第一章 不要影响老子睡觉

diyizhangbuyaoyingxianglaozishuijue

wojiaowangmo,zushangyiqianshizoubiaode,taiyeyeshicongxingyiquandashixuedian,chuanxialeyiluxingyiquan。

taiyeyejiangquanfachuanjileyeye,yeyeweichuanjifuqin,quegezhedaichuanjilewo,kexi21shiji,jinrulefazhishehui,quanfagenbenmeiyouyongwuzhidi。

xiaoshihouyinweibasuoyoudejinglidouyongzailelianquanshang,wozuizhongmeiyoukaoshangdaxue,erzaidangjinshehui,meiyouwenping,nixiangyaozhaoyifenhaogongzuo,jianzhishichixinwangxiang,zheibu,jintianwoyoushiyele。

“lajiliushuixiandegongzuo,laozihaibuxihanni!”wozuilidunangleyisheng,suihoubeishangzijideheiselvxingbaozouchulegongchangdedamen。

wunianqiandeyichanghuozai,rangzijishiqulesuoyoudeqinren,tongshiyerangzijiwujiakegui,jingliguozuichudebeitongzhihou,manmandexiguanleduziyigerendeshenghuo,yirenchibao,quanjiabue。

“jinwanquneiliguoyeni?”womozhekoudailijinshengxiadesanbaiyuanqian,zaixinlianansikaodao。

zuizhongjuedingqugongyuanlicouhejitian,zhidaozijizhaodaoxiayifenguanchiguanzhudegongzuoweizhi。

qiyuefen,zhengshishengxia,yewandegongyuan,henduoqinglvzaiqinqinwowo,kanzhehukendeqinglvmenduizijishiruowudu,wobuyoudepielepiezui,diguleyisheng:“shifengrixia,shifengrixiaa!”

zoudaogongyuanshenchudeyichuxiaoshulinli,wojiangheiselvxingbaorengzaiyitiaozhangyishang,ranhoutanglexialai。

yueguangtouguoshuzhisazaiwodeshenshang,ercishidewo,yiranrushui,zhiyugongzuodewenti,genbenmeiyoufangzaixinshang。

chedaoshanqianbiyoulu,chuandaoqiaotouziranzhi。

zicongzheigeshijieshangmeileqinren,wohuodemeixinmeifei,lewuqiangua。

hanshuizhongdewozhengzaizuozhemeimeng,turanpangbianchuanlaidejianjiaosheng,rangzijihunshenyigejiling,shunjianzhengkaileyanjing。

touguoyueguang,wokandaozailizijidayueershijimiwai,sanmingxiaoqingnianjiangyinanyinvjiweileqilai,neisanmingxiaoqingnianshoulidounazhedao,shanzheyisihanguang。

“wobaqiandoujinimen,qiuqiunimenfanglewomenba。”erbianchuanlainanzideqiuraosheng。

“cao,jiuzheimedianqian,nikeyigunle,zhiyuzheigexiaoniu,heihei......jinwanguiwomengesale。”zheishiqizhongyimingxiaoqingniandeshengyin。

“nimenbuyaoshanghaixiaofei。”

“滚!”

砰!

哎呀!

“zaibugun,laozitongsini。”

“huangwei,biezou,jiujiuwo!”nvzikandaozijidenanyourengxiazijipaodiaole,buyoudekuhanleqilai。

wokanleyiyanrengxiazijinvyoucanghuangtaopaodenanzibeiying,yanjingliluchuyisibishidemuguang。

“laji!”wozuilixiaoshengdedunangleyisheng,suihouchaozhesanmingxiaoqingnianheshengxiadeneimingnvziwangqu。

nvzifachuqicandeqiujiusheng,kexigangganghanleyiju,bianbeirenyongdongxijisaizhulezui,suizhibeisanmingxiaoqingnianjianzaidishang。

唔唔唔......

nvzijiliedefankang,buguozuilibeisailedongxi,zhinengfachuwuwudeshengyin。

wobushihaoren,suoyiduizheizhongxianshiqinggenbenbuxiangguan,yushibishangyanjing,zhunbeijixushuijue,danshipangbiandedongjingtaida,chaodezijigenbenshuibuzhe,yushibiancongzhangyishangzuoleqilai,chaozhebuyuanchuhanleyiju:“yaozuozheizhongwochuoshi,jilaozigunyuandian,made,chaodelaozishuibuzhejue。”

“咦?”

“有人!”

sanmingxiaoqingniantingzhiledongzuo,jijingdechaozhesizhouwangqu,suihoubianfaxianletangzaizhangyishangdewo。

“made,chouliulanghannibuxianghuole,ganjinjilaozigundan。”

tingdaomazijiliulangliu,womengranzhanleqilai,chaozhetamenzouqu。

kandaowochaotamenzouqu,qizhongliangmingxiaoqingnianmashangzhanleqilai,shengxiadeyimingxiaoqingniananzhezaidishangzhengzhadenvzi。

zoudaotamenyanqianzhihou,wokanleyiyandishangdenvzi,pifuxuebai,liandaileizhu,duankuyijingbeibadaolexigaichu。

tachaozhewoluchukenqiudemuguang,danshiwobingweihuiying。

dangjinshehui,renxinbugu,lushangfuqidiedaodelaonainaidouhuibeieshang,genghekuangzheizhongshiqing。

yiqianzijiyezuoguozheizhongyingxiongjiumeideshiqing,buguodangshineimingnvzibudanmeiyouganxieziji,dengjingchazhaodaozijizhihou,tajingranhaimeinengjishizhanchulaizhengmingzijideqingbai,haizijichayidianbeinongchengliumangdetonghuo。

zicongneicijianyiyongweibeikengzhihou,wobianbuzaiguanzheizhongxianshi,yinweiguanzheizhongshiqingjueduishijizijizhaomafan,bingqiebierenhaibuyidinglingnideqing。

suoyiduiyucishidishangneimingmeimaonvzikenqiudemuguang,woshiruowudu,zhijiechaozhesanmingchidaoxiaoqingniankanqu,shuo:“nimensange,yaoxiangzuozheizhongwochuoshi,lilaoziyuandian,zaichaodaolaozishuijue,laozidaduannimensangedexiaotui,rangnimenyihouzhinengkanbunengzuo。”

“cao,nisuanneigenmao,ganguanwomendehaoshi,laozixianjinifangfangxue。”qizhongyimingxiaoqingniantingdaowodehua,borandanu,shouzhongbishouchaozhewobiancileguolai。

kanzhecilaidehanguang,wobuyoudeshuangyanweimi,yigunuqizhichongtouding:“madan,yanqiandesanmingxiaoqingnianshoudexiangzhugan,yiweishoulinazhebabishou,jiutianxiawudile,jiusheidoupatamenle,zhentmdnaocan。”

woshunjianyigeceshen,tongshiyoushouwuzhichengzhua,dangxiongzhualexiaqu。

嗖!

bishoutiezhewodexiongkoucileguoqu,xiayimiao,wodeyoushoubianzhuazhuleduifangchidaodeshouwan,tongshichaozhehoumianyizhuai,jiangduifangdeshentizhuaileyigeliangqiang,xiamianyouxixunmengdetiqi,henhendezhuangzaiduifangdefubu。

砰!

哎呀!

wocongxiaolianxixingyiquan,zheiyijixidingdeliliang,suiranweijinquanli,danshiduiyuputongrenlaishuoyijingsuanhenzhongle,zheimingxiaoqingnianbeiwoyiding,shentishunjiangoulouleqilai,canjiaozhequansuozaidishang,shiqulezhandouli。

shengxiadeliangmingxiaoqingnianhaizaifalengzhizhong,wodeshentibianshandianbandecuanleguoqu,pengpengliangsheng,yijiaochuaifanyiren,lingyirenbeiwojinshenyizhoujizhuangpazaidishang。

budaosanmiaozhong,sanrenbianbeiwojidaozaidi。

wokanleyiyandaozaidishangtongku**desanmingchidaoqingnian,yilianhuiqideshuodao:“made,xiangshuigejuedoushuibuanwen。”

shuowanzhihou,biantouyebuhuidelikaile。

jingyangaosuwo,yuezaolikaiyuehao,wanyijingchalaile,youshiwenhua,youshizuobilu,shifendemafan。

wocongcongchaozhedalingshangongyuandedamenkouzouqu,dangwokuaizouchugongyuandeshihou,shenhouchuanlailiangqiangdejiaobusheng,tongshiyouyimingnvzideshengyinchuanleguolai:“dengyidengwo。”

wotinglexialai,zhuanshenkanqu,shigangcaineimingbeisanmingxiaoqingnianandaozaididemeimaonvzi,cishitayijingchuanshanglequnzi,zhengyilukuangbendechaozhewopaolai。

“谢谢你!”

“nibuyongxiewo,gangcairuobushitamenchaozhewoshuijuele,woshibuhuiguanxianshide。”womianwubiaoqingdeshuodao,suihouzhuanshenbianzou。

噔噔噔......

meimaonvziyouzhuileshanglai。

“nigenzhe**ma?”womeitouweizhoudekanzhezhuishanglaidenvzi,wendao。

“wo、wo、wohaipa,ninengsongwohuijiama?”

benlaixiangshuomeikong,buguoludengxiawokanqingchulenvzishenshangdeyifu,neikeshiyishenmingpai,yushidaolezuibiandehuabianyingshengshengdeyanlehuiqu,sheijiaozijixianzaiqueqianni。

“songnihuiqukeyi,danshinixuyaozhifujiwo500yuanhusongfei。”wokaikouduitashuodao。

husongfei,zheishizijiganggangxiangdaodeyigemingci。

“keyi,danshiwoxianzaishenshangmeiqian,huidaojiazhihou,woyidingjini。”nvzikanqilaihedebuqing,tingdaowodehuazhihou,mashangjiudayinglexialai。

kandaonvzizheimeshuangkuaibiandayingle,woxinliandaoyisheng:“shibushizijiyaoshaole,suanle,sheirangzijihaoxinni。”

meimaonvzidejiajiuzaidalingshangongyuanpangbiandejiahexiaoqu,ligongyuanbudaosanbaimi,budaoshifenzhong,wobianjiangtasongdaolelouxia。

“nizaizheilidengwo,woshangloujininaqian。”nvzikaikoushuodao。

“buxing,niwanyishangqubuxialaizenmeban?wogenzhenidaomenkou,fangxin,wobuhuijinqude。”

“haoba!”nvzizuizhongdianlediantou,daizhewozoujinledianti。

tadegongyuzaishierlou,jingranshizhenggelouceng,dangtakaimendeyishunjian,wokandaolelibianshehuadezhuangshi,xinlibuyoudeyizhenhouhui:“woca,gangcaiduoyaoyidianjiuhaole,zheinvzijueduishiyimingbaifumeia。”

dayueyifenzhongzhihou,fangmenzaicidakai,meimaonvzijiangwubaiyuanqiandidaolewodemianqian。

“liangqing!”wojieguoqian,zhuanshenbianlikaile。

wosuiranbushihaoren,danjueduibushihuairen,suoyisuirankandaomeimaonvzijialishifendeshehua,bingqiehaoxianghaijinjinzhiyoutayigerenjuzhu,buguowobingweiyouqitadexiangfa,nadaozijiyingdedebaochouzhihou,haobuyouyudelikaile。

yiwaizhuanlewubaiyuanqian,woxianquchiledianxiaoye,suihouyouhualeyibaiershiyuanzaishifengjiudiankailejianfang,meimeideshuileyijue。

diertianwoquzhitongrencaishichangzhaoleyifenbaoandegongzuo,yigeyuexiusitian,gongzi2800,baochizhu。

gongsizaidongcheng,jiaowanjiajituan,shiyigedajituan。

shangbanqian,jingranhaiyouyigexingqidepeixun,woxinlishifendebushuang:“peigeniaodexun,laoziyoubushilaiyingpinyewuyuan。”

genwoyitongzhaojinlaidebaoanhaiyousishijigeren,peixunguohouzhiyouyirenkeyiliuzaijituanzongbu,qitarendouhuibeifenpeidaoxiamiandegegefengongsihuogongchang。

wobaiwuliaolaideshangzhepeixunke,muguangquebuyouzizhudechaozhesizhouluankan。

peixunshizaijituandaloudeerlou,yimingbaoanduizhangzaijiangjiezheyudaotufahuozaideshihou,zenmeyangmiehuo?zenmeyangshusanyuangong?

woxinliyizhenniwai:“cao,yudaohuozailaozizaojiujiaodimoyou,zijixianpaole,weile2800kuaiqian,haiyaoranglaoziweigongsixianshena。”

wolandetingjiangtaishangneimingbaoanduizhangjiwai,wuliaodechaozhechuangwaiwangqu,ganghaokandaoyilianghongsedebaomapaochetingzailejituandaloudemenkou。

“xiwangshiyigejingniu。”wodingzheneilianghongsebaomapaochekanqu。

buguodangwokanqingchucongcheshangzouxialaideneimingnvzideshihou,biaoqingbuyouzizhudeyileng:“woqu,buhuizheimeqiaoba。”

baomachexialaideneimingnvzi,ganghaoshizuotianwozaidalingshangongyuanwuyijiudeneimingmeimaonvzi。