第1章
“yibaiwanzuowodenvren！”
yizhangzhipiaobeiqingpiaopiaodirengzaizhuozishang。
zuozaiduimiandenanrenxiabaweitai，biaoqingxiangshienci，youdaizhexiegaogaozaishang。
shuowanhouxiangshipazuozaiduimiandenvrenwuhui，kuaisudibuchongleyiju，“weiqiyinian，bunengwangxiangdangwofuren，yifuyaoshouxi，meitianzuofandengwo，biaoxianhaodehuawohuikaolvzaixuyinian。”
tademeiyigentoufasidousanfazhezixindeweidao，kanzheduimiandenvren，yanzhongdoushimanyizhise，zhangdehaokan，shencaihao，pifubai，jiuliantoufadoumaomi，zhizheiyibaiwan。
siyaozuodebizhi，naoziquexiangshigelaohuadechuliqiyunzhuanhuanman，shuangshouhuanhuantaiqi。
nanrenhenmanyi，zheizhongbutaojiahaijiadenvrenhenhetadexinyi。
zhishisiyaodeshoubingmeiyoushenxiangzhuozi，ershitingzaibankongzhongyushuangyantonggao，xiangshihaoqi，zixikanlebanshang，ranhoucaitanleyikouqibashuangshoufangxia，yijingliangtianle，tahaiyouxiebunengjieshouzijizhashideshishi。
“nijiwoyiqianwan，wodangniniang！”
shoufangxiazhishitadeshengyinyehuanhuanerchu，shuowanhouyouxuezhenanrenbuchongleyiju，“liangqianwanwokeyijidangdieyoudangniang，nibuyongjiwozuofan，yanglaosongzhongjiuxing。”
takanxiangduimiannanrenshi，yanzhongyeliuluchumanyi，zhangdezhuang，gezigao，kanqilaitaiguancaiyinggaitingwende，yinggainengtaidongtade‘jia’。
“nishuoshenme？”nanrencuoe。
siyaoyiweitameitingqing，shengyinbagaozhongfuleyibian，“liangqianwanrangniyongyoufumu。”
nanrendelianseheichenruguodi，shouzhizhesiyao，qidehuadouyouxieshuobuhulun，“ni…nizheigenvrenfengle！”
kenengshixiantaxutao，siyaodelianshangyedailexianqihebunaifan，“jibuji，bujizhafeini。”
yucitongshi，tadeshouzaikoudailitaoletao，yibadongxibeitapaizaizhuozishang，shouzhongnazhedahuoji，shouzhishangshangxiaxiadianyazhedahuojifachubadabadadeshengyin。
nanrenshixianluozaizhuoshangneiyibadongxishang，pukepai？
俩王和四个二！
炸飞他？
haiyouneijijiangdianranpukepaidedahuoji。
zheitamashigejingshenbingba！
nanrenzhanqishen，shengyinbuman，“daoyan，zheishijiwofenpeilegeshenmeyangdeshenjingbing？”
【shenbushenjingbingbuzhidao，danshitingdewohenshuang！】
【jiushi，yigexiangqinjiemu，haibazijidangdayele，wokantashixuyaoyiduifumuyigejia。】
【hahahahaha，wobaoxiaochusheng，xiangqinhaizidaidaojua。】
【zheijiezhangdehaokan，jingshenzhuangtaiyezheimemeili，shiwodecai，zixinnannazhezhipiaopaiduiqu。】
【yuanlaishihuaqianshangdejiemua，daiyuyijinghenhaole，doumeiyounazhendezhadan。】
zheishiyigezhiboxiangqinjiemu，mianxiangsuoyourende，gezhongxinxizhixuyaodaoyanzuneibianshaixuanyixiajike，buguosiyaodangshizhibeishaixuanlelian。
ersiyaogenmeishirenyiyang，shouzhongnazheyibapainulidixiangyaoyongdahuoji‘yinbao’ta，kanshangqunuliyouguiyi。
tayebushihenmanyide，yuanyiweizijiangshenfendangtadieniangyijingshijitamianzile，meixiangdaozheirenhaibuhaoyisi。
tayexuezhenanrenzhuantouqukandaoyan，zhishizhuandongdeshihouyouxiejiangying，xiangshixujiumeiyouzuoshenmedadongzuoyiyang，shuochulaidehuayeshihuanhuande，“zheigehoudaiwobumanyi，jiwohuanyige！”
shuowanhounazheshouzhongdeliuzhangpukepai，weixiedao：“buranzhafeinimen！”
suoyouren：“......”
daoyanzhijuedeyigetoulianggeda，zheigesiyaoshitazailushangpengdaode，zhishijuedezhangdehaokan，youyiwensanbuzhi，tazheicaipogebarennongjinlejiemuli。
dantayezhishikanzhongletadewaimaoeryi，zheigejiemuyemeiyouxiangyaowangqipaluxianzoua，tamenshigezhengjingdexiangqinjiemu。
tazhinengxianquanfuyijingbaozaodenanren，douyijingzheiyanglezhiboyemeiyouting，xianzaizheiyanghainengshuoshijiemuxiaoguo，yaoshibazhiboguanle，neikejiushizhiboshigule。
siyaowaitoukanzhetamen，tayigebuzhidaochenshuileduoshaoniande...mianqiangsuannvshiba，youdianbutainenglijiezheixiehoubeidesixiangle。
haiyouneiqunshituchuangjinta‘jia’deqiangdao，douyinggaizhafei！
burantayebuyongbeijinglixiangliangtian。
zhangjiudechenshuirangtanaozihezhitijianghua，jiulianfanyingdouhuimanbanpai。
kanzheshouzhongdeliuzhangpai，weilitahaishihenmanyide，zhiyuweishenmezheiliuzhangpainengzhafeiren，quanpingzuowanyiqiwandelianggeren。
gaozhisiyaozheijizhangpaishizhadandexiaomeiyuanyuandiwuzhulian，zhadanhainengzheimeyongtayeshidiyicizhidao，dangshisiyaozhishiwentazheizhadanweishenmezhabufeiren，tayeshisuikouhuileyijuyaohuocainengyinbao，nacengxiangtajingranzhendexinle。
xiwangdaoyanbuzhidaozheigeshishitagaosusiyaode。
siyaobeigongzuorenyuandaixiaqule，zongbunengzhenderangtajixuzaizhibojingtoumianqianfafeng。
ranerzheijianshihuole，buguangshiyinweisiyaode‘zhafeini’，haiyinweineigenanrenbijiaozixindeyanlun。
siyaode‘zhafeini’heshuaichulailiangwangsigeerdedongzuobeifanfubofang，wangyouxichengzhafeijie。
huobuhuodesiyaobuzhidao，tazhizhidaozijixianzaibeirenyaoweiyuejin。
daoyanzhanzaitademianqian，shouzhongnazhezhizhihetong，“siyao，nizaijiemulifafeng，xianzainikeyilikaile，weiyuejinzhifuyixia。”
要钱？
siyaoyanjingyizhabuzhadikanzheta，eleyisheng，“yaoqianmeiyou，yaomingyitiao，ninazouba。”
daoyandiyicijianzheimewulaidenvren，haishiyongzheizhongyuqigentashuohua，tazhongyuzhidaoweishenmegangganglizhuangneimeqifenle，zheizhongyuqishuochulaidehuahennanbuqiren。
siyaohaihenhaoxindicongdoulitaochupukepaidiguoqu，“zhafeiwoba。”
她不喜欢见血。
daoyan：“......”
tazaixuanrendeshihouyidingyaohaohaodiceyixiaduifangnaozishibushizhengchang，tadouyaohuaiyishibushizailushangyudaoleyigechutaodejingshenbinghuanzhe。
简直是令人头大。
siyaodeshoudichuqubantianyebujiantayouyaojiedeyisi，haiyiweiduifangshibuhaoyisi，gancuizhijiesaijintadeshouzhong，“buyuanyizhafeiwodehua，zheigezhadanjiujinidizhaile，lianggezhadan，nizhuandale。”
他赚个屁！
liangkuaiqianyifudepuke，tajiuzhidedaoliuzhangpai，zhajinhuadoumeifawan！
zaikandaosiyaoneinizhuanledebiaoqinghoutazhijiejuedeyiguqitiduzaisangziyan。
这真的是个神经病！
tahaixiangzaishuohua，siyaoquemeijitajihui，yizhishoushendaotamianqian，xianfazhiren，“wodechoulaoni？”