初为人母
lianggexingqihoudemouyitianmouyidian，wopoufushengxiayigeqibangzhongdenanhai，dangwoxinglaidiyiyan，kanjianzihanzhengzuozaichuangbianningshizhewo，yanlishiwujindixiyuehexinteng，woluchuyigexuruodexiaorong，xinlifeichangqingsong，feichangtashi，wohetazhongyuyeyouzijidehaizile，yigeyanxuwomenxuemaihemengxiangdehaizi，yihoutahuiguanzihanjiaobaba，guanwojiaomama，wohezihanzhongyuyoushuyuwomenbicidehaizile，zheizhongganjuehaoqiguai，yehaomeimiao，haoxianglianggebenlaishuyugezideren，turanyoulezhenzhengdejiaorong。zheiyike，woxinlichulezihanhehaizi，zaiwuqita。
mayaotuiqudeshihou，wotengdesiquhuolai，shuiyebushi，xingyebushi，weileshentizhexiang，bugansuibianzhitong，padebuchangshi，shengshengrenshoulejitianzhemo，zihanpeizaiwopangbian，kanwotengdedahanlinli，quewunengweili，gengbugansuiyibaowo，zhiparangwogengtong，weiyoubuduandihongzhewo，jitianzhihou，tongchucaijianjiantuiqu，wohezihandouyijingqiaocuibushao，zihanwozhewodeshou，xintongdiningshizhewo：“yushan，wobuzhidaoshenghaizihuizheimexinku，yihou，woyidinghuigengjiaainihehaizi。”
“yihou，wobuxiangzaishengle。”
zihanxintengdifuzhewodelianjia：“hao，yihoubushengle。yihou，wozhixianghaohaotengnizhaoguni。”
woxuruodixiaozhe：“hao，nikebuzhunbianguae。”
zihanyishoushulizhewodezhangfa：“ruguobushiqinyankanjian，wodoubuhuiyouzheimedadeganshou，yushan，zhiyaowoshiyigeyouxindenanren，wodoubuhuishededuinibuhao！”
wowenroudiwojintadeshou，youtazheifanhua，wulunwoshouzenmeyangdetong，wodoujuedezhidele，yexujiushiyinweizheigeyuanyin，jinianhou，wocaihuizaicihuaiyun，wozaoyiwangjidangchudetongchu，zhijidezihanderouqing，neishihouwocaimingbai，weishenmehenduorenhuixuanzeshengdierge。
bangeyuehou，zihanjiangwojiehuibifulijingyang，woyizhibuganqupengneigehonghongde，rouruandexiaoshenti，weikongjiangtanongshangle，tajiuzheimejingjingditangzhe，ouerzamoyixiaxiaozui，ouerzhengkaiyanjing，henheihenliang，wuluntazuoshenmeyangdedongzuo，dounengyindewomenjingqilianlian，tasihuduizheigeshijiechongmanhaoqi，danshikanyihuier，tahuizhabajixiayanjing，ranhouyuezhayueman，zhidaochenchenshuiqu，gengduodeshihoutadouchezhesangzizaiku，keshimeiyouyigerennaotadekusheng，yigegemangbudiedihongzhe，zhihenweishenmebunengrangtazhanluxiaoyan，lianzihandefuqindouchengleyigexunchangdeyeye，yiyoukongxianjiudouzhebaobeisunzi，jishiliangrengenbenwufazuojiaoliu，doubuhuiyanfan。meigerenxiangzoumadengyiyangchuxianzaihaizimianqian，weikongzijichuxiandecishushaole，yihouhaizihezijibuqin。
zihandefumuyijingjiangzhuyiliwanquanjizhongzaixinshengdeyingershenshang，bingjihaiziqumingweisichen。
woyouxieshiluo，zheigehaiziduoqulesuoyourendabandezhuyili，dangwoyishidaozheidianshi，woturanxiaoleqilai，wozenmegenzijidehaizizhengfengchicuqilai？xianglaishizheiduanshijianxiguanlezhongxingpengyue，yishihaishiyingbuguolai。womagaosuwo，woshuijuedeshihou，zihanhuixuanzejingjingdipeiwo，yanliyimanrouqing，tagaojiewo：zheibeizibixuzhuanxinduidaizihan，fouzetadoubuhuiyuanliangwo。woxinliananhaoxiao，rujinwohezihanhaizidouyoule，zihanduiwoyoushirucijiaochong，wojihuyiweizijishishijieshangzuixingfudenvren，youzenmekenengduizihanbuzhuanyini？rongjinsuiranhaizaiwodejiyishenchu，bijingwomenyouyuanwufen。
zaiqitarenbazhuyilidoujizhongzaihaizishenshangdeshihou，womazezhuanxinzhizhipeiwozuoyuezi，buyanqifandiyibianbiantixingwoyaozhuyideshiqing，shishishangzheixieyaozhuyideshi，jishiwoxiangzuo，yehuiyouyidaduirenchulaizulanwo。woyizhijuederuguotashigenanren，ruguotayexindayidian，yexutahuichengweiyidainvqiangren，zaiwoyanli，tayixiangbushanzhangjiawu，zongshidiusanluosi，keshixianzaitaxiandebirenherendouxixin、zhoudao，nandaotazaizheifangmiancikecaikaiqiao？
zaiwozuoyueziqijian，wohenshaokanjianhaizi，womakaijiewoshuo：“zheishinihezihandiyigehaizi，nigonggongpopoganggangbaosun，xinxianjinghaimeiguoquni！guoxieshihoujiuhuihaole！”
woshixiaodao：“mama，zainiyanliwozheimexiaoxinyanma？tamenxihuanchenchen，tengaichenchenshiwohehaizidefuqi，wogaoxinghailaibuji，zenmehuiyouweicini？haizizongguishiwodehaizi，zheishiwufagaibiandeshishi，shengzaihaomenlidehaizi，ruguodebudaozhangbeidexiai，yihoudeshenghuobuhuikuaile，yiqiannigaosuguowo，wogangchushengdeshihoudebudaoyeyenainaidexihuan，neime，woxiwangwodehaizicongyichushengjiudedaodajiadexihuan。ruguowojuedetamenxihuanhaizijiushibawodangchengshengyujiqi，neigenbenjiushizixunfannao，fannaodoushizizhaode，ruguowozheiyangxiang，neishizijijizijizhaozuishou，shengpazijixinqingbuyumen。babierenxianghuaideren，yongyuandebudaokuaile，suoyinifangxin，wobuhuide。”
womajianworuci，renbuzhuxiaodao：“shiwoxiaokannile，kannixianzairucitongda，woyesuanchedifangxinle，ninengyongyouzheimeleguandexintai，haomenderizixiangxinniyehuiyourenyouyude。”
shijianguodehenkuai，zhuanyanchenchenjiumanyuele，zihandefumuyifanyiqiandidiaodezuofeng，juedingweichenchenjuxinglongzhongdemanyuejiu，qishizheigeshifeichangzhongguodefengsu，zaimeiguoduizheixiebingbujiangjiu。erwozaizheigeshihouqueturanganmaole，zihanjiyouxinyoubujie：“zheimeduorenzhaogu，zenmehaihuiganmaoni？”
wobatatuililexie：“shiwozijimeigaihaobeizi，heqitarenwuguan。”
“neimingtiandemanyuejiuzenmeban？”
“nijiugendajiajieshiyixia，hekuangwoxihuanpingjingdeshenghuo，zheiyangbushiliangquanqimeima？”
zihanlikejujuedao：“buxing，bierenhaiyiweiwomenzhirenhaizi，buzhongshinini！”
woxiaozhepaipaizihandelian：“bierenzenmeyiweiyouyingxiangbulewoshenme，wobingbuzaihu！”
zihanwozhuwodeshou：“keshiwozaihua，woyaorangqitarenzhidao，nishihaizidemama，linjiadenvzhuren，wokebuxiwangbamabaozhehaizichuqudeshihou，renjiayiweizheishiwodesishengzi。”
wobeizihandoulele：“fanzhengnizheiyangdeshenfenyousishengziyebuqiguai，nijiuweiquyixiama！”
“ruguonijuedeshentibushufu，mingtianjiuzhichuxianyixia，ranhoujiuhuifangxiuxi，zhishaojianjianbajigezhijiaohaoyou，zheiyanghaobuhao？”
我点头答应。
diertianyizao，chenchenbeihuanshangyishenxianhongdexiaotangzhuang，shoushangdaishangwomasongdejinlingdang，tabiyigeyueqianpiaoliangduole，wokanzhezheigefendiaoyuzhuodexiaojiahuo，yizhonghuanxizhiqingyouranersheng，zheijiushimuziqinqingma？
mamiyibiandouzhehaiziyibianduiwoshuo：“yushan，niganmaole，zheiduanshijianjiubiekaojinchenchenle，xiaohaizidikanglicha，yaoshichuanranlejiumafanle。”
wodiandiantou，zihandanxinwonanguo，likeanweidiwolewowodeshou。buxiangmamijixushuo：“haiyouzihan，nitiantianpeizheyushan，zuijinzheiduanshijianyebiepenghaizi。”
zihankuazhelianshuo：“lianwoyeyaobeigeli？”
zihandemuqinlisuodangrandishuo：“neidangranle，yushan，mamimeiyouqitayisi，jiushixiwangchenchennenggoujianjiankangkang。”
woxiaodao：“womingbaide，chenchenshinindesunzi，ninzuoyiqiedoushiweiletahao。”
zihanxiezhewoshanglelou，suijilouzhuwo：“yushan，maburangnipenghaizi，nizhendemeiyoubugaoxing？”
wohuanzhutadebozi：“ruguomamihaoduanduandeburangwopenghaizi，wokendinghuibugaoxing，xianzaiwoganmaole，tadanxinchuanranjihaizi，woyoushenmehaobugaoxingde？biebawoxiangdezheimeminganxiaoqi。”
zihantanxidishuo：“yushan，wohengaoxingnengqudaoni，xiexienibazheixieguanxichulidezheimerongqia，wozhidaonidoushibenzhexiwangtamenkaixin，burangwoweinandeyuanze，suoyiyizhihendadu，fanshidoubujijiao，suiranwomeishuo，danshiwodoukanzaiyanli。”zihanzaiwoerbianqingshengshuo，“xiexieni！danshi，bietaikeqiuleziji，wogengxiwangninengkuaile。”
woxinligandong，yezhenzhengmingbailejinianqianyigeshanglenianjiderencenggaosuguowodehua：zhenzhengyaoliuzhuyigenanrendexin，bushiyongxinjishouduan，ershifuchuzhenqing，nanrenxinlizuifangbuxiade，shizhongshineigezhenxinzhenyiduizijihaoderen。danshiwoduizheigehuayoulexindeganwu，fuchuzhenqingbingfeihaowuyuanze、shiwujuxi，ershijintuideyi，qiadaohaochu，renheshiguoyoubuji，woxiangzheiyeshiwozuijinyanjiuguoxuezhongweirenchushidexindeba！yezhiyouzheimenzhishi，jishihuashangyibeizi，yongyuandouhuijuedezhilinglvelepimaoeryi，danshijishizhishipimao，dounengrangrenyishengshouyiwuqiong。
“zaixiangshenmeni？”jianwobuyu，zihanxunwendao。
woweiweiyixiao，sajiaodiquanzhuzihandebozi：“zaixiangnidaodihuibuhuiaiwoyibeizi！”
zihandizhuwodeetou，hanxiaowen：“duiwozheimemeiyouxinxin？”
“bushi，woshipazijizuobudaorangniaiwoyibeizi。”
“shagua，woshangnazaiquzhaoxiangnizheimewanmeidelaopo？zaiwoxinli，yongyuandoushinizuihao！”
worenbuzhujiaoqingqilai：“woyouneimehaoma？”
zihanbawolouruhuaizhong：“dangranle，buranwozenmehuiqunima！”
“zhiqianhuaichenchendeshihou，tamendougenwoshuonvrenhuaiyundeshihou，nanrenzuirongyichugui，yinggaifangzhe，keshiwojuedefuqizhijianfanglaifangquhenmeiyisi，ruguoyigenanrenyaochugui，zaifangtahaishiyaochugui，shenzhiyuefangyuechugui，haiburuxuanzexiangxinta，fuqijianyinggaixianghuxinren，nishuoshima？”
“shi！wodeyushanyouzheershisuiderongyan，sanshisuidexinzhi，wofufuheqiuni？yibanqingkuangxia，nanrenhuiquyigenvren，kendingshiyinweiaita，keshijiehunhouquejuedezheigenvrenbuzaikeai，yiququanwu！suoyi，henduonanrenkaishiyouleqitanvren，zerenyibanyiban，danshiwosuoyongyoude，yijingshizuihaode，wodangranbuhuishezhuyuerwanshile。”
yongrenguolaiqingwomenxiaqu，wohuanleshengaoyaodelianyiqun，chenchenmanyuehou，wodetixingjibenyijinghuifu，zhiyouyaofuburengbiyiqianpangxie。
louxiayijingrenaofeifan，chenchenbeirencongyigehuaibaohuandaolingyigehuaibao，queyirantiantianshuizhe，sihaomeiyouyaoxingdejixiang，zihandemuqinzehanxiaopeizaipangbian，zhiyouwoqingchu，tashijinzhanghaizi。yiqianwoyizhijuedetashigebijiaonianqinghuadepopo，zaidabanshang、guannianshanggenwomenmeiyoutaidadechayi，zhidaochenchenchushihou，wocaiganjuetashenshangyouzhetamenneigenianjidetese，sihuyoulechenchenzhihou，taturanbianchenglenainai。
jialiconglaimeiyouzheimerenaoguo，suishuozhixikaiwuzhuo，qingdedoushiguanxihenjindeqinpenghaoyou，danshihepingchangxiangbi，yijingrenaoduole。
zihandemuqinbahaizixiaoxindibaodaozihanhuaili，wozaiyiciganshoudaotazhendejizhongshizheigesunzi，zihandefuqinxianxiangsuoyourenjingleyibeijiu，ranhoushiwohezihan，zihanhewanshuo：“wofurenchanhoushentibijiaoxuruo，jintianbutaishufu，woxiansongtahuifang，dajiajinxing！”
wobaoqiandixiaoxiao，hezihanshanglelou。huidaofangjian，zihannajiwoyigewenjiandai，dakaiyikan，shixiezhewomingzideliangchuhaozhai，qizhongyoulingyidujiashanzhuang，haiyouyiliangmingche。
“yushan，lingyidujiashanzhuangshiwosongjinide，qitashibamarangwojinide。”
“yuanlaihaomenjianglishengziyougongdeerxifubushichuanshuo。”wokaiwanxiaoshuo。
zihannieniewodelianjia：“buguanshishenmeyuanyin，bamazongshixihuancaisongnide。”
“wozhidao，congmingruwo，zenmehuikanbuqingni？zhiyouxinxiongxiazhaiderencaihuijuedezheishijiaoyi，wohuibatadangchengliwu。”
“nizhenshirangwoairuxinkanli。”
“doulaofulaoqile，haizheimerouma！”
“我们哪里老了？”
“xiamianhenduokerenni，nikuaixiaquba！nibulao，yidiandoubulao，erqie，woyuelaiyuexihuannile。”
“woxihuantingnishuotianyanmiyu！”zihanqinlewoyikou，zhongyulianlianbushedixiaquzhaohukerenle，erwoyigerenzuozaiyangtaishangkanzheyeselongzhaoxiadebifuli，jianjianshishen。
baiguochenchendemanyuejiuhou，riziguiyupingdan，keshiyoulezheigexiaojiahuohou，shenghuoturanbiandemangliuqilai，womazaiwohezihandezaisanwanliuxia，haishihuiqule。
wolaibujiganshoushiluo，yinweichenchenyijingzhanjulewodexin，buzhidaoyoulehaiziderenshibushidouyouzheiyangdeganjue，kanzheneizhangxiaoxiaodelian，rouruanwugudeshenzi，jishishikanzhetashuijue，yenengkanshangbantian，wenzheneiguruxiangwei，bianaidaolexinkanli，zhiqianwohaibumingbai，weishenmezihandemuqinneimexihuanta，yuanlaizhiyaodaishangyitian，jiuwufabuaile。
shuoshidaihaizi，qishiyiqieshiwudoushinaimaheyongrenzaizuo，wohezihandemuqinzhishikanzheta，doutaxiao，keshizhishizheiyang，womenyijingfeichangmanzu。
“yushan，nikankan，zheiyanjinghezihanxiaoshihouyimoyiyang。”
“zihanxiaoshihouzheimechoua？”
tachenguaidipailewoyixia：“kebunenghushuo，nalichoule？xiaohaizihaimeizhangkaidouzheiyang，nikanzihanxianzai，bushifengdupianpianma？”
“mami，nayouzheiyangkuazijierzide？”woxiaozhedaqudao。
zihanmuqinchenguaidiyixiao：“nizheihaizi，wozheibushidangzhenidemianshuoshuoma！womenxiaoshengyidian，biechaolechenchen。”
“tabigangchushengdeshihouhaokanduole，wodiyiyankanjiantadouxiangku，zenmeyouhongyouzhoude，haonankana！suiranhenduoxinshengdeyingerdoushizheiyangde，danshiwoshijisuideshihou，cengjingkanjianguoyigegangchushengdeyinger，baibaijingjing，haokeai！”
“yihoutahuiyuezhangyuekeai，nihuiaisita，erqienihuijuedenagexiaohaidoumeiyouzijidehaizihao。”
woxiaoleqilai：“woxianzaijiuyijingjuedele。”
chenchenxingleguolai，kaishiwawadakuqilai，woshushouwucedikanzheta，zihandemuqinxianshudibatabaodaohuailidouzhe。woxiangwangdikanzheta，yinweishipoufuchan，wohaimeiyouhaohaobaoguota，takanzhewoqidaideyanshen，xiaozheshuo：“nishitamama，baobaotaba！xianzaitagangmanyue，bunengshuzhebao，yaozheiyangyishoutuozhetadetou，yishoutuozhutadeshenzi，tadegutouhaihennen，yidingyaoxiaoxin。”
yexushigurouqinqingba，xiaojiahuojingranzhizhulekusheng，jiuzheimezhengdayanjingkanzhewo。woturanjuede，qishixianzaitajiuhenkeaile！woxiaoxinyiyidibaozhezheigerouruandexiaoshenzi，shengpashangzheletafenhao，zheijiushiwohezihandegurouma？wozixidizaitalianshangxunzhaozhewohezihandehenji，quefaxiantazhangdeyidiandoubuxiangwomen！zhengxiangshuoshenme，turanjuedeshenshangyire，zheijiushixiaojiahuosongjiwodediyifenliwu。
wosuyoujiepi，danshiduiyutadeliwu，wohaizhinengxiaona，wobatabaojizihandemuqin：“woshangquhuanjianyifu。”
taxiaodehenshikaihuai：“chenchenzheixiaohuaidana，mamabaoni，nihainiaodaomamashenshang。”yuqizhongquebaohanchongni。
zicongyoulechenchen，zihansihugengyuanyiliuzaijiali，yourenshuohaizikeyibangzhulaogongdexin，yiqianwohenbuyiweiran，xianzaicaimingbaishuozheihuaderenyidingyouguozheiyangdejingli。haizidechusheng，rangzihanbiandegengweichenwen，yegengjiagujia，nanrendeyishengyaojingliliangcibianhua，yicishijiehun，yicishizuofuqin，yexuwoyezaiqiaoqiaobianhuazhe，womendouyinzheigehaizixuexizheweirenfu、weirenmu，dongdezijidezeren，xuehuifuchu。zihandemuqingaosuwo，zaiwoshengxiachenchenhoudeyigeyue，zihangaosuta，zhidaotaqinyankanjianwoshengxiatadehaizi，tacaimingbaimeiyigemuqinfuchuleshenmeyangdeaicaizaojiuleyigexinshengming，caimingbaishengweirenziyinggaizenyangxiaoshunzijidefumu。tingwanzheixiehuahou，woreleiyingkuang，woxiwangruogannianhou，wodechenchenyehuiduiwoshuochuzheifanhua。zheishihou，woturanxiangjiwomadagedianhua，xiexietajilewoshengming。
“妈妈！”
“chenchenguaibuguai？nishangkoudouzhanghaoleba？”
woxiaoleqilai：“shangkouyijingwanquanzhanghaole，youzuolemeirong，lianhenjidoukanbuchulai。mama，woxianzaishichedipinghengle，nishiwoqinma，nikaikouxianwenchenchencaiwenwo，neichenchendeyeyenainaizheimechongaita，woyenenglijiele！”
“zheihaizi，haigenzijideerzizhengchong！”
wobadazheigedianhuadeyuanyoushuole，weile，wochongmanganqingdiduiwomashuo：“mama，xiexienijilewoshengming。”
womazaidianhuaneitougengyanle：“nicunxinxiangrangwokua，weinifuchuzaiduo，weinicaoxinzaiduo，tingdaonizheimeshuo，shenmedoubuqiule。”
woxiangdangzihanzheimeshuodeshihou，tamuqinyeshizheiyangdeganshouba，guolehaoyihui，womacaishuo：“zihannengzheimeshuo，shuomingyihoutayidinghuihaohaoainigenhaizide，yigedongdeganen，dongdexiaoshunfumudenanren，jueduihuiduijiatingfuze，yushan，nizheigelaogongmeiyouxuancuo。”
“mama，wozhidao，danshibuguanzihanduomeaiwo，wodoubuhuilisuodangrandirenweitajiugaiweiwofuchu，wohuihaohaozhenxitadeganqing。”
“niyijingmingbaihunyindezhendi，neimejiuyijingbawozhuxingfule。”
shijianguodehenkuai，zhuanyanchenchenyijingbansuile，tayeyenainaijitengaita，keshitaqueyirangengxihuanwohezihan，youdeshihou，wobudebujingtanxueyuanguanxideshenqi。
xianzaidechenchenzhenshikeaizhiji，baibaipangpangdexiaolian，rangrenkanjianjiurenbuzhuxiangqunieyiba，yachikaishimaochutoulai，kanlaiwojitaqide“wuchixiaoren”zheigechenghuyongbulejitianle，tabuhuishuohuayebuhuizoulu，keshizuilitiantianyiyiyayadishuogebuting，womenmeiyourennengtingdongtazaishuoshenme，danshitayiranshuodehenhuan，dangwobaotadeshihou，tahuitebiegaoxing，louzhewodebozijuebusongshou，haixihuanzhuawodetoufa，weileta，woyizhipifadexiguanyegaibianle，kaishibatoufawanqilai，tachenglewomenquanjiadekaixinguo，wulunfanqianhaishifanhou，zhiyaotameishuizhe，quanjiarenyidingweizhetadoutawan，tazuixihuanrenao，zhiyaowomendouzai，tajiuxiandetebiexingfen，shenzhiyinggaiyongkangfenlaixingrong，wocengjingwenzihanxiaojiahuozheiyangshibushihenxiangdalejixue？zihanxiaodeqianfuhouyang，zhishuotaixingxiangle。
chenchenjiugeyuedeshihou，neitian，womenzhengchiwanfan，tazuozaiyingeryishang，suiranhaibuhuishuohua，danshiwomenchifanburangtashangzhuo，tayidinghuikunaobuxiu，diedishuorangtazaoxieshangzhuo，duanliandanliangyehao，bingrenweichenchenrucibuganjimo，jianglaibiranwangzhetianxia。
“嘛……麻……”
zihanfangxiacanju，jingxidikanzhewo：“yushan，tazaijiaonini！”
“zheishitachidongxiwuyishidifachudeshengyinba？”wobuxiangxindishuo。
chenchenyoushuolehaojici，zihandemuqinyewuxinchifanle：“yushan，tazhendezaijiaonini，tajiugeduoyuele，kaikouzaodehaizi，shichabuduokaishijiaorenle。”
ranhoutayefangxiacanju，yidaochenchenshenbian：“baobei，lai，jiaonainai！”
chenchenjianwomendouweizheta，putengdegenglaijingle，quebukenzaikaijinkou，renwomenfeilebantianliqi，doubuzailihuiwomen，daolehoulai，shenzhihaozhengyixiadikanwomenlunfanshangzhen。zhetengleyixiaoshihou，womenzhongyufangqi，leidezuozaishafashang，taqueturanqingxidijiaoleyisheng：“mama！”
zihandemuqinhuanxidibaozhuta：“nizheixiaotaoqigui，jiaonikaikounibuken，bawomenzhetengleilecaijiao，binibabaxiaoshihoutaoqiduole，guai，jiaonainai！”
yushi，zihandefumuyoukaishilexinyilun“yeyenainai”dejiaocheng，lecibupi。
yigeyuehou，chenchenzhongyunengqingxidejiaochuyeyenainaibabamamalai。