第6章:接受淡漠的自己

shuyijinglileyitiandejingxindongpo,zhongyuhuidaolezhaojia。

cike,jialiyongrenmangmangliuliu,zhunbeizhecanshi,wuwaiwangjinqu,jiehuangsedenuanguangfeichangyoujiadeganjue。

shuyihuranjuedeyoudianpibei。

zhaochengyunguanshangchemen,kanletayiyan,“zenmele?”

shuyiyaoleyaotou,lianqilekunyi,xiaodao:“edemeiliqile。”

shuyihenshaoyizheizhongfangsongyilai,shenzhiyoudiansajiaodetaidumianduizhaochengyun,yishizhijianzhaochengyunyeyoudianshiyingbulezheizhongguanxidebianhua。

tamenzhijiansuanbudeqinmidexiongmei,zhiyuyuanyinshishenme,taxinliyehenqingchu。

zhaoyinghuichangnianmangliushiye,zhaochengyunxiaoshihoushigehunqiu,zongyiweizheiyangjiunengdedaomuqinguanzhu,shahuhudigendarenfanzhegan。ershuyijiusuilaidaozhaojia,chenjing,guaiqiao,dongshi,zhaoyinghuiyincijingchangkuata,haiyaozhaochengyunxiangzheigetianshangdiaoxialaidemeixuexi。

youleduibi,zaijiashangyixiexianyansuiyu,zhaochengyunziranfahuihunqiuertezhi,suiranbuzhiyuchushouqifuta——zhaochengyunxiaoshihouxiangdangyingxiong,yincizuikanbushangqifunvrendejiahuo,zaitaoyanshuyi,tayebuhuineiyangzuo。danshitahaishiyouyiwuyidishuyuanshuyi,qiwangshuyizijidongdetazhibuguoshizheigejiade“laike”,shi“ruqinzhe”。

keshizhaoyinghuihaishihenmang,zhaochengyunzhaojiumeiyoudededaotaxiangyaodeguanzhuheai,nianjizaidayidian,yejiubuqidaile。yeshineizhihou,tacaicongbierenkouzhonglejiedaoshuyijinglideyiqie,caikaishimanmandizijiyishidaozijizuodeyouduomeguofen。

qishizaizhaojia,tamenlianggehaizidejingyu,youyoushenmefenbie?

doushiqinyuandanbodehaizibale,nayigekanqilaidoukelianbaba,meishenmehaozhengde。

zhaochengyunzhuanerqidaiguoshuyizheigemeimeihetaxiangzhenzhengjiarenyiyangxiangchu,muqinmeiyoujiyude,taxiangcongbiededifangzhaodaojituo,gengxiangxiangyigezhenzhengdegegeneiyang,hemeimeixianghuqunuan,bicibangzhu,diediezhuangzhuangdizhangda。

kexizhaochengyunmingbaidetaiwan,shuyiyijingbuxinrenta,yebuqinjinta,conglaidoushidulaiduwang,jianlemian,dagezhaohu,fangfoshiyigefangzidixiadezuke。

taguanzhaoyinghuijiao“zhaoyi”,jiaozhaochengyunmingzi,“gege”zheigecijihuxiaoshengniji。

yidianyidianrongjinletashenghuolideshulihedanmo,yaoxianggaibian,hennan。

zhaochengyunxiangqilai,shuyidangchulaidaozhaojia,nianjineimedayidianerjiuzhidaochayanguanse,zongshianjingdidaizaiyibian,budongsheng,budongse,jiuqiyuanyin,zhaochengyunchangchangxiangqilaijiugandaoxintong。

buguoshi“jianguaibuguai”。

tashiyizhuyougendefuping,keneiyouruhe?fupinghaishifuping,haishibudebugulinglingdipiaolaidangqu,shenzhishibudeziyoudipiaolaidangqu。

她如何失去自由?

piruzhaoyinghuishengbing,xuyaohuanshendeneiyinian。zhaoyinghuiyibeizihaoqiang,tayidao,zhaojiadedanzijiuluodaolezhaochengyunshenshang,tajianfuqiledarendezeren,mangqileshiye,keshizhaoyibinglairushandao,bingqingdeshiqingyehenjishou。

shuyineishihouzhanlechulai,hetabingjiankangzhuzhaoyali。neishihoutacai22sui,gangdaxuebiye,quexuanzelefangqiyixinxiangwangdexinlixue,zhuanertourulezhaoyinghuidebingqingzhizhong。

zhaochengyunzhidaotabushiduoaizheigejia,zhishijuedezhaoyinghuibijingzaihoulaideshiduonianliyangyuleta,jiletahaodejiaoyu,qimachichuanbuchou,tayaozhanchulaibaodaeryi。

zheijiushishuyidejiasuo,tabijingshanliang,bukenwangenfuyi,suoyibudebuziduanchibang,yongbukuankuodejianbangquchengdanzeren。

zhaochengyunquanguota,ranershuyiconglaidoushigejiandingderen,renzhunle,jiubuhuiqingyigaibianzhuyi,zhaochengyunshizaimeilichangyemeilianganshetadejueding,yejiusuizhetaqule。

neishihouxiongmeilianggeqizaotanhei,shangliangzhaojiashengyishangdeshiqing,shangliangzhaoyidebingqing,guanxizheicaiqinjinlebushao,qimaouershuyiyehuijiaotayisheng“gege”。

zhaoyinghuijixuhuanshen,kexiguoneihennanzhaodaoheshide,shuyibuzhidaocongnalidedaolebangzhu,henkuaiweizhaoyinghuizhaodaolepipeideshenyuan,zhaoyinghuijinxingleshoushu,baozhulexingming。

neizhihoubujiu,fujiajiuxiangzhaojiatileqinshi。zhaochengyunzhijinjidezijiameimeijieshouzheimenqinshishibuxianbudandefanying。

那不是喜悦。

keshiweishenmeni?weishenmehuranjiuyouleheshideshenyuan,weishenmefujiayaozaizhaojiamianlinweijideshihoutiqin?fujiajiubupazhanshangyiduimafanshima?yiqieshijiandoutaiqiaohe,zhaochengyunbushishazi。

tahuaiyizheilimianyoushenmetabuzhidaodejiaoyi,erjiaoyishuangfangzhengshifujinghuaiheshuyi。

neigefujinghuai,tadaguojiaodao,zongshiyifuweiweidaizhelengxiaodemoyang,dongderenbiantishenghan。

tabushigehaorederenwu,zhaochengyunbingbufangxin。

“哥哥?”

erbianqingshengdehuhuanrangzhaochengyuncongfenluandesixulihuiguoleshenlai,zhijianshuyiyijingkailemen,zhaojiawennuandedengguangzaitaheiliangdefashangdachuyiquanrouhedeguangyun,“nifashenmedaini?zhaoyidengzhewomenni。”

“……wozaixiangyoumeiyousuohaochemen,dagaishisuohaolede。”zhaochengyunbudongshengse,suikoudao,taijiaojinlemen。

shuyibuyiyouta,xiongmeiliangqiqijinwu。

“回来了?”

shuohuadebushizhaoyinghui,ershiyigehaipoyouxieshushengqidezhongniannanren。danshibutongyukebanyinxiangzhongdezhongnianren,tashouqiegao,pifubaixi,suiranbumianyouyixiesuiyueluoxiadehenji,danshitashoushideqingqingshuangshuang,fangruochunrilimaochunitudeqingzhu,rangrenyijianjiujuedeyouhaogan。

ruoshixikan,haihuifaxianshuyinongmidejiemaomeiyan,hetabafenxiangsi,lianlengbaidepifuheneizhixiaqingzidexueguan,yehetaruchuyizhe。

tashishuwencheng,xuduonianqianmanfulangman,yichaosibennaodemanchengfengyudeshujiadashao,rujintiqilaiyezhishizhaojiazhaoyinghuidehefazhangfu。

yanzhongliehuozhishengxiadiandianxingguang,qizhiyezhujianwenrunqilai,xiangshiqingzhumeinengzhengpochutu,beijushiyazhu,zuizhonganxiangditangzaileshashizhixia。

shuyinaxiayashemao,luchuhetaqibafenxiangsidemeiyan,butongdeshi,shuyimeiyanjiandedanranhexiaoyi,yumingyunmianqianzuizhongtuoxiedeshuwenchengjieranbutong。

tajiusuanshibudongshengsedixiaozhe,neixiaoliyeshidailesanfenliangbodeweidao,haoxiangtianshengruci,xiangshidongriliwuyanxiajiedebingleng,ruowuqishidixuanguazaimingyundenaodaidingshang,baohuhaoshuyiziji,yesuishizhunbeixiangmingyunjingong。

那是她的矛和盾。

shuwenchengsaoguotameiyan,lakaileyizi,“huilaijiuhao,xixishouchifanba,woqujiaoyinghuixialaichifan。”

zhaochengyundao:“woqubashushu,nihemeimeiduoshuohuierhua。”

“meimei”lianggeziluojinleshuwenchengerduoli,tanieleniehongmuyibei,budongshengsepielezhaochengyunyiyan,weiweixiaozhediandiantou,“quba。”

zhuanerduizheshuyidao:“nizuijinhejinghuai,zenmeyang?”

zhaochengyunshangloutidejiaobuyidun,shuwenchengzhuangzuobuzhidao,jixuxiaomimidiguanxinnver:“wodanxinni。”

关心她?

shuyichuixialetou,meiduoshuo,tailetaibeibao,“woxianshangqubadongxifangzhe,chen。”

shuwenchenghaishizhishidiandiantou,“quba。”

meishenmequbie,huizijifangjianhou,shuyixinxiang。

shuwenchengduitazheigeqinshengnver,heduizhaochengyun,meishenmequbie。

shuobuqingchuxinlishishenmeganjue,shuyizaojiuguolehuitoutouduozaibeizilikudenianji。

shuyixiaoshihoumaiyuanguozheiyangdefuqin,kepianpiantabunengsuanshigebufuzerendefuqin,guanxinaihuyeshiyoude,xuhanwennuanyeshiyoude,shuyihenbuqilai,queyemeibanfaxiangqitahaizineiyangquanxinquanyiyilaiheshenaizhefuqin,yinweitaqingximinglediyishidaozijihefuqindeguanxi,youbieyuqitaxingfudefunvguanxi。

zaishuobuqingchudeganqingzhong,shuyijianjiandiyeshiyinglezheizhongxiangchufangshi,zhujianzhaodaolezairenheganqinglidoubaohuzijidefangshi——neijiushixiangtafuqinshuwenchengneiyang,zongshiyuanyuandizhanzaiyibian,fangfozaizheiduanfunvguanxili,tashiyigejuwairenyiban。

yuanyuandizhanzhe,zaiheshidijuliouerlianxiyixia,buguofenkaojin,bimianfeiepuhuoshidetouru,jiubuhuishangxin,jiubuhuishiqu。

keyishuo,shuyizongjuedezijiganqingshangguoyudanmo,henduoshihoujiushishouleshuwenchengdeyingxiang,taqianyimohuadiyexuehuilezheizhongganqingdefuyanfangshi。

shuyishiduxinshi,zheixienianlaixinlixueshangdedongxixuelebushao,zijiyezhidaozheiyangdezhuangtaishihenweixiande,yibuxiaoxinjiuhuixianrugujiaguarendejingdi。

raner,shuyijuedeneimeishenme。fanzhengcongxiaodaoda,tajihushizijilachezhezijiyidiandianzhangda,gujiaguarenma?taconglaimeipaguo,gengbuyaoshuoshiyaoqugaibian。

shuyitanranjieshoudanmodeziji,zhizhidipingshiziji。

“啧。”

dagaishitaileile,shuyizhanlechuangmeijimiaodegongfu,chadianershuiguoqu。tashibeiyizhenshoujilingxiangshengchaoxingde。

zhuaqilaiyikan,zheicishilimishudaguolaidedianhua。

fujinghuaihelimishudoubeijiulechulai,shuyizhidao,xianglailimishuzhaotayezhinengshiweilefujinghuaideshiqing。

xiangqixiaqushenhuaixiudemoyang,shuyijiuyizhenweiteng,zhengqiaozhaochengyunzaimenwaihantaxiaquchifan,shuyimozheyinyinzuotongdewei,yingleyisheng,gancuililuodiguadiaoledianhua,congchuangshangpaqilai。

“来了。”