochusheng】

“puchi——”xiaoceshanziyihe,“youdianyisi。neidiergexiaohuani?”

“jishenme!”linxiaoxiaoyoutaochupianyezi,shangmianhuazhegemeihuzidetaijian,“tinghaole:taijianzuibuxihuandeyishougeshishenme?《yijianmei》!yinwei‘jian’meima!”

【xiaocezhenjingzhi+15,dangqian30!renwuwancheng!】

【jiangli:‘sheniubiaoqingbao(chuji)’yijihuo,kesuijishengchengshadiaobiaoqing】

xiaocexiaodeqianyanghouhe,zheshanqiaozhezhangxin:“miaoa!lindimeizheizhangzui,buqutianqiaoshuoshuzhenshiqucaile!”

jiuzaizheishi,chaifangwaichuanlaishiweideshengyin:“wangye,lengwangdianxiawangzheibianlaile!”

linxiaoxiaoyanjingyiliang,likebashuyewangxiaoceshoulisai:“wangyekuaimai!xianshizhekou,liangpianyezizhiyao……zhiyaonibangwodangyixiawangye!”

xiaocetiaomei,quezhendebayezishoujinxiuzhong,zhuanshenyingxiangxiaojue:“huangxiong,haoqiaoa!wozhenggendimeitantao‘gongtingxingweiyishu’ni!”

xiaojueheizhelianzoujinlai,yiyanjiukanjiannidishangmeilaidejicadiaodemanhua——neigebeituoxiezhuidefenseshenying,zenmekandouxiangta。

“linxiaoxiao!”tashengyinlengdenengdongzhukongqi。

“wangyeninlaila!”linxiaoxiaolikeqiehuanchanmeilian,taochuxitonggangjianglide“sheniubiaoqingbao”——yizhangtatuzheshetoubiyedekatongtu,judaoxiaojuemianqian,“wangyeninkan!zheishiwoxinxuede‘youhaowenhoubiaoqing’,ninyaobuyaoyelaiyige?”

【xiaojuezhenjingzhi+20,dangqian55】

xiaojuekanzheneibiaoqingbao,youkankanlinxiaoxiaogoutuideyangzi,ejiaoqingjintiaoletiao。tazhuanxiangxiaoce:“nilaizheilizuoshenme?”

xiaocehuanglehuangxiuzilideshuye,xiaodebuhuaihaoyi:“huangxiong,dimeizhei‘yishuzhao’bucuo,yaobuyaomailiangzhang?jushuohainengzhaocaijinbaoni!”

“bizui!”xiaojuedengletayiyan,youkanxianglinxiaoxiao,“sheirangnizaidishangluanhuade?”

“huiwangye!”linxiaoxiaolizhengzhanhao,“wozheishizaijinxing‘lenggonghuanjingmeihuagongcheng’!ninkanzheidimianduodandiao,huadiandongxihuoyueqifen,youliyushenxinjiankang!”

taturanzhizhexiaojuedexuezi:“wangyeninkan,ninxuezishangdenidian,shibushigenwohualidetuoxieyinyimoyiyang?zheishuomingshenme?shuomingyishulaiyuanyushenghuoa!”

【xiaojuezhenjingzhi+10,dangqian65】

xiaojueshenxiyikouqi,ganjuezaidaixiaquzijinengbeiqichengbingmayong。tashuaixiudao:“badimiancaganjing!fouzejinwanmeifanchi!”

“zunming!”linxiaoxiaolikejingli,dengxiaojuezouhou,duizhetadebeiyingbilegeguilian。

xiaocezaiyipangkandejinjinyouwei:“dimei,nizheidanzi,biwojiadezangaohaifei!”

“neishi!”linxiaoxiaochayao,“xiangzailenggonghuoxiaqu,meidianshadiaojingshenzenmexing?duileqiwangye,gangcaideyezi……”

“fangxin!”xiaocehuanglehuangshanzi,“qianbushiwenti,xiacihuage‘huangxiongkenzhuti’de,wochushiliang!”

“chengjiao!”linxiaoxiaoxiaodexiangzhitouxingdemao。

xiaocezouhou,linxiaoxiaolikediankaixitongmianban,kanzhexinjiesuode“sheniubiaoqingbao”,limianyou“waitousha”“xiongmaoyanweiqu”dengshadiaobiaoqing。tashileshi“xiongmaoyanweiqu”,duizhepotongjinglianxi:“wangye~renjiabushiguyide~”

【xitong:……suzhuqingzhuyixingxiang。】

“xingxiangnengdangfanchima?”linxiaoxiaopiezui,“zaizheilenggong,zhiyoushadiaocainenghuoxiaqu!”

tajianqishuzhi,zaidishangzhongxinhuaqimanhua,zheicihuadeshixiaojuebaozhenaichabeishaxiaodeyangzi,pangbianpeiwen:“lengwangdeyinzangaihao:toutouhequantangnaicha”。

xiyangtouguochaifangdefengxizhaojinlai,batadeyingzihemanhuayingzaiyiqi。linxiaoxiaokanzhezijidejiezuo,turanjuede,zheilenggonghaoxiangyemeineimenanaole。zhishao,tazhaodaolehuoxiaqudelequ——bazheili,bianchengtadezhuanshutuokouxiuxianchang,erneixiegaogaozaishangdewangyeguinv,doushitade“guanzhong”。

zhiyuxiaojue?linxiaoxiaogoulegouchunjiao。zheiweilengwangdianxia,yihoukeyoude“zhenjing”le!tadelenggongshengcunzhinandiyitiao:zhiyaowogoushadiao,nvewenjiuzhuibushangwo!