第1章
“bianjingjibao！bianjiangzhanhuozhongran，wojunjiangshiyingyongfenzhan，dijunjiaohuaduoduan，shanyongqixiyufuji，shiwojunsunshicanzhong。zhankuangjinji，jixuyuanjunyuwuzizhiyuan。”
“qixiyufuji？neixiechunhuo！tamendoushiganshenmechide！shiwancaoliangbushigangyunguoquma？！”
“bixia！yamenlaibao，zaixiangfuneisouchuleyudiguogoujiedezhengju！zaixiangdarenyibeinaxia，denghoubixiafaluo。”
“goujiediguo？zaixiang？zhei......zheizenmekeneng！”
“neigelaohuli，juranganbeipanzhen！tazheishiyaobazhendeguojiayinxianghuimiea！”
......
huanggongzuinanbiandeyichupianyuan——zhuyinggong。
shinvduanzheyiwanwuheidetangyaozaigongmenqianyouyubuqian，shenzhenaodaiguanchalimian。
damenturanbeidakai，shenmozhanzaimennei。
“nizaizheilizuoshenme？”
shinvhedeyiduosuo，shouzhongdetangyaowanchadianshuailuo。
“jiuhuangzi，gaiheyaole。”
沈墨一脚踢翻汤药。
“我不喝。”
zicongqiansantianchehuohouzhengkaishuangyanjiuchuanyuedaolezhuyinggong，tahainengmianqiangjieshoubijinghaiyouyigejiuhuangzideshenfen，shuochuquniuqidian。
danshijiuhuangzijiushiyigebansibuhuomeitiandiaozheyaocaicainenghuoxiaqudefeiwua！
yaobeijingmeibeijing，yaowugongmeiwugong，danzibilaoshuhaixiao！
qianjiribeidahuangzidaizhexiaodishangmenenzaishuili，yuanshenbushibeinishui，ershibeihuoshengshengheside！
zheishihaibeiyangaoshoudideshinvtaijianmenchaolengfanyiyangshuosandaosi。
shenmoyanbujianweijing，guanshangdamensikaorensheng。
sikaorenshengmeilachubandianzheli，zhuyinggongyoulailaoshuren。
“shenmo，woqianjitianshuodeshikaolvdezenmeyang？”dahuangzishenqiuyaozhezheshandayaodabai，shenhougenzhejigerengaomadadetaijian。
yuanshendeshenfenqishibudi，zhishiyuanshendemuqinshidangjinzaixiangdeshunv，weilepashanglongchuangganyuanbuqiufenweizijiangshenfenjinrulenggong，jieguohuaitaishiyuehaiziluodichuleyiwaizaozouyibu，yuanshenshiquzhaogucongxiaodaibing，zouyibudechuansanxia，paoyibutangchuangsantian。
zheiduijingyingyishichushengdeshenmoeryanshiqichidaru。
shenmochuanyueshijiganga，zaixiangfuburentazheigesunzi，youqiaohaofaxianzaixiangpanguo。
qindiegujimeixiangdaohaiyouyigebianyijiuerzi，shenmotaoguoyijie。
xiangbibeikaochongfeihehuangshangchongaideshenqiu，shenmosuanshiyigejianbudeguangdesishengzi。
zheibudaibiaoshenqiuhuifangguozheigejihui。
shenqiuweifenglinlinxiaodao：“zhiyaoniguizaidishangweiwoxingdalitianxiezi，wojiuzaifuhuangmianqianfangniyima，zenmeyang，shibushihenhuasuan。”
shenmolenglengdikanzheshenqiu，yanzhongshanguoyisibuxie。
放个屁！
shenqiububatazheigewanyinongsidousuantaliangxinfaxiangaotaiguishou。
shenqiujianshenmomeiyoufanying，bujinyouxienaonu，tahuilehuishou，shenhoudetaijianlikeshangqianyibu，ehenhendidingzheshenmo。
“zenme，nihaibuyuanyi？biewangle，nixianzaikeshizhongshizhidepanguozhizi，meiyouwodebihu，nizaowanhuichengweineixiexiangyaobajiewoderendebazi！”shenqiudeyixiaodao。
shenmoquemeiyousihaojuse，tapingjingdikanzheshenqiu，dandandishuodao：“dahuangzi，niyiweinizhendenenggouyishouzhetianma？zenmeshuowoyeshifuhuangdeerzi，nihaijuedingbulewodeshengsi。”
made，chizaoyouyitiandedusishenqiu！
“ni......nijingganruciduiwoshuohua！”shenqiunuhoudao，tadeliansebiandezhengningqilai，fangfoyizhikuangbaodeyeshou。
“doulengzheganshenme！batajiwozhuaqilai！woyaohenhendijiaoxunzheigebuzhitiangaodihoudedongxi！”
shenqiudeshengyinzaizhuyinggongzhonghuidang，neixiegensuitaerlaidetaijianmenlikeweileshanglai，tamendeyanshenzhongchongmanlexionghenhecanren。
zhuyinggongpingshiaikanrenaoxiaohuadeshinvtaijianmenzaopaomeiying。
“zhushou！”yigejianruideshengyinturanxiangqi，zhongrenfenfenzhuantoukanqu。
yishenhualipaofudetaijianhuanbuzoujinzhuyinggong，xianqididaliangsizhou。
shenqiudengdashuangyan，yinqinzoushangqiandao：“litaijian，shifuhuangpainilaizhaowodema？”
“jianguojiuhuangzi，huangshangmingnucailaixunjiuhuangzi，sheishijiuhuangzi？”kanguoyiquanyemeizhaodaoyigexianghuangziderenwu。
zhuyinggongjinriyinglailexike，shenmozoushangqiantaishou。
litaijiandiyicikandaojiuhuangzizheihaorenwu，pieguoyiyantashenshangxifabaidejiuyipao，fuyangongshoudao：“jiuhuangzi，huangshangyouqing。”
bianyilaodiezhongyushixiangqitazheigebianyierzile！yehaoguokanzheshenqiuechoudezuilian，shenmoerhuabushuotaijiaojiuyaozou。
“dengyixia！”shenqiulanzhuta，“nixianzaiguixialaiduiwoqiuraohailaideji，daolefuhuangmianqiannizhiyousiluyitiao。”
纯属脱裤子放屁。
shenqiulengxiaoyisheng，“fangniniangdegoupi！”taijiaohenhencaizaishenqiudejinsixuemianshang。
“嗷嗷嗷！”
shenqiutongdebaozhejiaotiaoleqilai，tafennudikanzheshenmo，yanzhongchongmanlebukesiyihenuhuo。
“ni！nijurangancaiwo！nizheigefeiwu！”shenqiudashengnuhouzhe，liansezhengningkepa。
shenmoquehaobuzaiyi，talenglengdipieleshenqiuyiyan，ranhouzhuantoukanxianglitaijian。
“litaijian，womenzouba。”shenmodandandishuodao。
shenqiufennudikanzheshenmohelitaijianliqudebeiying，tadeyanzhongshanshuozheedudeguangmang。tajueduibuhuirangshenmohaoguo，tayidinghuixiangbanfarangshenmofuchudaijia！
huanggongdadian，jinbihuihuang。
shenmoguizaidadianzhongyang，dichuizhetou，dengdaizhehuangdidezhaojian。
“shenmo。”huangdideshengyinzaidadianzhonghuidang，shenmotaiqitou，zhijianhuangdizuozaigaogaodelongyishang，mianrongweiyanershenchen。
“erchenzai。”shenmogongjingdihuidadao。
huangdichenmolepianke，ranhouhuanhuankaikou，“zhentingshuo，nimuqinshizaixiangdeshunv？”
shenmoxinzhongyijin，tazhidaozheishihuangdizaishitanta，ceshitashifouduizaixiangdeshiqingyousuolejie。
“shide，fuhuang。”shenmodixiatou，shengyinpingwen，“danshimuqinzaierchenhenxiaodeshihoujiuqushile，erchenduizaixiangfudeshiqingbingbulejie。”
xianbazijishenshangdexianyipieganjing，rihouhaodongshanzaiqi。
huangdidemuguangzaishenmoshenshangsaoguo，sihuzaipanduantahuayudezhenjia。
“咳咳咳。”
huangditurankesouqilai，shenmotaitoukanqu，zhijianhuangdidelianseyouxiecangbai，xianranshentibutaihao。
“fuhuang，ninshentibushima？erchenzixiaozhixiaoyishu，kerangerchenweifuhuangbashangyimai？”