第五章 自尊与自卑

tuozhelangbeideshenqu,wotaruleduiwolaishuomoshengzhijidejiuba,shanshuodedengguang,pengpaideyinle,wudongderenqun,fengkuangdezaodong,woyanmeizairenqunli,duzihezhejiu,yibeijieyibei,tingshuojiujingkeyimazuishenjing,rangtongkuderenbiandekuaile,keweishenmewohelezheimeduozhiganjuetouyunxiangtu,xinzhongdefannaoyeyidianmeiyouxiaochu!

wuchiliderenyuetiaoyuehuan,neimeduorusheyaobandemeinvzhengweizheyigegaoaodegongzigejinqingdeniuzhe,kuangwuzhe,kankanbieren,zaikankanziji,fangfozijibushizheigeshijiederen,weishenmebierennenghuodeneimezixin,erwoyaohuodezheimebiequ?weilaideluneimezhang,wogaizenmezou?woyaoyibeizizheimewonangdehuozhema?

buxing,wobunengzibaoziqi,buguanjianglaideluduomedeqiqu,woyidingyaojinzijizuidadenenglihuochuyangzi,yaoxianggaibianzheidantengdemingyun,weiyouyigexuanze,neijiushi,shangdaxue。

yiqianyinweimeiqianmeililiangmeiyongqi,wotongshishangdaxuedejihui,erjinshenshangchuaizheyiwankuai,woxiang,zhiyaoyouyisixiwang,wodouyaozhengquzheigeweiyigaibianwomingyundejihui。xiangdaozhei,woduanqishouzhongdejiubei,yiyinerjin。

diertian,wojianlegetou,mailetaolianjiadeyifu,bazijizhengdeshaoweixianggerenyangjiuzhibenxuexiaoqule。

nazheluqutongzhishu,wozaixuexiaosichubenzou,daochuqiuren,ruanmoyingpao,zuizhong,xuexiaohaishitongyijienawozheigechilaidexiaocanfei。

shouxubanhaozhihou,wolimaqulefenpeihaodeqinshi,zheishisirenqin,wodaodeshihouqitasanrendouzai,yigezhengwanzheyouxi,woyebudong,zhitingdaotazaineihanzheganjinlaiaquxiabaozhileide。haiyigezaidiannaoshangkanzhedianying,huamianlidenvrenmeichuanyifu,gaodemeijianguoshimiandewoliandouhongle。biqizheiliangge**si,lingyigejiuyaogaodashanghaoduo,tachuandejiuhenshimao,cike,tazhengduizheshoujidahou,shuobuxiangzhuzheiguidifang,yaogenxuexiaoshenqingzaiwaizufang。

zheisangeren,xingtaigeyi,queyouzheyigecaodandegongtongdian,neijiushi,bawodangchengletoumingren。woshenzhidoubuyonggentamenzuogeziwojieshao,jiuzhijieluomodequlezijidechuangpu,shoushidongxi。

zhenzhengrongruqizhongle,wocaiyishidao,daxueshenghuobingmeiyouwohuanxiangdeneibanmeihao,zheilideren,yemeiyouwoxiangxiatongxueneiyangchunpo,rendelianshangdouzhangzheyishuangshiliyan,gaofushuaizhileidehenshouhuanying,xiangwozheizhongyaoshameishadecanfei,jiaopengyoudoubidengtiannan,renjiachifanshangkezongshichengqunjiebande,zhiyouwo,zongshixingdanyingzhi。

zaibierenkanlai,huoxuwojiushikongqi,yehuoxu,woshigeaiyandeci,huanjingrangwobiandexiangdelezibizheng,womingandexinnengganjuedao,henduorendoupaichiwo,weilebuaizhebierendeyan,wozongshiduozaizuijiaoluodeweizhi,wulunshangkehaishichifan。lianzoulu,wodoutiaopijingdeluzou。

suiranmeiyouganshoudaorenhewennuan,danwozijibuhuifangqiwoziji,womeiyoujia,meiyouqinqipengyou,yiqiedouzhinengkaowoziji,woyaobibierennuliqianwanbei,cainengzaizheigelengmodeshijieshengcunxiaqu。worenzhendetingmeiyijieke,qutushuguankanhenduodeshu,youkongjiuquzuo**,weimingniandexuefei,weishengjierfendou。

gudannulideriziguojiule,woyemanmanshiyingle,danyouzhongxinqingqueyizhiwufaxiaochu,neijiushi,haipayudaoxiaoyue。

yiwankuai,rangwohetachedihuaqinglejiexian,woyuanbendasuanyuanlitadeshijiecongcihetazaiwurenheyujiandekeneng,zhishi,jibianzaijiujie,zaixiangyuanlita,woyebunengyinweizheigeerfangqizijishangdaxuedejihui,rujin,wozhixiwang,ruodadexiaoyuan,wohetanengchengweiliangtiaopingxingxian,qianwanbieouyu。buguo,laotianbuhuiqingyirunideyuan,zaixiangjiansihushibirande。

guoqinghoudeyigebangwan,wohewangchangyiyang,dizhetouduzizouzaiyoujingdexiaodaoshang,huran,yimoqingxiangqinrulewodebizhong,wobuyoudeweiweitaitou,yidaojingyinglijiyingrulewodeyanlian,ta,chuanzheyitaobaisedexiuxianfu,erduoshanghaiguazheerji,kanqilaishineimedeqingchunshishang,hetazouzaiyiqide,haishishangcifanguandeneigexiaoheiguniang,tamenliangzhanzaiyiqi,yijiushineiyangxianmingdeduibi,dancike,zheiyimeiyichoubuyueertongdedengdaleyan,luchulechayideshense。

womenjiuzheiyang,liumuxiangduilexujiu,yilianjingqidexiaoyueyibiandingzhewoyibianhuanhuanzhaixiaerji,yuyanyouzhideyangzi。

wozhidaotaxiangwenshenme,yushiwozhijienachuwosuishenxiedaidexueshengzhengshendaotamianqian,minzuidao:“woyezaizheilishangxue!”

xiaoyuedingzhewodexueshengzheng,gengchayile,qingbuzijindao:“zhenqiao!”

woweiweidianlexiatou,qingshengdao:“ng,neiwoxianzoule。”shuowan,wobiantouyebuhuidezoule。

zoulehaoyiduan,wocaitingdaoneigexiaoheigunianghaoqideshengyin:“yueyue,tabushishangcishemingjiunidequezima?nizenmebuxiexietani!”

xiaoheibuzhidao,danwozhidao,xiaoyueduiwoyijingwuyule,buguanwozaitaxinlishigeshenmeyangderen,zhishao,xiaoyueyijingganshoudaolewodelengmohekeyihuibi,tacongmingdexuanzelehewocongcibuxianggan。

zheiyihou,womenzaixiangjian,yijingxingtongmolu,jiugenconglaiburenshineiban,lianzhaohudoubuyongda,zheiyinggaishiwoxiangyaodejieguo,keweishenmezhenbianchengzheiyang,woqueshineiyangdexintong,neimedekongluoluo。

huixiangyiqian,wozhendehenfanjian,yiweidetaobiyiweidezhuangbi,taxianggenwoshuoshenme,woquebulibucai,yaomejiushiyonggaisidehuangyanlaiyingfu,neigeshihouzhixianghetazaiwuguage,zhixiangkuaisudetaolitadeshixian,erjinliangrenzhendemeiyoubandianguanxile,woquebineigeshihougengnanshou。

woxiangbutong,weishenmewoyaoneimefanjian,daodishiyinweishengtadeqi,haishipatajiworemafan?haishixiangchediwangleta?

xiangleyiye,wohuorankailang,zhongyumingbai,wozhisuoyibuganzaimianduita,wobugaoxingtajiwoqian,wolaoshuoweixindehua,doushiyinweitaniangdelianggezi:zibei。

zibeihezizunzhiyouyixianzhicha,zibeixintaiqiang,zhishiyinweizizunxintaiqiang,woneimexiangzaixiaoyuemianqianbaoliuwogaisidezizun,zhishiyinwei,congwodiyicijianta,tazaiwoxinzhongnvshendediweijiumeiyoubianguo,wozhishi,zhishibuxiangbeinvshenkanbian。

qingchuzheigeshishizhihou,wozonghuiyouyiwuyidepaodaocaochang,duozaiwurendejiaoluo,xiangzhetoutoukankanxiaoyue,danwuxinchaliuliuchengyin,youxinzaihuahuaquebufa,youxieshiyidankeyi,jiuhennanshixian,woxiangkantadeshihou,zongshikanbudao,huoxu,youxiedongxishiqulejiuzaiyezhaobuhuile,baokuoyuanfen。

yizhidaoshiyuedi,wodeshenghuozhaojiugudanermangliu,meiyouzaijiandaoxiaoyue,yemeiyoufashengtebiedeshi,woyoudianrenmingle,yezhendeyouxiefangxiale,keshi,shiqingjiuhuizainizhuanbianxiangfadeshihoutujierlai。

neitian,wozhengcongtushuguanchulai,duzizouzaiyitiaoxiaodaoshang,yuanyuande,wojiukandaoyihuorenweizaiyiqi,zoujinxiecaifaxian,sicengxiangsideyimuzhongyanle,youshixiaoyuebeijiuchan,erjiuchandeneihuoren,jingranqiaohedeyoushiyizhangliuhaiweishoudeyihuohunzi,tamenjingranzhaodaoxuexiaolaile,woxinyidong,xiayishidejiuduodaoleyikeshuhoumian。

woyinyintingdaohunzijiaoxiaoyuepeiqian,shuodejiushishangcitamenshoushangdeshi,haishuotamendagechadiandiuleming,bawodezhangdouyibingsuanjilexiaoyue,xianrantamenshiyoubeierlai,wodoubuzhidaozijishitianshengyouzheyunqihaishimeiqi,meicigouxuedexuyaoyingxiongjiumeidechangjingzongnengbeiwoganshang,danshi,chiguoliangcijiaoxun,yechangdaoleyanzhongdeeguo,wozhendebuganzailumangchutoule。

neizhongdaijiawozaiyechengshoubuqile,wonengzaizheisuodaxuedushushineimedeburongyi,wobunengzaihuilezijideqianlu,wogengbuxianglingyitiaotuiyebeitamenjidacan,jifanjiujiezhixia,wohaishixuanzeduozaishuhoumianjingjingdekanzhe。

woxiang,neihuohunzizaizenmewufawutianyebuganzaixuexiaoluanlaiba,chilezheikedingxinwanzhihou,wogengjiandinglebuqiangchutoudejuexin,dan,zheigejuexinzaiwokandaoxiaoyuewuzhukeliandeyanshenshiyouyicidongyaole,shuoshihua,duixiaoyue,wozhendemeiyoumianyili,jiusuanwozailizhizailengjing,yidanchudaoxiaoyuedeyanshen,wojiuhenrongyihuanghudongrong。

tademeitaixiyinwo,tadeshenqingtaigouwo,wodexinbutingdeyaobai,er,jiuzaiwoyouyubujuedeshihou,zhenggenhunziduizhidexiaoyueturanpiaodaoleduozaishuhoumiandewo,simuxiangduidezheishun,wochediannabuzhule,jiusuanwozainuoruozailianpihouwoyemeifazangxiaqule,yushi,wohuanhuandenuokailejiao,zhengzhunbeichaotamenzouguoqu。

dan,wozheigouxionghaimeikaishibadaoxiangzhu,zhenzhengdeyingxiongquezaiguanjianyikexianshenle!