第1章 甩不掉的笨蛋

yingchunxiaozhen,youyoubianlidian

dianlimian,lixiayouzhengmangliudijikongquedehuojiashangbuhuo。

“dingdong”yisheng,dianlidezidongmenkaiqi。

yigecongmangdeshenyingchuanglejinlai,haibansuizherangrangsheng,“youyou,nijiadeneigeshadagebeijigexiaohunhunduzaiqianbiandeneikedaguihuashudixiaqifu,nikuaiqujiutaya。”

“shenme?”lixiayouyiting,huoqitengsheng,shoushangdehuopinzhongzhongyifang,“fubo,daodishinajigedanzishengmaodeganqifuwolixiayouderen?”

tadelinju,shanglenianjidefuboqichuanyuyudishuo,“bujiushiqizitamenjige,nikuaidianqu,wogangcaihuilaideshihoukandaotamenbatadadaodishangle。”

beitazheimeyishuo,jiurenxinqiedelixiayounahaiyouxinsilihuo,lianmangchonglechuqu,zhiliuxiayiju,

“fubo,bangwokanyixiadian。”

neigedaguihuashulitadedianzhiyousanbaiduomidejuli,tapaojixiajiudaole。

kandaozhenshangchulemingdexiaohunhunqizihetadelianggexiaodizhenghaobuliuqingditizhe,chaoxiaozhequansuozaidishangderen,taxinshengnuhuo,danmeiyoumaoranshangqian。

tazuoyouhuanshileyan,xiangkankanyoumeiyoumubangzhileikeyifangshendeqiju。

zhenghao,takandaopangbiancaoduilitangzhegengujishibeirenzheduan,hetashouwanyiyangcudagaiyimizhangdeshuzhi。

“made,youlaiqifuwoderen,jintianjiurangnijianshiyixialaoniangdelihai!”

tayaozheya,shuangshoujinwozheneigenjianlaideshugun,yongxunleibujiyanerdesuduchongleguoqu!

“nitamadedadeneimeguoyinshibushi?”

tahenlijiangneigenshuzhiwangqizitamenshenshangda,meizhuyidaotalaideqizisanrenbeidadetongdeaiaijiao,zhizuoduoyoushanzhe。

“gan,nizaidalaozi……”

qizideweixiedehuahaimeiyoushuowan,bianjiaolixiayouneiyudianbanluoxiatashenshangdeshuzhidadegebaotoushucuan。

“zenyang,wodanileyouzenyang?”

lixiayoukebushoutadeweixie,yigunyouyigundiluoxia,“woshangcijiujinggaoguoni,ruguonizaidanganqifuta,woraobulenidegouming!”

“啊——”

shouruodeqizibeidadetongdirangjiaozhe,tazuoduoyoushan,zhenggerenfeichangdelangbei,yidianyemeiyourengangcaiqifurenshideweifeng。

lixiayoudelidufeichangda,erqiekuaihenzhun,dadetalianfanyingdeshijiandoumeiyou,yigunjiezheyigun。

“worangnidata!xianzaiwojiubanidachengmafengwo,rangnibawodehuadangerbianfeng!”tayibiandayibiannuhouzhe。

“lixiayounizheigenvrenshibushiyoubing!”

qiziyibianshanduozhetagunziyibianwanglubianyikecuzhuangdedashuhouduo。

yinweidashudelanzu,zheicaizhongyuzhizhuletaneibuduanchaotaluoxiadegunzi。

“dui,woshiyoubing,erqiebingdebuqing!”

lixiayouyanmaohuoguangyishouchizhegunziqishixiongxiongdizhizheta,“woquannizuihaobuyaorewo,fouzewoganchushenmebukeyikongzhideshilaibieguaiwo!”

taneiehendeyanshenchedibaqiruanpayingdeqizijihezhule。

“wogennizaishuoyici,zheigerenshiwozhaode,xiaciruguonimenzaiganqifuta,bubanidetuidaduanwogennixing!”

lixiayouxionghendijiangshoushangdegunzihenhendirengxiangshuhoudeta,hedeqizitijiaojiupao。

“gan,nimenlianggehailengzaineiganma,ganjinpaoya。”tabianpaobianhuitouhanzhe。

taneilianggechedibeiheshadexiaodizheicaigenleshangqu。

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kanzhetamensanrenpaodelaoyuan,lixiayouzheicaisonglekouqi,tashangqiandunxiashenguanqiediwenzheneigequansuozaidishangdenanren。

“阿呆你没事吗?”

“wu,buyaodaadai,buyaodaadai……”tangzaidishangdenanrenshuangshoubaotou,hunshenhaipadizhandouzhe。

“shiwoadai,nideyouyoujie。”

lixiayoushenshouyaoleyaotadeshenzi,weipayouzaihezheta,huanshangleyizhongbijiaowenroudeshengyin。

tingdaozheibashuxieryourangtaanxindenvsheng,mingjiaoadaidenanrenzheicaihuanhuanfangkaishuangshou,nuoruodemuguangdaizhexijiwangxiangta。

daifaxianyanqianjiaohuanderenzhendeshitashuxideyouyoujiezhihou,taxiangyigemiluerzhongyuzhaodaomamadehaiziban,liuzheweiqudeyanleijiujiangtoumaijinlelixiayoudehuaili。

“wu……youyoujie,nizhongyulaile,adaihaopa……”

zaikandaotaneizhangbeidadeqinghongbuyi,zuijiaohailiuzhexuejidelianhou,lixiayoushenhuxiyikouqi,gaosuzijiyaolengjing!

made,zaozhidaoqizibarendachengzheiyang,tayinggaibatadebantiaotuijidafeilecainengxiaotadezheikouqi!

“haolehaole,meishile。”tapaizhetadebei,qingshengdianweizheta,“tamendoubeiwodapaole,nibuyongpale。”

“wu……tamenhaokepa,pinmingdedawo……”tabeicandikusuzhe,“adaizhibuguoxiangjiandianguihuajiyouyouni。”

“nihaoduanduandejianguihuajiwoganma?”

“youyounishuoguonihenxihuanguihuaa。”adaizhizhulekusheng,chouqizhe,tadadelisuodangran。

erhoutataigaolelianwangxiangta,hongzhongdaizhexuesidelianshangleijibanban,suirancishidetafeichanglangbei,dantaquechaotaliechengleyimochunzhenyangguangdexiaorong。

“youyou,wobangnijianlehaoduohaoduohaoxiangdeguihuae。”

tayishoucongkudailizhuachuyibashenme,xianbaodishuangshoupengdaotamianqian。

“nikan,guihua,henxianghenxiange。haihaowozangzaikudailile,meibeitamennonghuai。”

tadeshouxinli,yiduoduoxiaoxiaodejinhuangguihuajuzaileyiqi,pumanletaliangzhidazhangdeshouxin,erneixieguixiangzhengsanfazhedandande,qinrenxinpidexiangqi。

lixiayoubushuogandongshijiade,takanzheneixiexiaoxiaodeguihua,wen,“nizenmezhidaowoxihuanguihua?”

adaizuijiaoyiranyangzhecanrandexiaorong,“nizuotianshuodeya,nishuolukoudeguihuazhenxiang,nizuixihuanwenguihuadexiangweile。”

“suoyinijiujizhule?”zheidaoranglixiayouyouxieyiliaozhiwai。

tameixiangdaotasuikoushuodeyijuhuajiurangtajizailexinli。

adaidianzidiantou,“duiya,zhiyaoyouyouxihuande,adaijiuhuijizhu,suoyiwoxiangchenqingjiegongayizaoshangmeisaodizhiqian,jiulaibazheixieluozaidishangdeguihuajiquanbujianhuiqu。”

erhoutabianlebianzui,youxiebumandishuo,“benlaiadaixiangjianhuiqujitoutoujiyouyouniyigejingxide,jieguoxianzaishenmedoubeipohuaile。”

“meishimeishi,nidexinyiyouyoujieshoudaole。”lixiayouxiaodimolemotadetou,“yuanlaiadainizheimeyouxin,bukuiwopinzhemingguojiuni。”

dedaobiaoyang,adaiyouxiedeyidishaxiaozhe。

“haolehaole,qilaiba,womenhuijia。”tajiangtashouxindeneipengguihuafangzailezijishenshangchuanzhedeweiqundouli,erhoufuzhetadeshoubeizhanleqilai,“nilianshangliuxuele,huiquwotinichuliyixiashangkou。”

“hao。”adaixiaodiyingzhe,yidiandoumeiyoulexianqianbeidadebeishang。

zailixiayoudefuchixia,lianggerenmanmandiwangyouyoubianlidiandefangxiangzouqu。

“buguoadai,woshangcibushigaosuguoni,tamenqifunidehuaniyaodahuitamendema?”lixiayourenbuzhushuo。

“阿呆怕……”

tafanlegebaiyan,“tamenyoushenmehaopade?niyuepatamen,tamenjiuyueqifuni!”

adailiezheliuzhexuedechunjiaoshaxiaoleliangxia,“heihei,adaikeshiyouyouyoujiebaohu,bupa。”

lixiayouyoushiwunaidifanlefanbaiyan。

“shishishi,shiwogoudaomeidecaihuitanshangnizheigeshuaibudiaodebendan。”