第4章 要你有个屁用(3057字)

dachengyizhihou,woheyinchadousonglekouqi。

wobaxiedaifangxiale,tayebadaofangxiale。

woyoudianqidaideduiyinchashuo:“nimingtiandasuanzenmebangwo?zhijiexianshenbaozoutayidun,haishiyongwodeshenti,henhenbaofuta?”

yinchagankeleyisheng,miandaiyouyushuo:“neisha,wohundengbushisuilema?woxianzaishentixuruo,erqiebaitiandeshihou,yangqiwangsheng,woyebufangbianchushou。”

wodashisuowang:“neiwoyaoniyougepiyonga。”

yinchajianwoyaofanhui,lianmangshuo:“youyong,youyong。”

“nixiangbanfa,rangwoxishouyidianchenlongdefumianqingxu。zheidongxiduiyinchalaishuo,shijihaodeyangfen,duiyuwodeshangdayouhaochu。”

“zhiyaowodeshangshishaoweihuanyihuan,nijiukeyishiyongwodeliliangle。”

“yongyouleyinchadeliliang,bieshuozainimenxuexiaole。jiusuanzaiquanshinidounenghengzhezou。”

woyoudianmanyi,youwen:“fumianqingxu,jutishishenmeqingxu?”

yinchashuo:“kongju,nixiangbanfarangtakongju。”

我:“……”

wohenshiwuyudeshuo:“nizheibushichedanma?woyaoshiyoubanfarangtahaipa,wohaiyongdezhenibangmang?”

yinchashuo:“zhiyaojimiaozhongjiuxing。fanzhengjihuiyijingjinile,nizijizhuomozhuomoba。”

我陷入了沉思中。

zheishihou,yinchamengdizhanqilai,dakaimenchongchuqule。

ranhou,wotingdaowaimianchuanlaihuluhuludeshengyin。

tazhengzaichifan,xiangshizhuyiyang,fengkuangjinshi。

wokanjianwodeshentidoubeichengbianxingle,duzixiangshiqiqiuyiyangguqilai。

worenbuzhushuo:“zheishentijiusuanbushinide,niyebunengzheimezaoa。”

yinchachongwoliezuiyixiao:“henjiumeiyouchirenjianshiwule,renbuzhuchangchangxian。niduodandaia。”

ranhou,tapaodaocesuokousangzi,wadeyisheng,bachijinqudequantule。

吐完又进了厨房。

woshuo:“niesiguia?wodeweiyaobeinigaohuaile。”

yinchayibianchi,yibianmanbuzaihudeshuo:“meishi,nianqingren,jingdeqizheteng。”

worenbuzhuyoushiyitongma。

yinchafanfanfufu,zhetenglebanye,woshizaishoubulele,duitashuo:“dage,woqiunile,shuihuiba,xingbuxing?wopamingtianhaimeidachenlong,zhijiexiancusile。”

zheiciyinchazongsuantingjinqule,tadianlediantoushuo:“haojiumeizuomengle,shishizuomengdeganjueba。”

ranhou,tatangdaochuangshang,daotoujiushui,yimiaozhongdoubudaidanwude。

我:“……”

neitianwanshang,woxianggeqingqiqiuyiyang,zaitianhuabanpiaodaoletianliang。

yebuzhidaoshiyinweiqingkuangtaiguiyi,haishihunpobuyongshuijue,wodengzheyanaoleyiye。

dangdiyilvchenguangzhaodaowowoshideshihou,wofaxian,zhenggeshijiexiangshibeishaokaileyiyang。

suoyoudongxi,doubeizheilvchiredechenguang,shaodemaochubaiyan,bingqiejuanqubianxing。

houlaiwofaxian,bushishijiebeishaokaile,shiwodehunpoyaobeishaokaile。

gui,bunengzaibaitianhuodong,guoranshizhende。

wosichuxunzhaobeiyindedifang,nengrangwogouyancanchuandedifang。

ranhouwofaxian,piyongdoumeiyou。

xianzaideshijieduiwolaishuo,jiushiyigedazhengguo,wojiusuanduodaomeiyouhuodedifang,yehuibeireqizhengsi。

jiuzaizheishihou,wodeshentihuranchanshengyiguqiangliedexili,bawodehunpoxijinqule。

womanzudetanxileyisheng:taihaole,nandaozheijiushichuanshuozhongdehaiyangle?

jieguowohaiyangzhihou,likejiuyoujuliedetoutongxilai,woganjuenaozidouyaozhale。

wodenaohaizhongyongchulailewushudedongxi。

duihuasheng,dadousheng,fengsheng,yusheng,haiyouhenduobushuyuwodejiyi。

woyihuijuedezijishicuihao,yihuiyoujuede,zijishiyigejiaoweizudezhongnianren。

wowuzhenaodai,tengdegongzaidishang。

guolehaoyihui,jutongcaijianjianxiaoshile。

erwoyelishunqingchule,zhanjuwoshentideyincha,jiujiaoweizu。

tasihushuixingle,batadejiyishoulehuiqu。

tazaiwodenaohaizhongshuohua:“woshuocuihao,nizenmegaode?chenwoshuijuedeshihou,zuanjinwoshentilibian?haitoukanwojiyi?”

“nimenhuorendouzheimemeibianjieganma?neikedoushiwoyinsia。”

“zaishuole,nizheishentizheimeruo,nengchengshoulianggehunpoma?zheiyaoshijibaolesuansheide?”

woshuo:“zheitamahaoxiangshiwodeshenti。xianzaiwohaiyangle,nikeyichuqule。”

weizuyoudiannaohuo:“nizheibushichedanma?woyaoshinengchuqu,wozaozoule,nijuedewoxiangdainizhei?”

womenlianggeduimaleyihui,zuihoudouxiaotingxialaile。

dakoushuizhangmeiyong,haishijiejueshijiwentibijiaozhongyao。

weizuxianglexiang,genwoshuo:“wokeyishousuohunpo,yinzangzainizanshibuyongdeqiguanlimian。”

“zheiyangwomennengjiaoliu,nidezhengchangshenghuoyebushouyingxiang。”

“buguozheigeqiguanbixushinibuyongde,fouzenidiaodongbulezheigeqiguan,biruxin、gan、pi、fei、shen,zheihuiweixienideshengcun。”

wozuozaiyizishang,jiaojinnaozhidesikao,woyoushenmeqiguanshiyongbuzhede。

weizushuo:“naoziba,woyinzangzaininaozilihaole,fanzhengzheidongxiniyebuyong。”

我:“滚!”

weizuhuranyouxingfendeshuo:“woyouxiangdaoyige。”

wobenlaidadingzhuyi,zaiyebutingtafangpile,danhaishirenbuzhuwen:“shishenme?”

weizushuo:“wozangzainilizhilibianba,nibushitongzinanma?fanzhengniyeyongbuzhe。”

wo:“**,nitamabiantaia。gun!gunchuqu!”

zuihouwomenlianggedachenggongshi,weizuzangzailewodeyouyandangzhong。

zaitazangjinqudeneiyishunjian,woyouyandeshiyefashenglebianhua。

youyankandaodeshijie,secaidouyoudianshizhen,xiangshiyitaihuailedediannaoxianshiqi。

jieshangxingzouderen,shenshangdoumaochulaiyiheiyihong,liangdaoqixi。

zheiliangdaoqixixiangshiliangtiaosheyiyang,huxiangchanraozaiyiqi。youxiangshihuoyanyiyang,zaitamenshenshangtiaodongzhe。

weizudeshengyinzaiwonaohaizhongxiangqilai:“hongsedeshibenmingdenghuodeqixi,heisedeshisiqi。”

“dengrenlaoleyihou,hongseyuelaiyuean,heiseyuelaiyuewang。”

“danghongsechedixiaoshi,zhishengxiaheisedeshihou,renjiusile,hunpobianchengleguihun。”

“neishihoujiugailaogewoshangchangle,tiemianwusi,gouhunduopo。”

weizushuodetingrenao,erwoyishidaoyijianyanzhongdeshi:“**?zhaozheimeshuo,wokanjiandedongxi,niyenengkanjian?”

weizuheiheixiaoleyisheng:“suoyia,nikebiekanshenmebugaikande。”

我:“……”

womomodiguanbilefangjianzhongdediannao,kanlaizheizhenzibunengheyingpanlidelaoshimentantaoxuexile。

…………

yiqifengfa,longwangguiwei。

yijinhaixiang,shienbaoyuan。

shangxuelushang,wonaoziliquanshi**sinixidehuamian。

weizutixingwoshuo:“biewanglenadaochenlongdekongbuqingxu。”

“xishoulezheixieqingxu,wocaiyouliqibangni。”

woshuo:“rangchenlongkongbuyoudiannan。wonabierendexingbuxing?”

“shangxuelushangjingguoyijiayoueryuan,zaineilibianshoujikongbuqingxuhaishitingjiandande。”

weizushuo:“nibiequyoueryuanle,wokanjianyigegongce,limianyoubushaocangying,tamenkanjianrenjiuhedeluanfei,niquneilibianshoujiba。”

wojingxidewen:“zheiyangyexing?”

魏卒:“行个屁!”

“hunpoyueqiangda,yuexiee。suosanfachulaidekongbuqingxu,yingyangyuefengfu。”

“chenlongdekongbuqingxuruguoshizhutourou,youeryuanxiaopengyoudejiushishupi。”

“woxishouneimeduoshupiganshenme?nijianguojirenyangshangchishupidema?”

我不说话了。

woganjuejintianquxuexiao,shouyaomudekongpabushifuchou,ershixiangbanfazibao。

zheigeyincha……sihubukaopua。

我进了教室。

laoshihaimeidao,jiaoshilibianluanzaozaodequanshishuohuasheng。

danshiwojinqudeneiyichanei,shunjiananjing。

suoyourendemuguangdoukanxiangwo。

youxingzailehuo,youtongqing,youxingfen。

neixiexingfenderen,gujishixiangchigua。

wojiazhuangzhendingdaolezijidezuowei,gangyaozuoxia,wopiaoleyiyankezhuo,xinzhongdeyiguhuotengdiyixiajiushengqilaile。

wodekezhuoshang,youyituodabian。

xianranshiganglade,haisanfazherehonghongdechouqi。

呕……

我差点吐出来。

这绝对是陈龙干的。

woyaoleyaoya:kongjuqingxushiba?xing,laozijintianbuyaomingle,yederangchenlonghaipa。

ranhouwokanjianbanzhangyiliuxiaopaozhechuqule。

worenzheexin,xiangyaoqinglikezhuo,danshiwogenbenwucongxiashou。wodouxiangbazhuozirenglebuyaole。

jiuzaizheishihou,guangdangyishengjuxiang,jiaoshimenbeichuaikaile。

chenlongdaizheyibangtiyusheng,databudejinlaile。

womenbantongxuedousuolesuobozi。

tamenxiangkanrenao,yepayangjichiyu。

chenlongshenhouchulelianggexiaodi,jiushitanvpengyou,haiyouyifuhanjianxiangdebanzhang。

banzhangyoudianbuhaoyisidekanlewoyiyan,liuhuidaozijizuoweishangqule。

kanlai,gangcaijiushitaqutongfengbaoxinle。

chenlonglidelaoyuan,huranbashoulidelanqiuzaguolaile。

lanqiubupianbuyi,mengdizazaineituodabianshang,zaiwokezhuoshangyidan,chaozhewomianmenzhuangguolai。

我连忙扭身一躲。

lanqiufeidaolewohouzhuoshenshang,huiwuzhanletayishen。

wotingjiantamaleyisheng:“cuihao,nitamaganshenme?”

tabuganmazuikuihuoshouchenlong,bawodangchengletizuiyang。

buguowoxianzaiyelandedalitale。

因为陈龙过来了。

chenlongzhanzaiwoshenbian,shenshoumowodetou:“cuihao,zanmentongxueyichang,woyebuxiangzuodetaijue。”

“wozaijiniyicijihuiba,nishuozenmeyang?”

“gangcaiwoyonglanqiu,bangnizadiaoleyiduobandabian。suanshijizulenimianzileba?”

“nizhiyaobashengxiadejiwotianle,yejiwogemianzi,yihounijiushiwogemen。”