第3章 京大史上最帅助教

【1】

shengxiadeyangguangmingliangciyan,zhengqihouzhongdigaixialai,xiaodaodelaoshuquanzairelanglichenmo。daoshishiyixiaozhangjiafeiqutaiguolvxing,yinweiduidangdishiwuxijunzizhangsududegusuanchuxianlecuowu,daozhizijibeiguoyeshuiguolaojidao,lihuanmangchangyan,chengweijingdadiyigezaitaiguogemangchangdejiaoshou。erbaijianxingyinweimangyucanjiaquanguojianmodasaiercuoguogongtou,zaiyizhongtongmenzhong“tuoyingerchu”,dangxuandaoshibenxueqiquanxiaobenkegongxuankededaikelaoshi。

diwuzhouzhouershangwuzhunshikaike,taanzhaogerenxiguantiqianershifenzhongdaodajiaoshi,kaiqidiannaocongjiaowuxitongshangdaoruxueshengmingdan。fandao“jianzhuxueyuan”yilanshi,kanjian“wenjuefei”sangezi,xintouyitiaodetongshizuijiaoweiweishangyang。

久违了,温觉非。

jiaoshidezuoweijijiangzuoman,shangke**xiangshitataiyansaoshileyiquan,jingranmeiyoufaxiantadelian。jianmeiweizhou,gubushangxueshengmenjiandaotashiyayideyanshenhesimianbafangduizhunzijideshoujishexiangtou,tataishousonglesonglingdai,dao:“kanlaidajiagangfangwanjiahuilai,douhenxingfen……”

youdadandenvxueshengyuanyuandichezhesangzidahua:“shiyinweilaoshizhangdeshuaicaixingfende!”

baijianxingquandangmeitingjian,wanqizuijiaodixiaoyisheng,jixudao:“jiranchucijianmiandajiajiuzheimeyouxingzhi,neiwomendiangemingba。”

dixialikexiangqiyipianaihaosheng,tataiyankanjianjiaoshihoupaiyouyizhangshuxidelian,haoxiangshizixiaojiuhewenjuefeixingyingbulideyigenvhaier。tazheishidaoshixiangbuqitademingzi,zhishikanzhetayouxiecuoedeshenqing,xinlibianjiangshiqingcaidaoleqibafen。

baijianxingpiantoudakaitadebijibendiannao,wuyijianpengdaotouyingyideyaokong,zhuanguolaideyiqijiangqiangguangdadaotalianshang,toushedaodapingmushangdecelianjianyingjingzhidefangruodiaoke。wendangbeidakai,ladao“faxueyuan”fenlanshitazhongyumohudirenchuneigenvhaierdemingzi,lanzheshengyinshitandiniandao:“zhuyan。”

“dao!”guoranshita,fanyingdehenshixunsu,xingziruqimoyangyibandejilingminrui,touliangdeshengyintingdezhongrenfenfencemu。

baijianxingmanyidishaohanshou,youniandao:“wenjuefei。”

jiaoshineiyaquewusheng,yuanbenxiangbangwenjuefeidayanhudezhuyanyizhanglianbiedetonghong,zhenshihaoyizhaoshengdongjixi,liansheshengquyidehouludoubuliujita。baijianxingdizheshengyinyoujiangwenjuefeidemingzizhongfuleliangbian,takaishijuedeyouxienanyiyizhideyumen,sheinengxiangdaotajingrandiyicikejiuganbulai?

xiangqitacongqianjiushiyifuherenhenyoujuligandelengdanmoyang,taxinlideqingxubianyuefafuza。tabenjiushaodexiaoyizhujianshouhui,huifuchengchangjiandewubiaoqingzhuangtai,dao:“caidiandaodiergemingzijiuyourenmeilai?neiwoyunqizhenshibulai。ruguozaichangyourenshiwenjuefeidetongxue,mafanzhuangaota,ruguoxiacikewohaijianbudaoren,nei……”

chengfadexiangfaqianhuibaizhuan,danyigedoumeishedenachulaiweixieta。tayishuangyingsunsideheimouwangxiangzhuyan,duishangzhuyanbuzhisuocuodeyanshen,zhongyubazuihouyijuhuabuchongshang,shuo:“wojiuhuihenshengqi。”

xianglaidandadezhuyannandeluqie,tarendejiangtaishangdebaijianxing—suiranbitamengaojijie,danduzhongxueshitajiushiyuanjinwenmingdetiancaishaonian,gezhongguanghuanjiashen,xinggeyekudebuxing,yizhiyigaoaolengxuedemianmushiren。neishixiaodaozhenggeyizhong,dadaobangechengshi,meijigerendanzidadaoganretade。

danzheidouzhishiliuchuanzaiwaidemingsheng,tazhenshixinggejiujingruhe,lianxiangwenjuefeineizhongnengbeitaqinnainaishourumenxiadangguanmendizidecunzaidoumeinengzhixiao,shizaishenmidehen。

xiangqiwenjuefeimeicitingdaotamingzishidebiaoqing,wubiqiangliedebuanganbianyongshangxintou—tayouyugan,baijianxinghewenjuefeizhijian,jijiangshangyanyichangwubijingcaidedaxi。

ciri,baijianxingcongyanjiushenglouzouchulai,henkuaibeidunzailvhuadaipangdeneiyiqunweiguannvhaierdeshenyinghuzhu。tayuganqianfangkenengyou“weixian”,tingxiajiaobudengshenhoudexuezhanggenshang,shenceyoubanlecaizhongyuanxinzoujinlvhuadaijiazhudexiaodao,wangshapanshiyanshizouqu。zaidengbaijianxingdenvhaiermenduoshidayidaerdexuesheng,daizheyiguzinianqingnvhaierteyoudexinxianganhehaoqixin,jiandaobenzunjiunanyizizhidifanqihuachi,jidongdao:“youbianneige,chuanzhebaichenyide!”

“jiushiresoushangneigejingdazuishuaizhujiao?zheiyetaihaokanleba?”

“dui,manhaimudaxuegaocaisheng,shengaoyimibaqi,tuizhangyimiyier,jushuohaiyouliukuaifuji……”

anhanzhexingfendetanlunshengtingdexuezhangzhizhoumei,suishuoshencezheigegangruxuedexuedipingriliguaisuihekeqide,dancongmeishaodeneiguzilinglilaikanbianzhidaotajuefeishanchaer,jushuohaishitadedaoshitedicongdeguowahuilaiderencai,zheijigeguniangzheizhongbaozufenshideyilun……guobuqiran,xuezhanghaimeixiangwan,shenpangdebaijianxingjiuweiweidunzhu,raoyouxingzhidizhuanguolianquwenbaochutashengaodeneigenvhaier:“nizenmezhidaozheixie?”

neigenvhaiershouchongruojingdidengdayanjing,menglehaoyihuiercaihuiguoshen,dadao:“shi、shiwangshangkandaode……”

“yanjinlaishuo:wotuizhangyimiyiwu,fuji……”taguyitingdunleyixia,zuijiaoyangqidexiaoyihetashenshangdexifuhuchen,xingchengyizhongyushengjulaidejinyugan,“youbakuai。”

xuezhangmengdijiuganshoudaoleshengtengerqideyiguheermengqixi,anjiaojiuming,zheirenzhendenengwuxingzhizhongbarenliaodaotuiruan!

talianmangzaigeweiguniangchedishikongzhiqianjiangbaijianxingtuozou,tuojinxiangduianquandeshiyanlounei。

louneirengranyouhenduochuanzheshiyanfuchuanxingdexuesheng,jiandaoqizhichutiaodebaijianxing,yeyayibuzhubaguazhixinbuzhudicemuheyilun。xuezhangqingtanyisheng,paipaibaijianxingdejianbang,shuo:“renhongshifeiduoaxiongdi。”

wanquanmeigaoqingchushitaidebaijianxingzheicaiwendao:“hong?woshenmeshihouhongde?”

xuezhangyayiyutadebuzhiqing,fanwendao:“neitiaoweibonimeikandao?nizuotianjilinjiaoshoudaikeshi,xuexiaobbsshangjiubanidezhaopianshuabaole,wanshangyourenbandaoleweibo,xianzaizhengguazairemenweibobangbangshouni。”

tazuowanyizhimangzhechuliyigeshiyanxiangmudexiangguangongzuo,genbenmeineixiangongfuguanzhushejiaoruanjian。diantihaimeidao,baijianxingmochushoujidiankaiweibo,zairemenweibobangshoukandaoneitiaozhuanfa、pinglunjunyiguowandeweibo,shangmianfangdeshizijizuotianshangkeshijizhanggaohudezhuapai,peiwen:“bierenjiadelaoshizhenshiconglaibuhuirangwoshiwang。”

diankaipinglun,shiqingyisedekaitanyuzanmei:

“jingdaxueshengbiaoshi,zheixiezhaopianpaidehaibujitabenrenshifenzhiyideshuai。”

“xuezhangbenkejiuduyuyou‘deguohafo’zhichengdemanhaimudaxueshangxueyuan,zaizheizhongbenkeluqulvdijiudaoshijiezhishoudexueyuanli,youxiudaokeyizhibo。”

“jushuozheiweixuezhangdefuqinshizhimingqiyejia,tabenrenshuyubunulijiuyaohuijiajichengcaichandeleixing。”

“qingwenwoxianzaihuiquzhongxingaokaohailaidejima?”

……

culvediliulanleyixia,baijianxingzaidiantimendakaishiguandiaoleweibo。zheitiaojiaodongquanguowushushaonvchunxindeweiboduitaeryan,jianzhiwuguantongyang—taxianglaibuzaihubierendekanfa,xiongyongerlaidezanmeichulechonghunrendetounaozhiwai,yiwusuoyong。

danruguoyingyaoshuo,tadaoshitinghaoqiyigerendekanfa。suiranzuotianmeiyoujiandaomian,danguanyutadexiaoxiyeyidinghuisuizhezheiciyiwaichuandaotaerzhong,liunianweijian,buzhidaotahuishishenmeyangdefanying?

【2】

diercikedezaochen,congwushurenkouzhongdezhizijibei“shishangzuishuaizhujiao”dianmingdewenjuefeizaozaoqilechuang,linzhebeichaoyangshaideyuntouzhuanxiangdezhuyanlaijiaoshishangke。yituikaijiaoshihoumen,jiazazheqingchunheermengqixideyiguliangqipumianerlai,tataiyankandaojiaoshiliyipianwuyangyangderentou,haiyouzhanzaijiangtaiqianzhengzhuanxinqiaozhejianpandebaijianxing。

chunbaidechenyipeiheilingdai,xiukoujuandaoshouzhouchu,luchuyunchengjieshideshoubei。yifudexiabaizhajinyaozhong,qiadaohaochudixianchutakuanjianzhaiyaodeshenxing,zhenggerenkanqilaiqinglengjinyu,jianjuyigubujushudechenwenyushizaibide。

heliunianqianyouhendabutong,taconglengmodeshaonianzhangchengleneilianchengshudeyingjunqingnian,danbubiandeshirenyijiuhaokandejin,tazaixinlidandandipingjialeyiju。xiangqiliunianqiantabairushushennainaimenxiakaishixuexiguohua,hetabuguoshihuxiangzaitedingjierisongguoyiciliwudejiaoqing,bingwuguoduojiaoji。hekuangshushennainaixueshengzhongduo,tasuanbushangzuichutiaodeneiyige,duiyuneishijiudairenfeichanglengmoshulidebaijianxinglaishuo,yinggaishiconglaimeiyoubeijizhuguodecunzaiba。

zheimexiangzhe,yanboliuzhuandeyanjinglanlandiwangyouceyikan,ganghaoheyigezuozaiguodaopangdenanshengduishishang,zhiyiyanjiurangtakanhonglelian。

mingmingshigaoshouguadandeshenjiazi,yaoyedemaweipianyouxianchuyigushaonvdejilinggan。dagaimeirenerdouzidaizheizhongfuzaermirendeqizhi。

shangkelingxiangshi,jiaoshiyiranrenmanweihuan,qianqianhouhoujimanlexiaoneiwaiqianlaicengkederen,zheizaijingdakexianglaidoushimingjiaoshoumencaiyoudedaiyu。baijianxingtaishoubamaikefengdeyinliangdiaodaozuida,dakaipptrenzhendishangqikelai。zhongxueshidaidejiyili,tayizhidoushibugouyanxiaodejunlangshaonian,meixiangdaoxianzaidangqilaoshile,jingranhainengshuaichulingyizhongwenzhongzhengpaideganjuelai。gaiyansushiyansu、gaifengqushifengqu,zixinchenwendeyouyazitai,lingrenrumuchunfeng。

zhuyandakaixuexiaoluntan,kandaoshishirementieshangbaijianxingdezhaopian,lianshengkaitandao:“zezeze,kanlaidangniandexiaocaodarennapashichenglelaoshi,meiliyeyijiubujiandangniana。”

wenjuefeiwenyanqingxiao,buzhikefou。congqiantabianshizhongrenshixiandejiaodian,zongshibeixuduoshuangyanjingreqiedizhushizhe,dancongbujirenjiejindejihui,wangtukaojintaderenjihuquandoushayuergui。jinguanruci,nvhaimenyijiuqianfuhouji,zaitashenshangduidieqilaideguanzhu,jiangliunianqiandetayuanyuangelikai。

zheicikebaijianxingdaoshimeiyoudianming,sanjiekehenkuaijiujieshule,wenjuefeihezhuyanzuozaiweizhishang,xiangdengrenqunsankaizaizou。zhuyanquehuranyongshouzhoutongletongwenjuefei,wenjuefeishunzhetakanxiyibandeyanshenwangxiangjiangtai,kanjianyigenvshengzhengnazheshuzaiwenbaijianxingwenti,ertashenhouhaiyouhaojigeguniangzaidenghou,dangzhenshipaizheduinazheaidehaomapai。

erbaijianxingzhengnazhebizaizhishangjieti,nulizaitamenyouxieguofendereqingxiabaochizheshenshifengdu,danweishoudeneigenvshengxianranbuxianggujitadeganshou,shenzhangbozixiangkantaxiezi,zhenggerendoukuaitiedaotashenshangqule。buguanbaijianxinghuanzhefangfabatimujiangduoshaobian,tadouhaishibiezhezui,xuanranyuqidao:“laoshi,nijiangdehaohao,kewohaishitingbudadong……”

chongbai、sajiao、shiruosanguanqixia,jiazhiguniangbenshenxiangmaojiaohao,yizhangxiaolianyehongdeqiadaohaochu,huanzuoyibannanrenkendingchengshoubulai。

zhuyanjianzhuanglanyangyangdidiaoxiaodao:“xianzaidexiaoguniangyo……”

wenjuefeizuozaiweizhishangdingdingdikanzhebaijianxing,shenqingdanding,yanshentandang。baijianxinghen**shoudaolezheidaobujiayanshidemuguang,taiyankanguolaidechaneifuchuxiaorong,tingbihuanta:“wentongxue,nilaijitajiangyixiazheidaotiba。”

wenjuefeiweiweiyijing,tajingranhaijideta?

yicedezhuyanxianranyemeixiangdao,kanzhebaijianxingshenshenzhushizhewenjuefeidemoyang,xinxiangtazhenshibupadangzhongdiumianer,wenjuefeizheizhonglengxingzizenmekenengjitajiewei?

jieguobaijianxinghuayinyiluo,wenjuefeijiuqileshen,zaizouguoqudetongshi,yishuangxingyanhailenglengdidingzheneigenvshengcengzhebaijianxingdeshou,zhidaotaluqiedijiangshouwanghousuo。

sanliangbuzoudaojiangtaishang,wenjuefeipieleyiyanshubenshangdetimu,buzhehenjidizhandaobaijianxingshence,jiangtaheqitarengekai。tadeshengyinqingruan,quetouchuyigulengqi:“genjujichuyunsuandechuzuidazhixishuwei0.7,zaijieheyizhigongshiahed,duishichangzhuangtaihesunyizhijinxingduibiyunsuan,kezhibingfanganweizuijiafangan。zheimeshuoninengmingbaima,zheiweitongxue?”

nvshengxinlibugaoxing,liandanbiedetonghong,niezhequanbantianhouzhongyudianlediantou。

baijianxingbaobeixiaodao:“kanlai,wentongxuebiwogengshihedanglaoshi。”

“nali?zheixietongxuexianggenbailaoshixuede,wokejiaobuhui。”

baijianxingmingbaitahualideyisi,bunufanxiao,buzhehenjidijianghuatiyihuan:“shangcikezenmemeilai?”

wenjuefeiganjuezijibeigengleyixia,bantianmeifadashanghua,baijianxingyoudao:“wosuishixiangpiantanni,danbijingquanbantongxuedouzhidaoleniquexideshiqing,zheikuangkede10fenpingshifenwoshibiranyaokoule。danxiangduidi,niyeyongyouyicimibudejihui。”tanaqishoubiandeyitaxueshengmingdan,yishuangshensuideyanjingdingdingdiwangzheta,haoxianghaiyouyinyindexiaoyi,“kedaibiaoqimojia10fen。”

meimenquanxiaogongxuankedouxuyaoyimingkedaibiao,zhuyaofuzedianming、chulipingshizuoyehekechengxinxideshangchuanxiada。gongzuobuduo,tayexiangbudaojujuedeliyou,zhinengdayingxialai。

baijianxingcongchenyikoudailimochuyizhangmingpian,zaiwenjuefeizhuanshenqianduizhedidaotayanqian:“liugelianxifangshi?”

zaichangjuzheshoujixianghuoqubaijianxinglianxifangshidegeweinvshengwenyan,xianmubuyi,fenfenfuhedao:“laoshi,womenyexiangyao……”

baijianxingxiaodewanwei:“neidekanwenjuefeitongxueyuanbuyuanyifenxiangle。”

wenjuefeilandepeitachepi,yuanbenrengxiangweichigaolengjujueta,yuguangquesaodaoqiyunvshenghushidandandeyanshen,mangshenshouqingqingyichou,baneikapianzuanjinzhangxin,sangyinliangliangdiguzuoqingsongdao:“buyaobaibuyao。”

nvshengmenyuanaideshengyinxiangqi,weidubaijianxingdexiaozhidouzhibuzhu。

【3】

jiarushetuanzaidaxuelaishuo,yesuanshiyimenbixiudegongke。dayishiwenjuefeiyinweimangzhezhaogumamaercuoguoleshetuanyouyuanhui,danyoubuxiwangzijizaishetuanjinglifangmianyipiankongbai,biansuizhezhuyanyiqibaolejingdayichenqishe。qileiyouxisuiyijingshimianlinxiaozhonghuahelaolinghuadehuodong,danyichenqishezaijingdarengyouzheshifenxiangliangdemingqi,bujinyinweiqimeinianbinaguosaijinjiangdezhengtishili,gengshiyinweishirenyichenqisheshezhangdemeishaonianluzize。zhuyanzhengshiyinweizaijunxunshiyiyanxiangzhongluzizedeshengshimeiyan,caixiangqitawushugehuaichunshaonvyiban,yiwufangudixuanzejiaruqishe。

danwenjuefeixuanzeqisheweiqizu,qishihaiyousixinde,suirancongweixiangrentijiguo。xinxueniandezhaoxinrengranyinweiluzizedeliurenerxiandeshifenrelie,dangranyeyinweibaomingnvshengguoduo,chuxianlexiangdangyanzhongdenannvbilishidiaowenti。zaishetuanxinchengyuandemingdanzhongyudingxialaizhihou,qishezhaolishoudaoquanguodaxueshengqileibisaideyaoqing,yaoqiusheneiernianjiyishangdechengyuandoubixubaomingcanjia。

zheikenanzhuwenjuefeile,tabenshenjiumeiyoubandianweiqijichu,dayishiyouyinweijiashifanza,shenshaocanjiajixun,daozhiqishuzhijinhaitingliuzaixinshoushuiping。zheihuiziyaoqiutashangchangyurenjingji,pashizhihuidiuguangqishedelian。tayuexiangyuejuedetouteng,shoujihuranzhendongqilai,shishushennainaipatawangjijinwanyaoyiqichiwanfandeshiyi,tedidalaicuitade。

shushennainaizheijitianlaijingcanjiatebiezhanlanhui,xinlizuidianniandejiushizijidedusunhexueshenglizuinianqingdewenjuefei。zheifenchendiandiandeguaniantingdewenjuefeixintouweinuan,youtingjiandianhuaneitouyinyinchuanlaibaijianxingdeshengyin:“nainai,shishei?”

shushennainaixiaodao:“shijuefei。”yuqijingbuxiangshijisunzijieshaoyigexujiubujiandexuesheng,fanergengxiangshiliangrenyijingwushuciditanqiguotayiyang。

“liaowanfandeshima?woxiawuyeyouke,jieshuzhihoushunbianqujietaba。”

shushennainaiwenyan,gaoxingdelianshuolejige“hao”。wenjuefeibuganfulaoshidemianzi,suoyizaixiawushangguosanjiezhongguogudaijianzhushizhihou,tabaoshuhuiqinshihuanleyishennainaixihuandesusezhangqun,tizhewuxiushitiaohaodeliheguaiguaidengzaiqinshilouxia。yebuzhidaoshizhishangyouchajuhaishizenmede,wenjuefeijiangbaijianxingweixinshangshuodeneiju“zaiqinshilouxiadengni”,lijiechengleyuputongpengyouwuyidedengdai,yiweitazhendezhishishunluhezijijiebantongxing,quebucengxiangtajingzhijiekaizheyiliangjiqiqiangyandeheisebenzgls500tingzaiqinshilouqiandexiaodaoshang,weibiaoshenshihaiteyixiache,zhanzaifujiashichemencedengzheta。

wanqiyixiudebaichenshan,yukaiweikaidelingkou,gaotingdebiliangshangjiazhejinsiyanjing,zheikendingshisuoyouxiaoyuanchunaimanhuazhongjilikehuadenanzhujiaoxingxiang,guangshizhanzaineilijiuzuyixiyinyidapianmuguang。lurenfenfencemu,loushangdenvshengbuguweixiandicongyangtaishangtanchutoulaizhangwang,shenzhiyoujigezirenhetaxiangshideguniangzailuguoshiguyihetadahua,xiaozheyeyushuo:“bailaoshi,zheimedazhenzhang,zaidengnvpengyouma?”

baijianxingyishuangyanjingshensuiqihei,jingnandedihuilehua,yuqishiyifanchangtaideqingsongyuyue:“wonainaiyaojianta。”

yijuhuabaguniangmenjingdebuzhiyingzuohefanying,fenfenzuisuidiheshenpangderentaolunqilai:“jiansheia?gaibuhuishiguomaoxideqinwanba?wotingshuotameicixiakedouchanzhebailaoshiwenwenti……”

“ta?bujiushitabaodeliao,shuobailaoshiduijianzhuxidewenjuefeiyijianzhongqingma?”

“shima?wokantahaitingxihuanbailaoshide。”

“tasuiranshuozhangdehaixing,danshipeibailaoshiwojuedebudakeyi……”

“来了来了!”

zhongrendemuguangsuizhebaijianxingyingguoqudebeiyingkanqu,tayizhidengdaizhedeshiweixianshougaotiaodenvhaier,wuguanqingxiuxiaoqiao,zoulushibaiseshaqundequnbaiweipiao,meidefangruoxianqiliaorao。

“shijianzhuxidewenjuefei?”

“tamenqianjitiancaidiyicijianmian,zheijiujianjiazhangqule?”

“zheijindu,gou**,woxihuan。”

“yishizhijianbuzhidaogaixianmushei……”

……

yushi,zaiwenjuefeianzhaobaijianxingdeshiyiditouzuojinfujiashizuoshangshi,“zuishuaizhujiaoyuehuijianzhuxinvshen,xieshouhuibaijiabaifangzhangbei”zheiyicubujifangdelangmanxima,yijingzaijingdabaguaquanyinanyiguliangdesuduchuanyangkailaile。