第1章
“shifu，shenlongzhen、wuxiangquan、mayixiangshu......wodouxuehuile，nihaiyoushenmeyaxiangdierdebenshi，jiubiezangzheyezhele，wolaitinifayangguangda。”
“weishidexiangzidixiayouyizhihunshu。”
“shifu，nizheishiyaoganwozoume？tuergensuizainishenbian20nian，shebudenia，zaishuolezanzheihuangshanyelingyeshouduo，meiyoutuerdebaohu，wanyinibeimulangdiaozoulezenmeban？”
“tianzhouchengxiajiaqianjinxiaqingzhu，fanglingshijiu，shenglaibianyouguosezhizi，tianxiangzhijiao。”
“shifu，youzhaopianme？”
“无......”
无图说个毛。
“shifu，tuerzhendeshebudenia，tuercongxiaowufuwumu，nijiushituerdezaishengfumu，tuerfaguoshiyaoweiniyanglaosongzhong，shifu，qiunibiegantuerzoua，shifu......”
吧嗒！
wenwenduanzuozaidaqingshishangdelaodaoshixiukouweiweiyidang，bangebazhangdadezhaopianpiaopiaoerluo。
zhaopianzhongdenvzimingmouhaochi，xiaorongwenwan，zhishiyiyan，jiurutongjiandaolezheluofanjiandexianzi。
zhengzhiqingshenchujijiangjieranleixiadeshaonian，tongkongweiweiyisuo，ranhoutaitoukanxianglaodao。
shituliangtongshimoqidiyixiao。
“shifu，baishanxiaoweixian......buxiaoyousan，wuhouweida，tuerzheijiuxiashanjinishenggetusunchulai！”
“徒儿，慢走。”
“师傅，不送！”
musongtuerbeizhegexiaobaoguotachushanmen，duanzuozaidaqingshishang，poyouxianfengdaoguguangandelaodaoshi，zhangzhangdisongleyikouqi。
瘟神已走！
laodaoshishuaizhefuchenyilukuangben，tuimenhuidaodianli，“shimei？”
yinluoshi，yigepiaopiaorandeshenyingcongdatingpangbiandepianfanglichulai，shiyigeshuzhebaifadelaodaogu。
daogusuilao，fengyunyoucun。
“shixiong，xiaobeizhendexiashanle？”
“zheixiaotuzaizizhongyuzoule！”
“neijijiangchuludeershilijindan......”
“你我各十粒！”
“duoxieshixiong。”piaopiaorandedaoguxiaoqilai，jinghenshimiren。
咔！
danludakai，ershilijindanbuzai！
ershigekaojidan，huohouzhenghao！
“这个小畜生！”
“这个小兔崽子！”
......
kaiwangtianzhouchengdezhangtuliecheshang，linbeikaochuangerzuo，ergenzimomingfare。
tacikechuanzheyishenzhanxindeyundongzhuang，kansicongmangxiashan，shizezaoyouzhunbei，chuleshunzoushifudeyilujindan，haiyoucunkuanzhe。
qishiyemeiduoshaoqian，dengzijirushizhuanleqian，zaihai......peipeipei，shifudaiworujichu，wojingranhaigenshifutanqian，su。
俗不可耐！
linbeishoulinazheneizhangrutongzheluofanchendexianzizhaopian，lingyizhishoulinazheweiweifanhuangdehunshu，hunshufenzuoyoulianglan，zuobiandeshitadexingmingjiashengchenbazi，youbiandeshiyipaimingzijiashengchenbazi，zixisaoyiyan，jiugemingzi！
夏青竹，位列第三。
这是有九个未婚妻？
laohuojitingdaijing，zheishideyouduopawoqubudaoxifuer，yixiazizhunbeijiuge。
shuliangtaiduo，dexianbushenzi。
linbeiganjinmochuyilierjindandiujinzuiliyayajing。
kaca、kaca......
shifuzheiciliandejindangongnengdaiding，weidaohaixing，youdianxiangzhahuashengmi。
henkuai，linbeifaxianzheihunshudezhizhangliyoujiaceng。
gaibuhuilaojiahuojitaliudequxifuerqianba？
sijicichu，linbeilishichaikaihunshu，limianshiyizhangdiedezhengzhengqiqidebozhi，shangmiangongzhengdexiezheyipianxiaozuanti。
吾弟子小北亲启：
shijianyizhuan，xiaotuzaiziniyijingershisui，guanyunideshenshi，shishihoushuojinitingle。
weishizaonianyunyou，zaijiangbianfaxianni，nibeixueyibaoguo，shenshangzhidaizheyikuaikezhemingziheshengchendeyupei。
xueyiyinsha，jiangshuiweiqiao，shengchenyupeiweiling，zheishiyongxueyijijianggangchushengbujiudehaizisongrudifu。
nibenhaomenlinjiazidi，keshengchenrulonghu，bazizangyouyikouxuanhuangqi，kezheikoulonghuxuanhuangqitaigangmeng，yinfatiangandizhizhongdenijian，beishizuoyangjijiazudezaixingpaoqi。
hunshushangjiugenvhai，shizhongyuanjiudajiazudeqianjin，qiebazidouqueleyijiao，weishiyonghunshumifajiangnimenmingyunxianglian，rangtamenjiezhenidelonghuxuanhuangqi，aoguozaonianyaozhedesuming，yejiecixielenidelonghuxuanhuangqi，rangnitaoguoyounianshengsijie。
nidesuoxuesannianqianjiukazaipingjing，zhengshiyinweiminglishaolezheijiugulonghuxuanhuangqi，shouhuilonghuxuanhuangqi，bianketupo，zhiyuruheshouhui，jutixijienizixingcanwu。
zhiyulinjia，ershinianhongyunyijingchengweishangjingchengxingui，renzuguizongyufouniyezixingjueduan，lingwaijinji：nizaishanxiatongpotianyemeiguanxi，danqianwanbuyaoshuorenshiweishi。
谨记！！！
咚——
linbeidexindidunshirutongzhuixiayikejushi，jiujiunanyipingjing。
zheimesutaodeshiqing，jingranfashengzaitashenshang，yuanlaizijishigefuerdai，haishibeipaoqineizhong。
laodongxijingeeryaoshibushuo，tahaiyizhiyiweizijishibeicongnageshancungalatoushangshande。
认祖归宗？
qie，neiwanyierhenxiangme，laozixianshuijue。
huochejinrushandong，chexianglidedenghuranshanshuoleliangxia，jingenzheyigulengsousoudefengchuijinlai，rangzhenggechexianglideren，buyoudedoudalegeduosuo。
dajiahuomeizaiyi，yiweishikongdiaochulewenti。
linbeidemeitouweiweiyizhou，yanjingmiqiyidaoxiaofeng，yizhibaixiruyudexiaoshouzhengxiangtadexiongkoumoguolai。
靠，耍流氓？
linbeijixujiazhuangshuijue，zuozaitaduimianbaozhehaizidezhongnianfufu，yijishenpangderenyedoumeikandaoside，daoshineigehaizaiqiangbaoli，yizhizaikunaodehaizi，zheiyiketuranbukule，yishuangheiququdexiaoyanjing，zhigougoudidingzhezheibiankan，xiangshibeixiyin。
yankanzhezheizhinenbairuyuhenpiaoliangdexiaoshou，jiuyaomodaozijidexiongkoushang，linbeideshouzhitouchongzheduifangdezhangxinqingqingyidan。
bansuizhe‘chila’yishengxiang，tashouzhiqingdiandedifangmaoqileyigubaiyan，tongshibanyou‘a’deyishengjianjiao，zheizhishoudezhurenyigeliangqiangzuozailedishang......