新婚夜,我听见了哑巴老公的吐槽精选章节

weizhengjiubinlinpochandejiazu,wojiajilefuyunshen。chuanwenli,fujiazheiweijichengrenyinzhicanbao,

haiyinyichangchehuohuileshengdai,chengleyaba。xinhunye,wozhanzhanjingjingdidishangzaoyinihaodexieyi,

taquemianwubiaoqingdijiangtatuikai。woyiweitayaofanu,naozhongquetuwudixiangqiyigeshengyin:「fansile,

yangeyabahaideqinzidaoshui,zheinvrenzenmegenmutouyiyang,buzhidaozhudongdianma?」womengditaiqitou,

duishangtaneishuanghaowubolandeyanjing。neigebeiwaijiechuandeqingmianliaoyadenanren,

cikexinlizhengfengkuangshuaping:【xieyitiaokuanneimeduo,sheikandewan,zhijieqianbujiudele?tazaibuguolai,

wozhuanggaolengderenshejiuyaobengle!】hongsedehunchuangshang,wochuanzhefanfudejingjiufu,zhengjinweizuo,

jinzhangdeshouxindouzaimaohan。wodexinhunzhangfu,fuyunshen,zhengzuozaiduimiandeshafashang。

tachuanzheyishenheisezhensishuipao,lingkouweichang,luchuyixiaopianlengbaidepifu。

hunandedengguanggoulezhetashensuidelunkuo,bilianggaoting,bochunjinmin,

yishuangheimouchenjingdexiangyitanshenbujiandidehanshui。bukuishinengrangzhenggeyunchengdoujidandenanren,

jibianzuozailunyishang,zhoushendeqichangyeqiangdadaorangrenwufahuxi。chuanwentasannianqianzaoyuchehuo,

bujinshuangtuicanji,shengdaiyeyanzhongshousun,chengleyigexinuwuchangdeyaba。woshenxiyikouqi,

jiangyifenxieyifangdaotamianqiandechajishang,shengyinxiruowenying:「fuxiansheng,zheishiwomenhunqianshuohaodexieyi,

nin……guomuyixia?」fuyunshenxianqiyanpi,dandandisaolewoyiyan。neiyanshenbinglengcigu,

daizhehaobuyanshideshenshiheyapogan。wobeitakandetoupifama,jihuyaoyiweitaxiayimiaojiuhuibaxieyisisui,

zaibaworengchuqu。tazhongyudongle。xiuzhangdeshouzhiniezhuxieyideyijiao,quebushifankan,ershimengdiyitui。

zhizhanghuaguoguanghuadezhuomian,tingzaiwojiaobian。wodexinshunjianchendaolegudi。tazheishibumanyi?

haishijuedeyongxieyilaiyueshuta,shiduitadeyizhongxiuru?zhengdangwonaozhongyipianhunluan,zhunbeiguixiaqiuraoshi,

yidaoqingxide、daizhejidubunaifandenansheng,haowuyuzhaodizaiwonaohailizhakai。【fansile,

yangeyabahaideqinzidaoshui,zheinvrenzenmegenmutouyiyang,buzhidaozhudongdianma?】wohunshenyijiang,

mengditaitou。fangjianlizhiyouwomenlianggeren,fuyunshenshigeyaba,neizheishengyinshi……wojingyibudingdikanxiangta,

tayijiushineifulengruobingshuangdemoyang,fangfogangcaideyiqiedoushiwodehuanjue。keneidaoshengyinyouxiangleqilai,

zheicishiputiangaididetucao。【xieyitiaokuanneimeduo,sheikandewan,zhijieqianbujiudele?tazaibuguolai,

wozhuanggaolengderenshejiuyaobengle!】【kesiwole,wodeshuibeini?guanjiameigaosutawodexiguanma?

】【tazenmehaibudong?yizhidingzhewokanganshenme?nandaoshibeiwoyingjundeyangmaomizhule?

ng……daoyebushimeiyouzheigekeneng。】wo:「……」

wokanzheyanqianzheigewaibiaoyinzhibingleng、neixinxiqueduodaonengchangyitaidaxidenanren,

shijieguanshoudaoleqiansuoweiyoudechongji。wohualezhengzhengshimiao,

caijieshoulewonengtingdaofuyunshenxinshengzheigelipudeshishi。tahaizaiyongneishuanglengmodeyanjingdingzhewo,

fangfozaikanyigemeiyoushengmingdewujian。ketaxinlidedanmuyijingkuaiyaoshuabaole。【tazenmehaizaifadai?

shibushibeiwoheshale?wokanqilaiyouneimekepama?】【zaozhidaojiubutuikaixieyile,

wanyitajuedewobuhaoxiangchu,mingtiankuzheyaolihunzenmeban?neiwoqibushibaiyanle?】womomodiwanyao,

jianqidishangdexieyi,zhongxinfanghuitashoubian。ranhou,wozoudaobatai,daoleyibeiwenshui,

jingzhundifangzailetazuoshoubianzuirongyinadaodeweizhi。fuyunshenkanzhewoxingyunliushuidedongzuo,

yanshenlishanguoyisibuyichayidechayi。【yo,kaiqiaole?haizhidaojiwodaoshui。】【weizhiyefangduile,

kanlaiguanjiajiaodehaibucuo。】wochuixiayanlian,yanqumouzhongdebolan,qingshengshuo:「ninkoukeleba,xianheshui。

xieyibuzheji,wodengnin。」fuyunshenduanqishuibeideshoujibukechadidunleyixia。

taxinlidedanmushunjiancongtucaomoshiqiehuandaolejingtimoshi。【tazenmezhidaowokouke?qiaohe?

】wojiazhuangmeikanjiantatanjiudemuguang,zhilezhixieyi:「ruguoninjuedetiaokuanyouwenti,womenkeyizaishangliang。」

tafangxiashuibei,naqibi,shuashuaqianxialezijidemingzi。litouzhibei,zijifenglidexiangtabenrenyiyang。

【ganjinqianwanrangtazou,zaibeitazheimedingzhe,wopawohuirenbuzhuxiaochang。】wojieguoxieyi,

kanzheshangmian「fuyunshen」sangedazi,xinliwuweizachen。zheijiushiwoweilaisanniandezhangfu。

yigebiaomianshangyinzhicanbao、shijishangshigetucaoyide……yaba?wonazhexieyi,zhengzhunbeihuiwodeciwo,

taquehuranshenchushouzhi,qiaoleqiaozhuomian。【jiuzheimezoule?xinhunzhiyebawoyigerendiuzaizhuwo,

chuanchuquxianghuama?】【suiranshixieyijiehun,danxiyeyaozuo**a!wanyiwomamingtianzaoshanglaichagangzenmeban?

】wojiaobuyidun,renmingdizhuanguoshen,duizhetaluchuyigewenshundeweixiao:「wo……wojinwanshuishafajiuhao。」

fuyunshenlenglengdipielewoyiyan,ranhoucaozonglunyi,jingzhichaoyushikaiqu。【shafa?tajuranxiangshuishafa?

wofuyunshendeqizixuyaoshuishafa?chuanchuquwodelianwangnaerge!】【suanle,genmutoujijiaoshenme。

】tingzhetayuanquhouxinlidesuisuinian,worenmingdibaoqibeizi,zouxiangleneizhangkuandadehunchuangde……lingyice。

diertianyizao,woshizaiyizhenjuliedexinlihuodongzhongxinglaide。【jidianle?tazenmehaibuqichuang?

buzhidaojintianyaohuilaozhaijizhangbeijingchama?】【shuidegenzhuyiyang,koushuidoukuailiuchulaile。

】womengdizhengkaiyan,xiayishidicalecazuijiao。gande。yizhuantou,jiuduishangfuyunshenneizhanghaowubiaoqingdejunlian。

tabuzhishenmeshihouyijingxishuwanbi,zhengqidizuozailunyishang,zhengjugaolinxiadikanzhewo。yanshenli,

shihaobuyanshidexianqi。womomodicongchuangshangpaqilai,yizuikuaidesuduchongjinyushi。shiwufenzhonghou,

wohuanhaoyifu,hualedanzhuang,chuxianzaitamianqian。tashangxiadalianglewoyifan。【ng,suduhaixing。

chuanzheishenhaitinghaokan,youyanguang。】woxinlisonglekouqi。zaocanzhuoshang,guanjiazhanzhanjingjingdibuzhecai,

daqidoubuganchuan。fujiadeyongrendouhenpafuyunshen,youqishitachushizhihou,xingqingbiandegengjiayinqingbuding。

wokanzhetamianqianneiwanqingtangguashuideyanmaizhou,zaikankanwomianqianfengshengdexiajiaoshaomai,

huranlijieleyongrenmendenanchu。fuyunshennaqishaozi,mianwubiaoqingdijiaodongzhewanlidezhou。【youshiyanmaizhou,

tiantianchizheige,zuilidoudanchuniaolaile。】【neigexiajiaokanqilaibucuo,wenzhejiuxiang。

】【tazenmeguangkanbuchi?nandaoshizaidengwoxiandongkuaizi?zhenshigemafandenvren。

】womomodijiaqiyigexiajiao,fangjinletamianqiandekongdiezili。zhuoshangshunjiananjingle。

guanjiaheyongrenmendouyongyizhongkanyongshideyanshenkanzhewo,fangfowoxiayimiaojiuyaobeifuyunshenyongyanshenshasi。

fuyunshenyetingxialejiaodongshaozideshou,taiqiheichenchendemouzi,dingdingdikanzhewo。【tajiwojiacai?

tabupawo?】【danzihaitingda。】【buguo……zheixiajiaokanqilaiqueshihenhaochi。

】wodingzhetashenshidemuguang,youjitajialeyigeshaomai,qingshengshuo:「yishengshuoniyinshiyaoqingdan,

danyebunengwanquanmeiyouweidao。changchangzheige,weidaobuzhong。」tachenmodikanlewojimiao,zhongyunaqikuaizi,

jiaqileneigexiajiao。zaitabaxiajiaofangjinzuilideneiyike,

woqingxiditingjiantaxinlifachuleyishengmanzudekuitan。【haochi!】kanzhetayijiulengruobingshuangdelian,

wochadianmeirenzhuxiaochusheng。zheigenanren,yetaikoushixinfeile。huifujialaozhaidelushang,

cheneiqifenyayidekepa。sijizhuanxinkaiche,wozuozaifuyunshenpangbian,anjingruji。tajintiansihuxinqingbujia,

congchumenkaishi,xinlidedanmujiumeitingguo。【youyaojianneiqunniuguisheshenle,fan。

】【youqishifutianhaoneigechunhuo,kendingyouyaonawodetuihesangzishuoshi。

】【pangbianzheigenvrenzenmeyijuhuadoubushuo?yabajingshiwoziji?ebudui,wobenlaijiushiyaba。

】woqingleqingsangzi,shitudapochenmo:「tingshuo……laozhaideyuanlinhenpiaoliang。」fuyunshenzhuanguotoukanwo,

yanshenyoushen。【taxiangshuoshenme?anweiwo?haishizaishitanwo?】【suanle,fanzhengyezhishigexieyiqizi,

bubiduitayaoqiutaigao。】tashouhuimuguang,jixukanzhechuangwai,meiyoujiworenhehuiying。woshiqudibishanglezui。

fujialaozhaizuoluozaibanshanyao,shiyizuoguseguxiangdezhongshitingyuan,tingtailouge,diaolianghuadong,qipaifeifan。

chegangtingwen,yigechuanzheshimao、huazhejingzhizhuangrongdenvrenjiuyingleshanglai,shifuyunshendejimu,linlan。

tashenhouhaigenzheyigenianjiyufuyunshenxiangfangdenanren,futianhao,fuyunshendetangge。「yunshenhuilaila,

kuairangayikankan。」linlanreqingdixiaozhe,muguangquezaiwoshenshangdalegezhuan,daizheyisiqingmie。

fuyunshenshenselengdan,fangfomeikandaota。futianhaozezoushangqian,

pixiaoroubuxiaodipailepaifuyunshendelunyifushou:「yunshen,haojiubujian。zheiweijiushidimeiba?zhangdezhenpiaoliang,

jiushibuzhidao,nengbunengzhaoguhaonizheige……bingrena。」「bingren」lianggezi,tayaodetebiezhong。

fuyunshenwozhefushoudeshouzhishunjianshoujin,shoubeishangqingjinbaoqi。【zheige**,

zaowanyouyitianwoyaosilantadezui。】wonengganjuedaotashenshangsanfachudetaotiannuyi,jihuyaoningchengshizhi。

budengtafazuo,wowangqianyibu,dangzailetahefutianhaozhongjian,lianshangguazhedetideweixiao。

「zheiweijiushitianhaogeba?jiuyangdaming。yunshentabushibingren,tazhishixuyaojingyang。woxiangxin,youwozai,

tahenkuaijiunenghaoqilaide。」wodunledun,huafengyizhuan,muguangzhishizhefutianhao,xiaorongbubian,

yuqiquelenglesanfen。「daoshitianhaoge,wotingshuonizuijinfuzedeneigehaiwaixiangmukuisunyanzhong,

haishiduohuadianxinsizaigongzuoshangba。bijing,fujiazheimedadechanye,kebunengdouzhiwangwoxianshengyigerencaoxin,

ninshuoduima?」futianhaodelian,shunjianjiulvle。futianhaodagaimeixiangdao,

wozheigegangjinmen、niangjiahaizhiwangfujiajiejideerxifu,gandangzhongjitameilian。talianseqingyizhenbaiyizhen,

bantianshuobuchuhualai。linlanganjinchulaidayuanchang:「aiya,wanzhigangjinmen,budongshi,

tianhaonibiegentayibanjianshi。womenkuaijinquba,laoyezidoudengjile。」woweiweiyixiao,meizaishuohua,

tuizhefuyunshendelunyiwanglizou。fuyunshencongtoudaoweidouchenmozhe,danwonengtingdaotaxinlidejingtaohailang。

【**?tazenmezhidaofutianhaoxiangmukuisundeshi?zheishigongsineibudouhaimeichuankai!

】【tajuranganzhijieduifutianhao?danziyetaifeile!】【buguo……duidehao!**deshuang!

】【zheinvren,youdianyisi。】wotuizheta,nengganjuedaotaluozaihoujingdemuguang,

daizheqiansuoweiyoudetanjiuheshenshi。wojiazhuangbuzhi,mubuxieshidizoujindating。fujialaoyezizuozaizhuweishang,

bunuziwei。wohefuyunshenshangqianjingcha。laoyezihelewodecha,dishangyigehouhoudehongbao,

suanshirenkelewozheigesunxifu。lundaofuyunshenshi,laoyezikanzhetakongdangdangdeshuangshou,tanlekouqi:「yunshen,

nizheisangzi……zhendemeixiwanglema?」fuyunshenchuixiayan,meiyoufanying。【youlaile,youshizheigehuati。

】【wogaizenmehuida?diantouhaishiyaotou?】【fansile,dangyabazhenlei。】wolianmangkaikou,

titajiewei:「yeye,yishengshuoyunshendeshengdaihaizaihuifuqi,bunengji。zuizhuyaodeshiyaobaochixinqingyukuai,

bunengdongqi。」shuozhe,wohaiteyipieleyiyanliansebushandefutianhao。laoyezidiandiantou,kanxiangfutianhao,

yuqiyansulejifen:「tianhao,nididishentibuhao,yihougongsideshi,niduoshangdianxin。

biezaichushenmechazile。」futianhaobuqingbuyuandiyingleyisheng。yidunfanchideanliuyongdong。

linlanhefutianhaoyichangyihe,hualihuawaidouzaianshifuyunshenrujinshigefeiren,bukandaren。erwo,

zejianzhaochaizhao。linlanshuofuyunshentiaoshi,

wojiubafuyunshenaichidecai(congtaxinshenglitinglaide)doujiadaotawanli。futianhaoshuofuyunshenrujinbunenghejiu,

yingchoububian,wojiushuofuyunshenshentiweizhong,yihouyingchouwodailao。fuyunshenquanchenggaolengdizuozhe,yiyanbufa,

xinliquezaifengkuangjiwodianzan。【duidehao!shuodedui!】【wolaopozhenlihai!】【dengdeng……sheishinilaopo?

zheizhishixieyiqizi!】【danshi……ganjuehaibucuo。】fanjujieshu,huichengdecheshang,fuyunshenyijiuchenmo。

dantaxinlidedanmu,quewenroulexuduo。【jintianduokuileta。】【meixiangdao,qutahuilai,haiyouzheizhongyongchu。

】【jiushibuzhidao,tadaodishizenmezhidaofutianhaoneijianshide……dezhaorenchachata。

】wokanzhechuangwaifeisudaotuidefengjing,jiazhuangshenmedoubuzhidao。fuyunshen,nixiangchajiuchaba。fanzheng,

wozhishiyigeputongde、pochande、nengtingdaonixinshengde……qizieryi。huidaobieshu,

qifenmingxianhezhiqianbuyiyangle。ruguoshuozhiqianwohefuyunshenzhijiangezheyitiaowufayuyuedehonggou,neimexianzai,

zheitiaohonggoushangsihujiaqileyizuoyaoyaoyuzhuidediaoqiao。takanwodeyanshen,buzaishidanchundebinglengheshenshi,

duoleyisiwokanbudongdefuzaqingxu。wanshang,wozhaolizhunbeiqushuishafa。gangbaoqibeizi,

jiutingdaotaxinli「ze」leyisheng。【youyaoshuishafa?zheizhangchuangshixiangledingzima?】【suanle,

jintiantabiaoxianbucuo,zongbunengrangtashuishafa。】tacaozonglunyidangzaiwomianqian,shenshouzhilezhichuangdelingyibian。

yisihenmingxian。woyouxieyouyu。【momocengcengdeganshenme?wohainengchiletabucheng?】【woyigecanfei,

tapashenme?】wozhihaobaozhebeizi,zhongxintanghuilechuangshang。yirenyiban,zhongjiangezhechuhehanjie。guanledeng,

fangjianliyipianheian。wonengtingdaoshenbianchuanlaitapingwendehuxisheng,yiji……tabutaipingwendexinsheng。

【tashuizhelema?】【huxizheimeqing,genxiaomaoyiyang。】【tajintianweishenmeyaobangwo?

zhishiweilelvxingxieyiqizideyiwu?haishi……bieyoumude?】【chatadeziliaozenmehaimeisonglai?

xiaolvtaidile。】wobizheyanjing,yidongbugandong,shengpabeitafaxianwohaimeishuizhe。buzhidaoguoleduojiu,

shenbianderensihuzhongyufangqilesikao,xinshengjianjianpingxi。heianzhong,woqiaoqiaozhengkaiyan,kanxiangtamohudelunkuo。

fuyunshen,nidaodizaiyanyichushenmeyangdexi?erwo,yougaizaizheichuxili,banyanyigeshenmeyangdejiaose?

jiexialaidejitian,fuyunshenduiwomingxian「hao」lehenduo。suirantalianshangyijiumeishenmebiaoqing,

danxinlidedanmuquefengfuduocai。zaocanzhuoshang,tahuixianqidikanzhewohezhou,

xinliquezaixiang:【zenmechizheimeshao?jianfei?shoudegenzhuganyiyang,fengyichuijiudaole。】ranhou,

tahuiyongkuaiziqiaoqiaopanzi,shiyiwoduochidian。wochumenquchuliwoniangjiagongsideyixielantanzi,

tahuilengzheliankanwo,xinliquezaidigu:【zheimewancaihuilai?qunale?shibushizaiwaimianyoubiedegoule?

】【budui,womenshixieyijiehun,tayoubiedegouyezhengchang。】【kewoweishenmezheimebushuang?】woshenzhifaxian,

takaishiyouyiwuyidizaiwomianqianchuliyixiegongsidewenjian。tayongjiamideruanjianherenjiaoliu,

shouzhizaijianpanshangqiaodefeikuai。wojiazhuangkanbudong,

xinliquebataneixieshangyebujuhexinlidetucaoyiyiduiyingqilai。【lishijituanneigelaohuli,

haixianggenwowanxinyan,xiazhoujiurangtapochan。】【chengnanneikuaidibixunadaoshou,

futianhaoneigechunhuokendinghuitaijia,zhenghaorangtaduochudianxue。

】wojianjianpincouchuleyigeshishi:fuyunshendechehuohecanji,genbenjiushiyichangpianju。tabujinmeiyoucanji,

meiyoubianya,shenzhibiyiqiangengjialeilifengxing,zhengzaianzhongbuju,

zhunbeijiangneixiecengjingduitaluojingxiashiderenyiwangdajin。erwo,zheigenengtingdaotaxinshengdeqizi,

chengletazheichangdaxili,weiyidebianshuheguanzhong。zheitian,tadezhulisonglaiyifenwenjian,

shiwocongxiaodaodadesuoyouziliao。takandejiqirenzhen。【wenwanzhi,wenjiadunv,biyeyumingpaidaxue,

xinggewenshun,wubuliangshihao……】【lvliganjingdexiangyizhangbaizhi。】【suoyi,

tadaodishizenmezhidaofutianhaoneijianshide?nandaotabeihouhaiyoubieren?】woduanzheqiehaodeshuiguozouguoqu,

fangzaitazhuoshang。「zaikanshenme?」taxunsuheshangwenjian,lenglengdipielewoyiyan。【kanni。

】taxinlizheimexiang,quezhishiyaoleyaotou。woxiaolexiao,naqiyikuaipingguodidaotazuibian:「chishuiguo。」

talengleyixia,sihumeixiangdaowohuiyouzheimeqinnidejudong。【taweiwo?】【wogaibugaichi?

chileshibushixiandewohenbujinchi?】【keshi……shitaqinshouxuede。】zaitaneixintianrenjiaozhandeshihou,

wozhijiebapingguosaijinletazuili。taxiayishidijujiaoqilai,lianjiagugude,xiangyizhicangshu。

neishuangshensuideheimouli,shanguoyisinaonu,heyisi……buyichajuedexiunan。wokanzhetazheifuyangzi,

huranjuede,zheigenanren,haoxiangyemeineimekepa。pingjingderizimeiguojitian,jiubeiyitongdianhuadapole。

shifutianhaodalaide。tayuefuyunshenqucanjiayigeshangyejiuhui,meiqimingyuerangtaduochuquzouzou,