wojiaoshenwei，weiweidewei。renruqiming，congxiaodaoda，wodoushirenqunlizuibuqiyan、zuiweixiaodeneigeyingzi。
zhidaogaoerneinian，wochenglelincantamenjigedeguding“wanju”。lincan，renruqiming，
zaiwomenneisuozhongdiangaozhongli，canlandeciyan。jiajinghao，zhangdepiaoliang，chengjizhongshang，
shenbianyongyuanweizheyiqunpengzhetaderen。erwo，shenwei，jiajingputong，yangmaoqingtangguashui，chengjibushangbuxia，
xinggechenmendexiangkuaishitou，jianzhishiwanmeidebazi。tamenzhaowomafan，buxuyaoliyou。huozheshuo，wodecunzai，
jiushiwozuidadeyuanzui。neishiyigemenredexiawu，gang**yuke。wohunshenshihan，
zhixiangkuaidian**shihekoushui。gangzoujinnvcesuozuilimiandegejian，menjiubeiyigudalicongwaimiansisidingzhu。
“shenwei？zailimianni？”shilincandaizhexiaoyideshengyin，tiandefani。woxinligedengyixia。jinjiezhe，
jitongbingliangcigudezangshui，doutoujiaoxia，hunhezhelajitonglidewuhui，shunjianbawojiaolegetouxinliang。
echoupubi。woqiangdejuliekesou，xiangtuimen，menbeisisidingzhe。waimianshilincanhetalianggegenban，
wangting、lilisiwujidandexiaosheng。“haha，luotangji！”“wei，shenwei，tingshuonianliansanbandechenmoa？
yebusapaoniaozhaozhaoziji？”“jiushi，chenmonengkandeshangnizheizhonghuose？laihamaxiangchitianerou！
”zangshuihewuyanhuiyuyiqipozaiwoshenshang。wosisiyaozhezuichun，zhijiakoujinzhangxin。quruxiangbinglengdeshe，
chanraozhewodexinzang，yueshouyuejin。tamenxiaogoule，jiaobushengyuanqu。woxiangyitanlanni，
kaozhebinglengdegejianmenbanhuazuozaidishang。zangshuishunzhetoufawangxiadi。
jingzilineigelangbeibukan、yanshenkongdongderen，shiwoma？weishenme？weishenmepianpianshiwo？
woyiweineitianjiushijixianle。danlincantamenzongnengshuaxinwodui“eyi”derenzhi。jitianhou，
banzhangshoudewubaikuaibanfei，zaixiawuzixikeshibuyierfei。zhuangqiandexinfeng，zhiqianjiufangzaibanzhangzhuoduli。
quanbanhuaran。banzhurenlaozhanglianheidexiangguodi。“sheinale？xianzaijiaochulai，shiqinghaiyouyudi！”meirenhangsheng。
jiaoshilijingdekepa。lincanturanzhanleqilai，
shengyindaizheqiadaohaochudeyouyuhezhengyigan：“zhanglaoshi…wo…woshangwukejiancaodeshihou，
haoxiangkanjian…kanjianshenweizaibanzhangzuoweifujin…daileyihuier…”shua！jishidaomuguang，
shunjianxiangtanzhaodengyiyangjujiaozaiwoshenshang。zhenjing、huaiyi、biyi。wonaoziwengdeyisheng，yipiankongbai。
“womeiyou！”womengdizhanqilai，shengyinyinweijidongerfazhan，“wogenbenmeikaojinguobanzhangdezuowei！
”“shenwei，nijishenmeya？”lincanyilianwugu，“wojiushikanjiannihaoxiangzaineierzhanleyixia，
youmeishuoyidingshininade。nizheimejidong，faner…”tameishuowan，danneiweijinzhiyi，bizhijiezhikonggengedu。
“jiushi，zuozeixinxuba？”wangtinglikebangqiang。“shenweijialitiaojianhaoxiangbutaihaoe？
”lilideshengyinbudabuxiao，ganghaoquanbandounengtingjian。laozhangdemuguangruilidicixiangwo。“shenwei，
xiakehoudaowobangongshilaiyitang。”neimuguanglidebuxinren，xiangyibadundaozi，gedewoshengteng。baikoumobian。
bangongshili。laozhangkukoupoxin：“shenwei，laoshizhidaonishigelaoshihaizi。danwubaikuaibushixiaoshumu。
xianzaijiaochulai，laoshibaozhengbujiguo，jiudangniyishihutu……”“laoshi，wozhendemeina！
”wojidekuaikule，zhijiashenshenqiajinrouli，“lincantasahuang！taguyizhenduiwo！
”“lincantongxueweishenmeyaozhenduini？”laozhangzhoumei，“tajiajinghao，chengjiyebucuo，meibiyaowuxianni。
shenwei，renyaochengshi。”“yinweitayizhizaiqifuwo！tiyukeneitian，jiushitabawosuozaicesuogejianpozangshui！
”wohuochuqule，yigunaohouchulai。laozhanglengleyixia，suijimeitouzhoudegengshen：“shenwei，shuohuayaojiangzhengju。
lincantongxueshibanganbu，pinxuejianyou，nishuotabalingni？haiyou，cesuodeshi，dangshiyousheikanjianle？
”woyakouwuyan。shia，sheikanjianle？sheihuiweiwozuozheng？zaisuoyourenyanli，lincanshitaiyang，woshichenai。
chenaishuodehua，sheihuixin？“haole，”laozhangsihushiqulenaixin，“zheijianshixuexiaohuidiaocha。banfeideshi，
nixianxiegeqingkuangshuoming。lingwai，zuijinzhuyidianyingxiang。”tahuihuishou，rangwochuqu。zouchubangongshi，
zoulangdefengchuizailianshang，bingliang。wodexin，bizheifenggengleng。“banfeibeidao”shijianchenglexuanan。
dan“xiaotou”debiaoqian，quexiangyikuaiguntangdeluotie，sisihanzailewoshenshang。meirenmingshuo，
danneizhongwuchubuzaidegulihebiyi，bizhijiededamagengrangrenzhixi。shouzuoyeshi，
wodebenzihuibeikeyifangzaizuidixia，shenzhibuxiaoxin“diao”zaidishang。xiaozuhuodong，
yongyuanmeirenyuanyihewoyizu。kezhuoshang，shibushihuichuxian“xiaotou”“qionggui”“litayuandian”zhileidetuya。
wodeshuibei，beiren“buxiaoxin”dafanguohaojici。zouzailushang，huitingdaokeyiyadidechixiaosheng。
lincantamenkanwodeyanshen，chongmanleshenglizhedeqingmiehexixue。tamenshenzhibuxuyaozaiqinzidongshou。
tamenzhixuyaoyigeyanshen，yigeanshi，ziranyouwushurenweiletaohaotamen，huozhejinjinshiweile“hequn”，
erduiwoshifangeyi。woxiangshenghuozaiyigetoumingdebolizhaoli，kandejianwaimiandeshijie，quewufahuxi。
weiyihaiyuanyikaojinwode，shitongzhuozhouqing。yigetongyangyoudianneixiang，danyanjinghenliangdenvhai。“weiwei，
woxiangxinni。”tatoutoudijiwoyiketang，xiaoshengshuo，“tamentaiguofenle。”neidianweibuzudaodetianhenuan，
shiwoneiduanheianshiguangli，weiyidefumu。wonulizhuazhuta。
womenhuizaiwuxiushiduodaoshiyanlouhoumianmeirendexiaotiantai，fenxiangyigemianbao，huozhezhishianjingdizuozhe，
kantiankong。zhouqinghuijiwojianglengxiaohua，henleng，danwomeicidounulixiaochulai。tashiwoweiyidepengyou。woyiwei，
zhishaohaiyouta。wocuole。dacuotecuo。lincanzenmehuiyunxuwohaiyoupengyouni？neitiankejian，
woqulaoshibangongshisongzuoye。huilaishi，zaijiaoshihoumen，wotingzhulejiaobu。zhouqingdezuoweizaikaoqiangdejiaoluo。
lincan、wangting、liliweizheta。zhouqingdizhetou，jianbangweiweifadou。“zhouqing，
tingshuonigenshenxiaotouguanxibucuoa？”lincandeshengyindaizheguanyoudetiannixiaoyi，quelengdexiangbing。
“mei…meiyou…”zhouqingdeshengyinxiruowenrui。“meiyou？”wangtingmengdipaileyixiazhouqingdezhuozi，fachujuxiang，
“womendoukanjianle！niliangtiantianduotiantaishuoqiaoqiaohua，zenme，shangliangxiacitoushenme？”“bushide！
”zhouqingmengditaitou，liansecanbai，“womenzhishi…”“zhishishenme？”lilicoujin，jihutiezhezhouqingdelian，
“haishishuo，niyeshitonghuo？banfeinimenliangyiqifende？”“womeiyou！wozhendemeiyou！
”zhouqingdeyanleiyonglechulai。“kushenme？xinxua？”lincanchixiaoyisheng，yongshouzhitiaoqizhouqingdexiaba，
“zhouqing，jinigejihui。lishenxiaotouyuandian，genwomenwan。buran……”lincanmeishuowan，
zhishihuanguleyixiazhouweineixiehuominghuoantoulaidemuguang，yisibuyaneryu。guliwozhihou，
tamenyaokaishigulizhouqingle。jiaoshiliyaquewusheng。meirenshuohua。meirenganshuohua。
suoyoudemuguangdoudaizheyizhonglingrenzhixideshenshiheyali，jujiaozaineigesesefadoudenvhaishenshang。
zhouqingdezuichunjuliedizhandouzhe。yanleidakedakegunluo。shijianfangfoninggule。
meiyimiaodouxiangyigeshijineimezhang。zhongyu，zailingrenzhixidechenmoheyalizhong，zhouqingbengkuile。
tamengdituikailincandeshou，daizhekuqiangsihan：“wolitayuandian！wolishenweiyuandianhaibuxingma！wogentabushu！
yidiandoubushu！”hanwan，tapazaizhuozishang，haotaodaku。lincanmanyidixiaole，pailepaishou，
xiangxinshangyijianjiezuo。“zheijiuduilema。”tamenyangzhangerqu。wozhanzaihoumen，xiangyizunbeidongjiangdediaoxiang。
shoujiaobingliang。xueyesihudouninggule。gangcaizhouqingsihanchulaidemeiyigezi，douxiangshaohongdetieding，
henhenzaojinwodeerduoli，dingzaiwodexinshang。“litayuandian！”“wogentabushu！”“yidiandoubushu！
”yuanlai，woweiyidefumu，yezheimeqingyidi，beitamenniansuile。yuanlai，zaijueduidekongjuheyalimianqian，
neidianweiruodeyouqing，rucibukanyiji。wokanzhezhouqingpazaizhuoshangbuduandoudongdejianbang。
xinlineipianjincunde、beizhouqingxiaoxinyiyiweihuzhede、mianqianghainengchengzhiwei“wennuan”dedifang，cheditantale。
suichenglefenmo。beifengyichui，shenmedoumeishengxia。zhishengxiawubianwuji、binglengcigudeheian。
heyizhong……shenrugusuidehenyi。zhouqingdiertianjiuzhuanxuele。meiyougaobie。tadezuoweihenkuaibeiqingkong，
fangfozheigerencongweichuxianguo。wodeshijie，chedichenglegudao。lincantamenkanwodeyanshen，gengjiadeyi，
daizheyizhong“kan，zheijiushigenwomenzuoduidexiachang”dexuanshi。tamenbuzaixuyaoduiwozuoshenme。
“xiaotou”debiaoqianhezhouqingde“beipan”，yijingzugoubawodingsizaichiruzhushang，gongsuoyourentuoqiheshuyuan。
wochenmodichengshouzheyiqie。xiangyijuxingshizourou。shangke，xiake，huijia。liangdianyixian。zhishiyanshenyuelaiyuekong。
xinyeyuelaiyueleng，yuelaiyueying。shiqingfashengzhuanji，shizaiyigezhoumo。woqushitushuguan，
xiangzhaodianxinlixuedeshukan。weishenmekanxinlixue？buzhidao。huoxuzhishixiangnongmingbai，
renxinzenmenengedudaozheizhongdibu？huoxu，qianyishili，wozaixunzhaoyizhongwuqi。yizhongnengbaohuziji，
shenzhi…fanjidewuqi。zaitushuguanpianpidejiaoluo，woyudaolezhouqingdebiaoge，zhouyu。tabiwomendajisui，
zaishiliyisuozhongdiandaxuenianxinlixue。tarenchulewo。“nishi…shenwei？zhouqingyiqiandetongzhuo？
”tazuozaiwoduimian，tuiletuiyanjing，yanshenhenwenhe，daizheyisitanjiu。woshentishunjianbengjin，
jiebeidikanzheta。zhouqingzoule，tadeqinqi，shilaixingshiwenzuide？haishilaikanwoxiaohuade？
zhouyusihukanchuanlewodejinzhang，xiaolexiao，shengyinfangdegengqing：“biejinzhang。zhouqing…tazhuanxueqian，
jiwodaguodianhua，kulehenjiu。tashuo…tahenduibuqini。dantadangshi…zhendehenhaipa。”wodixiatou，
dingzhezhuomiancucaodemuwen。zhijiayouqiajinlezhangxin。duibuqi？yijuqingpiaopiaodeduibuqi，
nengdixiaoneizhongbeiweiyixinrenderendangzhongbeicidetongkuma？“ta…haihaoma？”zuizhong，wohaishiwenlechulai，
shengyinganse。“butaihao。”zhouyutanlekouqi，“xinhuanjing，yehengudu。tayizhihenzize。”takanzhewo，
yanshenhenrenzhen，“shenwei，wozhidaonijinglileyixiehenbuhaodeshiqing。zhouqinggenwodagaishuolexie。
xiaoyuanbaling…henfuza，yehenshangren。”womeishuohua。xinxiangbeiyizhiwuxingdeshouzuanzhe，mendechuanbuguoqi。
“ruguoniyuanyi，”zhouyudiguolaiyizhangzhitiao，shangmianxiezheyigeyouxiangdizhi，“keyijiwofayoujian。
yexu…wonengjiniyidianjianyi？chuncuide，congxinlixuejiaodu。jiudang…tizhouqingmibuyidiandian。
”wodingzheneizhangzhitiao，henjiu。zuizhong，meiyoujie。wonaqizijideshu，qishenlikai。beihou，
zhouyudemuguangdaizhelijiehewunai。wozuizhonghaishijineigeyouxiangfalexin。zaiyigeshenye。jialiyipiansiji。
mamashangyebanhaimeihuilai。baba？he，zaojiushigexiaoshidefuhaole。woduizhediannaopingmu，
qiaoxialediyifengyoujian。meiyouchenghu，meiyouhanxuan。zhiyoubinglengdeshishiheyayidaojizhidefennu。
wobalincantamenruhepowozangshui，ruhezaizangxianhai，ruhebizouzhouqing，
yijiwomeitianchengshoudegulihelengbaoli，yigunaodiqingxiezaiyoujianli。xiedaozuihou，shouzhidouzaidou。fasong。
xiangshixiexialeqianjinzhongdan，youxiangshitourulegengshendeheian。wobuzhidaozhouyuhuizenmexiang。chaoxiaowodenuoruo？
quanwoxiangkaidian？huozhe，genbenlandehuifu？diertianfangxue，woguishishenchadiqulexuexiaojifang。dengluyouxiang。
juranyouhuifu。zhouyudehuixinhenzhang。meiyouanwei，meiyoushuojiao。zhiyoulengjingdaojinhulengkudefenxi。
canzheilei“balinghexin”dexinlidongji——wangwangshiyouyueganzuosui、kongzhiyupengzhang、xuyaojianlixiaotuantiquanwei，
yiji，tongguodayatarenlaihuodebingtaide**heziwokending。
wangting、lilizheilei“genban”dexintai——yifuqiangzhe、haipabeiguli、tongguocanyubalinghuodequntirentonggan，
shenzhikenengbenshenjiudaizhebeiyayidefennuhezibei，tongguoqilinggengruozhelaifaxie。
daduoshu”depangguanzhexinli——kongjuyinhuoshaoshen、shibuguanjigaogaoguaqi、congzhongxinli、yijiyizhongweimiaode，
“qingxingbeiqifudebushiziji”debeilieanquangan。zuihou，taxiedao：“shenwei，fennuhehenyishizhengchangde。
danbeiqingxutunshi，zhihuirangtamendecheng。tamenshijiatongku，shiweilekannibengkui，kannichenlun，
yicizhengmingtamende‘liliang’。”“zhenzhengdefanji，bushiyibaozhibao。neizhihuirangnibiandehetamenyiyang，
shenzhixianrugengweixiandejingdi。”“nixuyaodeshi，wajietamende‘liliang’laiyuan。”“tamende‘liliang’，
jianlizainidekongju、zhouweirendechenmohezongrongzhishang。”“dapochenmohennan。rangpangguanzheweinifasheng，
zaidangxiadehuanjingli，jihubukeneng。”“neime，weiyinengqiaodongdezhidian，jiushi——kongju。”“zhuanyita。
”“rangkongju，huidaoshijiazhezijishenshang。”youjianzuihou，tafushangleyifenzhangzhangdeshudan。
haiyoujipianguanyu“xinlishiya”“renzhishidiao”“chuangshanghouyingjifanying（ptsd）”dexueshulunwenzhaiyao。
wodingzhepingmu，fanfanfufudiduzheneijixingzi。
“wajietamende‘liliang’laiyuan…”“zhuanyikongju…”“rangkongju，
huidaoshijiazhezijishenshang…”xiangyidaoshandian，pikailewoxinzhongnongchoudeheian。
yigebingleng、qingxi、daizheducideniantou，potuerchu。wokaishifengkuangdikenneixieshu。huisedeshuyu，
fuzadelilun。meiguanxi。yibiankanbudongjiukanshibian。tushuguanchenglewofangxuehoudaidezuijiudedifang。
woxiangyigezaishamolibinsidelvren，tanlandijiquzhemeiyidikenengjiumingdezhishiganlin。woguanchalincantamen。
guanchadegengzixi，genglengjing。lincan：kansizixinzhangyang，shizejiduzaiyibierendeyanguang，
youqishilaizi“genggaojieceng”huo“quanweizhe”derenke。tafuqinshibendiyigetingyoumingdeshangren，
jixuexiaojuanguokuan，shitazuidadediqi，yeshitazuipashiqudeguanghuan。
tabunengrongrenrenhekenengpohuaita“wanmeixingxiang”dewudian。wangting：jiajingputong，xuexichili，
shilincanzuizhongshidedashou。tatongguoqilinghuodezailincanxiaotuantizhongdediweiheanquangan。taneixinshenchu，
qishijiduzibeihemingan，youqihaipabeidangzhongjieduan。lili：xurong，aichuanxiaohua，
shilincande“qingbaoguan”he“xuanchuanweiyuan”。taxiangshouchuanboxiaoxi、zhangkongtaren“mimi”dailaideniuqu**。
dantadanziqishizuixiao，zuipachengdanzeren，yezuipabei“guigushi”zhileidedongxihehu。lejienidediren。
bitamenzijigenglejietamen。diyibu，zhizao“weizhi”。weizhi，shikongjudewenchuang。
wokaishijilincanxienimingxin。bushineizhongchongmanzuzhouhemanmadekonghexin。ershijiqilengjing，
shenzhidaizhedianxueshuqiangdiaode“guanchabaogao”。xinzhishitushuguanzuiputongdebianqianzhi。yongzuoshou，
gonggongzhengzhengditengxie。neirong，shitaderichang。“9yue15ri，shangwudierjiekejian，
nizainvcesuodisangejian，bulesancikouhong。sihuhenzaiyichunseshifouwanmei？”“9yue17ri，
xiawutiyukeziyouhuodong，nizuozaikantaidongcedisanpai，hegebibantiweichenhaoliaotian15fenzhong。
xiaorongpinlvbipingshigao37%。（zhu：genjuguoquliangzhoupingjunshujujisuan）”“9yue20ri，fangxuehou，
nifuqinsijijieni，heisebenchis600，chepaiweihao668。nizaijulixiaomen50michushangche，
bikailedabufentongxueshixian。”……meiyouweixie。meiyoupingjia。zhiyoukeguandaolingrenmaogusongrandejilu。
shijian，didian，xingweixijie，jingquedaofenzhong。shenzhihaiyoushujuduibi。diyifengxin，
jiazaitazhanxindeyingyukebenli。xiaoguoliganjianying。diertiankejian，lincanjiuyoudianbuduijing。
tabuzaixiangwangchangyiyang，zhongxingpengyuebandizaizoulanglitanxiaofengsheng。ershixiandeyouxiejiaozao，yanshenshibushipiaohu，
xiayishidisichuzhangwang。youqidangyourenkaojintakezhuoshi，tahuilikejingjuedikanguoqu。
tanaqineibenyingyushushi，dongzuomingxianjiangyingleyixia。wangtinghelilicouguoquwenzenmele。tamianqiangxiaolexiao，
shuomeishenme，zhishijuedekebenyoudianzang。danwokandaotanazheshudeshouzhi，yonglidaozhijiefanbai。henhao。
zhongzimaixiale。dierfengxin，santianhou。zheici，neirongyoudianbianhua。chulejixujilutawuguanjinyaoderichang，
mowei，jialeyiju：“nizhidao，renzuikongjudeshishenmema？”“bushiyizhideweixian。