手撕剧本！行啊，都别想活！一页荒唐言-著

小说简介

zhimingwangwenxieshou“yiyehuangtangyan”delianzaijiazuo《shousijuben！xinga，doubiexianghuo！》shininxianxiashiguangdebibeizhixuan，jiangwanfuchengyan shiwenlishejidaodelinghunrenwu，chaoshuangqingjiezhuyaojiangshudeshi：chengweizheipiansijijuewangzhongweiyideguangyuanhezuobiao，zhichengzhetameiyouchedixiaosan。buzhiguoleduojiu，yexushiyishun，yexushiyongheng。yisiweiruoquezhenshideguanggan……

精彩章节

shizhonggan。bingleng、kuangbao、burongkangjudeshizhonggan，xiangwushuzhilaizidiyudeguishou，

mengdijuezhujiangwandesizhibaihai，henhenjiangtawangxiazhuai！linghunfangfobeiyingshengshengcongquqiaolisichechulai，

liuxiajianruidaomamudetongchu。fengshengzaierbianzhakai，qiliderutongwanguitongku，

guanmanletadeerduo、biqiang、meiyicun**depifu，boduoletasuoyoufashengdekeneng。shiyeli，

tiantaishangfuchengyanneizhangjunmeiwuchou、cengrangtachimichenlundelian，

zhengyiyizhonglingrenxindanjuliedesudufeikuaisuoxiao、mohuchengyigebinglengdeheidian。

tashenzhihaiweichizheneigeshenshoutuitadezishi，youyadexiangzaifuquyiliaiyandeweichen，jinguidelingrenzuoou。

“wanwan，”neibabeiwushurenzanyurudatiqinbandichenchunhou、cengzaitaerbianqianquandinanguowushuqinghuadesangyin，

cikechuantouhuxiaodegangfeng，qingxidi、shenzhidaizheyisilingrenmaogusongrandewenrou，zuanjintaguanmanlengfengdeermo，

“guai，biepa，henkuaijiujieshule。renyiren，yuroudexinzang……xuyaoni。”xuyaowo？

xuyaowodemingqutianneigebingyangzidekulong！xinzangxiangshibeiyizhicuilehanbingdetiezhuahenhenzuanzhu，niesui，

baoliekailaidebushixianxue，shizuyifenhuitiandi、yinmielizhidetaotianhenyi！jiangwanxiangjianjiao，xiangzhouma，

xiangpushangquyongzhijiasilanneizhangxuweishenqingdelian，yongyachiyaoduantadehoulong！

kehoulongxiangshibeiguntangdeyanjianghebinglengdeshuinisisifengzhu，guanmanlexingtiandetiexiuwei，

zhinengfachu“he…he…”de、binsiyeshoubanjuewangdesiming。shentizaifengkuangxiazhui，

chengshicuicandedenghuozaiyanqianniuqu、lazhang，bianchengyipianguangguailuli、feisushangshengdecaisexuanwo。

siwangdebinglengqixirutongdushe，chanraoshangtadebojing。

jiuzaiyishijijiangbeizheiwubiandekongjuhemiedingdehenyicheditunshi，zhuiruyonghengdeheianqian——weng！！！

yidaocimudaojizhidebaiguang，haowuyuzhaodizaitabinlinkuisandeyishihexinchuzhakai！

wushusuipianhuadehuamian、binglengkedudewenzi、haowuganqingdepangbaijieshuo，rutongbeiqiangxingdakaidepanduolamohe，

yousijuedidemieshihongshui，manhengdi、burongkangjudichongjintazuihoudeyishi！

【《zongcaidetishenjiaoqi：xinjianchongdeyiwanjiaoqi》】【nvzhu：suyurou。shenhuanxiantianxingxinzangbing，

chunjieshanliangrufengzhongyaoyedexiaobaihua，jianrenbubarerenlianai。

shinanzhufuchengyannianshaoshiyiwaishisan、kuxunduoniandebaiyueguangxintouxue。】【nanzhu：fuchengyan。

fushijituanshuoyibuerdelengkuzhangquanren，pianzhichengkuang，duinvzhusuyurouyouzhejinhubingtaideduzhanyuheshouhuyu。

fanzuaiyurouzhe，jiekehuizhi。】【nvpei：jiangwan。jiangshijituandunv，

jiaozongyuchun、edushandudepaohuinvpei。yinmeiyanjiansanfenkusisuyurou，

beifuchengyandangzuotishenjiejin、huanyang、liyong。cunzaideweiyijiazhi：tadexinzang，tadejiachan。

】【juqingjiedian：fuchengyanweijiumingxuanyixiandesuyurou，jingxinshejirangjiangwan“yiwai”zhuiloushenwang。

jiangwandexinzangjiangbei“qijiban”chenggongyizhijisuyurou，zhuqizhonghuoxinsheng。suihou，

fuchengyanjiangyileitingshouduantunbingyuanqidashangdejiangjia，saoqingzhangai，

yuquanyuhougengjiachunjiemeihaodesuyuroujuxingshijihunli，dachengwanmeihejieju。】【nvpeijieju：siwang。

shitizaibinglengtingshijianbeiwuqingzhaiquxinzang，shengyujiazhizhagandaijin。jiangjiafumie，fumuxiachangqican。

nannvzhuzaitadeshigushang，chengjiuwanmeiaiqingchuanqi。】honglong——！！！

zheixiebinglengde、haowuganqingde、rutongshoushudaojiepoubaogaobandewenzi，

meiyigedouxiangcuileshijianzuiyinduzuzhoudebingzhui，henhenzhajinjiangwancancundelinghunshenchu！

jiangtadeguoqu、xianzai、liantongneixujiadeweilai，chedidongchuan、niansui！yuanlairuci！

yuanlaitajiangwanduanzanyoukexiaodeyisheng，cunzaidequanbuyiyi，

jiushijineiduobeifuchengyanpengzaishouxinpashuaile、hanzaizuilipahualede“chunjiexiaobaihua”suyurou，

chongdangyikexinxiande、shipeidexinzanggongti！yongtadexue，tademing，tadejia，

pujiuneiduigounannvtongwangxingfutiantangdehongtan！tishen？gongju？dianjiaoshi？

tashenzhilianyikuaiyoumingzidemubeidoubupeiyongyou！tazhishiyifen“qiguanjuanxianxieyi”shangbinglengdedaihao，

shinannvzhuaiqingshishiliyigeweibuzudao、mianmukezengdezhujiao！judadehuangmiuganhemiedingdebeifen，

rutongjixuwanniandehuoshanrongyanzaitaxiongqianglifeiteng、paoxiao、zuizhonghongranzhalie！

neigubeiqipianganqing、beiliyongjiazhi、beidangchenglajibansuiyidiuqidetaotianhenyi，shunjianchongkualebinsidekongju，

shenzhiyaguoleshentijisuxiazhuidailaidefenshensuigudeyuganhejutong！

“he……”yishengjiqing、jileng、fangfolaizijiuyoudiyudechixiao，

jingqijibandicongtabeisiwanggangfengguanmandehoulongli，yingshengshengjilechulai。jinjiezhe，

zheixiaoshengxiangzhengtuolesuoyoushufudeegui，yuelaiyueda，yuelaiyuediankuang，

guoxiezhenongzhongdexuexingqihehuitianmiedidefengkuang，zaijisuzhuiluodefengshengzhongqilidisiliekailai！

“hahahaha——fuchengyan！suyurou！hao！haoyiduiqingshensihai、gantiandongdidegounannv！

”yanleibeikuangfengchuisan，haiweiluoxiabianyizhengfa，

lianshangcanliudezhiyoubeibeipanhouniuqudaojizhide、liguibandexiaorong。“xiangyaowodexin？xiangyaocaizhewodeshigu，

xiganwojiangjiadexue，shuangsushuangqi，zuonimenrenrenchengxiandeshenxianjuanlv？zuonimendechunqiudameng！”“dengzhe！

doujilaoniangdengzhe！zhiyaowojiangwanhaiyouyikouqi，haiyouyilvhunweisan！wodingyaojiangnimentuorudiyu，

rangnimenyechangchangzheifenshensuigu、wanjiebufudeziwei！woyaonimen——”peng——！！！！

wufaxingrongdejutong，congshentidemeiyigejiaoluo，meiyigexibaoshenchu，paishandaohaibanxilai！

xiangshibeiwanjunjuchuicongwanzhanggaokonghenhenzaxiangbinglengdeshuinidimian！wuzangliufushunjianyiwei、suilie！

gutouzheduande“kaca”shengmijiderutongchuxiyedebaozhu，

qingcuiercankudixiangchezaiyishichedichenruwubianheianqiandezuihouyishun。neishengyin，shitaduanzanyisheng，

zuijuewangdezhongzhang，yeshizuifengkuangfuchoudexuqu。heian。wubianwuji、binglengzhanchou、lingrenzhixideheian。

jiangwanganjuezijixiangyipianbeichediniansuideyumao，zaixuwudeshenyuanlichenfu。meiyouguang，meiyoushengyin，

meiyoushijiandegainian。zhiyouneishigufenxindehenyi，rutongfuguzhiqu，zaiposuidelinghunshenchuxiongxiongranshao，

chengweizheipiansijijuewangzhongweiyideguangyuanhezuobiao，zhichengzhetameiyouchedixiaosan。buzhiguoleduojiu，

yexushiyishun，yexushiyongheng。yisiweiruoquezhenshideguanggan，rutongpoxiaodediyilvchenxi，

cipolehouzhongzhanchoudeheian。suizhierlaide，

shibiqiangliyingraode、shuxidaokeguyoumoshengdaolingrenzuooudexiangqi。qingliedexuesongweidiao，

hunhezheangguipigedelengyingqixi，qiangshi、bingleng、daizhegaogaozaishangdezhangkongyu——neishifuchengyanguanyongde，

youdingjidiaoxiangshiweitayirendingzhide，mingwei“shenyuan”dexiangshui。jiangwandejiemao，zaisijizhong，

juliedizhandongleyixia。tamengdizhengkaiyan！cimudeshuijingdiaodengguangmangrutongwushuxixiaodezhen，

henhenzhajinjiuweiguangmingdetongkong，rangtaxiayishidimiqiyan，shenglixingdeleishuishunjianyingmanyankuang。shiyinglejimiao，

shixiancaizhujianqingxi。yingruyanliande，shijizhishehuaquebinglengdemeiyouyisirenqidewoshi。judadeluodichuangwai，

shichengshifukanzhongsheng、cuicanruxinghedewubianyejing，

binglengdenihongguangmangyingzhaozheshineineixieangguideshuijingbaijian、binglengdejinshuxiantiao、yidalijinkoudeshougongditan，

yiqiedoujingzhiwanmei，quexiangyizuojingxindazaodehuangjinqiulong。

shenxiashichugansihuaxiniquebingliangrushuidedingjiaijizhangrongmianzhensichuangdan。zheilishi……yujingyuandingceng。

fuchengyanqiujintazheizhi“jinsique”delaolong。yeshitayuchunemengkaishidedifang。

xinzangzaixiongqianglifengkuangdileidong，meiyicitiaodongdouqianchezhecanliude、laizifenshensuigudehuantong，

tixingzhetaneichangzhenshifashengguodesiwang。jiangwanmengdizuoqishen，dongzuokuaidedaiqiyizhenxuanyun。taditou，

jinhutanlandi、youdaizheyisinanyizhixindeshenshi，kanxiangzijideshuangshou。shizhixianxi，

zhijiaxiujiandeyuanrunjingzhi，tuzhedangxiazuiliuxingdeluofensekoudan，touzhebeijiaoyangchudejingzhi。pifuxinibaixi，

guanghuaruyu，meiyouyisishanghen，genghuanglunzhuilouhoudexueroumohu。shouwanshang，daizhequniantashengrishi，

fuchengyansuishoudiujitadezuanshishoulian，bvlgarideserpentixilie，shexingchanrao，

binglengeryaoyi，cikezaidiaodengxiazheshechubinglengciyandeguangmang，xiangyitiaosuishihuishirendedushe。taxiankaisibei，

chizhejiao，caizaibingliangcigudedalishidibanshang，xiangyilvjiyuquerencunzaideyouhun，chongdaojudadechuanyijingqian。

jingzhongdenvhai，nianqing、jiaoyan，meiyanjiandaizheyisibeijinqianhexujiaaiqingjinpaochulaidejinguiyujiaozong。

chuanzheyishenjiazhiliuweishudelaperlazhensidiaodaishuiqun，goulechulinglongyouzhideshenduan。

lianjiahongrunbaoman，yanshenmingliang，

shenzhidaizheyisigangshuixingdemengdonghe……duijijiangdaolaide“aiqing”deyuchunchongjing。

meiyouzhuilouhoudexueroumohu，meiyoushengmingliushidehuibaisiqi。meiyoutingshijiandebingleng，

meiyoubeikaitangpoduquzouxinzangdekongdong。zheishi……taershisuishengrigangguobujiudeneigeyewan！

shitadiyicibeifuchengyandaidaozheigexiangzhengzheta“chongai”yu“jiena”dedingcenggongyu，

yiweizhongyukaojinleaiqingshentan、manxinhuanxiyiweizijishiquanshijiezuixingfunvrendeneigeyewan！

“he……”yishengbinglengcigu、cuimanlediyuhanbingdexiao，congjiangwandehoulongliyichu，

dapolewoshisijideshehua。jingzhongdenvhai，yanshenshunjianbianle。

neidianyuchunde、buanshishidechongjingrutongcuiruodefeizaopao，“pa”diyisheng，suiliedewuyingwuzong。

querdaizhide，shiyizhongcuilejudude、jinhushizhideyinzhihefengkuang，rutongchenshuidehuoshanzaijingmianxiasuxing，

yanjiangzaiyandifanyong。huilaile。tajiangwan，zhendecongdiyupahuilaile！

huidaolezheibengaiside、yixishitaxuerouweishengdenvewenxiaoshuokaishidedifang！huidaoletazheigechunhuonvpei，

jijiangyijiaotarufuchengyanjingxinbianzhide、mingwei“aiqing”shiwei“tuzaichang”dezhimingxianjingzhishi！

jingzilidejiangwan，huanhuandi、huanhuandigouqichunjiao。neixiaorongqichuzhishiyigebinglengdehudu，jieryuelaiyueda，

yuelaiyueniuqu，rutonganyezhongzhouranzhanfangdeheisemantuoluo，yaoyi、zhiming，

daizhehuimieyiqiedefengkuanghejizhidechaonong。

“fuchengyan……suyurou……”taduizhejingzhongneigeshuxiyoumosheng、chengzaizhetaqianshixueleideziji，

yiziyidun，shengyinqingdexiangqingrenjiandeeryu，quecuimanlelaiziwujianlianyudejiuyouhanbing，

“xiganjingbozi……zhunbeihao……yingjielaizidiyude‘edunvpei’lema？”“zheiyici，

nimendejuben……”tashenchushou，bingliangdezhijianqingqingdianzhejingzhongzijineishuangranshaozhefuchoulieyandeyanmou，

rutongzaiqianshuyifenlaizisishendeqiyue，“youwojiangwan，qinshoulaisisui！

”taotiandehenyizaixiongqianglibenyongpaoxiao，jihuyaojiangzheijunianqingdeshentizaicichengbao！jiangwanmengdizhuanshen，

chizucaizaibinglengdedalishishang，xiangyiweizhengtuoleyuwang、daizheyishenxuexingshaqidefuchoushayu，

daizheqianshifenshensuigudejutonghezuyifentiandeyuandu，wushengerxunmengdichongxiangshufang。judadeheitanmushuzhuo，

xiantiaolengyingfengli，rutongfuchengyanzheigeren，sanfazheshengrenwujindeyapogan。zhuomianshangxianchenburan，

zhibaifangzhezuixinkuandemacpro、jijianjiazhibufeiquehaowushengqidejinshubaijian，

yijiyigechazheyizhigulinglingheiseyujinxiangdeshuijinghuaping——neishisuyurouzuixihuandehua。jiangwandemuguang，

rutongzuijingzhundetanzhen，shunjianyueguozheixiexuwangdebiaoxiang，

sisisuozaishuzhuozuoshoubiandiergedaisanzhongshengwumimasuodechoutishang！qianshi，

zaitahaiyuchundichennizaifuchengyanouershishede“wenqing”zhongshi，cengyouyici，

taduanzheqinshouzhudekafei（xianzaixianglaizhenshifengci）zoujinshufang，

wuyizhongzhuangjianfuchengyanzhengcongzheigechoutiliquchuyifenwenjian。neishi，nanrenzhishidandandisaoletayiyan，

shuoleju：“jiangshixijiaoxiangmudeziliao，kankanyoumeiyouhezuokongjian。”tahaishashadiyiwei，

tashiguanxintajiadeshengyi，xinzhongqiexibuyi。guanxin？he，taguanxinde，shiruheyongzuijingzhun、zuilengkudedao，

jiangjiangjiazheitoufengyudefeiyang，lianpidaigu，chaijie、tunshidaijin！neifenwenjian，

jiushichaxiangjiangjiaxinzangdediyibadao！jiangwanzoudaoshuzhuoqian，meiyousihaoyouyu。

zhijiandaizheyizhongjinhubennengdehenyi，

zaibinglengdemimasuoganyingqufeikuaidianxiajigeshuzi——fuchengyanguanyongde，suyuroudechushengnianyuerizuhe。

“di…kada。”yishengqingweidedianziyinxiaohou，shijixiesuoxindankaidecuixiang。rutongmingyunfuxiudechilun，

beitayongxuelinlindeshuangshou，qiangxingqiaodonglediyihuan！choutiyingshenghuakai。

limianzhengqidimafangzhejifentiezhe“juemi”biaoqiandelansewenjianjia，

haiyouyige……kanqilaipingpingwuqi、shenlanseyingqiao、meiyourenhebiaoshidebijiben。

jiangwandexinzangzaixiongqianglifengkuangleidong，jihuyaopotangerchu！

tajihushicubaodiyibabokaineixiexiangzhengzhejiangjiaweilaieyundebinglengwenjian，rutongzhuazhujiumingdaocao，

yourutongzhuazhufuchoudeliren，yibazhuazhuleneigebijiben！zhijianchupengdaofengpibinglianghuanidezhigan，

yiguqiyide、hunzazheqianshijutonghejinshengkuangxidezhanlidianliushunjiancuanbianquanshen！jiushita！

fuchengyande“siwangbiji”！jiluzhetahejiangjiabeicanmingyunde“panjueshu”！tazhandouzhe，

jinhuqianchengyoudaizhehuimieyiqiedefengkuang，mengdifankaiyingqiaofengmian。yingruyanliande，

shifuchengyanneibiaozhixingde、fenglilengyingrutongdaokedeziji，litouzhibei，

meiyigebihuadoutouzhezhangkongyiqiedelengmohecanren。neishangmianjizaide，bushishangyelantu，

ershiyitiaotiaobinglengcigu、jingquedaolingrenfazhide、guanyutajiangwande“shiyongshuomingshu”he“xiaohuidaojishi”！

【3yue6ri：jiangshidichanxijiao‘shuangzita’xiangmuzuizhongjingbiaodijiaqueren。

jiangguodong（jiangfu）duicihaowufangbei，duinverguoyuxinren。

keliyongjiangwan‘wuyi’huoquzuizhongbiaoshudianzimiyao。

】【4yue27ri：yuroubingqingjijuehua（xinshuaiivji）。

dr.smithquerenshoushupozaimeijie。xujiakuaijindu。jiangwanshangyuetijianbaogaoxianshi：xuexingrhyinxing，

hlapeixingyuyurougaoduwenhe（98.7%），xinzangzhuangtaijijia。

jihuaa：zhizaoyiwaizhuilou（shouxuantiantai，weizhuangzishahuoshizu）。

beiyongjihuab：zhangqiyaowuyoudao（βshoutizuzhiji+tedingshiwuzuhe）zhijianjinxingxinzangshuaijie。

quebaoxinzang‘ziran’keyong。】【6yue19ri：jiangwanjinriwancanshizaicitijidinghun。

愚蠢且不自量力。

jiazhijinzaiyujiankangdexinzanghejiangshi35%deliutongguguquan（zuowei‘yiwai’fuxujinyoufushi‘daiguan’）。

xuwenzhuta，chengnuohunqidaiyuroushuhouhuifuwendingzaiyi，zuoweiduanqianfuji。

】【7yue15ri：guxingzhou（gushi）zuijinzaichengdong‘weilaicheng’dipidongzuopinpin，yisishoudaofengsheng。

cirenxiujueminrui，shouduanyinhen，shijihuazuidaqianzaibianshu。xuyanmijiankong。

biyaoshi……kekaolvtiqianqidongduijiangwande‘chuzhi’，bimianjiewaishengzhi。

】pangbianhaiyouyixingxiaozipizhu：【guxingzhousiduijiangwanyouguoyimianzhiyuan（cishanwanyan），jingti。

】一条条，一页页。

shijian、didian、renwu、shouduan、mude……qingxiderutongwaikeyishengshouxiadejiepoutu，

bingleng、jingzhun、cankudizhanshizhefuchengyanneizhangwenweneryapinangxiadechailangzhixin。jiangwandemingzi，

xiangyigedaijiaergudeqiguan，yigejijiangbeichaijieliyongdelingjian，

beifanfubiaozhu、jisuan、pingguzhe“zuijiachuliriqi”。jiangwandeshouzhisisikouzhezhiyebianyuan，

zhijiayinweiguoduyongliershenshenqianjinzhizhangli，zhiguanjieyinjizhidefennuhehenyierbengjin、niuqu，

chengxianchuhairendeqingbaise。xiongqianglifanyongdehenyirutongfeitengdeyanjiang，zhuoshaozhetadewuzangliufu，

houlongyongshangxingtiandetiexiuwei，jihuyaojiangtazhenggerenyouneierwaidifenhui！hao！haodehen！fuchengyan！

nizhenshibameiyibudousuandaoleguzili！lianwojiangwandesiqihesifa，

douxianganpaiyichangshangwuhuiyiban“tuodang”、“gaoxiao”！shenzhi，lianguxingzhouneiourandeyipie，

douchenglejiasuwosiwangdecuimingfu！tademuguang，zuizhongrutongcuidudejianshi，

sisidingzaizuihouneitiaotijidemingzishang——guxingzhou。fuchengyanzaishangchangshangzuiqiangjing、zuijidandesiduitou。

jituanneigetongyangnianqing、shouwanquegengweihenlamoce、beijingshenbukece、rangfuchengyandougandaorumangzaibeidenanren。

qianshi，tazhizaiyixiedingjideshangyecishanwanyanshang，gezheyixiangbinying，yuanyuanjianguojici。yinxiangli，

neishiyigebifuchengyangengleng、gengchen、gengrangrenzhuomobutoude、rutongxingzouzaiyinyinglideweixiancunzai。

fuchengyanshiweizhuangdeshenshi，erguxingzhou，gengxiangyitoucongbuyanshiliaoyadegulang。

“guxingzhou……”jiangwandeshejianhuanhuannianguozheigemingzi，

rutongpinchangyimeiguozhejuduquesanfazhezhimingyouhuodemitang。

jingpiansuiliebandefengkuangzaitayandizhongxinningju、yasuo，

zuizhongchendianweiyizhongyushijufendejuejueheguzhuyizhideduxing。“fuchengyan，nipata？

patashiniwanmeijihualiweiyide‘bianshu’？”taduizhekongqi，duizheneibenjintouletaxueleidesiwangriji，

dididixiaoleqilai，xiaoshengsiya，rutongyexiaozaifenchangtiming，daizhewujindeyuandu，

“neiwojiuqinshou……bazheigezuidade‘bianshu’，songdaowutaizhongyang！songdaonibiwukebidejuguangdengxia！

”fuchoudelieyanzaiyanzhongxiongxiongranshao，jiangwanbuzaiyousihaoyouyu。

tayibazhuaqishuzhuoshangneibaxiangqianzhebaoshi、zuoweizhuangshipindegudongchaixindao——huangtongdaobingbingleng，

fenglidedaorenzaidengguangxiashanguoyidaosenrandehanmang！tamengdiliaoqizhensishuiqundexiuzi，