xiaoshuozhurengongshichenhaoyangshenmuxuedexiaoshuojiao《doushixuanyijishi》，shizuozheqianrenzhanzuixinxiedeyibendoushishenghuoleixingdexiaoshuo，qingjieyinrenrusheng，feichangtuijian。zhuyaojiangdeshi：muqinbingweizhuyuan，qinqijiansibujiu，nvyoujueqingbeiban，jiuzaichenhaoyangxuanrujuewangzhijingdeshihou，queyiwaihuodeshenyichengchuan，congcifanshouweiyunfushouweiyu……kaiqinixizhilu...
“妈！”
“您怎么样了？”
kandaomuqinlianshangcangbai，chenhaoyanglianmangfangxiashouzhongdezaocanfushangquwendao：“ma，nishibushinabushufu？youwozai，woyidingbuhuirangninyoushide。”
suishuozuowanshurudelingqibunengmashangrangmuqinhuifu，danchenhaoyangqingchudejidemuqintineidebaixibaodoubeilingqiyunyangfusu，anlishuoqisebianhaocaishi！
“浩阳！”
“erzi，nimeishijiuhao，mahaodanxinni……”
kandaoerzidanyoudeyangzi，chenxiuyunjidongdejinbaozhechenhaoyangweiqudekuzhedao：“womamabuhao，shiwolianleinigenwoyiqishouku，wobushigehaomuqin……”
chenxiuyunyueshiwangxiashuo，yanleijiuzhibuzhuwangxiadiao。
meimeiyixiekongbudehuamianzaitanaohaizhongfuxiandeshihou，rangtagandaozhuizhuibuan。
“ma！ningaosuwo，daodifashengleshenme？”
“shisheirangninbianchengzheiyang？”
“woyidingyaorangtachangshoubinitong，qianbeiwanbeidezhemo。”
kanzhemuqinjingkongdeyangzi，chenhaoyangneixinzaicichuanlaiyinyindetong，yaoyaqiechidao。
chenxiuyunhanzheleikanzhechenhaoyangyaoleyaotou，ranhoumozhechenhaoyangdelian，roushengdao：“haoyang，tingmadehuazheijianshi……jiuzheiyangsuanle！！”
“算了？”
chenhaoyangwenyan，liansedabiandao：“weishenmeyaosuan？wobunengrangnin……”
“duile，nidoumaishenmehaochide？woele！”
zhengdangchenhaoyanghaixiangshuoshenmedeshihou，chenxiuyundangjizhuanyihuadaodao
chenhaoyangkanzhemuqinyuyanyouzhi，ranhouweixiaodao：“zheixiedoushininpingshiaichidexiaomizhouhebaozi，wozhidaoninjintianhuixinglai，suoyiteyizaozaoqujininmaide，lai，chenrechi……”
chenxiuyunjieguomailaidezaocan，pobujidaidexiangyaopinchangmeishideyihuo，zhuyuanzheixietiantachuleyiweidayingyangzhenzhiwai，lianshuidoubunenghe，zaojiuxiangheshangyikounuannuanrezhou。
“ma！ninmandianchi，woyoubugenniqiang。”
kanzhemuqindakoudakoudechizhebaozihezhezhou，chenhaoyanglianshangzhongyuguazhexingfuyangyidexiaorong，buguanzaikuzailei，zhiyaokandaomuqinpinganwushi，tayejiumanzule。
“嗯，好吃！”
lianchenxiuyunzijidoumeifaxian，yiqiantagenbenjiuchibuleneimeduo，xianzaiweikouquebiwangchangyaohao，yanqianzheixiezaocanfangzaizhiqian，jiusuanmeibingtaliangcidouchibuwan。
kerujin，queganjuebugouchi！
shenzhinengchixiayitouniu……
zheixieduiyuyigebinghuanlaishuo，wuyijiushigetiandadeqiji。
“shisheiyunxubingrenchidongxide？”
zheishihou，yidaojianruijingyadeshengyincongbingfangmenkouchuanlai。
zhijianyigeshenchuanbaiyidaguadenianqingnvhushi，luchuxionglidemuguangkanzhechenxiuyunnuhedao：“nishibushixiangsidekuaidiana？zhiqianyishengbushijiaodaiguobunengchidongxima？”
kanzhexionglidenvhushi，chenxiuyunmuzijingyadexiangshiyiyan，yilianmangran。
bieshuochenhaoyanggandaozhenjing，bianshichenxiuyunyegandaohenyiwai，yigezhangxiangxiuliwenjingdenvhai，quetaidurucieliexiongli，yidiandoumeiyouyigeyishenggaiyouneizhongyide。
“hushiguniang，duibuqi，nibieshengqi……”
“shiwoele，meinengzhengqiuyishengtongyijiuchidongxi，danwoganjuezijiyijinghuifuxuyaobuchongnengliang，nibiezeguaiwoerzihaoma？”chenxiuyundaizhewenhedemuguangwangzhenvhushiweixiaodao。
dangtingdaochenxiuyunkaikoushuohuadeshihou，nvhushilianshangzhouranyibian。
duanzandejingya，henkuaibeizhenjingsuoqudai！
tamanshibukesiyidewangzhe，yanqianzheigehaowubingzhuangdechenxiuyun。
zhenggerendaizhizaidi，yishijianlianhuadoushuobuchulai。
sheinengxiangdao，jitianqianbeisonglaiyiyuanlianhuadoushuobuchudechenxiuyun，haibeizhuguanyishenglianxiasancibingweitongzhishu，zheicaishigebudaoyigexingqi，jingrannengkaikoushuohua！
yaoshimeijicuodehua，dangshijianchabaogaoshangxiemingwuzangliufuyanzhongshuaijie，napashiyongyiyuanzuihaodejinkouyao，yebukenengzaiduanshineirucikuaisuhuifudaozheibanzhuangtai。
genghekuangchenxiuyundezhuyuanzhangdanyijingqianfeile……
“什么？”
“好了？”
nvhushitingdaozheifanhuamanshichayi，ranhouzixidedaliangzhechenxiuyun。
budebushuoyaoshichenxiuyun**zheishenbinghaofudehua，nvhushihaizhenwufaxiangxinyigeyanzhongdebinghuanjingranhuizheibanhongguangmanmian，qisehongrun。
ketazhixiangxinkexue，ziranbuxinneixiehuiguangfanzhaozhileideshuofa，yushidao：“meiyouyishengdeyunxu，nimenzennengshanzizhuzhangjinshi，yaoshisile，womenyiyuanyigaibufuzeren。”
“你说什么！”
chenhaoyangzheishihoumengranzhanqilai，neishuangfengruidemuguangjiuxiangsenlinlidelaohuban，henhendedingzhenvhushi，fangfochaneijianjiuyaojiangduifangsichengsuipian。
“怎么！”
“nandaoniyaodawobucheng？”
yingshangchenhaoyangdemuguang，nvhushihunerdouhefeile。
danyijiuhaishiyifu，lizhiqizhuangdeyangzidao：“wowo……wozuihoujinggaoni，zheilishiyiyuan，bushicishanjigou，yaoshimeiqianjiaofeijiudaizhebingrenhuiquchoubeihoushiba，genwoxiongshenmeya……”
zheizhongsizijinshidaozhibingrensiwangdeshiqingtajianduole。
shanggeyuejiuyouyigeweiaihuanzhe，yinweijiashumeiyoujingguoyishengdeyunxusizijihuanzhejinshi，zuihoudaozhihuanzhedangchangsiwang，zheishierhaibeigaoshangfating。
zuihoushenpanjieguoshi，yinweiyiyuanguanlibudaowei，erlianzhurenyishidoubeidiaoxiaoxingyizigezheng，huanzhezhuyuanqijiandefeiyongbeiquanetuihai，yiyuanhaipeileyibaiduowandesangzangfei。
suoyi，nvhushizhendepale！
“你给我住嘴！”
chenhaoyangdashengnuhedao：“dui，woshiqiong，shimeiqian！”
“danzheijiushinimenyiyuan，suoweideyide？”
“anzhaonizheizhongtaidu，shibushiwomenqiongrenmeiqianjiugaisi？”
“nisuanshenmeyisheng？nigenbenjiubupeichuanzheishenyifu！”
chenhaoyangjiuxiangshitoubeicaidaoweibadelaohuyiyang，baotiaorulei，yegubushangshenmexingxiangzhijiezhangkoujiuma，zheixietianyiyuanyinweitaqiong，zheixiehushidouduitalengyanxiangdai。
napazaibeihouyiluntashigefeiwu，tayekeyizhuangzuotingbudao！
danshuotamuqinyijujiubuxing。
napashitianhuanglaozixiafan，tayehuihaobuyouyudeduihuiqu。
“haoyang，suanle，hushiguniangyebushiguyide，tayeshizhizesuozai，womenyuanbudebieren。”chenxiuyunyanjiaofanzheshangxindeleihua，weiweilachezhechenhaoyangdeyijiaoroushengdao。
nvhushiyemeixiangdaochenhaoyangjingranhuiyouzheimedafanying。
yaobushitadingliyaodehua，gujidoubeiheniaole，yinweicikechenhaoyangshenshangneigulingliedeqishi，rangtagandaoyouzhongbuhanerli，jiulianhuxidougandaohenyayi。
“wo……wolandegennizheizhongwulaifeihua。”
nvhushihedeliandoubaile，yanleyanjingkongdetuomozhanshengdao，xiayimiaobianxiangshiconghukoutaotuojiehouyushengbanxunsudexiangyaolikaibingfang。
“怎么回事？”
zheishihouyiminghushizhangtingdaobingfangchuanlaichaonaodeshengyin，jimangganlaichakan。
zheiyikan，yeranghushizhangjingdechengmujieshe……
作者：池鱼小月
栏目：都市
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我只会说实话，老婆求我快闭嘴
作者：方方爱吃番茄
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我上岸月球那天，前女友考研上岸
作者：常向上
栏目：都市
我给死人化妆的亲身经历
作者：八旬老贼
栏目：都市
江总，你的白月光是赝品
zuozhe：aichichaotianmiantiaodejiangqing
栏目：都市
