“想清楚了？”
shayadeshengyinzaiyanwuliaoraodebaoxianglixiangqi，xiangshazhimoguoshengxiudetiepi。shuohuadeshigeguangtou，houjingwenzheyitiaozhengningdexiezi，tajiao“xiezi”，shizheipiandixiaquanchangguanshide。tamizheyan，hunzhuodeyanzhuxiangliangkemengchendeboliqiu，shangxiadaliangzhewo，xiangzaipingguyijiandaijiaergudehuowu。
baoxianglimimanzheliezhiyancao、hanchouheyizhongshuobuqingdefubaiqiwei，xunderentouyun。houzhongdechuanglianlazhe，gejuelewaimiansuoyoudeguang，zhiyoutoudingyizhanhunhuangdebaichideng，touxiacandandeguangyun，baxiezineizhangkengkengwawadelianzhaodegengjiayinsen。
“ng。”wohoulongfajin，zhijichuyigeyinjie。shouzhiwuyishidikouzhepojiuniuzikudebianfeng，buliaocucaodechugantixingzhewoxianshidebingleng。
xiezichixiaoyisheng，luchuyikoubeiyanxundejiaohuangdeya：“xiaozi，kannixipinenroude，buxiangnengchizheiwanfandeliao。zhidao‘heiquan’lianggezizenmexiema？shangleneigetaizi，qianleshengsizhuang，mingjiubushinizijidele。dasidacan，geantianming，dong？”
tamanyouyoudituchuyigeyanquan，yanwuniuquzheshengteng，mohuletalianshangcanrendexiaoyi。
“dong。”woyingzhetademuguang，qiangpozijizhanzhi，jilianggutingdexianggenbiaoqiang，jinguanweilifanjiaodelihai。naozilizhiyouyigehuamian：linwantangzaibingchuangshang，cangbaicuiruodexiangyizhangsuishihuibeifengchuizoudezhi。
“xing！”xiezibayantouhenhenenmiezaiyounideboliyanhuigangli，fachu“zi”deyishengqingxiang。talakaichouti，nachuyifenhouhoude、bianyuandoujuanlemaodehetong，“pa”dishuaizaiyouninidezhuomianshang。“wunian。damanwunian，huozhe……tiqianbeirentaixiaqu。”taliekaizui，luchuyigehaowuwendudexiao，“qian，yicixingjiniliubaiwan。goubugoutiannineikulong？”
六百万。
zheigeshuzixiangshaohongdeluotie，tangdewoxinzangmengdiyisuo。zugoujiuwanwandeming，zugouhaiqingneigaisidezhaiwu，shenzhi……hainengshengxiayidian，rangtayihouderizibuzhiyutaijiannan。
daijiashiwunian，huozhewodeming。
“gou。”wotingdaozijideshengyin，gansedexiangshalimoca。
xiezibayizhilianjiadeyuanzhubituidaowomianqian。bishenbingliang，daizhehuanidechugan。
wonaqibi，shouzhikongzhibuzhudizhandou。hetongshangmimimamadetiaokuanxiangwushuniuqudeheisexiaochong，zaiwoyanqianhuangdong。neixie“shengsizifu”、“shangcangaibufuze”、“budefanhui”deziyan，xiangcuiledudezhen，henhenzhajinwodeyandi。
bijianxuanzaiqianminglanshangfang，chichiluobuxiaqu。
“zenme？songle？”xiezibunaifandiqiaoleqiaozhuozi，“yaogundanchenzao！laozimeigongfupeinihao！”
怂？
wobishangyan。yanqianbushizheiangzangdebaoxiang，bushixiezineizhanglingrenzuooudelian。shilinwan。shitadiyiciduiwoxiaoshi，yanjiaowanqidehudu；shitaaoyezuofanganshi，taidengxiazhuanzhudecelian；shitashengbingshi，kaozaiwohuaili，xiaoshengbaoyuanyaotaikudeyilai……
haiyouneizhangcanbaidezhenduanshu。
“三个月……”
yishengbinglengdeshengyinzaierbianhuixiang。
mengdizhengkaiyan，suoyoudeyouyu、kongjudoubeiyigugengqiangdadeliliangniansui。woshenxiyikouqi，neiwuzhuodekongqiqiangdefeiyeshengteng。shouwanyongli，bijianzhongzhongluoxia，zaiyifangqianminglanshang，huaxia“chenchen”lianggezi。
力透纸背。
xiangqianxiazijidemaishenqi，yexiangqianxiayifentongwangdiyudedanchengpiao。
“tongkuai！”xieziyibachouguohetong，manyididanledanzhimian，fachu“pa”deyishengcuixiang。talakailingyigechouti，nachuyigegugunangnangdeheiselvxingdai，suishourengzaizhuoshang，fachuchenmendeshengxiang。“re，guiju，xianfuyiban。shengxiade，dengnidawandiyichang，hainengzhanzhexialaizaishuo。”
lalianlakai，limianshiyikunkunzhanxinde、sanfazheyoumoweidebaiyuandachao。cimudehongse，xiangxue。
woshenchushou，zhijianchupengdaoneibinglengde、jianyingdezhibibianyuan。meiyouyisixiyue，zhiyouchendiandiande、lingrenzhixidezhongliangyazaixinkou。
“qian，zenmejita？”wotaiqitou，shengyinsiya。
xiezitiaoletiaomei，sihujuedewozheiwentiyoudianyisi：“fangxin，womenzuoshiyouguiju。baozhengganganjingjing，chabudaonitoushang。jiushuoshi……nimingcishanjuanzhu？huozhenagexialeyandetouzirenturanliangxinfaxian？”taheiheidixiaoqilai，daizhecanrendexixue。
“bierangtazhidaoshiwo。”wodingzheta，yiziyiju，daizheburongzhiyidejuejue，“yongyuanbierangtazhidao。”
xiezishoulianlexiaorong，hunzhuodeyanjinglishanguoyisibuyichajuedechayi，suijiyoubianchengneizhongkantoushiqingdelengmo：“xing。naqianbanshi，buwenyuanyou。zheiqian，mingtianjiuhui‘helihefa’didadaotagongsizhanghu，zugoutashoushuhehaizhai。zhiyuni……”tashangxiasaolewoyiyan，“jinwanjiugenwozou。changzibudengren。”
wozuihoukanleyiyanneidaiqian。
那是晚晚的命。
yeshiwoqinshouzhanduande，womenzhijiansuoyoudekeneng。
linqineigechenzhongdedaizi，jianbangbeiyadeyichen。wozhuanshen，tuikaineishanchenzhongde、gejueguangxiandebaoxiangmen。waimianzoulanghunandeguangxianyongjinlai，cidewoyanjingshengteng。
没有回头。
shenhou，shixiezizhongxindianranxiangyande“pada”sheng，heyishengmohubuqingdechixiao。
“又一个找死的。”
jiaobushengzaikongkuangdezoulanglihuixiang，meiyibu，douxiangcaizaidaojianshang。
手术很顺利。
yishengpengyoulaozhouqinzicaodao。tashiweiyizhidaoneiqingderen。
mayaozhentoucirujizhuideshunjian，yigubinglengdeyetixunsumanyankai，xiabanshenhenkuaishiqulezhijue。yishiqueyichangqingxing。toudingdewuyingdengbaideciyan，xiangtiantangtouxiadeshenpanzhiguang。
wonengganjuedaoshoushudaohuakaipiroudeweiliangchugan，bingbuteng，quedaizheyizhongguiyide、lingrenxinjideboligan。fangfoyoushenmezhongyaodedongxi，zhengzaibeishengshengcongwoshentiliquzou。
“fangsong，chenchen。”laozhoudeshengyingezhekouzhaochuanlai，menmende，daizheyisibuyichajuedepibeihedanyou，“henkuaijiuhao。”
wobishangyan，nulibuquxiangneibinglengdeqixiezaiwotineicaozuodeganjue。naoziliquanshilinwan。
tayinggaiyijingshoudaoneibi“tianjianghengcai”leba？tahuishishenmebiaoqing？jingxi？nanyizhixin？haishi……huiyouyidiandianhuaiyi？
bu，tabuhuihuaiyide。taneimecongming，danzaijuejingzhongzhuazhujiumingdaocaoshi，sheihaihuiqushenjiudaocaodelaichu？
laozhoudedongzuohenwen，henliluo。danwonengganjuedaoyizhongshenchendepibeigan，congtagezhexiangjiaoshoutaochuandiguolaidezhijian。weileanpaizheichangmimishoushu，tachengdanleduodadefengxian？
“laozhou……”wozhanglezhangzui，shengyinganseweiruo。
“bieshuohua，baocuntili。”tadishenghezhi，yuqiburongzhiyi。
shijianzaibinglengdeshoushushilihuanmanliutang。meiyimiaodouxiangyigeshijineimemanzhang。
zhongyu，woganjuedaoyizhongqiyidekongxugan，fangfoshentilimougezhongyaodebufenbeiyongjiudiyichule。jinjiezheshifenghedexiweiqianlagan。
“haole。”laozhoudeshengyindaizherushizhongfudeshaya，“henchenggong。nidezuoshen……yijingzailinwanshentilile。”
左肾……
wode……zaitashentilile。
yigunanyiyanyudesuanchuheqiyidemanzuganjiaozhizheyongshangxintou，chongdewoyankuangfare。
wanwan，huoxiaqu。yongwodeming，huoxiaqu。
mayaodexiaoguozaituiqu，shangkoukaishichuanlaiyizhenzhenduntong，xiangyouhuozaizhuoshao。danzheitongchu，querangwogandaoyizhongjinhucanrendezhenshi。
wobeituihuibingfang。danrenbingfang，henanjing，shilaozhouteyianpaide。chuangwaitiansehuimengmengde，xiangshiyaoxiayu。
shentixuruodelihai，liantaiyixiashouzhidoufeili。shangkouchudetengtongyuelaiyueqingxi，meiyicihuxidouqianchezheneipianquyu，tixingzhewoganggangshiquleshenme。
laozhouzoujinlai，zhaixiakouzhao，lianshangshiyanshibuzhudejuanrong，yanxiadewuqinghenzhong。tazoudaochuangbian，kanlekanjianceyiqideshuju，youjianchaleyixiawodeshangkou。
“ganjuezenmeyang？”tawen，shengyinfangdehenqing。
“sibule。”wochelechezuijiao，xiangxiao，queqiandongleshangkou，tengdexilekoulengqi。
laozhoutanlekouqi，lalebayizizuoxia，chenmodikanzhewo。neiyanshenliyoutongxi，youbujie，gengduodeshichenzhongdewunai。
“zhidema，chenchen？”tazhongyukaikou，shengyindichen，“bazijimaijinneizhongdifang，hai……haiqielezijiyigeshen？jiuweileburangtazhidao？rangtahenniyibeizi？”
值得吗？
zheigewenti，xieziwenguo，laozhouwenguo，wozijiyewenguozijiqianwanbian。
wokanzhechuangwaiqianhuisedetiankong，yudiankaishixixililididazaibolishang，liuxiawanyandeshuihen。
“laozhou，”wokaikou，shengyinshayadelihai，“ruguotangzaineilideshisaozi，nihuizenmezuo？”
laozhoumengdiyizhen，zhanglezhangzui，zuizhongshenmeyemeishuochulai。tadixiatou，shuangshouyonglicuolecuolian，zaitaiqitoushi，yanquanyouxiefahong。
“qian……yijingannishuode，nimingdadaolinwangongsizhanghule。zugoushoushuhehaizhai，hainengshengbushao。”tazhuanyilehuati，shengyinyouxiegeng，“ta……huifudehenhao。xinshenhetashentironghedefeichanghao，jihumeiyoupaiyifanying。yishengshuo，shigeqiji。”
奇迹……
shia，peixingshiqiji，shoushuchenggongshiqiji。
kezheiqijidedaijia，zhiyouwohelaozhouzhidao。
“neijiuhao。”wobishangyan，ganjuequanshendeliqidoubeichouganle，zhishengxiawubianwujidepibeihetengtong。“neijiuhao……”
bingfanglixianruzhangjiudechenmo，zhiyouchuangwaiyushengxili，haiyoujianceyiqifachudeguilverdandiaode“dida”sheng。
“nidasuan……shenmeshihouzou？”laozhoudeshengyindapolechenji。
“dengtachuyuan。”wozhengkaiyan，kanzhecanbaidetianhuaban，“yuanyuandi……kantayiyan。quedingtameishile，wojiuzou。”
“neidifang……shichirende。”laozhoudeshengyindaizheyayidekongju，“wunian……chenchen，nichengdezhuma？”
撑得住吗？
我不知道。
wozhizhidao，womeiyoutuilu。
“zongdeshishi。”wochechuyigebikuhainankandexiao，“weileta……nenghaohaohuoxiaqu。”
laozhoukanzhewo，yanshenfuzadexiangyituanluanma。zuizhong，tazhongzhongditanlekouqi，zhanqishen：“woqujininadianzhitongyao。ni……haohaoxiuxi。”
tazoudaomenkou，youtingzhujiaobu，meiyouhuitou。
“陈沉，保重。”
门轻轻合上。
bingfanglizhishengxiawoyigeren，hechuangwailianmianbujuedeyusheng。
shangkouzaiteng，yizhenjinguoyizhen。
dangengtengde，shixinkouneigedifang。
neilikongleyidakuai，bishiquyigeshen，haiyaokongdang，haiyaoleng。
wozhidao，congqianxianeifenhetong，congtangshangzheizhangshoushutaikaishi，neigejiaochenchendenanren，jiuyijingsile。huoxialaide，zhishiyijuweilehaizhai、weileshuzui、weileshouhuyigeyongyuanbunengyanshuodemimierxingzoudequqiao。
晚晚，好好活下去。
daizhewodeshen，daizhewodeming。
忘了我。
恨我。
只要……你活着。