第一章 我想要回去

guangmingjiyuan8888nian。

dongdaozhenzhou,beihaidiguo,fengyuxingsheng。

yunmengcheng,shenglidisanchujijianshixueyuan。

fengherili,wanwushengzhang,weifengxixi。

chuxia,zhengzhiyunmengchengyinianzhineiqiwenzuishushideshijie。

jinsedewennuanyangguangchuanguojiaoshedeboli,zhaojinkuanchangdejiaoshe。

ernianjijiubandeketangshang,zuozaijiaoshediyipaidelinbeichen,muyuzaizheimeihaodeyangguangzhong。

zheiweishisisuideshaonian,zhangxiangjijia,jianmeixingmou,wuguanjunyazhongdaizheyingqi,heifanongmi,mianjiafengying,jiangshuangshoupengzaiyanqian,quanshenguanzhujujinghuishendikanzhezhangxin,shibushishouzhicuodong,haoxiangshizijideshoushangzhangzhehuaeryiyang。

congshangkekaishi,tajiubaochizhezheige‘kanshou’dezishi,jihuyidongbudong。

zuozaidiyipaizuixianyandezuoweishang,hairucihaowuzheyan、guangmingzhengdadishangkekaixiaocha。

简直嚣张。

zheiyaoshihuanzuobieren,jiangtaishangdezishenjianshujiaoxidingsanshi,fenfenzhongyitaozuinashoude【jichujianshujinshensanlian】jiaotazuoren。

danjiranshilinbeichendehua……

“bunengshengqi,bunengshengqi。”

“tanaoziyoubing,woyoumeibing。”

“bunengheyigeyounaojidewankuyibanjianshi。”

yipiqihuobaowenmingdisanchujixueyuanzishenjiaoxidingsanshi,zaixinzhongyibianbiandimonian,nulirangzijiwushizheigequanchengzuidadewankubaijiazi,jixushangke。

qitaxueyuankandao‘baozaojiaoxi’dingsanshiruci‘renqitunsheng’deyangzi,buyoudedourenjunbujin,xiangxiaoyebuganxiaochusheng。

zhishilaoshihetongxuemenbuzhidaodeshi,linbeichenbingbushinaojifanlezai‘kanshou’。

而是在看手机。

yibuchulelinbeichenzijizhiwai,qitarenjueduikanbujiandezhinengshouji。

“kengdiea。”

cishidelinbeichen,zhengzaixinliaohao。

tazheishizaoleshenmeniea。

zhibuguoshizaimalushanglazhuleyigechuanghongdengchadianerbeidakachezhuangsideshenjingbing,jieguojiubeizheigezichengshi‘sishen’dejiahuo,qiangxingsailezheibumeiyoupinpailogodezhinengshouji,zairanhoutajiu……linghunchuanyuele!

laidaolezheigejiaozuodongdaozhenzhoudeqiguaishijie。

chengweilebeihaidiguo‘shidamingjiang’zhiyide‘zhantianhou’linjinnandedizi。

yigeyunmengchenghechengwenmingdewankubaijiazi。

这TM找谁说理去?

julichuanyueyijingguoqulesantian。

linbeichenyijiuwufajieshouzheigeshishi。

他想要回去。

suiranzheigeshijiewudaochangsheng,chongmanleqiji,chuanshuozhongdingjiqiangzhejianshanganhai,feitiandundi,wusuobuneng,youjianshoumingyouzhang,heshenxianmeiliangyang……

danshi——

zheixiedouhetalinbeichenmeiyouguanxia。

xianbushuoyoumeiyouxiuliandetianfu。

jiusuanshiyoutianfu,qianshibuguoshiyigeputongyouxizhaideta,yemeineiyilijianchia。

zhengtiankuhahadixiulian,dongliansanjiu,xialiansanfu,haiyaoliuxuezhandou,zuizhonghuoxialai,cainengchengweiyidaiqiangzhe。

zheihekongdiaowifimeituanbzhanbiqilai,jianzhichayuanlehaoma?

shounvekuangcaixiangjiusiyishengdiquchengweiqiangzhe。

zhengchangrenzhixiangzhaizaijialichuizhekongdiaodazheyouxilumaolugoukanpianluziji,shunbiandianwaimaikanguichudangxianyu。

genghekuang,diqiushanghaiyouneiyidapiaodenuannuandejiarenhepengyoua。

suoyi……

他娘的穿越。

老子不稀罕。

老子要回地球。

linbeichenjiehechuanyuedeqianyinhouguo,silaixiangqu,huiqudeweiyililunshangkenengxing,maosijiuzaizheigeqiguaidezhinengshoujishangle。

tanengbawodaidaozheigeshijie,yinggaiyekeyidaihuiquba?

应该可以吧?

baozhezheiyangdeniantou,linbeichenzaifengkuangdiyanjiuzheibuzhinengshouji。

qijinweizhi,tafaxianlezheimejijianguaishi。

diyijianguaishi,zheibushoujikeyi‘shourutinei’。

zhiyaolinbeichenxiangyao,zheishoujijiuhuizidongchuxianzaitashouli,buxiangyaodeshihou,jiuhuixiaoshibujian。

这就很荒谬了啊。

zhengjingshoujisheihuiyouzheiyangdegongneng?

dierjianguaishi,jiushichulezijizhiwai,zairenheqingkuangxia,qitasuoyourendoukanbudaozheigeshoujidecunzai。

jiubiruxianzai,tamingmingshishoupengshouji,fengkuangyanjiugongneng,danshiluozailaoshihetongxuemendeyanzhong,zeshitaxiangshiyigenaocanyiyangdingzhezijikongwuyiwudeshouzhangzaifadai。

zheishiyibuyinsejinshuwaiqiaodequanpingshouji。

dangqianzhuangtaiwei——

电量21%。

xinhaokanqilaixiangshi4g,danzhiyouyige。

huafei……

EMMMMM。

linbeichenchangshidaguo110,120、119he10086,yeshizhedaguosuoyounenggouxiangqilaideqinyoumendedianhuahaoma。

jieguotishiyintongtongwei‘ninbodadedianhuaweikonghao’。

shoujizhupingmushang,zhiyoudianhuabu、duanxinxiang、yingyongshangdiansangetubiao。

dianhuadabutong,suoyiduanxinziranyeshifabule。

linbeichenweiyidexiwang,douzai‘yingyongshangdian’limian。

ranertabuzhiyiqianbiandidiankaizheigetubiao,xianshizhiyouyige——

商店里没货。

limianyigeyingyongchengxudoumeiyou。

他娘的也配叫商店?

配吗?

linbeichenqidexiangyaochidiaozheiposhouji。

zheishi——

当当当!

kejianxiuxidezhongshengxiangqi。

“haole,gangcaiyijingweidajiajiexile【chudengxuanqininglianshu】dewanzhengban,xianzaiwomenxiuxiyikezhong,ranhoujixushangke。”

laojiaoxidingsanshiduanqibeiziheleyikoushui,runlerunsangzi。

“大家都知道,三日之后,就是咱们学院的年中大比了,这次大比dezhongyaoxing,buyongwozaiduoqiangdiaoba?haole,tiqianyugaoyixia,xiayijieke,woweidajiazhunbeileyijiejingxuankecheng,shiwodedumenmiji【jichujianshujinshensanlian】。”

laojiaoxidingsanshishuozhe,muguangyoukandaolelinbeichen。

jianzheigewankuzidi,haishiyifuhunyoutianwaideyangzi,tabuyoudeshiwangdiyaoyaotou。

“linbeichen,xiajiekeniyaohaohaoting,zheiyitao【jichujianshujinshensanlian】,zuishihenizheiyangjichuchadexueyuan。”

dingsanshirenbuzhuteyiduoshuoleyiju。

ranerlinbeichenyijiushimuruodaijihaowufanying。

唉。

朽木不可雕也。

laojiaoxiyilianwuyudizhuanshenchulejiaoshi。

duiyulaojiaoxideyuannian,linbeichensihaobuyiweiyi。

taduizheigeshijie,quefarentonggan。

duiyuzijidexinshenfen,yeshihaowudairugan。

xianzaideta,yimenxinsixiangde,shiruhehuidaoyuanlaideshijiezhongqu。

因此对于什么狗屁年中大比,shenmejinshengheqiantu,shenme【chudengxuanqininglianshu】、shenme【jichujianshujinshensanlian】,doutemeyibianwandanquba。

tajixumomodiyanjiushouji。