第一章
shiliusuineinian，dijiejiajinlezhennanwangfu。
shibasuineinian，shizijiefujiuhoutouwenlewodechun，shuodangnianruguobushiwonianjitaixiao，taxiangqudeqishishiwo。
neishihoudewozhidaozheibushiyinggaiyoudeqingai，suoyijiangyiqieyazaixindi。
houlai，dijieshizong，weileweixijiazurongyao，muqinqinshoujiangwotuishangleshizijiefudechuang。
shiziduandingleshiwojiazutanlianquanshi，duandingleshiwobuzairudangnianchunliang，xianhailedijie。
yushirufushinian，shizidaiwo，youruduidaiyijianbinglengdeqiwu，congweiyouguoyisiwenqing。
woyutadejiaoliujinshizaineibinglengdechuangtashang，tajinjinqiazhewodeyao，dongzuocubaodefangfozaichengfayijumeiyoulinghundequqiao。
zongshiyeyeliusu，taquejuebuyunxuwohuaishangtadehaizi。
zhengzhengqici，meiyicitadouyongzuicanrendefangshi，rangwoshiqufuzhonghaizi，zhidaowozaiyebunengyouyun。
jieerliansandexiaochanrangwodeshentixunsushuaibaixiaqu，ketaquejuedewozaizhuang，fawozaixuediliguimanshiergeshichen。
“nishentiyixianghenhao，zenmekenengturanjiubingdaole，dingranshizaizhuangbing！”
“benlaijiuxinshubuzheng，xianzaiyoutianleyigesahuangdemaobing，zhenshirangrenyane。”
“nijinrijiuzaizheiliguizushiergeshichen，benshizidaoyaokankannihuibuhuisi。”
1.
hanfengguoxiezhexuehuazuanjinwodeyiling，wodexigaizaoyishiquzhijue。
woyanqianyizhenzhenfahei，querengnengqingxidikanjianlangyanxianeidaoxiuzhangdeshenying。
shizixiaojinghengpizhemohudachangzhanzaineili，yuguanshuqideheifachendetamianrongruxue。cikezhengyongneishuanglingjingchengguinvmenhunqianmengyingdeyanjinglenglengfushizhewo。
“zhuangmozuoyang。”tabochunqingqi，shengyinqinglengruyuqing，“dangnianpachuangshidebenshinaqule？”
wozhanglezhangzui，quezhikechuyikouxuemo。
xuemojianzaixuedishang，xiangyiduobeiniansuidecanmei。
wodeshixianjianjianmohu，erpanzhishengxiahuxiaodefengsheng，hexiaojinghengbinglengdeshengyin——
“dingjinta，guimanshiergeshichen，yikedoubunengshao。”
tadeshenyingzailangyanxiazhuli，mohudachangchendetaruhuazhongzhexian，keneishuangyanjingli，zhiyouwujindeyane。
wozhongshimeinengchengdaoshiergeshichen。
heiantunshiwodeneiyike，wojingyouxiejietuo。
zaizhengyanshi，wuneitanhuoshaodejinuan，kewodegutoulirengshenzhehanyi。
“yuanjieer！”muqinpuguolai，zuanzhuwodeshou，yanleisusuluoxia，“nizhongyuxingle......”
wozhanglezhangzui，houlonggansedefabuchushengyin。
dafuzhanzaiyipang，meitoujinsuo，shengyinchenzhong：“shizifeihanqirugu，baogongzaoyiposunbukan，jiazhiduocixiaochanweidediaoyang，rujinqixuekujie，wuzangjiesun......”
tadunledun，sishiburen，quehaishidishengdao：“zuiduo，zhishengyigeyuele。”
一个月。
wozhengzhengdiwangzhezhangding，jingyouxiehuanghu。
十年了。
congshibasuibeisongshangshizidechuangta，daorujinershibasuiyoujindengku，wojingzhendeaoleshinian。
kezheishinian，wohuodebisihaitongku。
muqinzuanzhepazi，kudeaiqie：“yuanjieer，niangquqiushizi，rangtaqingyuyilai......”
“bubile。”woyashengdao，huanhuanchouhuishou，“jiaoyiyijingwanchengle，bushima？”
她的哭声戛然而止。
shinianqian，dijiegangsi，muqinbianguizaiwomianqian，kuzheqiuwo：“yuanjieer，zhiyouninengjiujiazule......shiziruoqulebiejianvzi，zanmenjiajiuwanle！”
woneishicaishibasui，mengdongwuzhi，zhizhidaodijiesile，jialitiantale。
kehoulaiwocaimingbai，tiantadebushijiazu，ershimuqinderonghuafugui。
taqinshoujiwoguanxia**，bawosongshangleshizidechuang。
dierrixinglaishi，xiaojinghengdeyanshenxiangdaoziyiyangwanzaiwoshenshang，tashuo：“nimenmengjia，zhenshixiazuo。”
congneiyihou，wozaitayanli，jiushigebuzhilianchi、tanmuquanshide**。
muqindekuqishenghaihuanraozaierbian，wozaoyimeileliqizaishuoxieshenme，zhishibishangleyanjing。
huranyidaolengfengxilai，menbeituikai，xiaojinghengshenbiandelimamazoulejinlai，lianlidoumeixing，zhijielengshengdao：“shiziyeshuole，shizifeijiranxingle，guijubunengfei，meiriguizulianggeshichen，zhidao......”
tapielewoyiyan，meishuowan。
kewozhidaotadeyisi——zhidaowosi。
“zheizenmexing！”muqinmengdizhanqilai，“yuanjieerdouzheiyangle，shizizenneng......”
“zenmebuxing？”limamalengxiao，“houfurenmobushiwangle，dangnianshisheishilexiazuoshouduan，yingsaijinwangfude？”
wokanjianmuqindelianshunjiancanbai。
tazhanglezhangzui，zuizhongzhishituiranzuoxia，zuanzhepazideshouqingjintuqi。
duokexiaoa，shinianqiantaqinshoubawosongshangshizidechuangshi，jiugaixiangdaojinride。
“muqinbubiweinan。”woqingshengdao，“hengshuwoyehuobuleduojiule。”
limamalinzouqianyoubuleyiju：“shiziyeshuole，ruoshihoufurenjuedeweiqu，dakeyiduanlezheimenqin。”
muqindeshenzimingxiandouleyixia。
wozhidaotazaixiangshenme——zheixieniankaozhewangfudeyinbi，mengjiacainengweichibiaomianfengguang。
ruozhenduanlelianxi，neixiejinyiyushi，neixietimianzunrong，jiuquandoumeile。
“yuanjieer......”tazhongyukaikou，shengyinlidaizhexuweidegengyan，“nizairenren......”
wobishangyan，buzaikanta。
jiranyaosile，neixieguiju、timian、jiasuo......doujianguiquba！
我要为我自己活。
哪怕只剩下一个月。
2.
chuangwaidexueyuexiayueda，susudipuzaichuanglingshang，xiangshiwushuxisuidewuyan。
**zaichuangtou，yibiyihuadixiezhehelishu，mojiyunkaizaizhishang，xiangjilezheixienianzenmeyecabugandelei。
menbeimengdituikaishi，wozhengjianghelishuzhehao。
xiaojinghengyishenjiuqitajinlai，mosejinpaoshangzhanzhexueli，yandifanyongzheshuxideyane。
“xiaojingheng，womenheliba。”
wojiangneifenghelishudidaotamianqian，zijigongzheng，mohenweigan，xiangshizhanduanzheishinianhuangtangdezuihouyidaojuejue。
tazhanzaiwomianqian，gaodadeshenyingzhezhulezhuguang，yinyingchenchendiyaxialai，fangfoyaojiangwoniansui。
tadingzheneifenghelishu，xiangshikanzheshenmehuangmiuzhijidedongxi，banshang，hudilengxiaoyisheng，taishouyihui——
“啪！”
helishubeitahenhendaluozaidi，zhizhangpiaoling，xiangjilewozheishinianbeitacaijinnilidezunyan。
“mengyuan。”tahurandixiao，gujiefenmingdeshouzhangzhongzhongyazaizhuoshang，shuodao：“niyiweiwanzheizhongbaxi，jiunengtaoguozefa？haishinijuedezheiyangjiunengyinqiwodezhuyi？”
“womeizheigeyisi，wozhishixianghelile。”wopingjingdeshuodao。
talengleyishun，suijixiangshitingdaoshenmexiaohuabanchixiaochusheng：“dangnianpachuangdeshihou，zenmebujiannizheibanqinggao？”
ruoshicongqian，zheihuanengrangwotengdefadou。
kerujintingzaierzhong，jingxianggezheyicenghouhoudesha，lianxinjiandoucibutoule。
“woshirenzhende。”wowangzhetaxinghongdeyanjiao，“shinianle，gaihaidezhaiyegaihaiqingle。”
“haiqing？”taqinglengdemuguangkanzhewo，sihuyoujifenchaofeng，“nidijiedezhainizenmehai？nimenmengjiadewochuoxinsinizenmehai？”
taqiazhuwoxiabapowotaitou，sishijinggao，yousishiweixiedao：“nigenwoheli？niyiweilileshizifu，nineixixuedeniangjiahaihuiyaoni？”
wobeitazhuaideliangqiang，danbodezhongyihualuojiantou，luchusuoguchushangweixiaotuideyuqing。
tayanshenyian，turanjiangwohenhenyajinjinbeili。
shuxidetengtongcongxiashenkaishimanyan，woquelianmeitoudoumeizhouyixia。
tayandishanguoyisiyiyang，zhuanergengyonglidishoujinshouzhi：“zhuangchuzheifusiqichenchendeyangzijisheikan？dangnianpachuangshide**jingerni？”
danbodezhongyibeitacubaochekai，luchumanshenweiyudeyuhen。
“zhidaoweishenmeliuzhenima？”tayaozhewoerchuilengxiao，“jiushiyaokanniririhuozaibaoyingli。”
bingliangdeyudaikouluozaiyaoji，wowangzhezhangdingshuxidechanzhiwen，huranxiangqibeisongrufudeneiye，zheihuawenyeshizheiyanghuangderenyanhua。
tadongzuoyuefaxionghen，queturanqiazhuwodebozi：“kua！zenmebukule？”
zhangxinxiademaiboweiruoditiaodong，taxiangbeitangdaobanmengdisongshou。nanrenmuguangzhengzhengkanlewoxujiu，sihushipawojiucisile，kewoyouxiejueqiangdeyanshen，redetazhuanerjiuzhuwodetoufa：“baichuzheifusiyangzijisheikan？niyiweiwohuixinruan？”
siliedetengtongrangwoyanqianfahei，kegengtengdeshitatiezaierpandediyu：“lianniniangdoubanidangwujianersonglai......chulewoshenbian，nihainengqunaer？”
tadongzuoyuefaxionghen，quefanfushuozhetongyangdehua，buzhishizaijinggaowo，haishizaishuofutaziji。
wowangzhezhangdingyaohuangdeliusu，huranxiangqishiliusuineinian，dijielinjiaqiantoutousaijiwodexinghuatang。
neitangtaitian，tianderangrenyankuangfasuan。
jiuxiangcike，mingmingtengdaojizhi，woquezaixiao。
xiaozheiyishenghuangtang，xiaozijixingwutaichi。
3.
chenguangtouguochuangshashi，wozhengkaiyan，jinbeixiadeshenzixiangshibeiniansuiguoyibanteng。
shencedechuangtazaoyibingliang，zhiyujidaozhouhenzhengmingzuoyeyourenlaiguo。
“shizifeixingle？”limamadaizhelianggecushipozichuangjinlai，lianlidoumeixing，bianshuodao：“shichendaole，gaiquguizhele。”
wochengzheshenzizuoqi，danbodeqinyihualuojiantou，luchusuoguchuqingzidezhihen。
limamayanzhongshanguoqingmie：“zhuangshenmejiaoruo，dangnianpachuangdeshihou——”
“掌嘴。”
woshengyinhenqing，querangmanshizhouranjijing。
limamalengzhu：“shenme？”
“woshuo，”womanmanxihaoyidai，“zhangzuiershi。”
limamalianshangdezhouwenduichujixiao：“laonukeshishiziyederumu......”
“woshishengzhiqinfengdeshizifei。”wotaiyankanta，“zaitingjianbangezangzi，jiubanifamaichuqu。”
talianseshunjiannankandeyaosi。
“woshuozhangzuiershi，nimendoumeitingdaoma？”wolenglengdekanxiangtamen。
xiaojinghengqifuwoyejiubale，shenmeshihoulundaozheixiexiarenzaiwomianqianyaowuheliudele？
lianggepoziputongguixia，limamaqueturanzhuaizhuwoshouwan：“**！zhendangzijishishenmejinguiren......”
“啪！”
wofanshouyijierguangshuaiguoqu，zhendezhangxinfama。
limamawuzhelianjianjiaoqilai，waijianturanchuanlaijicudejiaobusheng。
“闹什么？”
xiaojinghengpizhexuanhudachanglizaimenkou，fashaohaizhanzhechenxue。
limamalikepuguoqukusu：“laonufengminglaiqingshizifeixingfa，sheizhitajingyaodashalaonua！”
wochizuzhanzaidilongshang，kanzhexiaojinghengyibubuzoujin。
tashenshoutaiqiwoxiaba，huranchixiao：“zhangbenshile？”
muzhizhongzhongcaguowodechun，shuodao：“jiranyouliqidaren，kanlaiguisangeshichenyebufangshi。”
hanyicongjiaodicuanshanglai，wowangzhetaqingxiao：“haoa。”
zhuanshenjiuwangxuedilizou，danbodezhongyibeifengchuidelieliezuoxiang。
“guijiugui！”wohuitoukanta，“fanzhengzheixienian，wobuzaojiushishizijiaoxiadeyitiaogouma？”
xiaojinghengtongkongzhousuo，sihushixiguanlewoweiquqiuquan，ruciyingqideshihouhaishidiyici。
limamaqiaoleyiyanxiaojingheng，zizuozhuzhangdeweixiaojinghengchuqi，shenchujiao，chenjijiangwobandao：“jianbihaigandingzui！”
woliangqiangzhediejinxuedui，xigaizazaidongyingdebingmianshang，cigudehanyishunjianchuantoudanbodeyishan。
houjianturanyongshangyiguxingtian，woxiayishiwuzhuzui，quejianxianhongdexuecongzhifengjianshenchu，yidi、liangdi，zaiaiaibaixueshangzhankaicimudehongmei。
“shizifeituxuele！”shenhouchuanlaiyahuandejingjiao。
woyaoyaoyuzhuiditaitou，shixianyijingkaishimohu。
huanghujian，wokanjianxiaojinghengdeshenyingmengdiyizhen，neizhangyongyuandaizhejiqiaodelianturanniuqu。
tajihushifeipuguolai，xuansedachangzaifengzhongfanjuan，saoluoleyanxiayipaibingling。
“沅沅！”
tajiezhuwoxiahuadeshenzishi，wotingjianbinglingzhuididecuixiang，hetashengyinlicongweiyouguodehuangluan。
tadeshouzhangtiezaiwohoubei，neimeyongli，fangfoyaobaworoujinguxueli。
“jiaotaiyi！xianzai！like！”tadenuhouzhendewoermoshengteng，“sheiganmanyibu，benshizizhutajiuzu！”
**zaitahuaili，kanjiantaxiahebengdesijin，houjiebutingdigundong。
youwenredeyetidizaiwolianshang，buzhishironghuadexue，haishi......
yishifuchenjian，wotingdaoxiaojinghengdeshengyin。
“sanshiban！yibandoubuxushao！”
linhunguoquqian，wotingdaoxiaojinghengdenuhouzhendefangliangdouzaizhan。
“sheizhunnimendongtade？tashibenshizideren！”
mimihuhujian，wocheleyisizuijiao，qingshengdexiao。
xiaojingheng，wanghou，wobushinideren。
只做你的鬼。
4.
我以为自己死了。
kezhengkaiyanshi，manshiyaoxiangyingrao，jinsitanshaodezhengwang。
shenshanggaizhehouzhongdejinbei，jingshiworufushiniandouweiyongguodeyunsimian。
“shizifeixingle？”xiaoyahuanpengzheyaowanguizaitaqian，“gaiyongyaole。”
wozhengzhengwangzhechuangwai，neizhukusidemeishujingdouchanshanglehongchou。
fulidaochuzhangdengjiecai，lianwoyuanlidouguashanglexiqiyangyangdedenglong。
“fuli......yaobanxishi？”
yahuanshouyidou，yaozhisazaijinbeishang。
tahuangmangquca，quebeiwozuanzhushouwan：“shuo。”
“shi......shishiziyaoquqi......”tashengyinyuelaiyuexiao，“tingshuoshi......”
门突然被推开。
wotaitou，hunshendexueyeshunjianninggu。
dijiemengfuyixiyanhongqunjuzhanzaimenkou，fajianjinfengbuyaoyiyishenghui。
neizhangyuwoqifenxiangsidelianshang，zaibujiandangniandewenrou，zhishengxiakegudejiqiao。
“dijie？”womanliandezhenjing。
tabushizaishinianqianjiusilema？
wohuaiyishiwoyanhuakancuoleren，keduimianderenyikaikoubiandapolewosuoyoudexiangfa。
“shinianbujian，meimeizenmebingchengzheiyangle？”tahuanbuzoujin，ranzhekoudandezhijiahuaguowoaoxiandelianjia。
“haoqiwoweishenmehaihuozhea？”mengfuzuijiaoxiangshanggouqi，daizheyimocanrendeshuodao：“dangranshiyinweiwogenbenjiumeisia！”
“shizifeideweizhiwozuonilerangjini，rujinwohuilaile，niyegaiwuguiyuanzhule。”
wosisizuanzhebeijiao，zhijiaxianjinzhangxin，youhenduoxiangbutongdeshiqing，turanjiuxiangmingbaile。
weishenmedangniantadebinglaideneiyangturan，weishenmetasiqianyaohuijia，weishenmewoconglaimeiyoujianguotadeshiti。
yuanlaidangniantadesi，congtoudaoweidoushiyichangxi。
“nijiusuanshibazhanzheweizhiyemeiyong，”tafushenzaiwoerbianqingyu，“bijing......yigejiangsizhiren......”
“fuer。”xiaojinghengdeshengyinturancongmenwaichuanlai，daizhewocongweitingguodewenrou，“zenmedaozheierlaile？”
“nihaoburongyicaihuifulejiyi，qianwanbunengzaishoudao**。”
tadabuzoujinlai，xiaoxinyiyilanzhudijiedeyao，muguangchujiwoshiquexiandeyouxiefuza。
kenengshiwodecuojue，zongjuedetakanxiangdijiedeyanshen，sihubuzairucongqianneibanjianding，bianshikanxiangwoshi，yeduolejifenkuijiu。
愧疚？
愧疚什么呢？
我低头冷笑。
kuijiuzhemowoshinian，zhongshiyichangwuhuima？
haishikuijiujilewokechengzhiji，pashangtadechuang？
takanlewoxujiu，zhongjiuhaishikaikoule，shuodao：“zongshinizhiqianyouqianbanbudui，danfuerxinshan，buyunijijiao......”
“he！”wolengxiaochusheng。
不与我计较？
shinianzhemo，yichaodeguanxin，daozuihoujingshibuyuwojijiao？yuanbenduiwoneiyanghaodedijie，xianrujinjingranyebianderucichoulou。
buguomeiguanxile，fanzhengwoyeyaosile。
mengfuhuilailezhenghao，xiangbixianzaixiaojinghengjiubuhuibufangwozoule。
“helishu，”woqiangchengzhezuoqilai，“shizijiranyaolingqu，buru......”
“闭嘴！”
kesheiliao，xiaojinghengwenyanzhouranzhuanshen，xuansejinpaozaizhuhuoxiahuachulinglidehudu。
tazhijieniedefabai，jinggaodao：“mengyuan，nishengshishizifuderen，sishishizifudegui！lunbudaonishuoheli！”
wonengqiaodechulaitashizaishengqi，danshiwobumingbaitaweishenmeyaoshengqi，mingmingdijiedouyijinghuilaile，mingmingtayijingkeyidechangsuoyuanle，tayouyoushenmeliyouliuxiawoni？
liuzhewozaizheilikantamenfuqienaima？
tadingzhewocanbaidemianse，huranfangruanleshengyin，daizheyisishishedeyiwei，shuodao：“haozainidijiehaihuozhe，haozainimeiniangchengdacuo。zheishinian，jiudangshinidizuile。”
抵罪？
wowangzhetaxiaoxinyiyihuzhedijiedemoyang，huranjuedezheishiniandetongdouchenglexiaohua。
xinkoumengdijiaotong，yikouxianxuepenzaixuebaidezhongyishang。
“yuanyuan！”xiaojinghengxiayishiyaolaifuwo，quebeidijiezhuaizhuyixiu。
tajiangzaiyuandi，zuizhongzhishizhoumeidao：“haohaoyangzhe，biexiangneixiemeiyongde。”
tamenxiangxieliqudebeiyingcitongwodeyan。
yuanlaizheishinian......
buguoshiyichangjingxinshejidepianju，erwojiushiqizhongzuidadeshazi！
5.
yefuyiye，wodexiaoyuanjingdezhishengyaoxiang。
xiaojinghengzaiweitazu，quemeirimingrensonglaizuizhenguidebuyao，yingshijiangwocanpodeshenzidiaozheyikouqi。
冬日的夜格外寒凉。
woyizaichuangqian，kanzhekuyedazhexuanluoxia。
yahuangangbeiwoqianquxiuxi，wuneizhishengyizhanjiangxidezhuhuo。
houjianturanyongshangshuxidexingtian。
wotaishoumoquchunbianxueji，kanzheyinhongdexuezhuzhuiluozaisubaiqinyishang，xiangjileneiniandijiechujiashi，xijiaoshangzhuizhedejuanhua。
“zhongyu......yaojieshule......”
wohuanhuanhualuozaitashang，hanyicongsizhibaihaimanshanglai。
zheishinianrutongyichanghuangtangdameng，rujinmengxingshifen，jingbixiangxiangzhongpingjingdeduo。
huanghujian，sihuyourenpomenerru，jiangwobinglengdeshentiyongruhuaizhong。
wofeiliditaiyan，quezhikandaozhuhuozuihoutiaodongleyixia，suijixianruyonghengdeheian。
yishixiaosanqian，wofangfotingjianyuanchuchuanlaixilesheng。
duofengcia，wodesiwang，jingchengletamendahundeheli......
......
chuangwai，xiaojinghengzhanzailangxia，kanzhemanfuhongchouquezhijuedeciyan。
jishiyidao，taqueguishishenchazoudaolewodeyuanziwai。
zheiyigeyuetayeyedoulai。
chenwoshushuishijiangrenloujinhuaili，zhiyouxiudaowofajiandandandeyaoxiang，cainengmianqiangheyan。
taiyiyuandemingguiyaocailiushuibansongjinlai，lianxiyudexueliandouqiulaile，jiushiweilebaozhuwodeming。
“shiziye......”xiaosijicongcongpaolai，“jishiguole，furencui......”
“滚！”
tafanzaodichekaixifulingkou。
mingminggaixinxiruokuangde，mingmingmengfucaishitanianleshinianderen。
kedangwoshuoyaohelishi，tadiyifanyingjingshikonghuang。
zuihouyingshijimengfuhuanleshenfen，zhiyiyaotayipingqizhiweirumen，jiushiweilebaozhuwodeshizifeizhiwei。
liantazijidoubuzhidaozijiweishenmeyaozheiyangzuo。
“a——”yahuandejianjiaoshengxiangqi。
“shizifei......shizifeihongle！”
萧景珩僵在原地。
hanfenglinglie，bianzaichaneijian，chuihongletadeyan。