第一章
我做了个梦。
mengjianwosuozaideshijiejuranshigehuabenxiaoshuo，jiaoqiaokeaishenshikebeidexiaoshimeishinvzhu。
erwozeshineigechuchutongtazuodui，zuihouxiuweijingfei，jingmaicunduandeedunvpei。
于是，我摆烂了。
zongmenshiwuwobuguan，zongmendahuiwobuqu。
zongmenbeiyijianjianjimaoxiaoshiraodejifeigoutiao，jiulianyixiangwenhehuopodexiaoshimeidouluchuleyuanbendezhenmianmu。
zongmendiziguiqiuwochuguanzhulizongmenshiwu，ketamenlaiwanleyibu。
因为——我飞升了！
1.
woguizaizhangxudianshang，shilefashudejiebianyixiaxiawangwodeshenshangchouqu，meiyixiadouxuerouhengfei。
jibianxiaquwodelianshangjihuhaowuxuese，zhipingzheyikouqitingzhejibeibukenkaikouqiurao。
“shuyu，nikezhicuo！”
shifumolifushouerliyuqilinlie，tadeshenbianhaiwoshoujiebianbiandadezuikuihuoshou，xiaoshimeibaixianxianzhengniezhepazijiaodididelachezheshizundeyixiutiku，aiqiuzheshizuntingshou。
neiyishengshengdeaiqiubingmeiyouhuanlaimolidexinruan，daoshikuaibashenbianjiweishixiongdidexinkusuile。
“shimeimoyaozaikule，niyuanbianbushiguyide，ruobushitadeshuhu，zenhuihaidezhongweidizizhici。”
“tadouzheibanduinile，niyouhebitongtaqiuqing。”
shuozheihuaderenshiershidisongxiao，taxintengdeqinghongzhebaixianxiankanxiangwodemuguangzhizhongquejieshidanmo。
“keshijiedaodibingmeiyoufanshenmedacuo，zheixiezefayijinggoule，shixiongnibangwoquanquanshifuba。”
“shijie，nibianxiangshifuqiujurao，shuojuzhicuoba！”
“仙仙不怪你的。”
baixianxianleiyanposuochaozhewoshishenggengyan，yanshenzhizhongkanzhewomanshiqipan，qipanzhewokaikouqiurao，youhuoshiqipanzheworenzui。
“shuyu，wozaiwenniyibian，nikezhizui!”
molizaicikaikou，qinglengdeshengyinzhizhongxianrandaishanglejifenbunai。
“dizibuzhi，diziwuzui！”
woyaozheyashuozhegengjiatingzhijibei，jinyaoyaguanyiziyidun，meiyigezidouxiangshisihou。
shiqingdeqiyinyaozhuisuzaibanyueqian。
renjianmozusinveweihuoxianglin，yijingbuzhidaotuhaileduoshaominjianbaixing，banyueqianwofengzongmenzhipai，dailingzhezongmendizixiashanlilianchumo，zheiqizhongbianyouganggangbairuzongmenliangyuedebaixianxian。
cicixiashanlilian，yuanbenbianshiyijiangyaochumoweizhuyaorenwu，xiashanliliandejieshizhujiqidizi，anlishuoxiangbaixianxianzheibanganggangyinqirutimeiduojiuderumendizi，genbenmeiyouzigegensuixiashan。
kenaibuzhu，taaiqiuririaiqiushizun，zheicaiyoulezheixiashanminge。
wojiangliliandedizifenweiliangdui，yiduiyouwoqinzidailing，yiduizeyoulingyiweizhujiqideshididaidui。
kedangwodaizhelingwaiyiduichumoguilaishi，quefaxianyuanbenliuzaicunzhuangneidelingwaiyizhiduiwushangwangcanzhong。
xunwenzhixiacaizhidao，shibaixianxianwuchuleshezaicunzhuangwaiyuanbenbuzhijimozudejiguanjiejie，jiweidiziweilejiangtacongjiejiezhizhongjiuchu，haoguanglefali。
erjiuzaicishi，yaomohurantuxi，haojinlefalidezhongrengenbenwulidikang。
neiweigangmairuzhujiqi，qiantudahaodeshidi，weilejiubanyueqiancaiyinqirutihaowuhaishouzhilidebaixianxian，beiyaomohuidiaolejingmai，yanyanyixi。
wodangjidaizhesuoyoudizifanhuiqingxiaozong，zhengyaojiangcishihuibaojishizunshi，baixianxianqueqiangxianyibukailekou。
xianshikukutitidechaowogaozui，shuozaozhidaozijizhihuituohoutui，dangchubianbuyinggaigensuiwomenyiqixiashan。
wodangshiqiji，shuochukoudehuazhonglexuduo，jifanzhizezhihou，baixianxiankudegenghen，jingzuoshiyaoziwalinggenjizheiweishidixuming。
songxiaodangjijiangrenlanxia，woyuanyiweishizunhuihaohaochufabaixianxian，yizhengzongmenzonggui，kesheizhidao，shifuquehuranjiangmaotouzhixiangwo，shuozheiyiqiedoushiyinweiwokanguanbulisuodaozhi。
“nixiaoshimeiganggangyinqirutimeiyoubanyue，nijingjiangtayirenpaozaiyaomosuishidouyoukenengqinrudecunzhuangzhizhong。”
“nikeyouxiangguo，wanyijiejieshiling，yaomochuangrunixiaoshimeiyingdangruhedikang！”
“nizheishiyaohaisita！”
zheibanbuguanbugudiandaoheibaidehuayujihurangwodaweizhenjing，neijiejieshiwoteyibuxia，zhiyaoyouyaomochuangrubianhuilikebeijiejiekunzhu，zaiyouanzangzaicunneidedizijisha。
zhenggecunzhuangdouyouwobushuwanshan，keweishishifenanquan，zaijiashangwozaidailinglingyizhixiaoduichufazhishicengteyidingzhuguobaixianxianbuyaodaochuluanpao，wuduanjizhongweishixiongdizengtianmafan。
kesheizhi，tabianzhenzijirelemafan！
wodangjibianyaobianjie，kepianpianbenzuizhuoshezaijiashangbaixianxianzaiyipangkudelihuadaiyu，jijukansiwuyishizeguyideyindao，likebianjiwoanshangleyigekanguanbuzhou，zuoweizongmendashijiejiaodaobulidezuiming。
erzheiyiqiedezuikuihuoshou，zebeishizunjijuqingpiaopiaodexiacizhuyi，yijudaiguo。
wojuburenzui，bianzhaolaileshizundezefa。
整整两百鞭！
baixianxianhaizaiyipangkusuweiwoqiurao，kewobuxiangxintabuzhidao，shizunxianglaibutingrenquan，tazixugongzhengshuoyibuer。
zaitadeqiuraozhixia，yuanbenzhishiyibaibiandechengfazuzufanlejibei。
“shuyu，nirucizhimibuwu，benzunbianfaniguizaitianleizhupang，shoutianleijida，zhidaonirencuoweizhi！”
molixiangshizhendenaohuo，bijingshubainianlaidouwurentiaozhanguotadequanwei。
wocifanzheiban，bianshiyaosijueburencuo，zhiyaowoburen，tabianwufajiangbaixianxiansuofanzhicuoqiangyazaiwotoushang，bianwufayongwoxiangzhongfengfengzhuneixiesishangdedizijiaocha。
zicongbaixianxianbairuzongmenyilai，dadaxiaoxiaofanguozhuduocuoshi，jihumeiyijiandoubeishizunqingyizheyanleguoqu。
erneixiechufanzonggui，shizhongwufabeizheyanguoqude，bianhuibeiqiangyajiwo，meimeidoushishuowokanguanbuli，youweiqingxiaozongdashijiezhize。
womanbeixueroumohu，beiyazhitianleizhupang，molishitielexinyaojiangzheixiangmoxuyoudezuimingzaiwoshenshangzuoshi，tedijiaolaizongmendiziguanmo。
wobeibangzaitianleizhuzhishang，tahuishouwuqingyinlaitianlei，yixiaxiapizaiwodeshenshang。
tianleizhuxia，zhongdizishensegeyi，youdedixiatouqubuganhangsheng，yeyoudekanzhewodeyanzhongmanshixingzailehuo，xiangshiwozaojiugaishoucileiji。
kegudetengtongqinshizhewodehunshenshangxiawuzangliufu，kebizheixietengtongquebudiwoxintongdewanfenzhiyi。
molicifan，shirangwoyanmiandiujin，cihouyouyouhelianmianyiqingxiaozongdiyidizideshenfenyishenzuoze，guanlizongmenneidaxiaoshiwu。
tongweitianlinggen，baixianxianjiujingyouhezhihao，jingnengyindezhongrenweitapiantanzhici！
nandao，zhishiyinweitashizheishijiesuoweidenvzhu！
tianleizhuxia，molizaicikaikouxunwenwokezhicuo。
erwochaozhetaqicanyixiao，chaozhezheicangtiannuhou：
“我无错！”
zhuaner，liangyanyihei，hundaozaizheigunguntianleizhixia！