第1章 佛祖挨揍了

tianting,lingxiaobaodian,shengxiabayue。

zhangliangzuozailongyishangzhuazhezaluandetoufa,yanshenzhongmanshiyanfan。

longyixiazhanzhesanbailiushiwuluzhengshen,jihumeiyigedouyoushiqingbingbao。

“yudi,xiajienannvbiliyanzhongshidiao,xiaoshenqingyudibamiandailiyuelao。”

“yudi,zuoriwangmuniangnianggenxiaoshendoudizhushichulaoqian,beixiaoshendangchangzhuadao,keniangniangjingrandangzhongoudaxiaoshen,qingyudizuozhu。”

“yudi,xiajieyaomohengxing,qizhongdouyin,jianpanxia,tiangou,wanghonghaochengxiajiesidayaoxie,qingyudipaitianbingjina。”

kanzhetaixiagelutianshenhuibaodegezhongshiqing,zhangliangyizhentouda。

sheinengxiangdaoyigeershiyishijideyouxiudaxuesheng,jingranhunchuantianting,haidangleyudi。

zhangliangtaiqitou,kanzhediyigetichutihuandailiyuelaodelaozhehendeyagendouyangyang。jiushizheilaojiahuo,qianjitianjitasuanming。

dangshi,laojiahuodangzhesuoyoutianshendemian,shizheimeshuode:“mianxiangduofugui,wangmuniangniangtiantianpeishui。shouzhongduocaiquan,doulikendingliubuzhuqian。tianmingzhirenbushanyantan,yudijingranhaishichunan!”

dangji,zhangliangjiubalaozheyuanbendeyuelaozhiweijilecaishenye。

tianshangyitian,dixiayinian。

jieguojinjintiantingshijiniandeshijian,xiajiejiuluanletao,caishenguanyinyuan,ganshadouyaoqian。

suoyidaozhixiajieguanggunshuliang,zhuniandizeng。

zhangliangkanzhemanshenzhuguangbaoqidecaishenyouxiewunai:“yuelaodeweizhinixianbieganle,xiajieqiyelianniankuisun,nixianrangtamenzhuandianqian,burantiantingxianghuodoubaozhengbule。”

财神连连点头。

yuelaoyemanmianxise,guanfuyuanzhizongshihaode。

chuliwanzheijianshi,zhangliangkanxianglediergeshuohuadejulingshen:“zenmewoxifuchulaoqian,niyouyijian?zounidoushiqingde,xianzaijiwoxifudaoqianqu,buranjianniyicizouniyici!”

yibianshuozhe,zhanglianghuangdongzhequantou。

“yudi,ninshitiantingzhizhu,ninde,nindejiangdianlia!”julingshenmanlianxiongxiang,kecikequeweiquwubi。

zhangliangyipaizhuozi:“julingshen,jizhuwoxingzhang,xiaozhangdezhang!”

zheixiazijulingshenbuganshuohua,sanbubingliangbupaochulelingxiaobaodian,zhijiequleyaochi。

chuliwanliangjianshi,zhangliangyouxiepibei,meitiantadouhenmang,benlaiyiweiyudikeyixiangshouwuqiongshouming,xiangyongbutongmeinv,ketazheigeyudiweishazheimebeicui?

zaowangyezhangzhoupifuyouhei,talianliangongshou:“yudi,wozheixiajiedouyindengsidayaoxieqingyudisusufabing,buranxiajienianqingrendesanguandouhuichuxianyanzhongniuqu。”

zhangliangjiushigechuanyuezhe,qianshidetaxihuanshuaduanshipin,gengxihuankangezhongzhibo,dangran,henduodezhibodoumanshifunengliang。

“灶王。”

zhangliangpazaiyuanshangyouxielansandedao:“jianpanxia?jibixiawojieshiyixia!”

zaowangyelikelailejingshen,qingleqingsangzidao:“bingyudi,jianpanxia,tamenshiyigequnti,yijianpanweiwuqi,yixianshiqiweizhanchang,tamenyouyijukouhao。”

zhangliangdunshilailexingqu:“shuolaitingting。”

zaowangzaiciqingleqingsangzi:“tianbushengwojianpanxia,pendaowanguruzhangye,jianlai——”

huayingangluo,zhangliangdunshihahadaxiao:“nb,nbdaizhuanwana!”

zhanzaiyibiandetaishanglaojunlianseyinchen,shounafuchen:“bixia,shenyan。”

zhangliangyifanbaiyan,xinliyijingkaima:“nicaishenyan,nishenxu,niniaopin,niaoji,niaobujin,zuzhounidezhichuang!”

……

lingxiaobaodian,zhangliangpibeidepazaiyuanshang,tuzheshetou。

zuzuchulijigexiaoshizhengwu,caisuanquanbujieshu。

zhangliangtaosidechulelingxiaodian,tashougoulezheizhongmeitianmeiyouxianxiashijiandeshenghuo,yudideshenghuobuyinggaishizheiyangde。

他回到瑶池。

cikeyijingyoulianggerendengzaizheili,qizhongyigeshishenziyaotiao,xinggehuoladewangmuniangniang,lingwaiyigezeshitaishanglaojun。

zhanglianghewangmushanglianghaole,jinwanshuoshadoudebataishanglaojundequanbujiadangyingguolai,kuchazidoubujitaliu。

sanrenzuozaiyizishang,kaishidoudizhu。

zhuapaiwanbi,zhanglianglikehandao:“jiaodizhu!”

wangmuniangniangmanlianjiujie,haishihanleyisheng:“qiangdizhu!”

taishanglaojunkanzheshouzhongdeyitiaolong,cong3daoa,chiyileyixia,ganmangdao:“woqiang。”

shuozhe,ganjinbazuihousanzhangdipaizhuazaileshouzhong。

kandaosanzhangdipai,taishanglaojunmanyideyixiao,tazheibazhiyaoxianchuyigeduizi,zhihouyitiaolongshunzijiudaguangle!

xiangdaozhei,taishanglaojunxiaodao:“duier!”

zhangliangganjinhoudao:“wangzha!”

“yitiaolong3daoa,laojunnengguanshangma?”

taishanglaojunwunaiyaotou,yibapaishudiaoleqiankunquan,yijibagualiandanlu。

taishanglaojunshuangyanxuehong,manshibufu:“zailai。”

huayingangluo,juanlianjiangjunshawujingzoulejinlaigongjingdao:“bixia,nantianmenwaixifangfozuqiujian,kanyangzibeizoule……”