第一章
pipingdahuishang,xiaozhangkoumohengfei「zaolianjueduijinzhi,youxietongxue,nibuxuexibuyaoyingxiangbierenxuexi……」
laoshimentongxinjishou,fangfowodianwulexiaocao,xiaoyoumenduiwozhizhidiandian。
wojuedecishiwobuyingzaizheili,woyinggaizaiheli。
renworuhebianjie,genbenjiumeirenting。
xiaocaoshuotiantaihei,meikanqingzhangxiang,tingshengyinxiang。
jiaodaozhurenshuo,shengaohefaxingdouduishangle,meipao。
liliyuanshangpu,woyagenburenshixiaocao,woyemeiquguoxiaoshulin。
wolianshiqingdeshimodoubuqingchu,jiubeidingzuile。
woqingqiudiaojiankong,naihexuexiaotiaojianyouxian,zhizaizhongdianfangweianzhilejiankong。
jiuzheiyangwobeishenghuowuqingdedaileyidingmaozi—lvmaozi,wobeixiaopailvle。
zheizhongganjuejiuxiang,suiranhaizibushinide,danxifushinide。
woduocizhaoxiaocaolejieqingkuang,weiziji**,doubeijuzhibanwai,lianmianyemeijiandao。
huashuowozuijinyemeiyoucaigoushiya,gangkaixue,tongxuewohaimeirenquanni,nayougongfurenshixiaocao!
yaoshuodezuirendaoshiyouyige,buguowomeikanqingneirenlian。
shangzhouwuwanshang,wofangxuehuinainaijia,zuijinxinjiazhuangxiu,zhinengjiezhunainaijia。
gangzoudaoyilouzhuhudemenkou,jiutingdaoyigelvedaifengcihebunaideshengyin。
「dajie,wodaojiale,haigenna!」
「啊?你说啥?」
wotaitoukanjianyigedizhetoumaozibanzheliandenanshengyizaimenkou,duiwochizhiyibi。
「genzongwodaojiadenishidiyige,nitingfengkuangde。」
wolengzhenglejimiao,fanyingguolainanshengdeyisi,xinxiangtawuhuilemangjieshi:
「niwuhuile,wonainaijiazhuzheili。」
taxianranbuxin:「wozenmeconglaimeijianguoni?」
manliandebuxie,haosizaishuo,zhaojiekouyeyaozhaokaopudiande。
「wozhiqianhefumuzaiwaidi,guonianyeshiheyeyenainaizaixiangxiaguo,suoyi......」meilaiguozhei。
「suoyinijiekoubiandetinghao,xiangyinqiwodezhuyi,dakebubi」
wohaimeilaidejishuowan,jiubeitadaduanle。
cishiwodeneixinyiyouxingxingzhihuo,danhaishinaixinjieshi。
「wozhenmeishuohuang,buxinnikeyi......」
「biebianle,jianduole,wozhishuoyibian,gensuiwopaizhaojianjiaodoukeyi,danbiegenwodaojia」
zaicibeidaduan,wojuedexianzaiwokeyiliaoyuanle。
kanlekantaxizaiyaoshangdexiaofu,dunshiyoulediqi:
「wei,wobuzhidaosheijinidezixin,naodaihe**zhangfanleba,haigenzongni,jiejiewozheibeizidoushibeigenzong」chuiniusheibuhui。
nanshenglengzhenglexia,gangyaoshuoshenmejiubeiwodaduan。
「haijiaowodajie,jiejiewocaishanggaoyi,pei!」
「maozihaidangzhelian,pajianrenna,zhenyiweizijishimingxingni,rangwokankandaodizhangshayang」shuozhewojiushangshouquchetademaozi。
tayeyonglizhuaizhumaozi,lachejian,wohuangjuezheiyangbushunv,juedezijibapofuyanyidelinlijinzhi。
yushijiusongleshou,zhiting“peng”deyisheng,shitouhemenqinwendejuxiang。
hedewo,dengdengdengxunsupaoshanglou,kaimen、guanmen,yiqihecheng。
nainaiyiweiwobeigounianle,lianwenyoumeiyoubeiyaodao,woshuochayidianjiuyaodaole,haihaowojiling。
zheijianshiwoyemeifangzaixinshang,yinweihoulaiwoyemeijiandaoneigenansheng,meiduojiuwoyebanhuilezijijia。
zhidaoxiaocaoshijianbaofa,wocaihuixiangqi,xiangyaozhaoxiaocaoquerenshibushibaofu,tayebierbujian。
guimiquanjiewoshuoxiaocaobukenengzuozheizhongwuliaodeshi,kendingshinagenvshengpabaolu,suoyitounawoxiaopai。
woxiangzuiyoukenengtounawoxiaopaidejiushini,danshiwoliangshenxingfaxingdoubuyiyang。
huashuowoxiaopaishenmeshihoudiudewodoubuzhidao。
zhouyizhidaoxiaopaidiushi,zhouerjiushangtongbaole。
第二章
zhouyizaoshangquanxiaodaliancha,zhizhoushengmenpailiezhengqi,zaijiaodaochulaoshidedailingxiajianchatongxuedeyirong、yibiao。
xuxingheyoushouzaikoudailizuanlexiaxiaopai,xiemeideyixiao。
xuxinghekanjianyigenvshengzaifeisudefanzhaoshubao,taituizouleguoqu。
mianwubiaoqingdeshuodao:「tongxue,xiaopaimeipeidai」
wotaitouweixiaodao:「buhaoyisi,xuezhangwoxiaopaizhaobudaole」wa,haoshuai,xingxingyan。
wozuoyoukanxia,laoshibingmeiyoukanzheibian,kuaibushangqian:
「xuezhang,tongrongxiabei,yaoburangwojinbanjizhaozhao?」
「bieshuahua,nagebanjide?」
「xuezhang,nizheimeshuai,tongrongxiabei」
「buyaotaojinhu,henibushu,nibushuowojiaolaoshile」
wopiepiezui「wangxu,gaoyierban」
「gaoyide?nagewang,nagexu」
「xingwangdewang,xingxudexu」zhangdetingshuai,rentingsha,haiyoujigewang。
「nidaodixingwanghaishixingxu,buyaomenghunguoguan,houxuhuiheshi」yijiushimianwubiaoqing。
woqinaodao「woxingwang,wobaxingwang,womaxingxu,suoyijiwoqimingwangxu」
xuxinghezaibenzishangxielejibi,jiurangwotongguole,jiejushiwobeikoule5fen。
xiakelingxiangqi,jiaoshishunjianfeitengqilai,tongzhuomengmengmengdizhuaqiwodegebohaojiao:「xuxu,wotingshuoxiawudelanqiusaishuaigekeduoleni!xiaocaoyecanjiani!」
「xiaocaosheia?nabande?nizheixiaoxitinglingtonga,zheicaikaixueduojiuya,nijiuzhidaole!」woxiaohehedehuidao。
「bushiba,nimeikandaomeicifangxueyiqunnvshengzhuisuiyigenanshengma?neijiushixiaocao,shigaosan·wubande,jiaoxuxinghe,mingzishibushitehaoting!xuexihao,zhangdeshuai,jiayouqian!」mengmengyiliandexiangwang。
woshuangshoutuosai,xinlixiangzhezuijinzhunainaijia,lixuexiaoyoudianyuan,fangxuejiuzhejiwangjiapao,nayoushijiankanshuaige。
mengmengmeiguanwodeshangchunbeiqiu,jixudao:「xiawunizaodianlai,zanmenzhangehaoweizhi。」
「haolei」suizhewodehuayinluoxia,shangkede**yesuizhixiangqi。
xiawulanqiusaichangshang,renshengdingfei,wohemengmengzaojiuzhanlinglejuejiaweizhi。
suizhehuanhushengxiangqi,cansaiduiyuanyicishangchang。
「kan,neigejiushixiaocao」wokanxiangmengmengshouzhidefangxiang。
jigenanshengweizheyigezhangdehenbaidenansheng,meidaiyanjingyekanbuqingzhangxiang,yuanyuandewoganjuexuxinghehaoxiangkanxianglewozheibian。
lanqiusaijinxingzhe,tingzhedajiabuduandijianjiao,woyejuederexueshangyong。
zheishi,lanqiuhudixiangguanzhongxizalai,shenhoutongxuejingjiaolianlian,woxiangzuopaodetongshi,beimengmengxiangyoulazhu。
jiuzheiyangwozhizhidebeilanqiuzagezhengzhe,xuxinghexiaopaoguolai。
「tongxue,baoqian,xiacizhuyi」shengyindaizhexiexuxingzailehuo。
woxiedaozaidi,wuzhetou,kanzhezheigezaoshangkoulewo5fendenansheng,bansuizhehoumiannvshengmendejinghusheng「xuxinghe,haoshuaiai!」
woshuochumeiguanxidetongshi,jiwodezhishiyigebeiying,haomeilimao。
就莫名其妙的。
第三章
wanshangfangxue,gangchuxiaomenmengmengmengdijinzhuawoshouwanwangqianpao,chadianmeibandao。
「shaqingkuangya?mandian,yaoshuaidaole」wobianpaobianduimengmenghandao。
「xiaocao,qianbianshixiaocao,meikanzheimeduonvshenggenzheme,kuaidian」
woyidianyebuxiangquzhui,wobaoyuanzhexuxinghezaoshangkouwofen,xiawuyongqiuzawotou,rangbenbucongmingdedanao,chengshoulexiexubeishang。
mengmengshuowoxiaorenzhixindujunzizhifu,jianchajiushiyaoyishitongren、gongpinggongzheng,dalanqiufashengyiwaiyehenzhengchang。
yingyingchuochuojian,wokanjianlexuxinghedecelian,tadaizhemaozi,shuangshouchadou,zuilidiaozheweidianhuodeyan,shuobuchuderangrenmilian,zhizhixiangqianzouzhe,genbenbuguanhoumianyoumeiyoumimeigensui。
「zheiwokanzheyoudianyanshu,haoxiangzhiqianjianguo,buguotaxiyanbupabeilaoshizhuame?」wodunangzhe。
「zheidoudaoxiaowaile,zaishuolerenjiayemeidianhuo,zhenmeijiantaxiguoyan」
「neijiushiweileshuakubei,zhenchoupi,haoxiangtianxiajiutazuishuaiyiyang,zilian}cishidewojueduibuhuizhidao,juranyibuxiaoxinjiushuochulezhenxiang。
xiangbudaodiertian,wojiubeitongbaojiledaguo,liyoushiwoweixiexiaocao。
wozongjuedeyourenyaohaiwo,haojichengwodezuoye,danshiwomeiyouzhengju。
pipingdahuineitianzaihoutai,xuxinghexiaofubanchang,yikaozaizhuozishang。
xiangshenglizheyiyang,tiaoxinzhewo。
wodunshijiuhongleyan,zhizhetahandao「laoshi,tayuanwangwo,taxianhaiwo」
ranerbingmeiyourenxiangxinwo。
zheishixiaozhangzouguolaiduixuxingheshuo:「zhuyiyirong、yibiao,yihuishangtaini,xiangshenmeyangzi」
yuqimeiyouzebei,haiyoudianchongni。
wotandao,yuanlaizhangdehaoxuexihaoderen,lianxiaozhangdoupianai。
houlaiwocaizhidao,xiaozhangshitajiu。
ziciyihou,wohexuxinghedeguanxijiushitongshuihuo。
dangranshiwodanfangmiande,tayijiuguangmangwanzhang,woyouruguojielaoshu。
zaibanjinvshengmenshuyuanwo,nanshengmendiaokanwo。
zaixiaoyuan,xiaoyoumenduiwozhizhidiandian,yilunfenfen。
zaijialigengbietile,wodieshuowoyaoshibuhaohaoxuexijinggaomeiyongdejiurangwoquhexibeifeng。
duixuxinghedehuaihenzhixin,gengshangyicenglou。
weilewanhuiwozailaoshihetongxuexinzhongdexingxiang,wofenfatuqiang,jijicanjiabanjirenhehuodong。
weilebulusujietou,wotouxuanliangzhuicigu。
zhongyuyoubianhuileneigerenjianrenai,huajianhuakaidexiaokeai,xuexichengjiyeyilubiaosheng。
guangyinsijian,xuxinghezhongyu、zhongyugaokaogunqiule。
meiletadeyingxiangxiaoyoumenzaojiuyiwangleneijianhuangdandeshi,woyezhongyunenganshengle。
youjingguoliangniandeshiguang,woyeruyuandekaojinlelixiangdedaxue。
shuolaiyeqiao,jiumengmengneigecaijijuranyeyaxiankaojinlaile。
buguowomenbuzaiyigexi,danshisushejiuzaishangxialou。
mengmengzuijinmishangleyigedasanlanqiuduideshuaige,genbenmeikongdaliwo。
cidibuliuye,ziyouliuyechu。
wokanshiyouwanwangzhewandefengshengshuiqi,woyeyangqiuzhetadaiwo。
zheiyiwanjiuxiangxiaodaola**,kaiyanerle!
gezhongxiaohtu,ske,gaoxiaogeng,dakailexinshijiedamen,woyaodangaiqingdeqiutuhaha!
第四章
zheitianzhoumoshiyoudouquyuehuile,wozheigedanshengoujiuzhinengdayouxile。
wozuijinxinjiagebenxiaodezhandui,xiangzhaogedatuibaoyibao。
qunlijingqiaoqiaode,zhengshiwoshanliangdengchangdehaoshihou。
xianfageegaohuoyuexiaqifenba!
yexu:「quezhongdanma?woxiaoqiaozei6」peishangge0-30-0dexiaoqiaozhanji。
meiyourenherenmaopao,douquyuehuile?
再来一条。
yexu:「jiewanglianbenxiandaijian,renheshijianrenhedidian,500kuaiyimian,liangxindaijian,beiqinleyaojiaqian。nilaogongzhangdechouwojiutinizhijiefenshoule,nilaogongzhangdehaokan,duibuqi,tayihoujiushiwolaogongle!」peishangegaotu。
shuxingxing:「@yexu,**jiejiedanma?tongyixiahaoyouxishuo。」
mengzhongqingding:「zheigehao,woshouzangle」
chaoshen1v5:「@shuxingxing,paixingbangyige,baodatui」
zheishilailegexiaohongdian,shishuxingxingfalaidehaoyouqingqiu。
jiranshidatui,nayoububaodeshuo,xianhuyouzhedaiwoshangfenba。
jiashanghaoyoulejieqingkuanghou,wojiuyoudianhouhuichongdongle。
zheilaogeshiyongnvhaowanxiaohao,zhaolegecp,jieguorenjiayaojianmian,tapaluxian,yijingjujueduocile,zhenghaokandaowodeguanggao,lingjiyidong。
wojiunamentayaoshipaixingbangyige,haiyongbierendaifeima?
wenjiushicpjidetaiduo。
wobenlaijiushihuluanfade,meixiangdaohaizhenyouzheizhongxuqiude。
sikaolehuier,wohaishijujuele。
wo:「baoqian,wonaozhewande」
shuxingxing:「wozhidaoniyougulv,fangxin,doushibenxiaode,jiuzaiguangchangjianyimian」
wo:「e......」
shuxingxing:「500yimian,baonigegesaijiwangzhe」
wo:「wozhixihuanzijida」
数猩猩:「我带飞」
我:「成交」
我:「什么时候?」
shuxingxing:「buji,xiacitazaishuodeshihou,woxiandainishangfenba」
youzheihaoshiwobabude,lianmangjiudengluzhanghaobaodatuile。
wenlewodeduanweihou,laogexuanlegexiangdangduanweidehao。
zaiwowushucibeiduiyouxianqi,laogezhaohuanwowuguohou,tazhongjiushimeirenzhu。
「fangxianideshenduan,dakaimaikefengjiaoliu,nizhibuzhidaoshenmejiaodaifei?」
yi?shengyinhaohaoting,haoxiangtingguodeganjue。
「bujiushinikairui,wosuiyima?」wolizhiqizhuang。
「bierendouxianqini,nengbunenggenzhewo,bushijinifaxinhaoleme?」
「a,woyiweinijiaobierenni!」wodunangdao。
「nibiejiaoyexule,jiaoyezhuba,xianzaiqitingwozhihui,dong?」