8
fujundetui,xixidaliang,shifeichangfuhexiaoshuonanzhudetuide。
henzhang,xizhuangkubaoguozhe,henyoudanli。
worumidikanzhe,yanleyikoukoushui。
gexialai,zuochengbiaoben,yidingyouyizhongdutedemeiliba?
xitongzaiyipangyuyanyouzhi,「suzhu,ninshijuedenanzhudetui,henshuaima?」
「danzanmen,renwuweizhonga,juebunengaishang……」
houmiandehua,zhuanhuachenglejingkongsheng。
「suzhu,ninnalilaidejuzia?ninfangxia!fangxia!」
woyoushouchizhejuzi,youxiebudagaoxingbeidaduan。
「xiaoxitong,xianzaishidiergejuqingdianle,keyizhongxinshuanvezhileya。」
xitongzaiyipangzhanzhanjingjing:「danzanmenzheigeshijieshijiangfalvde,ninzheiyangmingmuzhangdandige,huijinjianyude。」
wopiepiezui,wanxidao,「jianyua,dainile,zuijinbushihenxiangqu,neisuanla。」
woshouqilaijuzifanghuichaodabeibaoli,qianxiaozhe,manbujingxindizoujinbaoxiang。
「you,zheimerenaoa。」
fujunyikandaowo,xiayishidibashouhuzailexigaishang。
「nilaizuoshenme?」suiji,taxiangshichajuedao,zheipoweihuangzhangdeyuqigenpingriyousuobutong,youqingkejisheng,baichuyifugaogaozaishangdemoyang。
「nibuyaozongchanzhewo,jiuyihuibujian,youyanbabadigenguolaile!」
zheishitayiguandeyuqigenshuofa,meiciduipeiyu,doushidangzhonghaobuliuqingdibiandi,fangfozheiyang,cainengzhangxianmeili。
haobuguji,nvhaiziyaoyaoyuzhuidezizunxin。
pangbian,fujundegemendaqudao,「ajun,haishinimeilida,woshuopeida**,niyebiezongchanzhejungema,nimenpeijiaxiongmei,zheizaiwaimian,bierendoudepengzhejingzhe。」
「daolejungezhei,ha,zheiyigeliangge,doutinghuadigengouside!」
peijingujiefenmingdeshouzhimengdiniejinyilaguan,qingjinbengxian。
bochunjinmin,jilikongzhinuqi。
wokanguopeijindecaifang,shipinli,tadaizhejinsiyanjing,yishengaodingxizhuangwanmeidichenchutadeshenxing,duizhejingtou,kankanertanguoneijingjijushi。
beichengweijingchengzuijutouziyanguangdeqingniancaijun。
xitongfangfozhidaowodexinzhongsuoxiang,jinzhijieshi:「zhiqianfujunshuoguo,ruguoretapengyoushengqidehua,jiushibujitamianzi,tajiubugenpeiyujianmianle。」
suoyi,shangchangshangchizhafengyundepeijin,shafaguoduan,weiletaneilianainaodemeimei,jingshibuganzaihuiyiju?
neijigerenhaizaijiaoxiao,「peizong,nidaoshiganjinhea,yexuhelehou,womenjiajungehuidui**meitaiduhaodianni,niyebuxiangjungeshengqile,ba**laheishanchuba?」
ai,haoduozhiyazizaijiaoa,jijizhazhade。
chaodewodetou,youkaishitongle。
9
xitongkukoupoxindao:「suzhu,zhiqianzheixiehupenggouyouzheimebuzuorendeshihou,peiyudiaoleileni,fujunsuiranzuibabuliuqing,xinlihaishishenglediannvezhida!zuzuyou2diane。」
taquanwo,「nizheigeshihoukeyinilaishunshou,rennaixia,kuyixia,zhuannvezhia!」
我只当系统在放屁。
zaipeijinnaqineipijiuguanshi,wojiangshouanzaileshangmian。
peijinkanxiangwo,muguangbujie。
wohuanshiquanchang,roulerouyinweibaozaoerlveweitoutongdenaodai,「fujun,ni,haiyouni,」
woshouzhidianguogangcaibengdadehuankuaidejigeren,zaiyizhizhuomianshangdepijiu。
「shengxiadejiu,nimenquanhele,xuegoujiaosanfenzhong,zheishi,zanqiejiuguoqule。」
shizanqie,erbushizhendeguoqule。
场内立时寂静无声。
jimiaohou,fujundegemennanyizhixindikanxiangfujun,「junge,tashenmeqingkuanga?」
fujundagaishixiangqilewoxiawuchuitadehenjing,zheishiyebuganrewole,xianghunongguoqu。
「kenengxintengtageba,suanlebuyongpeijinhele,neikuaidipideshiqing,wobushengqile,nimenzouba。」
zhanzaiwoshenpangdepeijintingdao「xinteng」liangzishi,yankuangdouyoudianshirunle,tashangqianxianglazhuwodeshou,「yuyu,womenhuijia。」
womeidong,wodetoutonghaoxiangyulaiyulihaile。
wolenglengtaimou,yandikaishibiandexinghong。
「wozaishuoyibian,he。」
fujunmeiyouzuosheng,tadingzhewo,youshoujinjindiwuzhexigai,shentilveweifadou,yanmoulichongchizhejingtigenhaipa。
danqitarenmeiyouzhuyidao,fujundegemenjixiaozhekaikou,「hahaha,peida**,womenjiushibuhe,niganduiwomendahuxiaojiao?xiaoxinjungebulini。」
lingyigedagaiheledianjiu,tazuixunxundizouguolai,diguoyigepijiuping。
「peiyu,nigangcaizheipiqi,taichale,nibazheipingjiuhele,womenjiurangjungeyuanliangnigangcaidetaidu。」
「dui……duile,hewankegetoudaoqian,tixiannidechengyi,ahaha。」
10
我随手接过酒瓶。
「jiuzhidaopeiyujiushijungedeyitiaogouhaha,yishuojunge,jiutinghua!」
dijiupingdezheiren,kanworucishuncong,dangjihuitouduizhezuozaineidefujundeyidaxiao。
zhishi,xiayimiao,tadexiaorongjiujiangzhule。
xianhongdexueyecongtadetouding,huanhuanliulexialai。
tajiangyingdizhuanhuilainaodai,woshoushangdesuijiupingzaidengguangxia,fanzheguang。
woqinzhexiao,tiaomei,mouzili,shibingtaidexiyue。
「surprise!」
「nidetouding,kaihuahualeye!」
taxiangbaonu,quezaiwojiangjiupingdizaitabojingchushi,chedixisheng。
「he。」woshouqixiaorong,waizhenaodai,yuqipingjing。
changneizhongrenjingyibuding,kedangkandaowohaowugujidi,jiangneisuijiupingwangqiancoulecou,zheirenbojingchudunshichuxianxuehenhou。
tamenyishidao,womeizaikaiwanxiao,meizaihehuren。
「he,womenmashangjiuhe,nilengjingapeida**!」
fujungengangcaibeidianmingderen,pobujidaidinaqizhuoshangdepijiu,shengpawanleyibu,wojiuyaonajiupingzaitamentoushang,yekaigehua。
zhuyidaojingchangxiabbdexitong,jurannandeanjing,woqiaoleqiaota,「nibushuohua,woyoudianbuxiguanni。」
xitongmangbudiehuiying:「ai,wozai,suzhu,ninyoushenmefenfu?doutingninde!」
狗腿得不行。
wohuangzhesuijiuping,shouzhiqingfuguoshangmiandefenglijianjian,wenroudixiangzaifumoqingren,yanlideguangmingminganan。
guoranjianlexuehou,kandongxi,doushunyanduoleni。
toutonghuanjiehoudewogouqiyimoyaoyedexiaorong,「xiaoxitong,bucuiwoyongkulaishengnvezhile?」
xitongmiaohuifu:「woganjuezheigerenwuqishiyemeineimezhongyaoha,nvezhima,zanmenbushengyeba,ninbieshengqi,bieshengqibijiaozhongyaoha。」
jiweixixiaodesuisuinianpiaolai。
「buzhongyaobuzhongyao,renwubuzuodabulebeixitongfatingchengfaeryi,zheigeren,zhendeshigefengdeafengdea……」
wotaimouchouleyixiafujuntoushangdenvezhi,sixiaofeixiao。
「ni,kankannvezhini?」
11
fujuntoushangdenvezhi,yizhibiandong,cong10,shengdaole40,caikankantingzhu。
xitong:щ(ʘ╻ʘ)щ
xitongbujie,danxitongkaixin:「weishenme!zheishiweishenme?!」
woqingqingchuileyixiasuijiupingshangdexueye,meilidexuezhuganghaobeichuidaotoudingkaihuadeneirenlianjiashang。
xiayike,tajiakuailehejiudesudu,「gululu」dipinmingdakoumengguan。
「yinwei,fujundacongxindihaipawoleni,tapawozheigexiaofengzi,yejitalaishangzheimeyidao,renzaishengmingshoudaojidadeweixiezhixia,nvede,yeshixin。」
「kehenduoren,douyiwei,zhiyaozijichuchukelian,jiunengjifananrendebaohuyu,rangtaxinteng,congernvedaota。duokexiaoni。」
niyaonvetaxin,hebiyizijideqingxuzuochouma?
taruozhenaini,buhuishederangnitongku,tabuaini,napanitongkubengkuidaojuewang,yezhiyoushihouqingpiaopiaodeyiju「duibuqi」。
无法感同身受。
xitongsidongfeidong,danzheibingbufangaitadechongbai,「youxiudesuzhu,anzhaoninzheiyangdejindu,womenzhiyaozaizouyigexiaojuqing,jiukeyiwanchengrenwuhuijialeni。」
ha,wohaimeiwangouni,hekuang,jigeconglaibushiwodemubiao。
「yaozuojiuzuozuihao,yaonve,jiunve100。」
worengdiaosuijiuping,duizheyipangyijingdairuomujidepeijingougoushouzhi。
「哥,回家。」
zaiwomentachufangmenpiankehou,wushujingchachonglejinqu。
「saohuang!quandoujuqishou!nandezhanyibian,nvdezhanyibian!」
12
xitongyijingzaiwoerbianjianjiaozuzuyifenzhongle。
「55!jifenzhongnei,fujundenvezhi,zuzuzhangle15!youxiudesuzhu,ninyouzuoleshenme?」
woshuangshouchadou,yudiaoyonglan,「zhishijiangtayuanbenjipeijinxiadezhihuanji,quanhuanchenglecuiqingyaoeryi。shunbian,fayanglerexinshimindebenfen。」
xiangtamenzheizhongfujiazidi,wanguiwan,naochuchouwen,jializheiguan,jinantaotuo。
baihuaide,buzhitamenzijidemingsheng,haiyoujituanshengyuyijigujia。
「duiyunanreneryan,duiqianquandexiai,yuanshengnvren,nvrenma,fenshoulehaiyouxiayige,tongkujitianjiuwangle。」
「zhenzhengnengnvedaotamenxinganzangpifeide,zhiyoukenengshiquqianquandekongju。」
meiyounvzhu,zhiyaofujiabudao,tayijiuhuijinrutu,zhizuijinmi。
ruguozheisuanshinve,youduoshaoren,huipobujidaixiangtiyanzheizhongrensheng?
wotianletianganliedechunjiao,yanshibuzhuxingfendexiaorong。
suoyiya,fujunbixuyiwusuoyou。
13
shangchangdeshi,ziranjiaojizhuanyederenlaizuo。
wodeshou,baoyangdehao,bushiheganzheixiecuhuo。
zhishihedadashasha,jianjianxianxue。
yinci,wojipeijinjiaodaile,「jiechugenfujiadehunyue,zaishangchangshangjiandaota,buliuyudi,bixurangfujiapochan!」
yuanjuqingli,fujunwusuobuyongqiji,gezhongbeibishouduanpinchu。
kaozhepeiyuduitadexinren,shuciqiequpeijiajimi,zaizhongyaoxiangmuhezuoshang,jipeijiawalehaodadekeng。
youwozheijuhua,peijinzaiwuhouguzhiyou,jicigenfujiadexiangmujingzhengshang,zhenzhengwanquanzhanxianchuleshangjieqicaidenengli,dadefujialianlianbaitui,yejizhoujian。
fujiazuobuzhule,fumudaizhefujunqinzishangmen。
「zheilianggehaizia,jiushinaoledianbieniu,zanmenliangjiarenshizheimejiule,zheixiaohaizizhijiandemaodun,buyaoqianchedaoshangchanga。」
shuodaozhei,fumubumandipielewoyiyan,「woshuoyuyua,niyekeyirangnigegeshoushoule,bujiushixiangrangwoerziditoume?taxianzailaile,niyebiebaipu,buranxiacia,ayikejiububangnishuohualea。」
wozhengzaixiujianzhijia,tingdaozheimejuhua,taiyankanmianqiandeguifu。