第三章狗屁的亲戚
yetiandeturanfanan，rangdajiuyijiacuoshoubuji。
tamenyemeixiangdao，mingmingdajiagangcaihaoshuodehaohaode，yetianzenmeshuofanlianjiufanlianle。
suoweidepangshipianju，shuodejiandanyidian，jiushiliyongxintouzirendeqianlaixianglaotouzizhezhifulixiheduanqihuibao，yizhizaozhuanqiandejiaxiangjinerpianqugengduodetouzi。
yitingyetianjuranshipoletadeyinmou，biaogedunshiliansenankandejiaobiandao：“shenmepangshipianju，nibieluanshuo！”
dajiumayezaiyibianfourendao：“yetianniyigeshenmedoubudongdexiaohaizi，biezaizheilixinkouhushuo，womenliangjiadoushiqinqi，benlaiyouzhuanqiandeshiqingxiangyaolanimenjiayiqi，sheizhidaonimenjuranzheimebushiqu，zhenshihaoxindangzuolelvganfei。”
yemujianshuangfangyaochaoqilaile，jimangshangqianquanzudao：“douxiaoxiaoqi，doushiqinqi，buzhiyuzheigeyangzi。xiaotiannizenmehenidajiushuohuani，buhuikeqidian？”
“jiushia，nitingtingnimazheihuashuodeduohao，zanmendoushiqinqi，nanbuchengwomenhainenghaileni？”
“weiwohao？congwozheibianjieqianjinierziquzuotouzi，rangnierzizhuanqian，juranshiweilewohao，neiwokezhenjiuyaoxiexieninle。”
ruguoyetianbushizhongshengdehua，tahaizhenyaobeidajiumazheifuqingzhenyiqiedeyangzijipianguoqule。
kezhiqiandejiyigaosuta，zheiqunrenzhendehuihaitamen，qianwanbuyaodigurenxinedudechengdu。
dajiumabeiyetiandudeyakouwuyan，zhinengzhuaizheyibiandedajiushuo：“nishigesirenma，daoshishuoliangjuhuaa！”
dajiukesouleyishengdao：“nibiaogetouzidekedoushizhengjingshengyi，womenzheibianyouhetongyeyoucailiao，buxinnikeyikankan。”
yetianheheyixiaodao：“zheiyangba，woxianzaidadianhuabaojing，rangjingchalaikankan。ruguozheibushipangshipianju，yibaiwushiwanworushufengshang！”
zhiqianyetianyehaoqi，tahenxiangzhidaodajiuyijiajieqiandeshihou，zhidaozheishipangshipianjuderenzhishibiaogeyige，haishitamenyijiaren。
xianzaizheishigehaojihui，ganghaonengjianyanyixia。
yitingyetianyaobaojing，dajiumadunshixiang**shangzhehuoleyiyangcuanqilaidao：“buyuanyijieqianjiubujieba，nimenjuranhaiyaobaojing，wokannimenjiushizhuanledianqian，burenwomenzheixieqiongqinqile！”
yitingzheihua，yetianjibenshangyejiuqingchule，kanlaitamenquanjiadouyoufen，zheishiyichangtamenquanjiarencehuadepianjua！renzenmekeyiedudaozheizhongdibu？
kanzheqijibaihuaidedajiuma，yetiandexinqingfanerhaolebushao。
tabuxiededaliangzhezheijiaren，huanhuandetuchuyikoueqidao：“younimenzheiyangdelajiqinqi，shiwomenjiadebuxing。buguohaihao，xianzaikanmingbailenimenyebuwan。”
yitingzheihua，dajiuhuoranzhanqilaidao：“huangxiangyunnijiushizheimejiaoyuerzide，jiurangtazheimegenwomenshuohua？”
beizijiadagehechi，yemuxinzhongyewanfenfuza，tasisidelazheyetiandeshou，kukudeaiqiudao：“xiaotian，nibiezheimehenidajiushuohua，zanmendoushiqinqi，youhuahaohaoshuo。”
yetiankanlemuqinyiyan，youxieshiwangdeyaoleyaotou。
suhuashuodehao，kelianzhirenbiyoukehenzhichu。
muqinzhisuoyibeipiandeneimecan，hetazheizhonglanhaorendexinggeshituobukaiganxide。
dianshilimiandelaohaorendaozuihoudounengkujinganlai，xianshidangzhongdelaohaorendengkujinganlaideshihou，fentoucaodoubuzhidaoyouduogaole。
haozaiyefuhaishigemingbairen，yikandajiuyijiagenbenjiubuganjingdongjingcha，yejiuzhidaozheilimianyoushenmemaonile。
tahuoranqishen，zhizhedajiuyijiadebizitongmadao：“nimenzheiqunwangbadan，pianrenpiandaoqinqijialaile，jiubupayihoubudehaosima？mashangjiwogunchuqu，congjinyihouzanmenjiubuzaishiqinqile，jiwogun！”
shuozhe，yefuyouyicichaoqilezhuozishangdeshuiguodao。
benlaijiuxinxudedajiuyijiajianzhuang，hedejimangwangwaipao。
dajiumuyibianpaohaiyibianzuzhoudao：“pei，zhenshiyoudianqianjiumuzhongwurenle，nimenjiajiujixuchaoguba，zaowanyouyitianhuipeidexuebenwugui，zaowanyouyitianhuijiaporenwang！”
dajiuyenumadao：“youdianqianjiugouyankanrendi，zheiyangdeqinqizaodianduanleyehao，woyaorangjialimiandeqinqidoukankan，nimenshiyijiashenmeren！”
tingzhelianggerendezheixiehua，yetianzhendebeiqixiaole。
mingmingtamencaishieren，jurankeyibahuashuodezheimelizhiqizhuang。
yitingdajiuyaozaiqinqidangzhongshuotamenjiadehuahuaihua，yemudunshidajidao：“xiaotian，nigangcaizhenbugaineiyangshuohuade，zaizenmeshuo，tamenyeshizhangbei。nixianzaibashiqingnaodezheimejiang，zhenrangqinqimenzhidaole，haibuchuowomendejilianggua。”
“ma，shifeiquzhiziyougonglun，zuizhangzaibierendeshenshang，niguanbuzhede。”
yefuyezaiyibiandiantoudao：“tamennengzuochuzheimesangjintianliangdeshiqing，neijiushimeibazanmendangqinqi，nidaoxianzaihaikanbumingbaiba，yihoubiegentamenjiazoudongle！”
yemuananshangshendao：“keneibijingshiwogegea。”
“goupidegege，danggegeyouzheimekengzanmendema？youxiehuawobielehaoduonianle，jintiansuoxingjiumingshuole，niyiweizheixienianzanmenjiachitamendekuichidehaishao？niyaojuedetamenzhongyao，ningkerangzanmenjiaguodebuhao，yeyaomanzutamenjiadeyaoqiu，nigentamenjiaguoqu！”
“我......”
yemutinglezheihuadunshijiuhuangleshoujiao，qishitayezhidaozijiadageshishenmehuose。
jianfumuyouyaoyinweizheijiabaileichaoqilai，yetianjimangquanzudao：“haolebama，buyaoyinweizheizhonglajiyingxiangzanmenjiadeqifen，erziwoganggangzhuanleyibaiwushiwan，nimengaigaoxing。”
yefukaihuaidaxiaodao：“gaoxing，woerzizheimeyouchuxi，dangrangaoxingle！”
yemulianshangyeluchuleyisixiaorongdao：“youqianshihaoshiqing，buguoqinqizhijiandeguanxiyeyaoweihu。fouzezaiyouqian，fengnianguojiemeigerendengmenbaifang，neiyebuxianghuaa。”
“ma，wozhidaoninxiangshuoshenme，buguoninfangxin，zheijianshiqingfeidanbuhuirangqinqimenlengluozanmenjia，fanerhaihuishangganzilaihezanmenjiajiejiao，buxinnindengzheqiaoba。”
shuowanyetianjiuhuilefangjian，xianzaishoushangyouqidongzijinle，tadasuanhoutianfeiyitangsuhangqutanyigexiangmu，yigetadinglehaozhangshijiandexiangmu。
yemubenyiweizheizhishiyetiananweitadehua，kesheinengxiangdaodajiuyijiazoulemeiduojiu，wangchangguonianshihoucaidengmenbaifangdeerjiuhedayi，juranzuduilaile。
huangxiangyunhaiyiweizheishidagejiashuolehuaihua，qinqimenquandoushangmenlaishengtaotani。
suoyihedetaganjinjiuxiangbashiqingdejingguoshuoyibian。
jieguohaibudengtashuowan，erjiuneibianjiuyijingkaikoudao：“zheijianshiqingwomenyezhidao，laodazuodetaiguofenle，juranyaokengqinqi。”
“jiushi，zhiqianlaiwomenjiayaojiewuwan，haihaodangshiwomeijie。”
“tamenjianeixiaozicongxiaojiubushigedongxi，quanshihuaixinyan，zheiyijiarenzhenshitoudingshengchuangjiaodiliunong，huaitoule！”
huangxiangyunchedibuhuile，shiqinggentaxiangxiangdewanquanbutong，genyetianshuodeyibanwuer，zheidaodishiweishenmeni？
henkuaihuangxiangyunjiuzhidaoweishenmele，dengerjiuhedayibadajiuyijiashengtaodechabuduole，erjiukanlekanyetiandao：“xiaotian，nigenerjiujiaogedi，chaoguzhendezhuanqianma？”
yitingzheihuayejiarenjiuleranle，zheishitingshuochaoguzhuanqian，suoyixianglaizhangeguanga。