第1章

jigeyuemeihuijia,womaduzilipingkongduoleyigeweichushengdedidi。

zhiyinweishiwobaergenziruan,zaiqinqidetiaosuoxiayangerfanglao。

wodachaoyijiahouhetamenduanjueguanxi,houlaiwobaqueguizaidishangqiuwohuijia。

1.

wobaergenziruan,chuanshuozhongdelaohaoren,zheishizhongsuozhouzhideshiqing。

pianpianzhiduiwohewomawoliheng,duiwairenshuohuakekeqiqi,huijiabianyuanxingbilu。

congxiaodaoda,zhiyaotajianeibiandeqinqishuodeshiqing,tajiugewaitinghuashangxin。

yiqianshenmetiqinqidanbaohaidaikuan,tingxintamentiaosuowuruchuanxiaozuzhijiubushuo。

qichuwohaijuedewomashigeshouhaizhe,zhidaoneiciwomacongwozuilipianchulediannaomima。

houlaiwoyexiangqingchu,yigebeiwoshuibuchuliangzhongren。

woshibasuigaokaoneinian,benlaifenshukeyibaokaoshengwaiyisuo985gaoxiaowangpaizhuanye,yingshengshengrangtajiwogaichenglebendideyisuoputongshifanxuexiao。

zhiyinweiwogugugentashuo:「nvhaizipaoneimeyuan,yidanrangtafeichuquchibangyingle,zhuaidouzhuaibuhuilai。」

「zaijiaxianchengzheibiandanggexiaolaoshi,gongzuowendingyouyoubianzhiduohao,zuizhuyaodehainengjinimenliangyanglao。」

jiuyinweizheijuhua,womatoutoucongwozheidedaolemima,youhewobahehuomanzhewotoutougailebaokaozhiyuan。

suirannanguo,xiangzhewobawomayangwoyichang,shunletamendeyisi。

zicongshangdaxuehou,wonulizhaoshixishuajianlitigaojidian,yinweizhuanyehexuexiaodeyuanyin,zuikaishilianshixidejihuidouzhaobudao,zhongyuzaibiyehounadaoledachangoffer。

wobenyiweihuidedaowobadekuajiang,sheizhidaofanerhuanlailetadexunchi。

zhiyinweigongzuodidianbuzaijiagenqian,yinqilewobadebuman:「haiburuzaijiazheibiandanggelaoshi。」

woguguyijiadangzhewodemiangonghuodao:「zheishengnvhaijiushibuxing,buyangye,paoneimeyuan,gongzigaoyouyoushenmeyong,nimenyougesanzhangliangduanmiandoujianbudao。」

yushiwobianyoulehaiweichushengde「didi」。

2.

wangsicongshiliusuizhidaozijishishoufuerzi,jieqingshuaiershiwusuizhidaozijijialishiyiwanfuweng。

woershibasuishuadouyincaizhidaozijiduolegejijiangchushengde「didi」。

wojiaoyinmengyao,shidushengzinv,buguomashangjiubushile。

上次回家还是过年。

shangmenjiqinqibainianshi,wogugudangzhezhongrenmianshuo:「mengyaozheimedalezenmehaibulinggeduixianghuijia,nvhaiziguosanjiumeiyaole,kedezhuajin。」

wozhualebaguazibiankebianshuodao:「zaizhuajinyebiganbushangbiaodi,tingshuobarenjianvhaiduzigaodale。」

kandaoguguliansebuhao,wojixudao:「gugunifangxin,dengwodazhizichushengwoyidingjibaogedabao。」

wobabawozhuaihuijiahou,bianshanglexin,yiqiansuiranzheji,zhishikoutoucuicui,woyonggongzuomangjiunengjiekoutuidiao。

zheicihuijiahoutabianhewomabianzhengtianzaiwoerbianniantaorangwozhaoduixiang,hainazhewodeshoujisiziyicixingjialeshiduogexiangqinduixiang。

「mengyao,niliaoliao,zheishinigugutuorenzhaode,wokanzhedoubucuo,nilaodabuxiaole,kedeshangshangxin!」

wobuxiangjiehun,lianliaodoulandeliao,yonggezhonggeyangdejiekoujujuelexiangqinduixiang。

「buhaoyisi,womenbunengjiehun,yinweiwomenshijinqin,womendouyouyigegongtongdemuqinjiaozhongguo。」

woyongfafengwenxuequantuileyiqunqipaxiangqinduixiang。

womayoupianwochuqu,shuoshirangwopeitaguangjie,guangzheguangzhebiandaoleyijiacanguan。

woguguchaowomenhuishou,wobianzhidao,tameibiehaopi,tuiwuketuiyingzhetoupijinqu。

guobuqiranyigemoshengnanzijiuzuozaitapangbian,shanglaibianpilipala。

duolipu,sanshisuilihundaiwa。

直接让我当后妈?

womazaitingdaoyoucheyoufang,bendibianzhigongzuo,bianyanjingfangguang,yebujieyierhun。

woquanchengbailan,ziranmeicheng。

huijiawobianbeiwobajiuzheerduoma:「nibujiehun,womenzenmeanxin,yangnidaodahaiburangwomenshengxin,nizenmezheimezisi!」

zisi?bujiehunjiushizisi?

tadexinsizhishixiangrangwozhaogebendidebagongzuoyici,huijiajitamenyanglaobale。

「我不想结婚!」

「bujiehunnimeihaizi,laolezhihousizaiwulidoumeirenfaxian!」

「zenme,nihewomasile,wofaxianleyoushayong,hainengjinimenfuhuo?」

「yuanyishengnizijisheng!」

wojiangwobaqidegouqiang,paoquwogugujiadatukushui,haimeidengtahuilaiwojiunazhexinglidinglejipiaohuilegongsi。

yiqianbeima:「dingzui,renle,ku。」

xianzaibeima:「limalikaijia。」

3.

直到那天。

woguimijiwofaxiaoxi:「ayihuaiyunle?」

「哪个阿姨?」

「你妈啊!」

suihoutabianjiangduanshipinfajiwo,shipinliwomadazheduzi,wobazhengpeitaquzuochanjian,didianzhengshijianeibian。

wojinnianershibasui,womaneigeniandaisuiranjiehunzao,keshitayeyijingsishiliusuile。

gaolingchanfuduoweixiantazijibuqingchuma,zijideshentiqingkuangyouduochabuzhidaoma!

wolimaqingnianjiafeihuijia,gangdakaijiamen,wojiuzaixuanguanchu。

tingdaowoguguzaiwojiagenwomashuo:「nitingwodejiuduileba,shuohuaijiunenghuai,nizheiduzijian,kendingshigenanhai,zheihuikeyouzhiwangle。」

wodemawodelao,wodeguaziwodeao!haizhenshiyouzhiwangle!

lianggemeiyouzhengshigongzuoderen,yemeiyoutuixiujin,zaiershinianqian,kaodalinggonggongnverdushu,haoburongyinverdushubiyegongzuole,lianggerencoucouqianzaixianlimailefangzi。

keyiyiyangtianniandenianji,zaiwogugudetiaosuoxia,juranxiangyaogeerzi。

suihoubianchuanlaiwomadeshengyin:「mengyaohaibuzhidaoni。」

wogugushuo:「buyongguanta,nimenliangtoutoubahaiziyisheng,tahuilaileyezhinengshayan,hainengbahaizijinimenliangsaihuiduzili?」

「zaishuolezhidaoleyedegaoxing,shenggedidijitahuanjieyanglaoyali,genghekuangnideduzi,nixiangshengjiusheng,guantaganshenme!」

wobayezaiyipangfuhe:「shia,shenggexianglixiangyiyangdeerzi,lijiajin,zhaogexifu,zanliangchenghuanxixia,duoxiangfua。」

wotuimenerru:「shia,duoxiangfua,xiangwobiaogeneiyangguaigeguniangjiujiehunle,zhijinmeijianguowoguguneiqinjiagongqinjiamu,quleyebeirenjiadachulaile。」

shafashangdejirenmanliancuoe,suihouwoneigugubuganshiruo:「nizheihaizi,shuohuazheimenanting!」

xianwoshuohuananting,nizuoshibieneimenankana!

woguguganjinbianlian:「mengyaozenmehuilaile?」

「zheibushiwojiama?zheilibaokuoduzilineige,sheishiwairensheibuqingchuma?」

jigerenmianmianxiangqu,liansenankan,kongqizhonggangadeqifenmanyan。

gangashenme?zaoxiaorendeshihougangalema?

wokaikoubianrangqifenyougangalejifen:「ba,nikezhenlihaia,xiandemeishichuqudadapai,bielaozaijiadigu,tingdasuishule。」

4.

「jirannizhidaole,womenjiugaosuniyisheng,wohenimadasuanshenggedidi。」

woyiyanbufa,wobawomayouxiehuangluan。

neishigaosuma?ruguobushiwofaxian,zhenxiangpingkongjiwobiangedidichulai。

tamenlianglejiewodepiqibingxing,jinggaowo:「zheihaiziwomenfeiyaobuke,nikebiedongshenmewaixinsi。」

waixinsi?wonengdongshenmewaixinsi?

shinengsilanwoneigugudezui,haishinengrangwoneiweichushidediditaisifuzhong。

wozhenshihenbudelimagenzheijiahuaqingjiexian。

zheinalishijiwoshengdidi,fenmingshiyaojiwoshenggeerzi。

lianggerendoukuaihuangtumaibanjieshenzideren,jiwozaochugedidi。

tuoliyanghaizizheimeduonian,zheiliangrenyagenmeipansuanguoxianzaiyangyigehaizidaodiyaohuaduoshaoqian,congchushengdaoshangxuezaidaobiyezhaogongzuojiehunshengzi,yaoyongduoshaojinglicailiqupeiyangyigehaizi。

wodingzhewomalongqideduzi,yebuzhidaoshijigeyuele。

woguguzaiyipangbangchen:「mengyaoa,nibamadoushiweilenihao,shenggedidijinifendanyanglaoyali,nimenyihouhaohuxiangfuchi,nizheihaizidongdianshi,shaorangtamendanxin。」

wolengxiao:「fendanyanglaoyali,guguzenmebugengufuzaishengyigejibiaogefendanyali?」

「nizheihaizi,zenmeyouyanbujin!」

raoshizheiyang,yesihaobutuirang:「wojiufangxiayijuhua,youtameiwo,youwomeita!」

wobabeiwoqideliansefaqing,neiyanshenlingli,sihushizaijinggaoworangwoshaoshuoliangjuhua。

womazaizuibiannieruzhe,youyuzhezuihouyeshiyijuhuameishuo,buguowodouxiguanle,zheimeduoniandoushizheimeguolaide。

xiaoshihoujialiqiong,napawokaoshanglewomenxianchengliweiyideyisuozhongdiangaozhong,wobahaishibeiwoguyingxiang。

wogujuedexiaoguniangduneimeduoshumeiyong,tongguwobarangwoshaonianshu,zaiguojinianzhaogehaorenjiasuanle,wochadianshangbushanggaozhong。

woquqiuwomarangtaquanquanwoba,rangwojixubashunianxiaqu,womazhishizaiyipangtoutoumoyanlei:「mengyao,tinghua,zanmenbunianle。」

tayifuyuwobazheimeduonian,wanquanmeiyoulezijisikaodulidenengli,zheigeshihouziranshizhiwangbushangde。

「woyangnizheimeduonian!gongnidushugongnishangdaxue,wohainengdongdanni,nixianzaigangenwojiaoban!dengwotanzaichuangshangnishibushidejiwomenrengchuqu!」

gongwonianshu?zheimeduonianliangrenyizhimeiyouzhengjinggongzuo,jiulianzaijiafujindechaoshi**yeshisantiandayuliangtianshaiwang。

wobaaihejiuaidapai,piqida,shenmegongzuodouzuobuzhangyuan,shangdaxuehouwojiuzaimeigenjialiyaoguoyifenqian。

xuefeishijiedezhuxuedaikuan,shenghuofeishizijishangxuezaigezhongbianlidian**,zijigongzijibiyehoukaishiwangjialimiannaqian,wobayaoqiuwomeigeyuedaqianhuijiawoyezhaozuo。

woxiangzhefumuyangwozheimeduonianyeburongyi,xianzaibuzhiyaoyangtamen,haiyaoyangtamendetuoyouping。

biyehouwobuxiangquganqianshaodejiaoshi,fanerjinlehulianwangdachangjiushiyinweixinzigao,napazaikuzaileiwoyebupa。

xianzaijiwoshenggedidi,hewozhijieshenggeerziyoushenmequbie。

「zaishuoyiju,youtameiwo,youwomeita,yaomedadiao,yaomewozou!」

wobazoushangqian,lunyuanlejilewoyibazhang,taxumanleliqi,naoziwengwengde,suihouwodelianshangshunjian**laditeng。

「wohenimahaimeiyongniyangni,jiugangenwomenjiaoban,chibangyingleshibushi!」

suihouzhuaizhewodetoufa,jiangwocongchajihoumianzhuaidaoshafashang,toupibeizhuaizhe,wozhengzhazhequehaishidongdanbude。

meifanyingguolaibianbeidiuzaishafashang,buzhidaoshinalizhaizhuaidiaoleyikuaitoupi,woyongshoumoqu,shunjianxianxueyongchu,shoushangnianhuhude,chuanlaixuexingdeweidao。

womazuozaiyibianhuzheduzi,taxianglairuci,wobadawoshi,conglaibuganshangqian,shengpaqianliandaotaziji,yejiushitazheifunuoruodexingzi,genwobaguodaoxianzai。

woguzaiyipanggengshiyifukanhaoxideyangzi,bietibangwoshuohua。

shunbiantianyoujiacudao:「chibangyingle,zhenshiguanbulele,douganweixierenle,zheidengnimenlaolehailede。」

wogubushangteng,chaoqichajishangdechagangxiangwogugushuaiqu,chagangkedaotadeyachishang,shunjiandiaoleyigemenya。

xueshunzhetadeyadizaiwojiaxuebaidedibanshang:「nizheihaizi,juranduiwodongshou……」