第1章
“pingshenme？mayoubushiwoyigerende，shoushufeipingshenmewochudatou？”
laodachenliguojidongdibaizheshou，tuomohengfei，sihaobujiandushurendewenya。
wenyanererzichenlidangshouxuedelianshangyongshangfengciyukebo，duilehuiqu：“jiupingdangnianjialiweilegongnidudaxue，rangnishengzhi，bajialideqiandouhuaguangle！yaoburanwohuiliangezhengshigongdoumeiyouma？xianzaimashengbingle，xiangrangwopingtanyiyaofei？meimen！”
“erdi，huabushizheimeshuodeba？jialiweishenmegongnidagemeigongni？buhaishinimeichuxima？nandaodiemameiyouyangdanima？youzheishengyangzhienzai，nijiugaipingtanyiyaofei！”
laodachenliguodexifuxiangliliniezhebizizhanzaimenkou，meimaocongjinlaijiumeiyoushuzhanguo。
ganjinnongwanganjinzou，shenmezangdifanga！tadoupanongzanglexiezi！
“fangpi！yangdaheyangdaneishiyouqubiede！pingshenmehaochudounimenzhanle，xianzaiyouyaowopingtanyiyaofei？zuomeng！wogaosunimen，wobujinbuhuipingtan，haiyifenqiandoubuhuichude！”
chenlidanglianhongbozicudehouzhe，xiongdiliangyigegemianmuzhengning，fangfoshishidechourenyiban。
jiaoluolilaosanchenliyemantengtengdejushou，danmodeshuodao：“dage，rangwopingtanyiyaofeimeiwenti，danshiwomeishijianzhaoguma。wohaiyoushi，jiuxianzoule，zuihouxuyaoduoshaoqian，zaigaosuwoyishengjiuxingle。”
xizhuanggelvdechenliyehaobuyouyudeqishenjiuyaolikai，congtoudaoweidoumeiyoukanyiyanbingchuangshangdelaomadeyisi。
chenliguoziranbuhuirangtazou，“nipingshenmebuzhaoguma？mashengyangniyichang，nijiushizheimehuibaotade？”
“maduinifuchuzuiduo，niyoushenmelianshuozheizhonghua？”
“chenlidangwogaosuni，nijintianyaoshiganyifenqianbuchu，woyebuchu！”
“buchujiubuchu，laodongxisilesuanle，nidangwozaihuma？”
......
“砰！”
“够了！”
danverchenlijiazhizhemenkou，sihouzhe：“gun！nimendoujiwogun！mawohuiguan！”
妈还活着呢！
这不是剜妈的心吗？
“haolei，wojiuaitingzheihua。”chenliguohechenlidangliangjialikemangbudiedepaole。
jiushengpawanleyiliangmiao，dajiejiuhuigaibianzhuyiyiyang。
laosanhenshibuzantongdeningmeihuishenwangzhe，kanshangqubishijinianlingyaodashijisuidecanglaodedajie，yuqilengmo：
“dajie，nizheimezhuang，shouzuidehaishiniziji。gaiwodeneiyifen，wohaishihuichude。”
“装你马！滚！”
chenjialiqidexiongtangjulieqifuqilai，doushichusheng！
henkuai，yejiushipingmideyinanchaoshidechuzuwuli，jiuzhishengxialekuaisideyingchunxiahedanverchenjialile。
“weishen，shenmeguanwo？”
yingchunxiahuchihuchichuanzhezuihouliangkouqi，hunzhuodeyanjinglidoushihuihendeleishui。
tazheiyibeizizhongnanqingnv，tinglaotouzidehua，henduoshiqingmingmingzhidaobuyinggai，quehaishizhaozuokedaidaguinv。
yinweineiyang，beikedaiderenjiubuhuishitale。
kedangtaquezhenaizheng，daoleshengmingdezuihouguantou，juranshitazuiduibuqidehaizishouzaitashenbian......
“yinwei，nishiwomaa。”
chenjialilazhelaotaitaikushoudexiangshijizhuaziyiyangdeshou，shangxindeluolei。
zaimaiyuanguo，henguo，kedangkanjianlaotaitaibeierzimendangchenglajiyiyangtilaitiqu，tahaishiburenxin。
那是亲妈啊！
“......guinva，ma，maduibuqinia！！！”
yingchunxiashenzhanglebozi，shengsilijiedehanzhe，suoyoudehuihenxinsuan，douzaiqizhong！
xinzangmenglietiaodongruleiguhou，youmengdianjingxialai。
“妈！！！”
ruguonengzhonglaiyicijiuhaole，tayidinghaohaoduidaguinv！
zheishiyingchunxiamiliuzhijiweiyideniantoule。
————
“ma，zheiqianyinggaijiwo！womenlingdaoniandijiuyaodiaozoule，wohuodonghuodong，yexumingnianjiunengshengzhile！neikeshizanmenquanjiaderongguanga！”
chenliguokanzhekangshangdezheiyitatadechaopiao，huxidoucuzhonglexuduo。
chenlidangwenyanbuleyile，dangjihandao：“ma，woxifukeshijiuyaoshengle，zheikeshichenjiadezhangsun！jialibudejitaliudianqianma？”
napalaodahuijiayaoyipaoshi，tayebixuyaoyiban！
yingchunxiatingzhezhengchaosheng，mengdijingxing。
zhei......shishenmeqingkuang？
“ma，nishuohuaa，zheikeshizanjiadeqiantua，guangzongyaozudedahaoshia！”
chenlidangjianlaomadongleyixia，likebandunzaiyingchunxiamianqian，mianluqiqiu。
映春霞懵了一下。
laodazenmebiandezheimenianqingle？
“啪！”
yingchunxializheyanjing，huranyigebazhangjiuzhaohuguoqule。
malegebazide，guantazenmehuranbiannianqingleni，xiangdaosizhiqianzheiwangbagaozibatadangchenglajiyiyang，yingchunxiajiuhuoqichongding，ganjingshizu。
budengchenliguofanyingguolai，jiuyoushilunyuanlegebodeyilianchuandebazhang。
“啪啪啪——”
yishijian，wuzilizhishenggancuidebazhangsheng。
谩骂质问？
yingchunxiaxiang，neichunlangfeishijianliqi，youneigongfu，duodaliangbazhangcaishishijide！
“nigansha，fenglea？”
xianglilidiyigefanyingguolai，likeshangqianchezheyingchunxiajiangrentuisangdaoyipangqu。
kanzhenanrenbudayihuijiubeidazhongdelian，xianglilixintengderendouduosuole。
“咋样，疼不？”
budengchenliguohuida，jiutingjianzhongrenjinghu——
“妈！”
“老婆子！”
yingchunxiabeituisangdenaodaikezaizhuojiaoshang，haodayishengxiang。
所有人都傻了。
chenfuchendaniuniezheyangancengdeyixiazhanleqilai，manshizhouwendelianshangyinyunmibu。
“我不是故意的。”
向丽丽立刻解释。
“nijurangandawoma？”chenlidangyanjiaoyidiao，xionghendemuguangrutongyeshouyiban。
zhongrenzhijueyanqianyihua，chenlidangjiuyiquantouduizailexianglililianshang。
“啊！”
xianglilicanjiaoyisheng，beidadiaoleyikemenya！
chenliguodanu：“chenlidangnichusheng，juranganhenidasaodongshou？！”
zhuanyan，jiushigeliangdaqilaile！
“住手！”
chenfuchendaniuqideqiqiaoshengyan，jiamenbuxinga！
yiniulian，kanjianyiliankuaiyideyingchunxia，lengle！
快意？
chendaniudunshinucongxinqi，haobuyouyudeyibazhangchouleguoqu。
“nimade，douguainizheilao**！huohaijiamena！”
kongqi，shunjianjiuanjingle。
suoyourendemuguangdouzaidaliangzheyingchunxia，ruoshicongqian，tazaojiuxiuchideduoqilai，weiweinuonuodetinghuale。
可......
tayijingsiguoyicile，laotianyezaijitayici，tayaoshizaihuodezheimewonang，duideqishei？
“ao——nigelaobuside！！！”
yibeizidechouhena！rangyingchunxiabaofachuwuqiongdeliliang，jingzhidejiangchendaniujipudaole！
jidufennuzhixia，yingchunxiazhishengxiadongwudebennengle，zhangzuiyaozhuchendaniuliandanzi，jiusisidibusongkou！
dengdaobeijigeernvxiangbanfalakaideshihou，yingchunxiazhangzuijiutuchuyikouxueroulai！
“呕——”
yourenexindekuaiyaotule。
yingchunxiakanzhechendaniukuhanhaojiaotongkubukandemoyang，huranyangtoudaxiaoleqilai。
“哈哈哈哈——”
banlaodenvrentanzuozaidishang，banzhangliandoushixue，biaoqingdiankuang，zuijiaoyachijianhaiguazhexiexuroumoxuesi，biaoqingdiankuang。
疯了吧？
这是所有人的念头。
jiulianchendaniudoubuganhaochushenglaile，taiherenle。
jiuzaizheiyipianjijingzhong，yingchunxiazhalezhamohudeyanjing，yanshenpingjingdaoherendeshuodao：
“lidaniu，laoniangyaohenilihun！”