奇葩一家人
一、
yinweiwodefumucuihun，suoyiwojiuhewodezhangfusunnanbaoshanhunle。
wobamaduisunnanbaoyijiazikeshiyibaigemanyi。
sunnanbaoxiaowosansui，shuoshixueli，nianjiqingqingjiuzaiyijiagongsizuojingli。
zaiwomayanli，tashidaolebabeizimeicainengkanshangwo，takeshigeshizudejinguixu。
woshibuhunzhuyizhe，dannaibuzhuwomayisixiangbi，zhinenghesunnanbaojiehunle。
woduitayidianganqingyemei，zhixiwangxiangjingrubin。
suoyimiyuelvxingdeshihou，sunnanbaotichutabamayeyaoyiqiqu，woyemeifandui。
gongpoyiqipeiwomendumiyue，suiranyoudianguaiguaide，woyemianqiangnengjieshou。
wopopohuanhuyisheng，pujinlesunnanbaodehuaili，xiaomimidekanzheta：“xiexiewodebaobao，mamazheijiuqushoushixingli！”
wokanzhesunnanbaozhongzhongyikouqinzaitamadelianshang，zuijiaoluchuyigechongnidexiaorong。
popohuitoukanwo：“huanhuan，wokannizuotianxinmaileyijianqunzi，nizheimepangfanzhengyechuanbujin，fangzaineiliyeshilangfei，daoburujiwochuanba，yerangtafahuifahuitazhenzhengdemeili！”
zheixiawozuishangqiangzhuangdexiaozhongyuguabuzhule。
neijianqunzikeshiwodenglehenjiucaishoudaodesirendingzhi，dangchutedizuoxiaoleyigehao，jiushiweilejiliwojianfei！
zaishuole，wo165dianshengaotizhong115yemeipangdaonaliquhaoma？
jianwobushuohua，wogonggongzhoulezhoumei，tayezhizewo：“huanhuan，kanlainibamazaijiameiyouhaohaojiaonishenmejiaozuozunjingzhangbei！”
wopopolikejiazhuangquandao：“meishi，huanhuanbuyuanyijiusuanle，woyuanyiweizhishiyijianqunzi，huanhuankendinghuijiwode，bijingtahenshihewo，meixiangdao……”
wokao，xianzainizaizheilizhuangshenmeshanjierenyi？
nandaobushiniyaoqiangwodeyifu？
忍无可忍！
无需再忍！
woyibaxianlejialidezhuozi，zhuoshangdecaitangquansazailetamenxiangqinxiangaisangerenshenshang。
popojianjiaoyisheng，numukanwo。
“jiangshanghuan！nifenglema！”sunnanbaoduiwohechiyisheng，ganmanghegonggongyiqichakanpopodeqingkuang。
wopailepaishou，manyidekanzheyipianlangjiededimian，kanxiangneixiangqinxiangaisanrenzu：“nizhenhaoyisitianzheneigebilianlaiwenwoyaoyifu，niyiweiwoshinilaogongheerzineilianggeyuanzhongma，nizaijiabuganhuojiuananwenwenbuyaogaoshenmeyaoezi，niyaoshizaiexinwowokefengpeidaodi！”
woshangshangxiaxiakanzhetachixiaoyisheng。
“laonvren！nianjitingdapishiyebushaoa！”
tamensangerenmudengkoudaidekanzhewo，yijuhuadoubiebuchulai。
laoniangcongqianguaiqiaorouruozhishiwodebaohuse。
woyaoshibufapiqiganqingnimensanyaozaiwonaodaishangbengdehuanle！
wodaoyaokankan，nijiexialaihainengzenmezuoyao！
二、
wojipoposhilianse，sunnanbaoqideyizhengtianmeiliwo。
不过我也乐的清闲。
wopoposhiwomazaipaijushangrenshide，zhunquelaishuo，tamenlianggeshiduoniandepaiyou。
youyishuoyi，wopopozhangdequeshinianqing，yaoshibuzhidaotadezhenshinianling，kongpahuirenweitazhiyousanshiduosui。
hesunnanbaojiehundeneiyitian，tajiuqinredelazhewodeshou：“biejiaopopo，zheiyangbawojiaolaole，yihounijiaowojiejiuxing！”
woyaoshizhenjiaotajie，zheibeifenjiuluandediemadouzhaobudaole！
quemeixiangdaowozaibierenmianqianjiaoletajishengpopozhihoutalimajiwoshuaiqilelianse。
tiandiliangxin，takezhenhuizhuanga！
zaitaerzihelaogongmianqianshiwenrouzhixin，zaiwomianqianlianzhuangdoulandezhuangle。
tajiwobailianse，wonandaobunengjitabaihuiqu？
wohesunnanbaogangjiehundiyitian，tahenzaojiubawocongchuangshangzhuaiqilai。
sihaobugutahaizaichuangshanghuhudashuideerzi，yibabawosaijinlechufang。
“wojiumeijianguoxiangnizheimelandexinxifu，zheicaijiajiwoerzidiyitian，nijiuyaoshuilanjue，neiyihouqibushiyaoshangtianle！”
waimiandetianheiqiqide，yidianguangdoumeiyou。
woyikanshouji，haojiahuo，zheicailingchensandian！
“womensangeshuixingzhiqian，nideganjinbajiawuzuohaofanshaohao，fouzewokeyaohaohaodaonibamamianqianshuodaoshuodao，wenwentamendaodijiaolegeshenmenver！”
“nidouyijingshiwoerziderenle，wojiabaobaoyaoshihenilihun，shenzibuganjingdenvren，haiyousheihuiyao！”
zheihuashuowan，tacaideyideniuzheyaohuilewoshi。
sunnanbaohewogonggongdehulushengyishengdaguoyisheng，zhentianxiang。
wochouchucaidao，huanhuandemoleqilai。
dengmodehanguangshanshan，wubifengli，wocaimanyidegoulegouchun，ranhoutizhecaidaolaidaowogongpofangjian。
popozaojiuyoushuishule，haizaimenglizabazhezui，yagenmeizhuyidaowobaneibacaidaotiezhuletadebozi。
wopailepaitadelian，xiaoshengdeyibianbianjiaota：“ma、ma、ma……”
popomimihuhudezhengkaiyan，diyiyanjiukanjianpitousanfadewohejiazaitabozishangdecaidao，hedeyijiaobahaizaidahuludegonggongchuaidaoledishang。
tahenhenyanxiayikoukoushui，douzhesangzixiangwopeixiao：“huanhuan，nizheishizuoshenme，wokeshinimaa！”
wosisidingzheta，yadisangziheiheiyixiao，jiaoleyishengma。
ranhoudongledongwoshoulidecaidao：“zheibushiwomohaolecaidao，xiangrangmakankanmodefengbufenglima？”
popoyigejingdezhidiantou，gonggongcongdishangpaqilaiyigepidoubuganfang。
kanzhekuaibeiheshadefuqiliang，wozheicaishouhuilecaidao。
“ba、ma，nimenpashenme，wozhishijinimenkaigewanxiaoeryi，manisandianzhongjiaowoqilaizuofan，shibushiyeshikaiwanxiao？”
popozheixiazhongyubuzaijiwobailiansele，tapawozhijiejitalaiyidao，zhinengkusangzheliandiantou：“huanhuan，maganggangyeshizaijinikaiwanxiao，zenmenengrangnizuofanni！womenliangzheijiuqu，nixiuxixiuxijiuxing！”
tazheihuayishuowan，lianggerenjiulangbeidepaochulewoshi，lianxiedoumeilaidejichuan，shengpawoyoufashenmefeng。
但发疯确实有用。
zheishiguolezhihou，popoanwenleyiduanshijian。
kewomeixiangdaotaerzigangshengleyizhi，tayideyi，youkaishiwangxingle。
好了伤疤忘了疼。
buguomeiguanxi，jiranzheimiyuezhilvyouwozai。
tamenjiubuhuihaoguoyitian。
三、
gonggonghezhangnanbaodabaoxiaobaodelinzhepopodexinglilehehedegenzaiyizhejingzhidepoposhenhou，duitahanxuwennuan。
erwobeitamenyuanyuandeluozaishenhou。
tamensangecaishiyijiaren。
zicongwodezuiguopopozhihou，tabianyouyirangtamenlianglengluowo。
xiangshiyaoxiangwozhengmingshenmeyiyang。
tataigaokandeqitamenyijiarenle，wokebuxiangpopo，bamabaonanheweisuolaogongdangkuaibao。
zhangnanbaohegonggongxianglaiduipopoyantingjicong，ziranbuhuiyinweiwofanbota。
gangdaojiudian，popojiuduiqiantaixiaojiejietichulezheiyilipudeyaoqiu。
qiantaixiaojiejiezuijiaoweiweichouchu，tadengdaleyanjing，zhilezhipopohesunnanbao，youzhilezhigonggonghewo。
“furen，ninzheihuawozenmetingbutaidongni？ninzheishiyaonimenyijiasikouzhuyijian？”
qiantaideshengyinbusuanxiao，zheilipudeyaoqiuyishuochulai，zhouweiqitadeyoukefenfenchaowomentoulaizhumuli。
bushaowuzhezuihaizaiqieqiesiyu。
popoquesihaomeijuedeyoushenmebudui。
tatingletingfengmandexiongfu，wanzhetaerzideshoubei，gaoaodekanleyiyanqiantai：“wohewoerzishuiyijianwuzizenmele！woerzixiaoshihouniaokuzidouhaishiwoxideni！erzizaidazaiwoyanlidouzhishigehaizi！”
gonggongyezhanchulaizantong：“meicuo，womensigeyijiantianjingdiyi！kuangqietamenliangdoujiehunle，woshitaba，wohainenghaitabucheng！yijiarenshuiyijianyoushenmewenti！”
tamenlianggeshuodeyifentianying，mianwukuise。
sunnanbaoquedizhenaodai，yanshenduoshan，bugankanzhouweirendeyanguang。
哦。
我想起来了。
sunnanbaoyixianghaomianzi，xianzaitagujishijuedediurenle。
neizuoweitashanjierenyideqizi，woyouzenmenengbutitajieweini？
woqingleqingsangzi，xiankanxiangledouqishizudegonggong。
“meicuo！wogonggongkendingbuhuihaiwode，suirantalaoshidangzhetajiaqinqidemianbiandirumawo，dantazhishinianjidale，xiangrangwozhicuonenggai，wozhidaotameishenmehuaixinyan！”
“duile，ma，gonggongshoujihaiguanzhulebushaonvzhubo，zheishinixiaodema？”
wogonggongshidianxingdedananzizhuyi，pingrizuixihuanguanjiaowo，youqishidangzhetajiayizhongnanrendemian。
tajuedezhiyoubiandiwozheicainengtixiantazaijiazhongdiweichonggao。
tabuganbiandipopo，shebudebiandizijiabaobeierzi，wojiuchengletachuqidezuihaorenxuan。
ketayouyicizaiwaimianshuowohuaihuashi，wozhijiebawogangshuaguomatongdeshuazisaijinletadezuili。
congneizhihou，tajiuduiwohenbudetuibisanchi。
gonggongshenzhihaizaiwaimianduiqitanvrendafangaiyi，xinxianpiaoliangdenvren，keshitadexintouai。
ertadezheixieposhi，popoziranshibuqingchu。
wozheihuayishuochukou，popolimaniutou，nuqichongchongdekanxianggonggong。
gonggongqingzhelian，quebiebuchuyijuhua。
他能说什么？
tiandiliangxin，woshuodekeshimeigezidoushizhende。
wolanxianuqichongchongdepopo，yanleiwangwangdekanzheta：“ma，niyeshi，jiranzheimexihuannanbao，ninzaojiugaihewoshuo，wodouzhidao，ninbanyelaoshipashangwomendechuang，heninerzishuiyiqi，buguoma，neichuangneimexiao，sangerenshuihaishitaijile，xiacininhewoshuo，woshuidibanjiuhao……”
popohaixiangfanbo：“wozhishixiangqujiwoerzigaibeizi，nixiashuoshenme……”
wobailebaishou，dayilinrandekanzheta，baichuyifuwomendoudongdeyangzi。
tahaixiangzaishuoshenme，ketaxianqiandeneixiehuazaojiushenruzaichangderenxinli，ziranbuhuiyourenzaixiangxintadehua。
tamenfenfenzhanzaiwozheibian，tiwobuzhi。
zuihouyourenzhangtanyisheng：“zheidaodishinimenliangfuqidemiyue，haishitamahetademiyue！”
sunnanbaomuguanghuangluan，kanxiangtamaxunqiubangzhu。
tayizhidoushizheigeyangzi，conglaijiumeiyouzhujian，shishidoutingtamade。
zhikexipopohegonggongxianzaizaojiushizhongshizhidele。
tamenzibaohailaibuji，nayougongfuguanta？
四、
zheichangnaojuzaipopozuihoukailesijianfanghouzhongyuluoxiaweimu。
yirenyijian，sheiyeaibuzheshei！
popoyuanbenjingzhidezhuangrongyinweiganggangyinaohualedaban。
tazoudaowomianqian，jiuyaoshuaiwoyigedazuibazi，quebeiwofanshouwozhu。
woxiaoyiyingyingdekanzheta：“ma，nizheishiyaodawoma，neizheisuanbusuanjiabaoya，yaoshibeibierenpaidaole，nigujijiudejinjuzile。”
popoliansebailebai，kaolvdaotaerzideqiantu，yayaqiechidedenglewoyiyan：“womenjiazhenshizuonie！qulenizheimegexifu！”
suozaigongpobeihoudesunnanbaozheishicaizhongyuzhanlechulai。
tazhangbeiyishenjiuyaobawoloujinhuaili，quebeiwoceshenduoguo。
tamianshangyouxieguabuzhu，quehaishikailekou：“haolema，nandezanmenchulaiwan，ninjiubieshengqile，mianmianganglaiwomenjiahaishenmedoubudong，ninjiudarenyoudadubiehetayibanjijiao，shengdeqihuailezijideshenzi。”
tayifanhuashuoxialai，kansizaibangwo，danzixitingqufenmingjiushizaixiangzhepopo。
tayouyuandekanlewoyiyan，xiangshizaimaiyuanwoweishenmeyaobikaitadehuaibao。
woexindechadiantuchulai。
popobeitahaoerzizheimeyianweizhongyubuzaiduoshuoshenmele。
gonggongsuozhenaodaizhanzaiyibian，yijuhuadoubuganshuo。
zhengdangtamensangezhunbeishangloudeshihou。
我的电话响起来了。
wojieqidianhua，zaitamensangeyihuodemuguangzhongluchudadadexiaorong。
“ba！ma！nimendaolea，nimenjiuzhanzaineibiedong！wozheijiulaijienimen！”
jiransunnanbaomiyuezhilvnengdaitabama，neiweishenmewobunengdaishangwobama？
yijiaren，jiushiyaozhengzhengqiqi，bushima？
wobamabushihenmanyizheiyijiarenma？
neibururangtamenzijiqinzitiyanyixiazheisangedaodishishenmehuose。