在线发疯

8

fujundetui,xixidaliang,shifeichangfuhexiaoshuonanzhudetuide。

henzhang,xizhuangkubaoguozhe,henyoudanli。

worumidikanzhe,yanleyikoukoushui。

gexialai,zuochengbiaoben,yidingyouyizhongdutedemeiliba?

xitongzaiyipangyuyanyouzhi,「suzhu,ninshijuedenanzhudetui,henshuaima?」

「danzanmen,renwuweizhonga,juebunengaishang……」

houmiandehua,zhuanhuachenglejingkongsheng。

「suzhu,ninnalilaidejuzia?ninfangxia!fangxia!」

woyoushouchizhejuzi,youxiebudagaoxingbeidaduan。

「xiaoxitong,xianzaishidiergejuqingdianle,keyizhongxinshuanvezhileya。」

xitongzaiyipangzhanzhanjingjing:「danzanmenzheigeshijieshijiangfalvde,ninzheiyangmingmuzhangdandige,huijinjianyude。」

wopiepiezui,wanxidao,「jianyua,dainile,zuijinbushihenxiangqu,neisuanla。」

woshouqilaijuzifanghuichaodabeibaoli,qianxiaozhe,manbujingxindizoujinbaoxiang。

「you,zheimerenaoa。」

fujunyikandaowo,xiayishidibashouhuzailexigaishang。

「nilaizuoshenme?」suiji,taxiangshichajuedao,zheipoweihuangzhangdeyuqigenpingriyousuobutong,youqingkejisheng,baichuyifugaogaozaishangdemoyang。

「nibuyaozongchanzhewo,jiuyihuibujian,youyanbabadigenguolaile!」

zheishitayiguandeyuqigenshuofa,meiciduipeiyu,doushidangzhonghaobuliuqingdibiandi,fangfozheiyang,cainengzhangxianmeili。

haobuguji,nvhaiziyaoyaoyuzhuidezizunxin。

pangbian,fujundegemendaqudao,「ajun,haishinimeilida,woshuopeida**,niyebiezongchanzhejungema,nimenpeijiaxiongmei,zheizaiwaimian,bierendoudepengzhejingzhe。」

「daolejungezhei,ha,zheiyigeliangge,doutinghuadigengouside!」

peijingujiefenmingdeshouzhimengdiniejinyilaguan,qingjinbengxian。

bochunjinmin,jilikongzhinuqi。

wokanguopeijindecaifang,shipinli,tadaizhejinsiyanjing,yishengaodingxizhuangwanmeidichenchutadeshenxing,duizhejingtou,kankanertanguoneijingjijushi。

beichengweijingchengzuijutouziyanguangdeqingniancaijun。

xitongfangfozhidaowodexinzhongsuoxiang,jinzhijieshi:「zhiqianfujunshuoguo,ruguoretapengyoushengqidehua,jiushibujitamianzi,tajiubugenpeiyujianmianle。」

suoyi,shangchangshangchizhafengyundepeijin,shafaguoduan,weiletaneilianainaodemeimei,jingshibuganzaihuiyiju?

neijigerenhaizaijiaoxiao,「peizong,nidaoshiganjinhea,yexuhelehou,womenjiajungehuidui**meitaiduhaodianni,niyebuxiangjungeshengqile,ba**laheishanchuba?」

ai,haoduozhiyazizaijiaoa,jijizhazhade。

chaodewodetou,youkaishitongle。

9

xitongkukoupoxindao:「suzhu,zhiqianzheixiehupenggouyouzheimebuzuorendeshihou,peiyudiaoleileni,fujunsuiranzuibabuliuqing,xinlihaishishenglediannvezhida!zuzuyou2diane。」

taquanwo,「nizheigeshihoukeyinilaishunshou,rennaixia,kuyixia,zhuannvezhia!」

我只当系统在放屁。

zaipeijinnaqineipijiuguanshi,wojiangshouanzaileshangmian。

peijinkanxiangwo,muguangbujie。

wohuanshiquanchang,roulerouyinweibaozaoerlveweitoutongdenaodai,「fujun,ni,haiyouni,」

woshouzhidianguogangcaibengdadehuankuaidejigeren,zaiyizhizhuomianshangdepijiu。

「shengxiadejiu,nimenquanhele,xuegoujiaosanfenzhong,zheishi,zanqiejiuguoqule。」

shizanqie,erbushizhendeguoqule。

场内立时寂静无声。

jimiaohou,fujundegemennanyizhixindikanxiangfujun,「junge,tashenmeqingkuanga?」

fujundagaishixiangqilewoxiawuchuitadehenjing,zheishiyebuganrewole,xianghunongguoqu。

「kenengxintengtageba,suanlebuyongpeijinhele,neikuaidipideshiqing,wobushengqile,nimenzouba。」

zhanzaiwoshenpangdepeijintingdao「xinteng」liangzishi,yankuangdouyoudianshirunle,tashangqianxianglazhuwodeshou,「yuyu,womenhuijia。」

womeidong,wodetoutonghaoxiangyulaiyulihaile。

wolenglengtaimou,yandikaishibiandexinghong。

「wozaishuoyibian,he。」

fujunmeiyouzuosheng,tadingzhewo,youshoujinjindiwuzhexigai,shentilveweifadou,yanmoulichongchizhejingtigenhaipa。

danqitarenmeiyouzhuyidao,fujundegemenjixiaozhekaikou,「hahaha,peida**,womenjiushibuhe,niganduiwomendahuxiaojiao?xiaoxinjungebulini。」

lingyigedagaiheledianjiu,tazuixunxundizouguolai,diguoyigepijiuping。

「peiyu,nigangcaizheipiqi,taichale,nibazheipingjiuhele,womenjiurangjungeyuanliangnigangcaidetaidu。」

「dui……duile,hewankegetoudaoqian,tixiannidechengyi,ahaha。」

10

我随手接过酒瓶。

「jiuzhidaopeiyujiushijungedeyitiaogouhaha,yishuojunge,jiutinghua!」

dijiupingdezheiren,kanworucishuncong,dangjihuitouduizhezuozaineidefujundeyidaxiao。

zhishi,xiayimiao,tadexiaorongjiujiangzhule。

xianhongdexueyecongtadetouding,huanhuanliulexialai。

tajiangyingdizhuanhuilainaodai,woshoushangdesuijiupingzaidengguangxia,fanzheguang。

woqinzhexiao,tiaomei,mouzili,shibingtaidexiyue。

「surprise!」

「nidetouding,kaihuahualeye!」

taxiangbaonu,quezaiwojiangjiupingdizaitabojingchushi,chedixisheng。

「he。」woshouqixiaorong,waizhenaodai,yuqipingjing。

changneizhongrenjingyibuding,kedangkandaowohaowugujidi,jiangneisuijiupingwangqiancoulecou,zheirenbojingchudunshichuxianxuehenhou。

tamenyishidao,womeizaikaiwanxiao,meizaihehuren。

「he,womenmashangjiuhe,nilengjingapeida**!」

fujungengangcaibeidianmingderen,pobujidaidinaqizhuoshangdepijiu,shengpawanleyibu,wojiuyaonajiupingzaitamentoushang,yekaigehua。

zhuyidaojingchangxiabbdexitong,jurannandeanjing,woqiaoleqiaota,「nibushuohua,woyoudianbuxiguanni。」

xitongmangbudiehuiying:「ai,wozai,suzhu,ninyoushenmefenfu?doutingninde!」

狗腿得不行。

wohuangzhesuijiuping,shouzhiqingfuguoshangmiandefenglijianjian,wenroudixiangzaifumoqingren,yanlideguangmingminganan。

guoranjianlexuehou,kandongxi,doushunyanduoleni。

toutonghuanjiehoudewogouqiyimoyaoyedexiaorong,「xiaoxitong,bucuiwoyongkulaishengnvezhile?」

xitongmiaohuifu:「woganjuezheigerenwuqishiyemeineimezhongyaoha,nvezhima,zanmenbushengyeba,ninbieshengqi,bieshengqibijiaozhongyaoha。」

jiweixixiaodesuisuinianpiaolai。

「buzhongyaobuzhongyao,renwubuzuodabulebeixitongfatingchengfaeryi,zheigeren,zhendeshigefengdeafengdea……」

wotaimouchouleyixiafujuntoushangdenvezhi,sixiaofeixiao。

「ni,kankannvezhini?」

11

fujuntoushangdenvezhi,yizhibiandong,cong10,shengdaole40,caikankantingzhu。

xitong:щ(ʘ╻ʘ)щ

xitongbujie,danxitongkaixin:「weishenme!zheishiweishenme?!」

woqingqingchuileyixiasuijiupingshangdexueye,meilidexuezhuganghaobeichuidaotoudingkaihuadeneirenlianjiashang。

xiayike,tajiakuailehejiudesudu,「gululu」dipinmingdakoumengguan。

「yinwei,fujundacongxindihaipawoleni,tapawozheigexiaofengzi,yejitalaishangzheimeyidao,renzaishengmingshoudaojidadeweixiezhixia,nvede,yeshixin。」

「kehenduoren,douyiwei,zhiyaozijichuchukelian,jiunengjifananrendebaohuyu,rangtaxinteng,congernvedaota。duokexiaoni。」

niyaonvetaxin,hebiyizijideqingxuzuochouma?

taruozhenaini,buhuishederangnitongku,tabuaini,napanitongkubengkuidaojuewang,yezhiyoushihouqingpiaopiaodeyiju「duibuqi」。

无法感同身受。

xitongsidongfeidong,danzheibingbufangaitadechongbai,「youxiudesuzhu,anzhaoninzheiyangdejindu,womenzhiyaozaizouyigexiaojuqing,jiukeyiwanchengrenwuhuijialeni。」

ha,wohaimeiwangouni,hekuang,jigeconglaibushiwodemubiao。

「yaozuojiuzuozuihao,yaonve,jiunve100。」

worengdiaosuijiuping,duizheyipangyijingdairuomujidepeijingougoushouzhi。

「哥,回家。」

zaiwomentachufangmenpiankehou,wushujingchachonglejinqu。

「saohuang!quandoujuqishou!nandezhanyibian,nvdezhanyibian!」

12

xitongyijingzaiwoerbianjianjiaozuzuyifenzhongle。

「55!jifenzhongnei,fujundenvezhi,zuzuzhangle15!youxiudesuzhu,ninyouzuoleshenme?」

woshuangshouchadou,yudiaoyonglan,「zhishijiangtayuanbenjipeijinxiadezhihuanji,quanhuanchenglecuiqingyaoeryi。shunbian,fayanglerexinshimindebenfen。」

xiangtamenzheizhongfujiazidi,wanguiwan,naochuchouwen,jializheiguan,jinantaotuo。

baihuaide,buzhitamenzijidemingsheng,haiyoujituanshengyuyijigujia。

「duiyunanreneryan,duiqianquandexiai,yuanshengnvren,nvrenma,fenshoulehaiyouxiayige,tongkujitianjiuwangle。」

「zhenzhengnengnvedaotamenxinganzangpifeide,zhiyoukenengshiquqianquandekongju。」

meiyounvzhu,zhiyaofujiabudao,tayijiuhuijinrutu,zhizuijinmi。

ruguozheisuanshinve,youduoshaoren,huipobujidaixiangtiyanzheizhongrensheng?

wotianletianganliedechunjiao,yanshibuzhuxingfendexiaorong。

suoyiya,fujunbixuyiwusuoyou。

13

shangchangdeshi,ziranjiaojizhuanyederenlaizuo。

wodeshou,baoyangdehao,bushiheganzheixiecuhuo。

zhishihedadashasha,jianjianxianxue。

yinci,wojipeijinjiaodaile,「jiechugenfujiadehunyue,zaishangchangshangjiandaota,buliuyudi,bixurangfujiapochan!」

yuanjuqingli,fujunwusuobuyongqiji,gezhongbeibishouduanpinchu。

kaozhepeiyuduitadexinren,shuciqiequpeijiajimi,zaizhongyaoxiangmuhezuoshang,jipeijiawalehaodadekeng。

youwozheijuhua,peijinzaiwuhouguzhiyou,jicigenfujiadexiangmujingzhengshang,zhenzhengwanquanzhanxianchuleshangjieqicaidenengli,dadefujialianlianbaitui,yejizhoujian。

fujiazuobuzhule,fumudaizhefujunqinzishangmen。

「zheilianggehaizia,jiushinaoledianbieniu,zanmenliangjiarenshizheimejiule,zheixiaohaizizhijiandemaodun,buyaoqianchedaoshangchanga。」

shuodaozhei,fumubumandipielewoyiyan,「woshuoyuyua,niyekeyirangnigegeshoushoule,bujiushixiangrangwoerziditoume?taxianzailaile,niyebiebaipu,buranxiacia,ayikejiububangnishuohualea。」

wozhengzaixiujianzhijia,tingdaozheimejuhua,taiyankanmianqiandeguifu。