第3章 耍什么流氓

chusongdunzaiqiaoyouyouchetouqianmian,kanzhebumingxiandeguahen,yongshouqingqingmoleyixia,shouzhizhanshangshaoxuheisecheqi,“zhuangleshenmeche?”

“heiche。”qiaoyouyoukaozaichebian,youzaiyouzaideshuo。

chusongpaipaishouzhanqilai,“zouba,zuowodeche。”

“buyong,chetougualeyixiaeryi,biediermeishier,sibuleren。”qiaoyouyoudakaichemenbabaorengjinqu,mizheyanjingchongtabaibaishou。

“qiaoyouyou!”chusongdashenghoutademingzi,zaikongdangdetingchechang,juranhaiyouhuiyin。

qiaoyouyoucongchechuangtanchutou,shensepingjingdewen:“ganma?”

chusongraoshenhuxileyixia,shaoshaopingjingleyixia。raoguochetouzhanzaitamianqian,danshouchengzhecheding,yadishenzilajinbicizhijiandejuli。tamendelianlideneimejin,taxietiaozhezuijiaoxiao,qiaoyouyoukandeyouxieleng,taheiyaoshiyibandeyanjing,shenzhisanzheyaoyideguang。kenengshitaijiumeiyoukandaozheiyangdexiao,rangqiaoyouyoujihuwangji,zheixiaorongbeihouyinzangzheshenme。

“a……”bansuizheyishengjingjiao,tayijingbeitachechuanglizhijielaochulai,kangzaijiantou。tuixianshipengdaolefangxiangpan,youcadaochemen,**douchepole。

“chusongnishuashenmeliumang?kuaifangwoxialai。”qiaoyouyoushengqidedahan,shoujiaobingyong,butingluozaitashenshang。gongzuodedifang,laiwangduoshitadetongshi,tingchechangsuiranrenshao,keshibudaibiaomeiren,wanyibeirenkandao,tazhenshiyaodiudalianle。yuexiangyuejuedeqi,shenzhiquzhegeboyizhouzidingdaotabeishang。

chusongjuranhainengshenshoubadiaocheyaochi,bingqieraodaolingyibiannachutadepibao,qiaoyouyouzhendeyaofengdiaolele,keshitadequandajiaotiduitalaishuoxiang**。

“qiaoyouyouniruguobupadiurenneijiuhanba。”

“xianzaizheiyanghaibugoudiurenma?”qiaoyouyouyaozheyahenhendeshuo,beizheshoujiuzhutadetoufa,gangxianghenhendezhuai,renjiubeitarengzaifujiashishang。

“niyaandeshenmexin?”qiaoyouyouzhuaguopibao,lunyuanlegebo,pibaozhaozhechusongdetoulunguoqu,quebeitayishoudangzhu。

“buxianghuijiaaimajiulaolaoshishizuozaizhei。”

“aimazenmele?woleyishouzhe!”qiaoyouyougengzhebozigentajiang,lianjiayinweishengqiweiweifanhong。

“jintiantashengri,youyou。”

chusongshengyindichenlexuduo,qiaoyouyoushunjianxianggexieleqidepiqiuyiyang,tanzaizuoweishangmeileqiyan。tayejiushishengchusongdeqieryi,jintianshilaotaitaishengri,youhebiretabukaixin?

tamendoubushichengzhideerzihexifu,yigechangnianbuzhejia,yigemangzhezijigongzuo,zuomuqindegenbenbuzhidaonatiankeyikanjianerzi,shenzhibuzhidaohainengbunengjiandaoerzi。erxifuzongshikeyikanjian,queyaogezhebinglengdepingmu。

qiaoyouyouhechusongyiqianyihoujinleyuanzi,chutaitaicongfangjianlichulai,pieleliangrenyiyan,bianjingzhizoudaoshafaqianzuoxia。

“ma,”qiaoyouyouzoushangqian,taohaodexiaozhe,“shengrikuaile。gangxiaban,laideyoudianerwan,ninbieshengqi。”

“shengqi?woshengdezhenideqima?ninpuduodaa,yigeyuenengkanjianlianghuisuanduodele。”chutaitaililipijian,guyibukanta。

zheimejiuyilai,qiaoyouyouyijingxiguantazheiyangbutongbuyangdewaku,zuozaipoposhenbian,“ma,youyitaoqingdailiuxialaideqiju,qinghuaci,tebiepiaoliang,wojuedeninyidingxihuan。”

chutaitaiyangyangxiaba,dakaidianshi,“shaolai。”

zidajinmen,chusongfangruokongqiyiban,tacishibahezifangzaichajishang,xixiaozheshuo:“laotaitaishengrikuaile,wokeshizhuanchengganhuilaijininguoshengride。”

chutaitaitiaozheyanjingpiaoletayiyan,“nisheia?wohenihenshuma?”

qiaoyouyoulanlandekaozaishafashang,qiaoqiaoqiaoqierlangtui,xiaorongliyousisidedeyi,kanzhechusong。jinrimaotoubuzaitashenshang,taledekanxi。chumamahenkanbuguanchusongheqiaoyouyou,lianggerendouyimangweiliyou,zhangshijianjianbuzhemian,qiaoyouyouhaihao,yigeyuenengjianyimian,erqinerzichusongni?

“laotaitaiyoukaiwanxiao,haha……”

“好笑吗?”

chusongdunzaichumamamianqian,dakaihezinachuyigepingzi,“zheishiyouyoujininzhunbeideliwu,kankanxibuxihuan。”

chumamameijie,fanwen:“nideliwuni?”

“ningangbushishuo,genwobushuma?”

“chusong!nichibangyingle!”chumamaqidehenbudetiaoqilai,shengyingaolezuzulianggebadu。

zheigeshihou,chusifengfenghuohuodechongjinlai,haimeizhanwenjiujiaojidehan,“sangehuilaile?sangenimeishierba?”

chusonghuitoumizheyanjingkanzhechusi,dengzhetadexiayiju。

“wotingshuonichuchehuole,meishierba?”

chusongpaipaituizhanqilai,“bushiwo,nisansao。”

“chehuo”zheigecijiuxiangzhadanyiyang,“hong”jiuzaichumamaxinlizhakai,huangzhangdelazheqiaoyouyouzuokanyoukan,ganggangneigaogaozaishangailibulideyangzizaoyidangranwucun,zhishengxiaguanxin。

qiaoyouyouyibianshuozhezijimeishier,yibianyongyanshenerhenhendewanchusong。tadaohao,songsongjianyifuhewowuguandeyangzi。

chuchehuozheishier,shiqiaoyouyouzijishuo,ertazhishizhuanshu。

chusishouzhibutingzhuanzhexiaopaodecheyaochi,zhangtuiyishen,zuozaichusongpangbian。kanzheta,diandiantou,henrenzhen,“haojiubujian,qingduoguanzhao。”

fanshikaikoudoudaicier,chusongduanzhebeizihecha,bulita。

“buxiexiewoa?benlaixiangbangni,rangniganshouyixialaotaitaiduinimuaideguanhuai,sheixiangnigengaixifuer。ai,nishibuzhidao,zheiniantoujiedaonidedianhua,bizhongjiangdourangrenxihan,nengjiedaonidedianhuadouhenbudemanshijieyaohe,shengpameirenzhidao。suoyia,niqianjiaorangrenbasansaochezikaihuiqu,liuzihoujiaojiujiwodadianhua。shuoqilainikezhenbushiqinge,huilaizheishierhaiderangwairengaosuwo。”chusihualao,yizhangzuijiushuogebuting。

“知道的还挺多。”

“neishia,youmeiyoujuedewotianzicongming?jiuniyushuihuoa。”

chusongweiweicetou,“woxiexieni!”

chusiyouxiedeyi,touyipian,chanmeidexiao:“mami?womenheshijinwancan?”

chumamakanzhechusizhouqimeitoushuo:“youpiyangle?”

chusiyuandexiangku,tangzhedouzhongqiang,takeshimeitiandouhuilaiqingande。tajuedezheimeduonianlai,fanshidaotazheidoudedazhekou。fengyasong,laodalaoerlaosan,duohaodemingzi!tabujiushidisigepachulaide,wanlejinianeryi,zenmejiujiaochusile?tayinggaifuxingdanian,zheiyangcaixiqing。

chusizhanqilai,shuangshoubaojianyangzhenaodai,“shuobalaotaitai,wodaodishibushiniqinshengde?wodingzhezhu。”

“xiaoshu,niyoufanshenjingle?”

chusitingwenhuitou,kanjianchuanzheyishenmaoshuiyidechumingzishenzhelanyaocongloushangxialai。“younishenmeshier?xiaohaizibieguanneimeduo。”

chumingzipiepiezui,zaikanjianchusongneiyike,xiaoguniangtebiegaoxing,yibengsantiaodeguoqu,“sanshuhuilaile?sanshuniyoushuaileni!”

“aiai,ganggennishuohuani!”chusilalatadegebo,zhongfuzhezijidiweidezhongyaoxing。

“xiandenghuier,rongwoxiancanjiantaihouniangniang,”chumingzijilingzheni,tajiushibeilouxiashuohuadeshengyinchaoxingde,zaojiukanchulaotaitaixinqingbuhao,fengkoulangjianshang,“nainai,zhuninshengrikuaile,niannianyoujinri,suisuiyoujinchao。”shuowan,haipengzhetadelian“baji”qinleyikou。

chutaitaijintianshengri,keshixinqingfenwaibushuang,chumingziyenantao。“yebuguisu,zaoshangliudianhuilai,yishuidaoxianzai,chumingzi,nishixianwoshoumingtaiduanba?”

chumingzisuohuinaodaishouqixiaolian,shanshandetuihuishafaqianzuoxia,yiwuzirenquanbeichutaitai“guanai”leyibian。gegedalazhenaodai,buguanpingshizaizenmeyouqiyan,zheihuierdouailebanjie。

chulaoyeziyijinmenkanjianyiwuziren,benlaitingkaixin,keshizaiyikantamendebiaoqing,haiyouzhengzhongjianneizun“foxiang”,xinxiayifanleran。

“furen,shengrikuaile。”

“ng。”chutaitaiyingleyisheng,yijiuzuozaishafashangbudong。

tuolewaitaodijimishu,muguanghuanshileyiquaner,“renyeqile,kaifanba?”

chutaitaipielelaoyeziyiyan,“nikansheijiazheigedianerchifan?yexiaoa?”kouqiyouxiebushan,shuowanzhanqilaizouhuiwoshi,bingqie“peng”deguanshangfangmen。

duizhelaobanerheyanyuesedelaoyezi,duierzixifuerjiumeineimewenhele,lianyila,kouqipoweiyansudeshuo:“hailengshenme?ganjinranglaodahelaoerjinimadadianhua!”

zuizhong,laotaitaijielelianggeerzidedianhuazhihou,xinqingcaiyousuohaozhuan。jializaojiubeihaowancan,zhongyukeyianxindechidunwanfan。

chujiaerlaoshizhidaochusonghuilaide,suoyikanjiantabingmeiyoujingya。likaiqian,chusonggenzhelaoyezijinshufang。zaierziyanzhong,fuqinyizhihenyanli,henshaohuiduitamenbiaoyangkuazan。

“xinkule。shentihaihaoba?”

chusongzhanzaishuzhuoqian,shuangshoubeizaishenhou,bigongbijingdeshuo,“haihao。”

“jiluyouxiu,biaoxianhenbucuo。”laoyezihennandedekuajiangleta,chusongbiaoqinglveweihuanleyixie。

“zheijitianhaohaopeipeiyouyou,tagenzheniyemeinengxiangshenmefu。”

“shi,”chusongxianglexiang,youxiejiannandetiyaoqiushuo:“rongyushouyuneitian,nengbunengrangyouyoucanjia?”

neishiyinianyiduquanjunzuigaorongyubanjiang,daochangwuyibushijunren,eryouyouxianranliandiyigetiaojiandoubufuhe。chusongchengren,zheigeyaoqiuyouxieguofen,danshitazhendehenxiwang,youyoukeyikandaoyigeyuyiqianwanquanbutongdeta,rangtazhidao,zijibuzaishiyigezhihuireshishengfeidepizi,ershiyimingyouxiudekongjunfeixingyuan。

“wohuianpai,huiquxiuxiba。youkongduojinimadadianhua。”

“是,我知道了。”