第2章 你真会开玩笑

takanzhezhishangde“kun”zi,zhijianqingqingdianledianzhimian,shengyinqingcuiyueer:“zhei‘kun’zi,waimianyigedakou,limianyigemu,jiuhaosinixiaoshihoujiajinghaisuanbucuo,benyouzheyouwodehuanjing,rutongbeihaohaobaohuzhedeshumu。

kedaoleshisuineinian,jialishengyichuledabiangu,jiurutongzheidakouturanshoujin,yixiabaniyuanbenanwendeshenghuojikunzhule,rangnixianrukunjingzhizhong,jialiyeyinciluopo,haiqianlebushaowaizhai。”

huayingangluo,chenyuxuanlianshangyijiushineifumanbuzaihudeyangzi,fangfozaishuo:jiuzheidianshier,sheibuzhidao。

【baituo,zheishierquanlibushaorendouzhidao,chenyuxuanzhiqianjieshoucaifangdeshihoudoutiguo,suibianshangwangyisoujiunengchadaohaobuhao!】

【yuxuanxiaoshihouyeshitingkeliande,jialichuleshi,neixieqinqipengyoudouduodeyuanyuande,ai,tayeshiburongyi。】

【wokanbailuoyanjiushixiangboyanqiu,guyinazheixiedajiadouzhidaodeshierlaishuo,taijialeba!】

【heng,zhentaoyanta,laoshigaozheixieyaoezi,fansile!】

“buguo,zhei‘kun’zi,zheimubeikunzhu,yeyiweizheshinizishendeyixiexingweibazijikunzailezaogaodejumianli,jiuxiangnitoutounalejializhongyaodehetongquhuanqianwanyouxi,neihetongyidiu,hezuofangchezi,caidaozhihoumianyilianchuandezaogaoshi,shiniqinshoubazijikunzailezheikunjingzhizhong。”bailuoyanbujinbumandiyoubuchongleyiju。

chenyuxuandexiaorongshunjianjiujiangzailianshang,zhenggerendoulengzhule。

buguangshichenyuxuan,wuliqitarenyedouyilianjinge,xiayishidibamuguangtouxianglechenyuxuan。

【woqu,zhendejiade?zheikemeitingchenyuxuanshuoguo!】

【kendingshibailuoyanxiabiande,tajiushixiangmoheiwomenyuxuan,zheigehuainvren,taikeele,zenmenengzheiyang!】

【buxinyaobuchuanyao,womenyuxuanshishenmerenwomenhainengbuqingchu,kebiebeizheibailuoyanjipianle!】

“bailuoyan,nizheishizaoyao,shiweifade!”chenyuxuanheizhelian,yaozheyashuodao。

“wosuishikeyizhaolvshigaoni,nizuihaoganjinjiwobizui!”zuishangsuiranshuodeyingqi,ketaxinliquerenbuzhu“gedeng”leyixia,anzisicunzhe,zheishitazenmehuizhidao?buguozhuannianyixiang,jiusuantazhidaoleyouzenyang,meizhengjuyebaida,xiangdaozheier,tayoushaoshaofangsonglexie,zuijiaomianqiangcheqiyimolengxiao。

“neiwomenzaikankanzhei‘kun’zi,muzaiqizhongbudeshuzhan,ni15suineinian,weilenengjinyulequan,pianleshenbianyigeyizhibangnidehaopengyou,narenjiaxinkuzanxiadejixuqudadianguanxi,jiurutongzheimubeiyadegengwanle,jieguoqianhuale,shiquemeibancheng,haihaiderenjiabeijiarenhenhenzemaleyidun,zuihouneipengyouhenijuejiaole,erniyijiubeikunzaiyuandi,nanyizhengtuo。”bailuoyankemeilihuichenyuxuandejinggao,tashuangshoubaoxiong,weiweiwaizhetou,sixiaofeixiaodijixushuodao。

chenyuxuandeliansebiandeyuefanankan,yanshenlitouzhenaonu,dashenghoudao:“bailuoyan,nibietaiguofen,wojinggaoni,zailuanshuo,wokeduinibukeqile!”

bailuoyanquezhishipingjingdikanzheta,yanshenlitouzhedongchayiqiedeyiwei,dunledun,youhuanhuankaikoudao:“zaijiezhekanzheizi,beikunzhudemuxiangyaozhengtuo,keni,houlaihaoburongyiyoudianjihuijinlegexiaojuzu,queyoujidutongzuyigexinrenbinibiaoxianhao,toutouzairenjiadedaojushangzuoshoujiao,jiuhaosizheimubeigengduodezuaijikunzhule,haiderenjiashoushangzhuyuan,cuoguoledahaojihui,nijiuchenjidinglerenjiadeweizhi,zheicaimanmanyouledianmingqi,keshijishang,nihaishibeikunzaizijineixieyinanshouduanyingzaochudekunjuzhizhong,nishuo,nizheishouduanshibushitaixiazuolexie?”

chenyuxuanzheixiachedizuobuzhule,mengdizhanqishenlai,shouzhizhebailuoyan,qideshengyindouyouxiezhandou:“bailuoyan,nijianzhijiushixuekoupenren,niyoushenmezhengju?meizhengjujiubiezaizheierhulielie,wogaosuni,wokebushihaorede!”

bailuoyankanzhetaneiyinweifennuhexinxuerbiandeyouxieniuqudelian,qingqingyixiao,manbujingxindishuo:“nikanzhei‘kun’zi,rujinyeyushizhenizuijinyunshikebutaihao,zuodeneixiekuixinshi,pashihenkuaijiuyaodoubuzhu,wozheicezidebenshi,xianglaishihenlingyande。”

takanzhechenyuxuanneiyinyinfaheideyintang,xiaoyigengshenlejifen,xinliqingchu,chenyuxuanpashiyaozaigedagentoule。

【aaa,bailuoyanzheigejianren,zenmelaoshizhenduiwomenyuxuan,tashibushijiduyuxuanbitahuo,taihuaile,zhenxiwangtaganjinxiaoshi!】

【zheiyetaiguofenleba,bailuoyanzheishixiangbayuxuanwangsilizheng,xintengyuxuan,@chenyuxuangongzuoshi,nimenkuaichulaiguanguan,bunengrangbailuoyanzheimeqifuren!】

【bailuoyanbudehaosi,bailuoyanbudehaosi,bailuoyanbudehaosi!】

danmushunjianjiubeichenyuxuandefensijishuapingle,mimimamade,jihudoukuaibajingtoulidehuamianjizhezhule,qitalurenyijibiedejiabinfensifadedanmudoubeijidaojiaoluoli,hennanqiaojianle。

zhibodeshihoujiabindeshoujidoubeijiemuzushouzoule,chenyuxuanxiayishidiwangdoulimolemo,xiangnashouji,quemolegekong,neiliansebietiyouduonankan。

“bailuoyan,zheizhonghuakebunengluanshuo。”xuqingzhalezhayanjing,jiaoshengdapolezheijiangchideqifen。

“wojuedeyuxuanbushineiyangderen,womendoushitongxing,douzhidaomingshengduiwomenlaishuoyouduozhongyao,nihaishiganjinjieshijieshi,biekaizheizhongwanxiaole。”xuqingshuowan,haichaozhechenyuxuantouquleyigeanfudeyanshen,chenyuxuanjianzhuang,lianseshaoweihuanhelexie,chaotaweiweidianlediantoubiaoshiganxie。

tingdaoxuqingdeshengyin,bailuoyanyebamuguangyileguoqu。

qishizaozaigangdaozheierdeshihou,bailuoyanjiuchajuedao,zheiwulichuletamenjigerenzhiwai,haiyouyidaoruoyouruowudeqixi。

neishiyigechuanzhepojiuyishan,manshenlangbei,dizhetou,toufaluanzaozaodizhezhuledabanzhangliandeshenying,zhengjingjingdizhanzaixuqingdeshenhou。

tadeshenyingyijinghendanle,kanyangziyinggaicunzaitingzhangshijiande,gujizaiguoyizhenzijiuhuichedixiaosanle。

tashiyuanhundeyizhong,heneizhongbeikunzaimougedifangdedifuhunleisi,danyouyousuobutong。

tashiyinweishengqianzaoshoulejidadeyuanquheyuanhen,sihoubianchanshangletazuihendeneigeren,suiranmeishenmenenglishangren,kequehuishibushidiyingxiangbeigenzhederen,rangqijingshenzhuangtaibiancha,zuoemengdoushichangyoudeshi,erqieyaoshizhangshijiangenzhehuoren,xishoutaiduorenqi,tazijiyemeifaqutoutai,zuizhongzhinenghunfeiposan。