《第九十九次整蛊》精选章节

jiehunsanzhounianjinianri。laogongjiexiawodeweiqun,daizhejingxindaban、chuanzhehongsequnzidewoqubengjichangqingzhu。

woyilianyihuo。[wanroujintianmianshishibaile,xinqingbuhao,nijiudangshihonghongta。

]laogongshenchushoujiangkonggaodewotuilexiaqu。sanfenzhongzuoyou,laogonglouzhujiangwanroudeyaoquchelikai,

yigexiaoshihoutangzailebinguandechuangshang。jiangwanrouxiaozheshuo:[aque,qiaowozheijixing,youwangjishuxinkonggaole。

]laogonghaobuzaihu:[tazhuangde。shanggezhouhaipashangshu,jiulelele。]lele,shiwomendenver。

tashuodeyinggaishidijiushibacidezhenggu。wopiaozaikongzhong,xinrusihui。01shouxian,wobushibiantai。qici,

woyebuzhidaoweishenmehuichuxianzaibinguan。womangrandipiaozaifangjianli,

kanzhejiangwanrouxuezheouxiangjulideshabaitiannvzhu,yangzhuangchijingdiqiaoleqiaobennaozi,zhangdazuiba:[aque,

qiaowozheijixing,youwangjishuxinkonggaole。]yuqiquetingbuchuyisideqianyi,chaxiangsiyi。

shenquezheigexueyidegaocaisheng,wanquanmeiyouchajue,yuqilihaidaizhejifenchaofeng:[tazhuangde。

shanggeyuehaipashangshu,jiulelele。]jiangwanrouwugudiyaozheshizhi,tongshizhuangmozuoyangdituileshenqueyiba,

jiaochenzheshuo:[qujieshuxinjiela。buran,tayaozouhuijiale。]duimianmiaohui,sangyinhaiyoudianchaoya。

[danxinshenme,bengjichangdaojiajiuwuliugongli,tazhiqianhaizouguoershiduogonglide。

zheiyanghairulenigexiaoyaojingdeyuan,youzheishijianganjintiaotiaohunsha。]shenquefushenqinleqintadezuijiao,

yanliranqixiongxiong**。exin。exintoule。piaozaikongzhongdewoyanquanfanhong,ganoulehaojisheng。

02wotubuzouershiduogonglihuijia,shiliangrenzhengguyouxidekaishi。jiangwanrouhuiguo,womenqujichangjieta。

turan,takanjianlewowumingzhishangdejiezhi,bengkuidaku。shenqueyouxiebaoqian,juedingxiansongtahuijia,

jiaowozaiyuandidengta。wugexiaoshihou,tiandouheile,shenqueyemeiyouchuxian。woshoujiguanjile,haimeiyoudaixianjin,

wozhinengzaiheiyelitubuzouleershiduogongli,liuhaidouchengletiaoxingma。huidaojia,

jiangwanrouzhengbaozhebaozhenkandianshiju,jianzhengwodejiongtai,

tadezuijiaozhibuzhudishangyang:[shenquejintianzuolechangshoushu,tebielei。shuxin,niyaojianliang。][haiyou,

wojintianwanshangzaijialijiesuyiwan。]wodianlediantou,meifangxinshanghairangtazaodianxiuxi。diertianzhongwu,

wonazhebaolehaojigexiaoshidewujitangjishenquesongfan。xiaohushiyilianzhenjing:[shuxinjie,

shendafumeiyougaosuni,taqinglezuotianhejintianliangtianjiama?]woxiangqijinzaoliangrendebuziran,xinyufabuan,

damuzhizhandouzhedakaishouji,fanzhaoqizuotianjialidejiankonghuifang。jiankonghuamianli。shenquenazheliwu,

tanlekouqi:[bushengqile?nigexiaohuaidan,zhenggubierenbishoudaoliwuhaikaixin。ai,kexile,

woxinxinkukutiaoleyizaoshang。]jiangwanroujieguoliwu,wuzuiqingxiao:[wozheimehuai,

neiniganmahaiduiwoniannianbuwang?]tadunledun:[aque,womenwanyigezhengguyouxiba。

niyaoshinengkaozhenggushuxinyibaici,wojiujiajini。zuotiansuanniyici,haiyoujiushijiucio。

]jiangwanrouluchuhuya,jiaoqiaodichongshenquebilelianggejiu。shenquekanleyantashenhoudehunshazhao,

yanlishanguoyisizhengzha,danmianduichushoukejidebaiyueguang,tatuoxiele。wojiushigetiandadexiaohua。

guntangdeleizhudiluozaiwozuoshoudezuanjieshang,wohuiyiqijiangwanroukandaotashidebuganyuxianmu,quansuozhulezhangxin。

sanniandehunyin,wobukenfangqi。zhidaodijiushibacizhenggu,zheilianggechushengbashoushenxianglewodenverlele!

lianainaotongchangmeiyouhaoxiachang。shia。zhangfuyuqingmeizaibinguanwencun,erwozhengzaikongzhongdangqiuqian。

03shenquechuanzhejianbaichenshan,wanqixiukouluchujingxideshoubei,nizheguang,zuozaishafashang,

shouzhizaizhuomianshangqiaoaqiao。yo,shengqile。yigechibaohezuhuijiaderen,youshenmezigeshengqi?wojuedehaoxiao,

zuodaotaduimianzuoguilian。buliao,tajuranzheimejue,badiuzailinjujiadenverjuzhimenwai。

woshengqidizhuizhetalilun,shouzhiyigenyigenbaiguoqugentajiangdaoli。[diyi,nishileledebaba。

][dier,wobuzaijia,niyinggaihaohaozhaogulele……]yiluzhuidaoleyangtai,tingdaojiangwanroudeshengyin,

wohongzheyanbimai。tazaihetabaodianhuazhou。shuowobushanjierenyi、xiaoqi,shenzhishuo:[wanrou,

zhangshuxinliannideyigentoufasiyebibushang。wo,shizhendehouhuiquleta。]woqidaozhiduosuo。yiruduonianqian,

jiangwanrouweileshuaiqiduojindexuezhanggentatilefenshou,chuleguo。tamatabaijin、wuzhi,

dingzhewodeyanjingshuo:[shuxin,nishanliangwenrouyouchuchubaorong。yujianni,wocaizhidaoshenmeshizhenzhengdeai。

]duoniandehuixuanbiaojingzhunwuwudizhazaiwoxuelinlindexinkou,chanchandishenchuxianxue。wochuixiamouzi,

yanjingliduimanleshiwang。zhongwushierdianzheng,wohaishimeiyouhuijia,

shenquewenzhewaibianpiaolaidefancaixiangweiyanlekoukoushui。talenghengleyisheng,

duqibanguanshanglemen:[youbenshijiuyibeizibiehuilai。]04yourensizailebengjichang,

laobandiyishijianxuanzelebaojing,dianshitaiyeshangmenshishibobao。zhuchirennazhemaikefeng,

zhanzaijingtouqian:[sizhehuanyouxiantianxingxinzangbing,shoudaoguodujinghecusi,shuyuyiwaisiwang,

danshitiwurenrenling。muqianjingfangzhengzaijierudiaocha,

changshiyunvshengdejiashuqudelianxi……]wopinmingdizhizhedianshipingmulineizhangdalemasaikederenlian,

youzhilezhiwoziji。shenque,kana。shiwo,shiwoa。wobushibuxianghuijia,shiwosile。nibuyaoshengqi,

ganjinqujielelehuijia。lelemeitianwanshangdekusheng,wotingdexintong,gengjiatonghenzijidexinruan。

shenquejiangjiukexueyanjin,culexiameizhuantaihoujixuzhanzaijingziqiandaogu,chumenqianhaihanjiandipenlexiangshui。

yishidaotashiqujianjiangwanrou,wodexinhaishihuiyizhenjiaotong。talinzhexinxiandecai,qiaoxiangjiangwanroudejiamen,

zaiwozhenjingdemuguangzhong,weishangweiqunjinlechufang,shuliandidianguo。yitaocaozuoxingyunliushui。wojintiancaizhidao,

meikongdeshenyishenghuizhucai,limazhaleguo:[shenque!sannian,nimeiyouzhuguoyicijiwochi!

]shizaishitaiguofenle。jiangwanrouxiangzhengxingdichangleliangkou,jiuwanqileshouji,

dengchidaolebangexiaoshidewaimaiyisongshangmen,limajiangshenquedefancaidaojinlelajitong。wasai,zheishichilegoushi?

wohuiguotou,yilianquweididingzheshenquetieqingdelian,zuochuzuikeguandepingjia。buguo,wodiguleshenque。

zaizheizhongqingkuangxia,tajuranhainengpingxinjingqidishuo:[neiwoxiacizuonixihuanchide。]jiangwanroudianlediantou,

bianchibianshuo:[neigewaimaiyuanchidaolebangexiaoshi,woduzidouebianle。denghui,

jiujitaxiegewubaizidechaping。]talianshanghaiguazheweixiao,shenzhijieguowaimaishitahaixieguorenjia。

wuneiyoudianleng,wojipigedadiaoleyidi。05jintianshenqueyuelexiawushisha,genyiyuanqingleyitiandejia。

qiziyitianbujian,zhangfubuguanbugu。shuoshihua,wohaishihuinanguo。danmeiyouguanxi,

jintianwoshoudaolehuanyandeluqutongzhi。huanyankeshibeishizuizhimingdeshipinshejigongsi,

wushurenjipoletoudouxiangjinqu。wogaoxingdizhuanqilequanquan,youjidongdipiaodaotaerbianwenta:[zenmeyang?

shenque,woshibushifeichanglihai。]shenqueyandidezhenjinghaiweitunqu,womouziliyouranqilexiwangdehuohua。

jieguoxiayimiao,tajurandadianhuahejiangwanroushuo:[wanrou,zheiniantoudepianzizhenshishenmedouganshuo。

juranshuozhangshuxinneigetubaotongguolexinyandemianshi。zenmekeneng,

nizheimeyouxiudoumeiyoubeiluqu……]debudaotadekending。tadehuajiuhaosiyipenlengshui,

bawoquanshenjiaolegetou,lengdaosesefadou。dianhuaneitouchuanlaigangadehahasheng,

jiangwanrouguyiyindaoshenquetiwohuijuezheifengongzuo。shenquesuibianbianlegeliyou。

dianjifasongzhihoutayouduizhejiangwanroushuo:[wobiaomeijiushihuanyande,wotuotabangbangmang。]dantabuzhidao。

zijiyinyiweihaodexiaoqingmei,zaidiyilunmianshishijiubeirenshualexiaqu。06lichufahaiyouyigexiaoshi,

shenquejiedaoleyitongdianhua:[nihao,zheilishitongchengpaichusuo。nideqizizhangshuxinhuanyouxiantianxingxinzangbing,

zaibengjiguochengzhongyiwaicusi,qingnijieai。mafanguolairenlingyixiashiti,jinkuaiqianmingqueren,xiexiepeihe。

]shenqueyiweishiwodeezuoju,lengxiaozheshuo:[nishishuowodeqiziwangebengji,sile?

wozijijiushigeyisheng,tadeshentisuzhiqiangdaokeyidasitouniu,pianguia。nigaosuta,

xiangzhengguwohaiyaozailianjinian。]shenquewanquanbuxin,zhengzhunbeiguaduandianhua,

duimianderenyoujinjiezheshuo:[shenxianshengruguojuburenling,womenzheibianhuitongzhibinyiguanhuohuashiti。

]huatingzhebuxiangshijiade。shenquexiangguohewolihun,danconglaimeiyouxiangguowoqushi,yixiazijiuhuangleshen。

dantahaishiguzhidirenwei,shiwoshengqilepianta,tedidajilewodeguimilinjia:[shuxinshibushizainijia?

nimenxiangganma?nikuaidianrangtahuijia!]linjiazhaleguo,duizheshoujitingtongfachujianruibaoming。

[nishuoshenme……dudu]shenqueguaduanledianhua,chadianmeiyouzhanwen,naqicheyaochichonglechuqu。youmencaidaodi,

chekaideyoukuaiyoumeng。shiduofenzhongjiudaoletongchengpaichusuo,jingchatongzhipailepaitadejianbang,

lingzhetaqurenlingshiti。woshenshanghaichuanzheneiridehongqunzi,xianyandekouhongxiandewodeliangengjiacangbai。

yanjing、bizi、zuiba,shenquedeshixianyiluxiangxia,tahaishibuganxiangxinwosiledeshishi。

keshitijiubaizaitayanqian,wodelinghunyezaitadezuoshoubian。tahaikan,mouzilihaizangzhedianguang。

jintiandeshenyishenghaomoji,zaocanwufenzhongneigaodingderen,dingzhejuchouloudeshitikanlejiangjinshifenzhong。

turantazhuyidaolewoguangtutudewumingzhi,xiaochulesheng:[zheigebushiwodeqizi。nikan,

tazuoshouwumingzhichumeiyouhunjie。woqizizuibaoguitale,daishangquzhihoujiumeiyouzhaixialaiguo。

]jingguanchenmoleyishun:[shenxiansheng,wolijienidebeitong,danwomenyijingbiduiguodna,

querensizheshenfenweizhangshuxinnvshi。zhiyuhunjie,zhangnvshikenengshifangzaijialile,nixianhuijiaquzhaozhaoba。

]duia,shenque。hunjiefangzaiwoshijuzidediercengchoutili,dixiahaiyougexiaoxiaodejingxi。

wocaitayidinghuixihuan。07jiangwanroujianshenquehuilaile,limashangqianlazhutadeshou:[mangwanle?

womenganjinquhunshadianba,buranjiuguoleyuyueshijianle。]shenqueshuaikailetadeshou,

hongzheyanjiangjializhaogelebian。dongzuoyouneimedejiqie。bianzhaohaibianshuozhe:[wocaibuxin,

zhangshuxinjiuzheimesile。ta……tameiyoujiezhi,shuobudingshigemaopai……]huo。

choutilidezuanjieguangsudaletadelian,shenquekanqingdixiadedongxihougengyandahan:[zhangshuxin,nizenmegan!

]bushi,zenmehaibalihunxieyishusichengleyikuaikuaide。zhenyaolihun,youbuleyi。wochazheyao,mataqipa。

[aque?]jiangwanroubuzhidaoshenmeshihouchuxianzailewoshi,puguoqulouzhushenquedeyao。

tashenziyijiang:[buhaoyisi,wanrou。nixianzhunbeihaohuanyandemianshi,shishayihouzaiqu。

]shenquebiaomeizuipizidoushuotulupile,lingdaocaidayingjicimianshijihuijijiangwanrou。[biaoge,

nijiaonipengyourenzhenzhunbeixia。wokanguole,tashangcidiyilunmianshijieguojiubutailixiang,

guanyushipinshejiyiqiaobutong。][ai,haishibiaosaolihai。buguokexile,biaogenizhuyishenti,

buyaotaishangxinle。]shenquezheicaizhidao,jiangwanroudiyilunmianshideshihoujiubeishualexiaqu。taidulenglejifen。

08wosihou,shenquejielelelehuijia。linjuzhizhetadebizidama:[naliyounizheiyangdangbabade?

banverdiudaobierenjiali,buguanbugu。]shenquebaozhelele,daolehaojibianduibuqi。jianlelehuilai,

jiangwanroutoutoufanlegebaiyan,mianshangshifenreqing,jiezhezhaoguleledemingtougancuibanlejinlai。

tongshijiangjialidejiaju、jiayongquanhuanle。tonggexiaoqudedengayikanjianle,haihenshikexi:[aiyou,

zheihaohaode,hainengyonga。]jiangwanroufanlegebaiyan:[woziranshiyaoyongzuihaode。zaishuosirenyongguodedongxi,

duohuiqia。]dengayilimapeilekoukoushui,dama:[wopei,xiaosanhaidengbizishanglianle。niyaoshiwonver,

wofeidedaduannidetui!]jiangwanrouchongshangqu,yibahaozhudengayidetoufa。laorenjiameizhanwen,diezuozaidishang,

rangjialirenganjindaizhequjinyiyuanjiancha。shenqueyihuijia,haimeilaidejixiehui,

jiushoudaoledengayierzidegaozhuang。toutongbingfanle。pianpianzheigeshihou,lelehaikule。

kongqizhongmimanzheyigunanyiyanyudechouwei,shenquezhidaoshinverlachouchoule,xiangrangjiangwanroubangyixiamang。

tawanquanbudali,ziguzidiwanshouji。wokantajihuyaobaofa,youyalexiaqu。daxiatiande,

niaobudoumeiyouhuanguo,douwuchufeizile。leledatuineicehongtongtongdeyipian,shenqueyanlixiemanlexintong。

daoleshenye,chenjiangwanroushushui,tatoutouweiwodianshangyizhuxiang,guizaiwodeyixiangqianketou。

wotingtashuolewushubiande[duibuqi],erduodouqilejianzi,xinliyufaexin,xiangshengtunlezhicangying。

09jiangwanrounianqingpiaoliang,youaichuanhongqunzi。shenzhizaiwodezanglishang,tayezhaochang。yixiazi,

tachenglerenqunzuiliangyandecunzai。bufenchanghedechuanzherangbushaorenmeitoujinsuo,dingzhetaxiaoshengququ。

jiangwanroubuyiweiran,shuliandiwanzhushenquewen:[aque,wojintianpiaobupiaoliang?]shenquelianseyoudiannankan,

momolakaileyutazhijiandejuli。[nikanshuxinfumudouqushile,jiuyouzhezheijiantizizheimeqifutashiba?

wogaosunishenque,wolinjiahaihuozheni!jintianzheigezhu,wotishushuayizuole。

]guimilinjiadiyigerenbule,shangqujiushuailetayibazhang,dawanshouxindouzaifanhong。jinjiezhe,

tayouzhizheshenquedebizidama:[haiyouni。wuduanduandaishuxinqushenmebengjichang,naozichoufenglea。

nibuzhidaotakonggaoma?nibuzhidaotayouxiantianxingxinzangbingma?]shenquedanaoyipiankongbai,jieliandianleliangcitou,