第1章 站着说话不腰疼

“peng”diyishengxiangqi,yanshiqingzhijuedeshenziyiqing,suijizhongzhongdidieluozaidi。

haiweidengtafanyingguolai,toufashunjianyoubeirenjinjinchezhu,jinjieerlaidebianshi“papa”lianggedaerguang。

shashizuiliyimanlexuexingwei,sihuyoushenmedongxi,zhiwangwailiu。

“siyatou,kannihaiganbuganpao!”

yanshiqingzhijuedetoupiyijin,yidaocugadenanshengeshengeqidezaierbianxiangqi。

谁,是谁敢打她?

jinguannaozihunchen,shuangjia**,kexinzhongneigunuyi,haishizhichengzhetazhengkaileyanjing。

zhijianyanqianzhanzheyigeshenchuanyixikanbuqingyansedecubu,kanqilaiyousansishisuideshouxuenanzi,cikezhengyilianzhengningdidingzheta。

“yo,dajiaqiaoqiao,zheiyatouneishishenmeyanshen,buzhidaoderen,haiyiweitadieshitadeshafuchourenni!”

jiuzaizheishi,shenpangchuanlaiyidaodaizheyimotiaoboshifeidexixueshengyin。

yanshiqingjiangshixianzhuanxiangshengyinchu,biankandaoyigeshenzhetaohongseyishang,nianyueershichutoudenvzi,bu,shifuren,zhengyongzhexiupawuzhezuiba,yandidixiaoyiquezenmedoumobuqu。

sheilaigaosuta,xianzaishishenmeqingkuang?

guobuqiran,neifurenshengyinluo,haibudaizhouweirenshuoshenme,jiujianneinanzilianshangdeliqigengzhonglesanfen。

“siyatou,kanwobuwalenideyanjing!”

yanchunshengjuedezijibeiluolegemeilian,bianeshengeqidishenshouyaoquwadishangnverdeyanjing。

buzhidaoweishenme,turanjiantajuedeyanqianzheigerenhaomosheng。

suishuoshiqingneigejianyatoutianshengnigu,danhaibuzhiyuxiangcikezheiyang,moshengdaorangtaxinhuang。

yanjiantadeshougaogaojuqi,yanshiqingxinzhongnuyihengsheng,qiangrenzhebushi,lengshengdao:“nidakeyishishikan!”

liangshitingdaozheihua,xianshiheheyixiao,suijijiaoqiaodao:“tadie,nikebienaoziyire,jiuzuochurangzijihouhuideshi。zheixialeyandeguniang,jiusuanmoyangzhangdezaijunqiao,keyezhibulejigeyinzi。”

yinzi,zheilianggezixianranshihenyouyouhuolide。

yuanbenyijingdaoyanshiqinggenqiandeneizhicucaodashou,dunshikazhu。

shile,zheiyatouxianzaihainengzhijigeyinzi。

yaoshixiale,sheihaihuiyao?zuihouhaibushimaibuchuqu,laizaijialichihe。

xiangguixiang,danbeixialedemianzihexinzhongdeneigunuyi,haishiyaozhaodifangfaxie。

zhijiantadeshoudunleyixia,suijizaicizhongzhongdishuaixiangyanshiqingneizhangyiranhongzhongbukandelianjia。

yanshiqinglianyipian,yagensongdong,zuilidexuexingweiyuelaiyueshen,zhiyulian,zaoyitengdemamule。

henhao,zheilianggeren,tajizhule!

yanchunshengjuedezongsuanzhaohuiyixieshenweirenfu,shenweinanrendeweiyan。

zaihenhendidengleyiyanyanshiqinghou,caiduiliangshidao:“doushenmeshichenle,fangpozizenmehaimeiguolai?”

liangshi,yejiushifangcaineigeshenchuantaohongseyishangfuren,tingdaozheihua,bianxiaodao:“zheibushihaimeidaoshichenma,jiranyijingtantuole,neibiranshihuilaide,nijiufangxinhaole。”

jibianshiyanshiqingduimuqiandehuanjingyiwusuozhi,kezheilianggenannvdeduihua,taduoshaonengtingchu,juebushishenmehaoshi。

xiangyaoqishen,naihehunshentibuqiyisiliqi。

kejiuzheiyangrenming,ta,buganxin!

xushizhouweiderenzaiyetingbuxiaqule,biankaikoudao:“chunshengxiongdi,qingyatouzaizenmeshuo,yeshinidenver,zheiyangmaidiao,budahaoba?”

“jiushi,zheiniantourizihao,youbushijialiguobuxiaqule,yebuguoshiduoyikoufaneryi。”

“qingyatoushigenenggande,youchibuleduoshao。”

……

mianduizhongrenniyiyan,woyiyudehua,yanchunshengxiangdaojialisuoshengbuduodeyinzi,zaijiashangtahaixunuoleyaojiliangshimaiyinzandeshi,mianseyeyuelaiyuechen。

liangshimanyidikanleyiyanyanchunshengdelianse,zheicaibujinbumandao:“nimenzheixierenyejiushizhanzheshuohuabuyaoteng!nimenshiyoubenshi,kewomenjiabibudenimen。zheirizishichileshangdunmeixiadunde,nalihaiyouduoyudeliangshiyangyigepeiqianhuo。”

tazheihuabushuohaihao,kehuayiluo,zhongrenkanxiangtademuguang,dunshichongmanlebuxie。

zheihaichileshangdunmeixiadunni?

pei,yebuqiaoqiaotaneishenshangchuande,toushangdaide。neikeshizhibushaoyinzi,zhenshibaijianiangmenyige。

guoran,bushiqinshengde,zenmezaotadoumeisuowei。

后娘就是后娘!

zhongyuyoufurenkanbuxiaqule,renbuzhudao:“nishaomaidianyifuheshoushi,dougouyanghuojigeqingyatoule,haishenmeyoushangdunmeixiadunde,pei!”

liangshitingdaozheihua,xiaozhemolemozijitoushangdeyinzanzi,tiaomeikanxiangneifuren:“nizheishizaishuo,ninanrenconglaibuxintengni,bujinimaizheixiema?ai,zheizhongshi,douyaokanzijizainanrenxinzhongdefenliang,shixianmujidubulaide。”

hualuo,haixianbugouside,youbushangyiju:“xiangxiangyeshi,qiaoqiaonineizhanglian,zaikankanwodelian,zheiwanquanshimeibanfakebide。woyaoshinanrena,wanshangwangchuangshangyitang,kejiushenmexinqingyemei!”