第一章 微信摇妹子

jinwanrujiabinguan,315fang,dengniyo!

beikedamounanshengsushe,sigedalaoyemenweizheyitaishouji,yanjingzhifanglvguang!

shehuiwoxiuge!jinwanshuangwaiwaige!

pangbianyigedaizheyanjingwenwenruoruodexiaoqingnianlimahoudao,suihoujiutaochulezijideshouji:weixinyaoyiyaojuranhaiyouzheizhongfuli,woyeyaoshishi!xiugenikeyaodaidaiwoa!woqianduoduodexiabanshenxingfujiujiaojinile!

niubia!jinxiu,nizhengaodaoshoule?

shoujizuobiandeyigepangzimanlianjidong,tongyangtaochushoujiyueyueyushi,zheipangzijiaojiafugui,liuqiongdeshiyou。

zhanzaizhongjiandeneigeyimibaqidagaoge,jiushijinxiule,cishizhengxiezheyanwubidesedikanzheliuqiong:liuqiong,zenmeyang,yuandufushu!sanbaikuai,naqianba!

zhanzaizuikaobiandeliuqiongdunshijiuluchuleyiliankuse,sanbaikuaia!tabangeyuedeshenghuofeia!jiuzheimemeile?

qianjitiandayixinshengruxue,jinxiujiushuo,zheiqunxiaoshimeiyanfanlvguang,taochuweixin,jueduiyiyaoyigezhun!

liuqiongpingjiezhezijidanshenershinian,beijuwushucidecantongjingyan,hejinxiuxuexingduidusanbaikuai,paoniujuebushiyaoyiyaoneimejiandan!jieguoni?cantongdejiaoxun!

aiya,doujigexiongdi,nideqianjiushiwodeqian,wodeqianjiushinideqian,fengshuilunliuzhuanma!

jinxiuhengzhexiaodiao,yibaduoguoliuqiongshoulideqianbao,chouchusanzhanghongselaorentou,zaimanliankusedeliuqiongmianqianyihuang:zheisanbaikuai,suanshinijiaojixiongdidexuefeile,ganjintaochunideshouji,xiugedainifei!

suanleba,wozheizhongnvrenjueyuantizhi,jiusuanlaigexiannvzawolianshang,neidouzhiyouyigejieguo,gaowofeili。

liuqiongyaoleyaotou,kanlekanzijishunjianganbiedehongbao,youruzijizaodaoyiwandianbaojiganbiedexuetiao,zhenggerenshunjianjiunianle。

woqu!yaodaoleyigemeizi!lai,xiuge,kuaijiwocanmoucanmou,jiashangle!jiashangle!

qianduoduohunshenyizhan,juzheshoujiyishengdahou,bizhonglewubaiwanhaikaixin!

chengchengchengchengzhiqaq!?zheishenmemingera!?luanqibazaode。

pangzijiafuguihuanglehuangshouji,meitouyizhou,diankaidatuyikan:wa!mengmeizia!malagedajituide,xiuge,xiugejiuwo,woyudaozhenaile!

qianduoduo、jiafuguiliangrenyirenbaozhejinxiuyitiao,manlianxiji!

zheizaixiugedezhidaoxia,jianzhiqianchengsijina!xingfurizi,zhirikedaia!

jinxiulimagaoaodiyitaitou,qingqingyike:laoqionga,nikan,zanmensushejiunizuibushangdao,congmingzidounengkanchulai,wojinxiu、taqianduoduo、tajiafugui,nagebushijinduoqianduo,jiuniyajiaogeliuqiongluanwomenfengshui,xianzaipeiqianleba?buguopeiqianlemeiguanxi,buyaoguaigebudainiwana!ganjinnachushouji,yaoyiyao,zheiwanyigoudashangnagemeizini?xianzainizaixiugezheili,keshivipkehua,xiugewoshounisanbaikuaidayang,zhiyaoniyaodaomeizi,xiugejueduijinifuzedaodi!

liuqiongliansedunshiyishuai,shenshoujiuanzhulezijikoudaizhongdeshouji。

congxiaodaodabeimeizijujueleneimeduoci,liuqiongdouyaoyouxinliyinyingle,bieshuoxianzaixingshiyipiandahao,sipangziheniangniangqiangdounengyaodaomeizile,pingshazijibukeyi?

dujiuduyifa,fanzhengdouhuochuqubangeyuedeshenghuofeile,haipadiurenme!

liuqiongyiyaoya,jiutaochuleshouji,yongliyiyao!

咔嚓!

kandaopingmushangyaochulaidemingpian,liuqiongdeliansedunshiyihei。

lengzhegansha?lai,xiugejinicankaocankao!

woqu?changexianzi?diankaidatukankan,haha,touxianghaishichangebenyue,pangbianhaiyouyizhiyutu?hahaha!xiaosiwole!

jiafuguiyibaduoguoshouji,xiaodehunshenfeiroudouzaizhandou。

jinxiuyeshigangayixiao,ganjinbashoujidijiliuqiong:zai、zai、zaiyao!

liuqiongjieguoshouji,youshiyiyao。

咔嚓!

woqu?donghailongwang?hahaha!liuqiong,ninengbunengyaochudianzhengchangderenlaile?

qianduoduopaodaoliuqiongshenhouyikan,limayexiaoleqilai。

wohaijiubuxinzheigexiele!

liuqionglianseshunjianzhangdetonghong,juzheshoujiyidunkuangyao!

咔嚓!王母娘娘!

咔嚓!太上老君!

咔嚓!吴刚!

yaolewuliuxiazhihou,liuqiongyijingshale,shenmewanyiera!zheizaiyaoxiaqu,zhubajiedouyaobeiyaochulaileba?pingshenmea!pingshenmebierendounengyaodaoxiaoshimei,jiuzijiyaodaozheishenmedongxia?shigechuanxiaotuanhuoba?

xiongdi……nidianyoudianbei,bushigebubangni,geyewunengweili,gezongbunengbangnipaoxiannvba?

jinxiuqiangrenzhexiaoyi,pailepailiuqiongdejianbang,niutoujiuhejiafugui、qianduoduoqujiaoliuliaomeijingyanqule。

我……有毒吧?

liuqiongwadijiaoleyisheng,wangzijichuangshangyitang,ganjuezijirenshengyipianhuian!

jiuzaizheishi,shoujihuranyizhan。

taibaixingjunshenqingtianjianiweihaoyou!

拒绝!

有病!

liuqiongfanlegebaiyan,cheguozhentou,wangzijitoushangyimeng,xinlibeiqiqidixiangdao,nandaowoliuqiong,zhudingjiuyaodanshenyibeizileme?

weng!taibaixingjunshenqingtianjianiweihaoyou!

weng!taibaixingjunshenqingtianjianiweihaoyou!

ding!yitiaoxinweixinxiaoxi!

fanbufana!sheizheimewuliao!

liuqiongbunaifandihouleyisheng,nachushoujiyikan,zheigetaibaixingjun,juranyijingchenggongtianjialezijiweihaoyou,haijizijifalaileyitiaoxiaoxi!

taibaixingjun:xiaoxiongdi,wokanniweirenkuanhoulaoshi,zhuyaoshipingshimeishiergan,bijiaoxian,wozheieryoufen**,niganbugan?

liuqiongdemeitoudunshiyizhou,kuanhoulaoshi,haibijiaoxian,zheitemebujiushishuowoyouchouyoumeinvpengyoume?youzheimezhaxinde?

不干!神经病!

liuqionghuileyiju,zhijieshanchuhaoyou。

bieya!zheikeshiqianzainanfengdehaojihui,youfulidee!xiannvxizaosuibiankan,changedeshousuibianmo!

gangshanlehaoyou,taibaixingjundexiaoxiyoubenglechulai。

jianguile?haishanbudiaole?

liuqiongbuxinzheigexie,zaicishanchuhaoyou!

biefeijingle,nishanbudiaowode,woshishenxian,woshitaibaijinxinga!niburenshiwome?

我还是玉皇大帝呢!

liuqionglimayipiezui,huileyiju,woshanbudiaoni,wobulinihaibuxingme?

小兄弟?说话呀!

zaibushuohuawokequzhaonilea!

三!二!一!