《laofangzhibo：wochengjianyuqiufankexingle》shiyouzuozhe“aichishuangkoucaideliuwufeng”chuangzuobianxie，xiaoshuonannvzhurengongshitangtingzhouyinli，qizhongzhuyaoqingjieshi：wangdayongwenyan，naoziliyipiankongbai，zhenjingdejihushuobuchuhua。daizou？renming？zeren？zheixieziyanruzhongchuizazaitaxintou。zuowei……
“nianqingren，nixiangqingchulema？”
yujingrengzaikukoupoxindiquanshuo：
“wozhidao，fangqibaiwanjiangjinburongyi。danniyaomingbai，jinle118haoqiufang，bieshuojiangjin，nixiabanbeizipashidezailunyishangduguo！”
yujingdeshenqingwubirenzhen，xianranbushizaiweiyansongting。
duitalaishuo，qipianyigexinrenhaowuyiyi。
tangtingkandechuduifangdezhencheng。
ruoshizaibangdingxitongzhiqian，tahuoxuhuixuanzetuichu。
bijing，qianzaiduo，meiminghuayouyouheyong？
danxianzai，tayishixitongzhizhu！
youlexitongdejiachi，linzhentuisuoweimiantaiwonang。
yujingsihuchajuedaotangtingdejueqiang，tanlekouqi，jixuquandao：
“xiaoxiongdi，woshiguolairen，gaosuni，tuisuobudiuren！”
“zhiqianlaideneijigeren，nagebushigenniyiyangxiongxinbobo？jieguoni？yigedeleyiyuzheng，yigezhijinhaizaiyiyuanjieshouxinlizhiliao！”
“genzheixiexiangbi，tuichusuanshenme？qianmeilekeyizaizhuan，jingshenkuale，peiduoshaoqiandoumeiyong！”
……
yujingzheifanqingzhenyiqiedehua，rangzhibojiandeguanzhongdongrong。
yuanbenhuaiyishijiemuzujubendeguanzhong，cikeyekaishidongyao。
“zheijiashi，yinggaishizhendeba？”
“woyanjiushengxueguoxinlixue，suiranbusuanjingtong，dancongyujingdeshenqingheyuqikan，bachengmeijia！”
“shayanle！zhei118haoqiufangdaodiyouduokongbu？”
“xiabanbeizizuolunyi？zheiyetaiherenleba！”
“haishifangqiba，nianqingren。”
“baiwanjiangjinzaihao，yemeimingzhongyaoa！”
“laohuashuodehao，pingpingdandancaishizhen！”
danmuzhong，guanzhongmendeqingxubeichedidianran。
suoyourendouzaicaice，118haoqiufangli，jiujingzhuzhezenyangyiweikepadecunzai？
jiemuzudexianchang，shunxiwanbiandeqingshibeixunsuchuandidaolehoutai。
yuanben，zongdaoyanwangdayongyijingshoushihaoxingnang，zhunbeijieshuyitiandelaoliu，tashangguijiadelutu。
sheiliao，jiuzaijijianglikaidechanei，turuqilaidexiaoxijiangtazhuaihuilexianshi。
wangdayongmengdizhefan，zhongxintaruxuanxiaodejiemuxianchang，muguangruju，xixilingtingshiqingdelailongqumai。
tahuanshiquanchang，yanshenfenglirudao，chenshengfawen：
“zheiyichu，jiujingshisheideshoubi？”
“nandaowomeishuoguo，weijingwoshouken，jiemuzujuebuyunxushanzijiarurenhejuben？”
“zhenzhengdezongyi，guizaibaifenbaidezhenshi！”
“youlejuben，haitanhezhen？”
zaitakanlai，zheifenmingshiyourenkeyianpaideqiaoduan，zhuoliedelingrenfazhi。
zheijuben，jianzhilowdaolingrenfazhidedibu！
rucicucaodetaici，fangfoshicongshangshijidelanjulizhijiechaolaide。
“xiabanbeizikaolunyiduri”“wufawanzhengzouchuqiufang”——zheidengtaici，tingdewangdayongfangfochuanyuehuilejiushiniandaidegouxuejuchang。
chengran，tachengren，ruonengtuxianqiufangdekongbufenwei，queshinenglaolaozhuazhuguanzhongdeyanqiu。
kerucizhuoliedejuben，guanzhongyoubushishazi，sheihuixin？
chufeishizhishangbeianzaidishangmoca，fouzezheiximagenbenzhanbuzhujiao！
raner，tadehuayingangluo，xianchangquexianruyipianguiyidechenmo，wurenyingsheng。
bingfeiyuangongmenbuganrencuo，ershitamenyagenermeizuoguo！
zheishilaidemomingqimiao，tamenshenzhiyiduhuaiyi，zheihuibuhuishiwangdayongzijidaoyandeyichuxi？
jianwurenzhanchu，wangdayongzhengyuxialingchecha，dianhuaquezaiciketuwuxiangqi——laizijianyudejinjilaidian。
“zaicha**xiangzhiqian，sheiyebiexiangxiaban！”
《neixieniandejianyushenghuo》zhizaichengweiquanguoduyiwuerdewangpaijiemu！
suishuojiemucaibochudiyiqi，shoupijiabinruyubuguositian，danzaixianguankanrenshuyitupowubaiwandaguan。
liubaiwan、babaiwan，shenzhiqianwandelichengbeijinzaizhichi！
kepianpianzaizheijieguyanshang，chulezheimeyidangzishi！
duiwangdayongeryan，zheiwuyiyuqingtianpili，juebukerongren！
tajieqidianhua，yuqijinliangbaochilimao：“ninhao，woshizongdaoyanwangdayong，qingwenyouheguigan？”
duifangquehaobuketao，zhibenzhuti，yuqilengyingrutie：
“nimensonglaideneigejiaotangtingdejiabin，ganjinpairenbatadaizou！”
“fouze，guojitianruochulerenming，womengaibufuze！”
wangdayongwenyan，naoziliyipiankongbai，zhenjingdejihushuobuchuhua。
带走？人命？责任？
zheixieziyanruzhongchuizazaitaxintou。
zuoweizongyijiedelaojiang，tazonghengxingyejinershinian，shenmefenglangmeijianguo？
kezheiyike，tahaishibeizhendetoupifama。
henkuai，tadingledingshen，qiangzhuangzhending，daizhejifenxixuehuiying：
“xingle，jiemuyoubushizhibo，ninjiubieyanle！”
“buguodeshuo，nindeyanjizhenbucuo，yuqinaniedetingdaowei，ruobushiwojianduoshiguang，chadianjiubeininhuzhule！”
“shuozhende，dangyujingshibushiyoudianqucaile？burucizhi，wojininjieshaogejuzu，yanxiduohao？”
wangdayongbankaiwanxiaodijixudao：
“suiranwobushipaidianyingde，danrenshijigedaoyan，baobuqinengjininanpaigejiaose。”
“nanyinvyibuganshuo，danpianchoujueduibininzheisigongzigaodeduo！”
tazheihuabanzhenbanjia，zhishixiangrangduifangbiezaiyanxiaqu。
shiyizhici，zhuijiusheidezerenyiwuyiyi。
daoburuxiangxiang，ruheshoushizheilantanzi？
keduifangxianranmeixinqinggentaxianche，tingwanzheihua，yuqidouranyichen：
“演戏？忽悠你？”
“nipashiyoushenmedabingba！”
“wolandegennifeihua，zijikanqingchu！”
“zaizhongshenyibian，tangtingnimendaibudaizou，suinimen，danchuleshi，womenkebubeiguo！”
shuowan，dianhuabeiguoduanguaduan。
jinjiezhe，yitiaocaixinfadaolewangdayongdeshoujishang。
caixinneirongjiandan，jinshi118haoqiufangneiqiufandejibenxinxi。
weilebimianhedaowangdayong，fasongzheteyishanquleneixielingrenmaogusongrandexijie，zhiluchubingshanyijiao。
kejiushizheibingshanyijiao，zuyirangwangdayongkanwanhouliansejubian！
“天哪！”
“zheishishangjingyouzheiyangderen！”
“bu，zheibushiren，shiyiqunemo！”
taxinzhongzhiyouyigeniantou：
立刻！马上！
yizuikuaidesudubatangtingdaihuilai！
juebunengrangtataru118haoqiufangbanbu！
那哪是什么囚房？
分明是人间地狱！
limianguanyade，shiyiqunchetoucheweideemo！
zhengsuoweidiyukongdangdang，emojinzairenjian！
“快！快！快！”
“likepairenqujianyu，batangtingdaihuilai！”
wangdayongjideshouzuwucuo，youbuchongdao：
“zaiquebaoanquandeqiantixia，chaosu、chuanghongdeng，doukeyi！dananquandiyi！”
yinweishaoyouchiyi，tangtingkenengjiuzaiyehuibulaile！
renmingguantian，keburonghuan！
……
tangtingduijiemuzudejinjixingdongyiwusuozhi。
jibianzhidao，tayebuhuidongyao。
“wulunruhe，xiexienindetixing。”
“danzheibiqian，duiwolaishuo，zhendetaizhongyaole。”
“wobixujianchixiaqu！”
“ninfangxin，ruoyouweixian，wohuidiyishijiantuichu。”
yujingsihuzaoliaodaotahuizheimeshuo，shenshentanlekouqi：
“ai，qianzhenyouneimezhongyaoma？”
huoxushitangtingdezhenchengdadongleta，yujingjingzhudongshuo：
“ruguoniyoujiyong，wozheiliyoudianqian，keyixianjieni！”
zheihuarangtangtingxintouyinuan，dantayijiujiandingdiyaoleyaotou。
weileshuofuduifang，tabanchulezhaiwudejiekou：
“shizheiyangde，wojiaqianlejibaiwandezhai。”
“bushiwoqiaobuqinin，danninzheidianqian，kongpabugouba？”
zheihuayichu，yujingdangchanglengzhu，manlianxiezhedaxiedemeng。
“？？？”
……
zhibojiandeguanzhongyuanbenhaichenjinzaitangtingyuyujingdewenqingduihuazhong。
ketangtingyiju“ninqianbugou”，shunjianrangqifenzhalie！
danmuruchaoshuibanyonglai，pingmubeisaidemanmandangdang：
“hahaha！renjianzhenshi！”
“扎心了老铁！”
“tangtingzheiyuqi，weiwanyouzhijie，juele！”
“aileaile，zheigemenwofendingle！”
“xswl，xiaodaoduziteng！”
danhenkuai，yourenfaxianlegengshende“huadian”：
“dengdeng！zhongdianbugaishijibaiwandezhaiwuma？”
“nianjiqingqing，beizheimezhongdezhai，zaohuanongrena！”
“baiwanjiangjindoubugouhaizhai，zheijianchixiaquyoushayong？”
“xiaokule，xianshitaicanku！”
……
xianchangdeqifenbingweiyinzhibojianderenaoergaibian。
yujingyuanbendehaoyibeitangtingyijuhua“pofang”，wunaizhixia，tazhidetuoxie：
“xingba！congjintianqi，xunluocongmeitianwucijiadaoshici，chouchayegengpinfan。”
“youshenmexuyao，jinguangenwoshuo，zhiyaobushiweijinpin，douhaoshuo。”
tangtingzaicidaoxie，jieguobeiruhexishuyongpin，zaiyujingdedailingxia，maixiangneisuoweide“renjianlianyu”——118haoqiufang。
……
yucitongshi，jiemuzudecheliangfengchidianche，huosuganwangjianyu。
yixiache，tamenzhibenzhuti：
“womenshijiemuzu，laidaizoutangting！”
quebeigaozhi，tangtingwufenzhongqianyinazhedongxi，jinle118haoqiufang。
shashijian，jiemuzuderenruzaoleiji，naozilizhishenglianggezi：
完了！
tamenfangfoyikandaotangtingxueliuchenghe、canquebuquandehuamian。
shiyizhici，renpashijiubuxiale。
jibianjiuhui，yenantaozhongshencanjidemingyun。
118haoqiufanglidewuren，bushiqiongxiongjiedesharenfan，jiushizhiduhairendedufan。
没一个是善茬！
jirenshangyihou，yaoyajueding：
“jidaoyandadianhua，gaosutawomenwanleyibu，renyijingjinqule。”
“rangtazhunbeihaopeichangjinba。”
“只能这样了。”
yishengshengtanxi，jiazazhewujindebeiliang。
……
jianyuguangchangshang，sibaiduomingqiutudemuguangzaoyisuodingtangting。
“最后一眼了。”
“zaijianta，pashicanquebuquanle。”
“shibanianle，meijianguosheinengcongneidifangwanzhengchulai。”
“tamenkeshizhongshenjianjin，yongyuanchubuleneijianfang！”
“biqitamen，womenhainengchulaizouzou，shenghuobusuantaizao。”
“tingshuotamenliandianshidoumeiyou，zanmenzhishaohainengkankanxinwen。”
qiutumenyilunfenfen，yourenshenzhinatangtingkaidu：
“nengjianchiduojiu？shifenzhong？yixiaoshi？”
“十分钟都嫌多！”
“duantiaogebo，haishishaotiaotui？”
“youmeiyoukeneng，gebotuidoububao？”
……
zhibojiandejingtoubingweiquanchengjujiaotangting，guanzhongmendenglexujiu，yijiumeitadexiaoxi。
“zenmehaimeichulai？buhuizhenchushileba？”
“biea，zheixiaogekeshiwodeouxiang！”
有人大胆猜测：
“youmeiyoukeneng，tangtingbutingquan，zhiyijinle118haoqiufang？”
ciyanyichu，danmuzhaleguo：
“buhuiba？zheimefeng？”
“mingbiqianzhongyaoa，tabuxiangzheizhongren！”
“100wannagouhaijibaiwandezhai？”
……
jiuzaiguanzhongmenzhenglunbuxiushi，tangtingyichuanguozhongzhongtiemen，laidao118haoqiufangqian。
jushuo，zhei“118”sangeshuzianzangxuanji，chuanyanshilimianqiufande“rentouzhanji”zhihe。
dailudeyujingzaoyihedelianseshabai，jibianshenhouyouchiqiangdefangweirenyuan，tayijiuxinjingdanzhan。
“zheidifang，pingshimeirenganlai。”
“chufeipobudeyi，haidewurentongxing！”
yujingzhandouzhedakaifangmen，limianchuanlaixiweidedongjing。
fangweirenyuanxunsushangtang，qiangkouduizhunhunandeqiufang，suishizhunbeikaihuo。
kelimianderenquebuhuangbumang，yuqipingdanrushui：
“qingwen，youheguigan？”
tangtingshenxiyikouqi，maibuerru，limaohuiying：
“ninhao，zanmenyihoujiushiyuyoule，qingduoguanzhao！”
yucitongshi，taguoduandongyongxitongshibiejihui：
“xitong，bangwoshibie！”
……
系统果然给力。
【叮咚！】
【shibiejihuiqidong，qingsuzhuxuanzeshibieduixiang！】
【huokujia、zhouyinli、shenwei、afei、along】
shijianjinpo，tangtinglaibujiduoxiang，xinzhongmonian：
“xitong，shibiezhouyinli！”
【叮咚！】
【zhouyinli，‘113’miemenanzhongdaxianyiren，anfabannianhoubeibu，yinzhengjubuzu，ershenbeipanzhongshenjianjin，shiweibangxiong，erfeizhuxiong！】
唐霆倒吸一口凉气。
suibiantiaoyige，jiushimiemenandebangxiong！
其他人还得了？
jibianxitongtishizhouyinlibushizhuxiong，kebangxiongdeshenfenyezugouhairen！
tangtingxinchaoqifu，xitongsuiqiang，danyewufarangtashunjianbianchaorena！
jiuzaicishi，yigegutongsepifu、jianbangwenzhezulongzhishoudezhuanghandapochenmo。
tangtingkanbudaotabeihou，danguanzhongtongguojingtoukandeyiqingerchu。
tangtingdejunlangmianrongyuyoumotantu，rangtachengweijiemuzuiyaoyandemingxing。
dangqianzaixianguanzhong500wan，ertangtingyirenjiuxiyinle430wandeguanzhu！
waijieyiyougongsidengzhetachuyu，zhunbeigaojiaqianyue。
kedangdezhitazhiyijinru118haoqiufang，heyuefenfenbeisihui。
yigecanquedetangting，haiyouheshangyejiazhi？
guanzhongmenwanxizhiyu，zhijuetaweileqianlianmingdoubuyaole。
ercike，tangtingyizhanzai118haoqiufangnei，mianduiweizhidemingyun……
guanzhongmenyintangtingdexuanzeerzhenhandewuyifujia！
raner，zhenhanzhiyu，tamengengjiqiedixiangtanxun，zheiqiufanjiujinghefangshensheng？
shenmeyangdebeijing，jingnengsanfachurucisherendeqichang？
jingtouhuanhuanqierutangtingdedujiashijiao，shouyingyanliande，shizhouyinlineixuxurushengdeguojianlongwenshen！
zheitiaojulongzixiongkoutengqi，panxuanfugaizhenggehoubei，wanrutiangongkaiwu，xiantiaoqiujing，longlinfangfozhenlongjiangshi，xuxurusheng！
chaneijian，zhibojianneijingtanshengciqibifu，guanzhongmendaoxiyikouliangqi！
jinjiezhe，danmuruhuoshanpenfabanxijuanerlai！
“这是什么？？？”
“震惊到我了！”
“过肩龙？！”
“好家伙，够狠！”
“mofeishichenhaonandetongkuan？”
“guojianlong，xiangzhengmenglongguojiang，baqiwushuang！”
“yibanzhiyoudalao、toumucaiyouzigewenzheigeba？”
“keke，wodeshuoliangju！”
“woshiwenshenshi，yeneirenshi！”
“xianzaiguojianlongdehanyizaojiubianle！”
“zicong《guhuozi》huobiandajiangnanbei，duoshaorexueqingnianyijidongjiuquwenle！”
“suoyi，xianzaideguojianlong，jibenshishehuiqingniandebiaopei！”
“genbangpailaodameishazhijieguanxile！”
“xiaodaoyanleidouchulaile！”
“shehuiqingniandezuijiapaidang？”
“jinshenyi、jinshenku、doudouxie，zailaiyiduanshehuiyao？”
“哈哈哈哈哈！”
“笑死我了！”
“buguo，zheiweidagedeqizhi，zenmekandoubuxiangputongshehuiqingnian！”
“wokeshiwenshenaihaozhe！”
“guojianlongyizhishiwodexintouhao！”
“kewowenle37ci，xile21ci，shizhongmeigantiaozhanguojianlong！”
“yuanyinhenjiandan，jiuyigezi——”
“痛！”
前妻半夜为男闺蜜买内裤，我远走两年，她却追来求复合
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