第1章 1999年的春晚无笑点

“changhuijiakankan,zhaodiankongxian,zhaodianshijian,huijiakankan……”

shisicunxiongmaoheibaidianshijilimianbofangzhechenhongdedaibiaozuo,wenxindechangjing,zhijilinghundegeci,meiyijudourangjidonglaixinlishifenjidong。

huanghuzhijian,cong40jisuihuidao1999niande19sui,jidonglaihenbushiying,youqizaicijiandaolejingaidemuqin,fuqinzuozaigenqian,jinguanzheigenianfeichangnanguo,jidonglairengjiuganjueshifenxingfu。

98niandongnanyajingjiweiji,jiashangguoneijingjidadiaozheng,shenweiguoqizhigongdemuqinningcaiyun,zhongyuyinweiqiyemeinengtingzhuxiagangle。

7yuefenlingquleyicixingmaiduangongzi,yiwanchutou,renshengdierudigu。

bufushudeningcaiyunzaixiaoguzidebangzhuxia,nongleyijiayinxiangdian,congzhongguancunjidonglaidebiaojieneilinagezhongguangpanhuilaichuzu,yizhangdiepianyajinshiyuan,meitiansankuaiqianzujin,linlizhaogushengyihaisuancouhe。

fuqinjipingzaoxienianyinqiyejixiaoyibuhao,zhudongxiagang。zuoweichangneidebajidiangong,zhanzhuanjinrusiyingqiyezuodeshifenbucuo,yinweishoufafeichanghao,shibushijiediansihuo,jialirizizailiangrendejingyingxiaguodecengjinghenkuanyu。

danshibansuizhe98nian,daliangdexiagangzhigongkaishizhaogongzuo,sixializhaojipingzuosihuodeqiyeyuelaiyueshao。buguangruci,yinweigongchangxiaoyibuhao,shuohaodejijipingzhanggongzimeishixian,jinnianfanerjiangle。

zhiyuningcaiyundeyinxiangdian,ganggangxiagangdeshihou,zaizheitiaoxiangzilishiduyifen,shouruhenkeguan。houlaidajiajiandaoningcaiyunzhuanleqian,fenfenxuezhekai。

yitiaoxiangzichabuduoliujiayinxiangdian,yingdiedezujincongsankuaiqianmeitianyijiangzaijiang,xianzaiyajinyijingcongshikuaiqianjiangdidaolewukuaiqian,zujinjiangdidaowumao,erqiehaiyaotiaotiaojianjian。

“erzi,nikushenme?”

jidonglainaohailijiyidesuipiangezhongzhenghe,xiangdaolejialijiexialaijinbabaderizi,zijishangbeizihaibudongshi,xinlizheshibushiziwei。

fumudushudoubuduo,danshijianchirangjidonglaikaodaxue,zuihaonenggoujinjing,zheiyanglijiajin,jianglaizhaogongzuoyehaozhao,bijinghebeizheibiandegongchangbijiaoduo。

jidonglaifumudoushangban,henshaoguanshuhaizi,zaochengjidonglaicongxiaojiupanni,jiashangqingchunqi,meishaorefumushengqi。

haiyoujialiyeyejihengniaizhangsun,keweishiwufawutian,jipingfuqigenbenbuganguan。

xiaxuehou,jidonglaihefuqinxueguodiangong,hebiaojiexiuguodiannao,yezuoguowajiang……nayiyangdoumeigancheng,daotoulailaimimangyisheng,yizhidaosishijisuiyishiwucheng。

rutongqitapuluodazhongyiyangjingjingyeye,zuoguochuguolaowu,yeyoujihuiyimin,danshimeiyoufangxianggandejidonglaidoumeiyoubawozhu。

haihaofumuyizhimeifangqizheigeerzi,zuizhongbangzhujidonglaimianqiangchengjia,kuaisubianhuandeshijieli,jidonglaiyijiamianqiangweichishenghuo。

“ma,zheigezhenhaoting……woxiangwoyeyele,guojitianwoxianghuidongbeikankanwoyeye!”

caleyibayanlei,jidonglainulipingfuxinqing,liangshiweirenjidonglaizheicaifaxianzijixuyaozhenxiderenjiuzaishenbian,zheiyishiyidingyaonulihuochugerenyanglai,bugufujiarendeqiwang。

“maobing!xiangniyeye,gangfangjiadeshihourangnihuidongbeinihaibuqu,daguonianmoyanlei,caganjingle!”

tingdaoerzizheimeshuo,ningcaiyunxinqingshaoshaohaoleyixie。

shenghuodejudayalirutongdashanyiyangyaguolai,erzinianhoujiuyaogaokaole,xuyaoqian!zhangfuneibiangongzuobuqueding,yinxiangdianzheibianjibenshangbuzhuanqianle,zaizheimexiaqu,ningcaiyunbuzhidaoshenghuodelugaizenmezou。

zuoweiyijiacaizhengdaquandezhangworen,ningcaiyunshenshendezhidaojialicaizhengkanyou,quniangonggongjihengshengleyichangbing,jialidejixuhuadechabuduole。

zuoweizhangzi,qitaxiongdijiemeiyoukunnandeshihou,jipingdouhuishenshou,jializheimeduonianjiumeikuanchangguo。

shenghuodebushun,huijuchenggezhongfumianqingxu,ningcaiyunsuirannuliyazhi,zhongguihaishiliqiyuelaiyuezu,piqirutongguoniandebaozhuyiyang,yuhuojiuzhe。

“woshixianrutuanhourudang,shangguosanciguangrongbang,changzhangtebieqizhongwo,yanchouyaotifuzuzhang,lingdaogenwotanhua,shuodanweijianyuanyaobingchang,dangshiwojiubiaoletai,zangongrenyaotiguojiaxiang,wobuxiagang,sheixiagang……”

chunwandianshijiemuhaizaijixu,《daqi》limianyanyuanjiqingpengpaidetaicihaizaihuixiang,zheigexiaopintaicijidonglaijihunenggoubeixialai,zhishineirongbugangongwei……

“bataguanle,kanzhejiufan!”

shuxidechangjing,zaicizhongxian,jidonglaihaimeihuiweiwanbi,ningcaiyunyishenghechi,jipingneibianganmangguanbidianshi。jidonglaizhongyuquedingzijibushizaizuomeng,zhouweideyiqiedoushizhenshifashengde,zijizhongshengle。

jidonglaiyefufeileliangjuxiaopinneirong,shenzhixiangdaren,andaoshuodeneiyangdegaodashang,henduokankeyexuhuifachuxiaosheng。

danshishenzaiqizhongdegongren,kandaozheiyichangjing,daguoniandexinlihuigengjiafadu,xiangyaoxiaotingguonian……hehe!

“donglai,daowojiawanhuiqu?”

jialiqifenzhengzaizhubuxianruningzhong,pingfangwaidamenbeituikai,liuyupengdedanaodaicongmenwaitanjinlai,xiabashangmianweiweidexiaohuzixiandegewaichengshu。

liuyupenghejidonglaisuanshitongbantongxue,shuangfangdefumudoushizaoniandongbeidaohebeizheibiantaoshenghuode,liuyupengdajidonglaiwusui,suanshangjinnianliuyupengyijingzaigaosanliulewunian,jialibimenxinsirangduifangkaodaxue,kexiduifangzhendebushineikuailiao。

dangnianliuyupengfumuhejipingyiqixiagang,butongyujipingzhuangongjishu,liuyupengdefumunazhexiaganggongzigaoqileyunshu,xianzaijialiliangtaidache,riziguodeshifenshufu。

jialishenghuoyouwo,liuyupengyixinxiangshounayouxinsikaodaxue?zhongrihejidonglaihunzaiyiqi,shixiangziliyoumingdehenghaerjiang。

“qubaquba,kanzhenimenliangjiuxinfan!”

wangzheliuyupengjinmen,ningcaiyunjierzisaileshikuaiqian,baibaishou,jidonglaibenbuxiangqu,wangzhefumudeyanshenzhinengchumen,daguoniandezijizaijiarongyiyinqizhanzheng。

“nixifuhuilaile,wodainiqukankan?”

liangrenzouchuyuanzi,liuyupengjinleyixiaweibo,kankansizhoumeirenzheicaixiaoxixideduizhejidonglaishuodao。

“谁?江雪?”

tingdaoliuyupengdeshuofa,jidonglainaozilishanguoyigemingzi,yizhangqingxideqiaolianzaiyanqianyishanerguo,xinqingshunjianbuhaole。