第1章
“起、起尸了？”
“wodetian，zheirendouyaoxiazanglezenmeturanjiuzuoqilaile？”
jiangpanganjuehounaoshaotengdebuxing，erbiangengshichaochaorangrangderangrenxinfan。
gangzhengkaiyanjing，jiujianjigenannvturanchongguolai“putong”yishengguixia。
“娘，你没死啊？”
“niang，shierzibuxiao，quleneimegezaixing，rangninshoukule。”
“dengdeng！”jiangpanlikedaduanduifang，jingkongkanzheyanqianjiren。
yanxi？zhenggu？haishi......chuanyue？
gangqizheigeniantou，jiangpanjiuganjuenaoziyizhenjutong，wushumoshengdehuamianshunjianyongrulenaohai。
jiangpanshashiliansefabai，yaobuyaozheimekeng，tagangnadaokeyanchengguodezhengshu，haimeilaidejixuanyao，renjiumeile？
meileyejiusuanle，weishenmeyaorangtachuanyue？
chuanyueyejiusuanle，weishenmehaichuanyuedaoleyigenainaishenshang？
meicuo，zheijushentisuishuocaisanshiwusui，dantayijingshenglesigeerziyigenver，erqiehaiyougegangmanzhousuidesunzi。
suishuogudairenchengqinzao，shengwazao，sideyezao，dandangzheizhongshiqingluozaizijitoushangdeshihou，jiangpanzhijuedehuangtangyoukepa。
tacaisanshichutou，liannanpengyoudoumeiyouderen，xianzaiquerangtazhijielveguojiehunshengwadejieduan，zhijiedaohanyinongsun，yiyangtiannian？
laotianna，budaizheimewandea。
“niang，niangnizenmele？”liyoudehanhoudelianshangmanshidanyou。
liyouzhiyeguolaizuoshiyaochanfujiangpanqishen，haimeipengdaojiangpan，pangbiandedasaozhoumeijiujifengdao：“erdinihaishizhanyibianquba，yaobushinixifuwangtaohuarenaoleniang，niangyebuhuibianchengzheiyang。”
liyouzhiwoquanfenfendao：“neigezeiponiang，wohuiqujiuxiuleta！”
jinrishiyuanshenjiangpanxiazangderizi，suishuojiangpanrenyuanbuhao，danrensirudengmie，suoyidaoyelailejigesongzangde，zheihuierzhengkanrenaoni。
“huohaiyiqianniana，zheireneqilai，lianyanwangyedoubuganshou。”
“kebushima，jiuyinweiwangtaohuagenliyouzhitongchuangle，lidasaozijingranjiubawangtaohuajidadebansi，nishuonayouzheizhongdaoli。”
“jiushi，kelenaodaiyeshilidasaozizijimeizhanwen，xianzaiqueyaoerzixiuqi，wokanyihousheihaiganjiangnverjiadaotamenlaolijiaqu。”
jiangpanqideyikoulaoxuedouyaotuchulaile，zheishishenmeqipadepopoa，lianziqingjieyetaiyanzhongleba，erqie“lidasaozi”shenmegui？
她已经这么老了吗？
“niangnibieshengqi，huiquzhihou，wojiuxiulewangtaohua！”liyouzhijianjiangpanbanshangmeifanying，yiweiduifanghaizaishengqi，duzhoufashidebaozhengshuo。
zhenshitadehaodaera，jiangpanyukuwulei。
“bieshuoneimeduole，xianfuwohuiquba。”takebuxiangjixudaizaiguancaili，taihuiqile。
lidasaozisierfuhuodexiaoxihenkuaijiuchuandefeifeiyangyang，jiangpanxiashandeshihouganjuezijijiugengehoueryiyang，beidajiaweiguanzhe。
weiguanyejiusuanle，haiyouxierenzuibayemeidexian，yinyangguaiqidefengcijiangpanshigelaoyaoguai，edufu。
jiangpanqideliansetieqing，danaiyuchulaizhadaoyemeigangenrenchao，zuihoushizaishoubule，zhijieliangyanyibijiazhuanghunleguoqu。
zheikebajigeerzihedegouqiang，liyoudebeiqijiangpanganmangchaozhejialipaoqu。
yilushangjiangpandiandechadianhuangshuituchulai，youxiangdaobeizhezijidezheinanrenjingshitadeqinshengerzi，xinligengshiwuweichenza。
yuanshenmingjiaojiangpan，zhangfuzailijiapaixinglaoda，jiaoliqinghe，liunianqiangenrenchuquzuoshengyideshihouchuleyiwai，lianshitidoumeizhaodao。
dongjiadaoshihaoxinjilewushiliangyinzizuoweifuwei，anlishuoyoulezheixieqianlijiariziyebuhuitaiku。
kejiangpanpianpianshigezuojing，nazheneixieqianganshenmebuhao，feiyaoquzhaorenanren！
zuihounanrenmeiliuxia，qianyebeipianguangle。
dangshijiangpanweilenenggenneinanrenzaiyiqi，haiyaosiyaohuodefenlejia，rujingenpoponeibianshilaosibuxiangwanglaile。
yexushibeinanrenpaoqiguo，suoyijiangpanduijigeerzikandetebieyan。biekanxianzailaodalaoerdouchengqinle，danshijichulechuyishiwutamenkeyigenxifutongfang，qitashijiandoudebiezhe。
erqiejiangpanhaijianbudeerzihexifuqinmi，shuohuajinyidiantadouyaodafaleiting，lianggexifumeishaobeitanvedai。
xiangdaozheili，jiangpanyizhenexin。
呸，真是老变态。