第一章

zuijinshuimianzhiliangbutaihao,youpengqiaoshuadaolegexingeng。

[zuijinshuidebutaihao,yishengjianyiwoshuizaibakuaifujishang。]

半个小时后。

jingquantaiziyeshijinchukuangfa20+weibo,meitiaodouaitewo:

[kanlema?shibushibakuai?]

[我行吗?]

[xihuanzheikounizaoshuoa?]

[为什么不回我?]

[shizaimobierendema?nishuoa!]

[jini3geyi,shuiwodexingma?]

....

cishi,haobuzhiqingdewozhengzaikandongman。

chichidengbulaiwodehuifu,taiziyepofangle。

开直播怒干两瓶酒。

haowuzhengzhaojiukaishibiankubianzibao:

[songxingqiu,wojiujingnaerbuhao!weishenmeyaogenwofenshou!]

观众炸了。

zhibojianshunjianyongjinlaishangbaiwanren,fengkuangchigua。

【taiziyejingranyehuibeirenshuai?wo,meitingcuoba?】

【shishei??gouzini?jiwoba!sanfenzhongzhineiwoyaozhidaozheigenvrenquanbuxinxi。】

【jintiantaiziyenufalejishitiaoweibo,haoxiangaitedetongyigeren!!】

....

shijinchugengyandeduizhepingmukaikou:

[nimenshuo,tashibushiyounanpengyoule?]

[xiaoxidouyifachuqulianggexiaoshisishifenzhongwushibamiaole,tazenmehaibuhuiwo?]

zhibojiandewangyoukaishijitazhizhao:

【tabuhuini,nijiuquzhaotaa!】

shijinchutinglejuedehenyoudaoli,limadalegede,daowojialouxia。

zhishitawangjiguanshexiangtou,yilushangquanchengzhibo。

wangyoumentingzhetayihuiku,yihuixiaode。

敲开我家门。

tayibajiangwolajinhuaili,wozhuwodeshouzaitashenshangluanmo。

「shibushibakuai?ng?haobuhaomo?」

「jinwan,zhenzhewodefujishuizenmeyang?」

budengwohuida,wulibianyougenanshenghanwo:

「qiuqiu,zheimewanleshisheiya?」

shijinchuyouyouyoupofangle:

「caibudaoyitianshijian,nijiuzhaohaole?wonaerbitacha,wojiniwugeyi,qiunishuiwoxingma!」

zhibojiandewangyouzhapingle:

「yemeirengaosuwo,shuailetaiziyedeshigenanrena!」