第4章 内疚

wojilikongzhizhuzhandoudeshengyin,shuoleju“zhidaole”,xiaozhelikailegongsi。

woxiangyaojizhaihaodadianhua,dakaishoujideyishunjian,wokanzhepingbaoshangwoyutadejiehunzhao,turanyouzhonghuangrugeshidecuojue。

为什么?

weishenmetayaopianwo?weishenmeyaogufuwoduitadexinren?

cikewocaikaishiaohui,woyuanbenyiweinanrenjiuxiangfengzheng,wulunfeidezaigao,zhiyaoxianzaiwoshouzhongjiuxing。keshishishangwojitadexinrenjiuxiangfengzhengxian,feideyueyuanbianyuerongyiduanlie。

womeiyoubotongdianhua,yinweiwobuzhidaoyinggairuhezaiquxiangxintashuodehua。

woyebuyuanyiyushengdouhuozaiqipianyuhuangyanzhong。

zhuanyanyoudaolezhouwu,zheitianwomeiqushangban,zaizuchepingtaishangzuleyiliangbuqiyandexiaoche。

xiawusandian,wojiangchezitingzaizhaihaodegongsilouxia,shuangyansisidingzhedashadechekuchurukou。

woyifangmianxiangyaochachuzhenxiang,lingyifangmianyouqidaozhezhaihaobuyaochuxian。

xinliyougeshengyin,zaibutingweitabianjie:zheiyiqieshichangwuhui,zhaihaomeiyouchugui,taconglaijiumeiyoubeipanguoni。

sidiangangdao,yiliangshuxidelansesuvcongchekushilechulai。

chezicongwocheqianfeikuaishiguo,wokanjianchulezhaihao,fujiashideweizhihaizuoleyigeduanfanvren。

sudutaikuai,wokanbuqingshishei。

xinzangcitongdelihai,fangfoyouyikuaijushiyazailewodexinkouchu,rangwozhixidechuanbuguoqilai。wodeqingxubengkuidaolejidian,yaozhuzuichunburangzijikuchushengyinlai,yicaiyoumengenleshangqu。

zhaihaodecheziyilukaichuzhuchengqu,jinrulejiaoqu。

yigexiaoshizhihou,chezitingzaileyijianjingshenbingyuanwai。

zheijianjingshenbingyuanwosuiranlaidehenshao,quebingbumosheng,yinweiwodemuqinjiuzhuzaizheier。

kanzhechechuangwaijiebaidejianzhu,wolengzhule。

woyouduojiumeilaiguozheilile?jiudaowoyijingjibuqingrizile。

dangnianmuqinpaoxiawohezhangjie,yurensiben,shangxindefuqinyibingbuqi,zuizhongsashourenhuan。

houlaimuqinyoubeineigenanrenpaoqi,zaiyuyuguahuanzhonghuanshanglejingshenbing,shanliangdezhangjiedanfuqileshanyangtadezeren。

kewojinshengjinshidouwufayuanliangta。

wufayuanliangyigezisichuguideren。

chekuli,zhaihaohenvrenxialeche,wozheicaikanqingneigenvrenjingranshibiwodashisuidezhangjielunianxue。

“xiexienihewoyiqilaikanmama。”lunianxuexiaozheshuo,“jiulianxiaozhenyejingchangshuoqi,shuotaxiaoyifushigehaonanrenni。”

zhaihaowenhedao:“buyonggenwokeqi,siyingshiwolaopo,wotitazhaogumuqinyeshiyinggaide。erqiexiaozhenyeshigehaohaizi,tayechabuduogaidaoleba。”

songxiaozhenshiwodezhinv,jinnianershiersui,xinggehewojieyiyangshanliang。

wodexinlituranyizhenneijiu,yuanlaizhaihaomeizhouwutiqianxiaban,jiushiweilebangwotanwangmuqin。

yixiangdaozheixietianlaiduizhaihaodehuaiyi,woxiukuidehenbudezhaogedifengzuanjinqu。

wozuozaicheli,naqishoujijitadaletongdianhua,kanzhetahenkuaijietong:“wei,laopo。”

“laogong,woxiangnile。”woqingshengshuo,sangyinyouxieshaya。

zhaihaojinzhangdao:“chushenmeshilema?biepa,youlaogongzai。”

“meiyou,jiushituranhenxiangni,wozaijiadengni,nizaoxiehuilai。”

zhaihaoyikoudayingle,guaduandianhuahou,wozhengxiangjiachelikai。

turantingjianlunianxueyiweishenzhangdiwen:“niheneigenvrendeshi,siyingtahaimeiyouchajueba?”