第四章 开怼!不要用你的智商以己度人

“hezuo?”jiangfangyiwaidikanzheta。

budebushuoqinyanzuoweiyulequandingliuhaishiyouxiedaolide,wuguanyouyuedilingrenfazhi,taditoukanzhejiangfang,yanlimanshiyaohezuodechengyi,yanmeihaidangzhepiaopiaorandewenhexiaoyi。

suhuashuoshenshoubudaxiaolianren,genghekuanghaishiyigeshifenshuaiqihaixiangnishihaodeshuaigeni?

jiangfangbiaoshijueduibushichanduifangdeshengcungongju。

“neijiu……hezuoyukuai。”

tashenshouyiwoshouzhuangxuanzaibankong,qinyanlengleyixia,suijixiaoleqilai,suiyiyoushunchangdiwozhuneishuangshou。

“合作愉快。”

至于直播间——

zhibojiandeliandoukuaibeidazhongle。

【cao,liandouzhongle……made,qinyannengbunengjizhunideshenfen?nikeshidingliu!jiusuanyaoqingzuduiniyegaiyaoqingbaiziyutamen,jiuyigesuren,hebini?】

【hahahahahahaxiaosi,jingxidalian,shangyimiaosheishuomeirenlijiangfangde?】

【yufenweimiantaikandeqizijizhengzhule,yangexiangyaoqingsheizuduijiuyaoqingsheizudui,shenmejiaogaiyaoqingnijiabaiziyu,pingshenme?pingtabaiziyulianda?】

【……womenzheishizhengchangfenxihaoba?mingbaizhejiangfangdegongjuzuilaji,qinyannaozibuduicaixuanjiangfangdeba?】

【emmm——guoranbudongzhuanyezhishijiubieluanshuoleba,suirandiaoliaomeishenmeyong,danshihaodaianquantaokeshiyewaiduogongnengshengcunyongju,keyizhixuezhuangshui,gangsixianjuzuoyongyeduo,haiyoumeibang,neikeshijuejiashenghuogongju。】

【huangyeshengcunaihaozhejushou,jiangfangdegongjusuiranbulaji。danbiqiqitajiabindelaishuoqueshichaleyigedengji,buzhidaoqinyingdiweishenmexuanta。】

【waigelou,lianggejueshidashuaigehuimian,yangoukuangxi!】

……

zhibojianderenaojiabinshibuzhidaode,jiangfangheqinyandachengjichuzhanlvehezuo,liangrenyijiaotan,yipaijihe,chaozhejiangfanggangkaishizoudedifangqianjin。

ruguoshuoguangshijiangfangyigerendongjing,qitarengujibuhuilihui,danjiashangqinyanjiubuyiyangle。

zhibojianneimejige,qizhongjiushuqinyanliuliangzuida,fensizuiduo,zaichangdejiejiemuduoduoshaoshaoyoudianbenzheqinyanlaide。

“qinge,jiangfangnimenqunali?”linsenshouxianchenbuzhuqi。

tayihan,dajiadouzhuyidaozheibandeqingkuang,qifendunshiguguaiqilai。

baiziyubenjiuhejiangfangjiexialeliangzi,kanjiangfangbashangqinyan,jiugengqile。

“找地方扎营。”

jiangfangkanleyixiatianse,meiyouhetamenchepi,jixuwangqianzou,benjiuyinweiyiwaiqingkuangdangeleyihuier,taiyangdougaogaoguaqi,zheihuierpifudoubeishaideyouxietangren。

zaibuzhaohaozhayingdedidian,bujinyaoshaitaiyang,haideeduzile。

“wojuedezheigedifangjiuhenhaoa,dishipingtan,pangbianhaiyouxiaoxi,haikeyisuishiqushui。”

baiziyuzaicanjiazongyizhiqian,jingjirenjiujitaguanshulexuduoyewaishengcunzhishi,yuanbentadangchutingdeshifenbunaifan,zuoerduojinyouerduochu,xianzaizhinengxiangqiyixingbandian,kehouhuile。

shijinghuiyineixiezhishi,tacailiaoliaoxiangqijigemingci,buguozheixiexianglaiyonglairangjiangfangdiulianyeyijingzugoule,tayigeguer,nandaohainengdongzheixie?buguoshizaiqiangchengbale。

“shia,dajiaxianzaigujidoutingleide,jiubuyaozhetengrenleba,wokanzheidifanghaibucuo。”

longaozhibenlaiduibaiziyujiuyoudianhaogan,zhiqianjiangfangrangtadiulemianzi,jiugengbuyuanyigenzhejiangfangzoule。

zhiyulinsen,youqianchezhijianzai,tacongmingdimeishuohua,danxingdongshangmeishoushi,xianranyebuxiangzou。

daoshifangyixunsushoushidongxi,genshangqinyan。

daobushiyinweijiangfang,ershixiangxinqinyan,xiangtagezheizhongganshadouxingderen,xuanzetiedingbuhuicuo!

jiangfangbandiandoubuxiangjieshi,takanleqinyanyiyan,guoranhaishigencongmingrenyiqiwancaishufu。

qinyanzhuyidaotadeyanshen,xinshenyidong:“zenme?”

江放摇摇头。

“没什么。”

jianneijirenzhendezoule,linsenzaiyuandichichulejixiayegenzheguoqule,jiandajiaguoqule,yikaishitichuzhayingdidebaiziyuliansegengjianankan,takanzhemianqianhaizaizhibodejingtou,canbaizhelian:

“woshimingmingshiweiledajiahao……”tahongzheyanquan,shuangbeihuanxiquanzaidishang。

zheibu,zhibojiandefensikaishishengqile。

【yuyubuku!tamenbushihaorenxin,zanmenbugentamenwan!】

【jiushi,jiangfangyetaibuyaolianle,mingmingyuyushiweitamenhao,zheilidishipingtan,haiyoushuiyuan,zenmejiubunengzhayingle?wokanjiushijiangfangzaiqizhongzuosui,lianyingdiyebeipianle,wojiushuohetahezuojiushizuilipudejueding!】

【jiushi,wokanyuyunihelongxiaogegezaizheibianzhayingyebucuo,shuobudingyihuierjiangfangjiuhuiliuliupaoguolaiqiushouliulehahahaha!】

zhibojiandedanmuquanbeibaiziyudefensijibapingle,yiyanwangququanshianweibaiziyuhemajiangfangde,yingditamenbuganchong,yigesurenhaibuganma?

baiziyuduizhejingtou,yijingxiangxiangdaojiangfangbeizijidefensichongdexibalandemoyang,tazhuantouchaolongaozhikanqu,liansepashanglediandianhongyun,“xiexieaozhinixiangxin……”

tahuahaimeishuowan,jiujianlongaozhiliansemengdiyibian,ranhoujiukaishishoudongxi,yifudasuanzourendemoyang。

shoudaoyiban,tacaimengdixiangqibianshanghaiyougeren,zheicaiwangyangbulaodijieshi:“ziyu,womenhaishigenshangquyiqiba,wanyitamenyoushenmexuyaodedifang,hainengbangbangmang。”

baiziyulianshangdehongyunchaneijiantunxia,bukesiyidikanxianglongaozhi,lianshangdexiaorongchadianguabuzhu,dantahaizhidaozaizhibo,mianqiangyazhizhuzijideqingxu,“nishuodedui。”

tashuozheihuadoushuoyaoyaqiechide。

liangrenyiqianyihouchaozhejiangfangtamendeqianjinfangxiangzouqu。

zhibojianjiangzheiyiqiejinshouyandi,zhibojiandeguanzhongkandaozheierdoumengle。

【bushi?longaozhizenmehuishi?haidailinshidaogede?】

【xiaosiwole,nimenshimeikanjianbaiziyuganggangdelianse,chuanjubianliandoumeitakuai。】

【cao,longaozhiyoubingba?bawojiayuyushuazhewan?】

【nimenyufencaiyoubingba?wojialonglongmingmingshishanjierenyi,zaishuolejiulianggerenwanyichushenmeshile,neigaizenmeban?】

qiebushuozhibojianyincikaizhanleyibofensidazhan,zheibianjiangfangheqinyanyijingzhaodaoheshidezhayingdidianle。

zheishikuaikaoshandekongdi,buguoyebushijinlinzheshanya,shanxiayouyicongmaomidesenlin,jiangfangtamenxuandeshiyikuaijulisenlinbuyuanchudekongdi,dishipingtan,xianglingyibiankanquhainengkanjianhaihaitan。

chaozhaotaiyang,beifeng,dishixiangduilaishuoyesuangao,suandeshangshijiangfangyiluzoulaikandaodezuijiazhayingxuanzedidian。

gengzhongyaodeshi,taqusenlinlitanchaguole,limianyoushuiyuan!huoshui!julihaibuyuan。

jiangfangfangxiabaoguo,nachujiemuzuzhunbeidedanrenzhangpeng,xuanhaodidianjiukaishianzhuang。

“wobangni。”qinyanjianzhuang,fangxiashouzhongdeshiqingzouguolai。

kanzhegebiqinyandongdoumeidong,shenzhilianlaliandouhaimeidakaidezhangpengbaoguo,jiangfangtiaomei,kanxiangqinyan。

duifangbandianbuxinxudehetaduishi。

jiangfanggouchun,dishengqingxiao,jiangshoushangdedidingchuidijita,lveweishayadesangyinzaiqinyanerbianxiangqi。

“neijiuduoxieyangele。”

weinuandehuxichuidaoqinyanergen,redetalianyire。buguotianqibenjiuyanre,dajiadelianduoduoshaoshaoyoudianhongyun,yekanbuchushenmeyichang。

liangrenxunsujiangjiangfangdezhangpengdahao,dengdaodiyidingzhangpengchabuduowangongdeshihou,baiziyuhelongaozhiyebeizhexingligandaolezhayingdi。

kandaomianqiandekongdiliangenlvsedecaodoumeiyou,buyuanchujiushishulin,fujinchulehaitangengshiliannenghedeshuidedoumeiyou,baiziyumeirenzhufanlegebaiyan。

taganlubenjiuleile,gengbieshuoshaileyiludetaiyang,limakaiqibailianjiqiao。

“jiangfang,zheijiushinixuandezhayingdidianma,keshizheililianzuijibendeshuiyuandoumeiyou……ng,womeiyouguainideyisi,wozhishijuedejiranwomenshiyigetuandui,zuojuedingyeshiyaofuzede……”

tajijiwaiwaibantian,shuozhemeiyouguaijiangfangdeyisi,hualihuawaidoushiguaitadeyisi,yijutuandui,haibaqitarenyelaxiashui。

tazheijuhuayichu,yuanbenpingjingdezhibojianyegenzhefachuzhiyi,bijingshiliuliangfensidedipan,yichaoqilai,zhuanyerenyuandejieshiyebeigaizhu,xianzaizhibojianmashengyipian。

【hehe,wohaiyiweijiangfangzhaodedifangyouduohaoni,jieguoshigecuncaobushengdegoupiwanyier。】

【zheibushizhetengrenma?yingdigujihouhuisileshuoyaohejiangfangyiqizuduiba?】

【zhinengshuohuogai,kelianwojiayuyuhaiyaopeizheshouku。】

【jiushi,jiranshiyigetuandui,zuojuedingyeyaoshangliangshangliangba?yishengbuhangjiubasuoyourendoulaxiashui,pengshangjiangfangzhenshidaomei。】

……

jiangfangwuyu,shifenwuyu。

benxiangzhezijizouzijidesuanle,xianrangbaiziyuguojitianhaorizi,dengzheibianjieshuzaichulita,meixiangdaozheijiahuohainianleshanglai。

jiangfanghaizhenmeijianguozheizhongren。

congqiantashengzaishoudoudedingliushijia,yichushengjiuzailuoma,congxiaodaodaxiangzuoshenmejiuzuoshenme,xuexikaoshiyangyangdiyi,panyantiaosansaichegezhongjixianyundongshoudaoqinlai,shenbianderennagebushishunzhetade。

jiangfangsuiranmeishenmefuerdaidewankubingxing,danpiqiyebushihaode。

baiziyuyierzaizaiersandetiaoxinta,yemeidaolirangjiangfangjitaliumianzi。

yushi,haibudaizhouweiderenkaikou,jiangfangbashoushangdegongzuojiewei,zhanqishenkanzhebaiziyuchaofengdao。

“zhenshirenbukemaoxiang。”

“yinidelijienengli,jishiwojieshileniyebujiandedong,suoyijiubuyaoyongnidezhishangyijidurenleba?”