第一章 傻子赘婿

“tamade,shisheirangzheigeshazijinlaide?jurangandawoerzi,laoziyaofeileta?tongtazaiyigedifang,douladilelaozishenfen。”

nanrenxionghendeshengyin,zhenzhehuoguodianlidesuoyouren,yecijinpazaidishangdeneirenerli。

“baba!nixingxing,nigehuaidan,nidawobaba,woyaojiaojingchashushuzhuani。”zheishiyidaoxiaoluolideshengyin,sixinliefeidekuhanzhe。

“baba!woyaobaba!”

tingdaozheishengyin,panweiyouxiemangrandezhengkaiyanjing,kandaoguizuozaidishangbutingyaohuangziyidexiaonvhai,tademouzimanmanjuji,yishijianjianqingxing。

guizuozaidishangdexiaonvhai,zhiyousiwusuideyangzi,yuandududelian,yanjingdaerhei,xiangliangkeheiputao。toushangzhazhelianggexiaobianzi,youdianxiangnaohaidenazha。

manmuleihendexiaonvhai,kandaopanweizhengkaiyanjinghou,xijierqi,huluandemoleyibalianshangdeleishui,gengyandao:“baba!nitengma?qianbaojinihuhu!”

panweiandanwuguangdemouzi,zaitingdaozheishengjiaohanhou,zhujianqingming,naohailiyouleyigubushuyuziyidejiyi。

zheijushentidezhurenyejiaopanwei,jiusuishiyinfashaoshaochengleshazi,cengjingdetiancaiyixiazibianchengshazi,lingpanjiachengshoubulezheizhongchiru,shizhebatarenglejici,zuihoudoubeijingchajisonglehuilai。

zaipanweishijiusuishi,tadezhundasaolinruoranjiazhongpochan,panlaoyezichenhuodajie,ranglinruoranjiajipanwei,budantitamenjiahaiqingwubaiwandezhaiwu,haihuizainasanbaiwanjilinjia。

danshiyouyitiaojian,neijiushi,rangpanweijiarulinjia,dangshangmennvxu。

qishi,shuobaile,jiushibashazizheigechirubaofuzhaorenjieshou。

panlaoyezihaipalinruoranfanhui,juranbeibideranggangdaxuebiyedeguniang,rengongshouyun,youchuzishengjidanglemama。

panweichenglelinjiadeshangmennvxuhou,linjiayinweipanlaoyezidezheiyizuofa,babumanhefennuquanbudousazaitadeshenshang。

jintian,xiaoqianbaozaiyoueryuandeleliangduoxiaohonghua,bianchenzhejialirenbuzhuyi,lazhebabaquchikendeji。

zhengchizhe,xiaoqianqianyudaotongxuexiaopangzi,xiaopangzikandaoshaxiaoliukoushuideshazipanwei,jiumaxiaoqianbaoyougeshazibaba,xiaoqianbaojiubatajidale。

xiaopangzikuhanzhebatababadapangzilalai,dapangzinuqichongchong,yiquanzazaishazipanweitoushang,houzhedaoxiaqushi,hounaoshaokezaileyizishang。

yishijiedepanweizhengzaichongguan,turanzaodaojianrenansuan,pinzhezuihouyisiqingming,tuozheyilvcanhuntaolichulai。

zaizhengyanshi,tayijingfushenzaileshazipanweishenshang。

“baba!nihaitengma?qianbaozaijinihuhu。”xiaoqianbaokandaoziyidebababushuohua,lenglengdedingzheta,henshihaipa。

kanzhezheimekeaiguaiqiaodebaobeinver,panweitudeganjuexindinuannuande,bianmingbai,zheishiyuanshendeqingxu。

kejian,zheigeshazishizhendehentengzheigenver。

“qianbaoguai,bababuteng。”panweibaoqiguizuozaididenver,zhanqishenchaozuoweizouqu。

rutoudaheixiongbandedapangzi,xiuzhemanmandejirou,ziyachongzhepanweidahou:“gandawoerzi,laozidadenimandizhaobuzheya!”

“gun!”panweishuangyanbingleng,yigegunziqinghechusheng。

dapangziyizheng,beizheibinglengdeshuangyanhezhele,suihoubianshixiuruhefennu,tazenmekenengbeiyigeshazihezhe?

“nigeshazifeiwu,ganxionglaozi,laoziyaofeileni,rangnichengweiyigetaijian。”

dapangzikeconglaimeiyoushouguozheizhongwushihechiru,yiwangneixierenjiandaoziyizheizhongkuaitou,nagebushiweiweinuonuo,jiuzheigeshazigandingta。

“wotaoyanni,nidawobaba!”

huaizhongdexiaoqianbaojiantazheimexiong,renzhehaipaheyanlei,chongzhedapangzidahan。

jiannverjiusuanshihaipa,yeyaoweihuziyi,panweixinlinuannuande。

tazheigenver,tatengle,ruoshitianta,jiurangtianpeizang。

qingpainverdehoubeianweita,tamiansechenlengguadan,qiheirumodeshuangyan,jiazazhedongtiandebingxue,shexiangdapangzi,hanshengkaikou:“biezairangwoshuodisanbian,gun!”

dapangzibeizheiyanshenhedequanshenzhandou,xiayishidetuihouyibu,suihoufanyingguolai,xiunaodetahuiquanchaopanweizaqu,yanmouzhongdaizhedeyiheyinhen。

gangcailaozidounengdadenitangzaidishangqibulai,zheicidingnengyiquandadaonihunmizhuyuan。

“啊!”

yidaocanjiaoshengxiangqi,dapangzibukezhixin,kanzhebaoguozheziyiquantoudenanren,duishangtashenbukecedemouzi,tazhongyugandaohaipale,hedehoubeilenghancencen。

biaoqinglengliechenyudenanren,jiadashoushangliqi,zaiyijiaochuaizaidapangzixigaishang,houzhe‘peng’deyishengguizaitamianqian,leiliumanmian。

“wocuolewocuole,qiuhaohanraoming!raominga!”dapangzifuzheduandiaodeshouwan,guizaidishangkuhanzheqiurao。

ganjuedaohuaizhongxiaodongxidezhandou,panweimeiyouzainvermianqianduitazaicixiashou,ershiwushita,zuodaoweizhishang,wenrouchusheng:“xiaoqianbao,bababoxiajinichihaobuhao?”

xiaoqianbaoxiaozhediantou,zaichaoguizhededapangzi,qieshengshengdeshuo:“nihaibuzouma?”

dapangziyileng,liangundaipadechezhezaoyiheniaokuzidexiaopangzipaole。

xiaoqianbaozheicaixiaomimide,chaopanweiwangqu,paishouxiaodao:“wobabashigechaorensunwukong。”shuozhe,duizhepanweigoulegoushou。

huyidepanweiweiditou,yidaowenredewenjiuqinzaitadelianshang,chaneijian,quanshendeshaqitongtongganzou,xinqingmeili。

“qianbaozuixihuanbaba。”xiaoqianbaohaibuwangsongshangtianyanmiyu。

tingdepanweidexindouyaoronghuale,babohaodexiafangjintadewanli:“kuaichi。”

chilejigexia,tudetingdaogenvrendejiaohansheng:“laotouzi,laotouzi,kuailairena,wolaotouziyezhele。”

panweitaimouwangqu,zaitazhengqianfangdeqianliangzhuo,yigeliuqishisuidelaotou,zhengfuzhebozizhangzhezuifanzhebaiyan,yipangdefurenjiaojihaipadesichuqiujiu。

kandaodajiadouzhiguankanbuganshangqian,panweichaonverkanleyiyan,tadadadeyanlimanshihaipaheqiqiu,tameiyouyikeyouyu,databuerqu。

furenkandaopanweilai,rukandaojiuxingban,shuangyanguangliang,chaotaqiujiuhuhan:“xiansheng,jiuming,jiuming!jiujiuwojialaotouzi。”

panweizhanzailaotouzimianqian,shenchuliangzhibinglong,duizhelaotouzidefubudianleyixia,laotouziwadeyisheng,tuchuyigejigutou。

zheiyicaozuo,bafurenjingdemudengkoudai,zhidaolaotouzizhuazhutadeshou,tacaixingwuguolai。

zhengxiangquganxiepanweishi,jiuhuchelaile,furenzhihaobamingpianhejizhanghongdefangzaitadezhuoshang,qianyidexiaozhe,daenbuyanxie。

furenzouhou,funvliangdengzhezhuoshangdedongxihaoyihuier,xiaoqianbaocaibaliangyangdongxishoujintadebeibaoli,duipanweishuo:“daidaoxiacijiandaoyeyenainaishi,womenzaibazheixiehaijitamen,haobuhao?”

zheimeshanliangkeaidenver,zenmenengbuxinteng,panweiziranshimeierhuakeshuo。

zihuoguodianlichulai,panweiqianzhenveryamalu,tingzhetashuoyoueryuandequshi,ganjueshijieyipianheping,kebitaneigeyishijieanquanduole。

xiatiandewanshang,huilaidebijiaowan,qidianduozhong,caisuanshizhenzhengdetianhei。

turan,yiliangmianbaochekuaisuchaoguofunvliangshenbiantingxia,chemendakai,diaozheshoubeidedapangzi,zhizhepanweiduiguangtoulaoshuodao:“gangge,jiushizheigeshazibawoshoujidaduanle。”

guangtoulaomomoziyideguangtou,yibazhangpaizaidapangzihounaoshaoshang,hedao:“nigesipangzi,jiuzheimeyigeshazi,nijuranhaideganggewolaleqibagerenlai,shinishahaishitasha?”

dapangzipeixiaolian:“gangge,nifangxin,wozaijiaqian,zaijiaqian,haobuhao?”

guangtoulaozheicaifangguota,mozheguangtouchaopanweizouqu,douzhetuixiaodao:“yo,shazi,jintiannineipiaolianglaopozenmemeiyiqilaia?”

panweijianci,mouzhonghanmangshanguo,baozhenver,qingpaitadehoubeianweita:“qianbaoguai,bishangyanjing,wuzheerduo,monianyibaigeshujiuhaole。”