悲催土地爆笑穿越记
《悲催土地爆笑穿越记》 小说介绍
gujiyudaodedazhihuixiede《beicuitudibaoxiaochuanyueji》zhendehenhaokan，gushiqingjiediedangqifukourenxinxian，zhendehenbang，jiangshule：wangdefakanzheshoulidexiangpini，youxiangxiangzijineibeileipi、beidianliao、beizhuizhaidecaodanrensheng，beifenjiaojia。tazhuaqixiangpini，yongjinquanshenliqi（daizhedianliaohou……
《悲催土地爆笑穿越记》 悲催土地爆笑穿越记第17章 免费试读
“哐当！哐当！”
jiuhuchezaiwuyedejiedaoshangkuangbiao，lanhongdingdengwushengxuanzhuan，jiangwangdefa、huanger、hulijingsanren（yao）lianshangneihunhezhejuewang、beifenheyisirenmingdecanbaiyingzhaoderutongguimei。maobushunyinwei“gongjixingdi”qie“zhengzhuangteshu”，beianpaizailelingyiliangcheshang。
hulijingtoushangneiding“xxhuafei”caomaozaoyibuzhiquxiang，zengliangdetutouzaichexiangdingdengxiafanshezhebinglengdeguangze，tashuangshoubeiyueshudaisongsongdigudingzaidanjialiangce（jingfangchuyu“rendaozhuyi”，meijitashangyueshushouhuan），shuangyankongdongdiwangzhecheding，zuiliwuyishidininan：“shengfashui…jinkoude…wodemao…whatthefa…”
huangersuozaijiaoluo，neijianzhehuangpopaoziguodegengjin，jianzuihousaidelianshangxiemanle“huluopingyangbeiquanqi”debeiliang，xiaoshengdigu：“jingshenbingyuan…tingshuo…dianliao…zizizi…wanle…wanle…xiaodeyihoubunengsihoutudiyeninle…”
wangdefazemianwubiaoqing，guangtoukaozhebinglengdechexiangbi，shoulijinjinzuanzheneibupingmukailiedebashounuojiya。pingmushang，1285.2diangongdeyuehe2338.88dian“taibaijinxue”zhangdan，xiangliangbabinglengdecuodao，fanfuguacazhetacuiruodeshenjing。tanaozilizhiyouyigeniantou：maobushunhetadezhazhazaina？meiyouneiduibileishenqi，zenmeyingfujiexialaide“jiadayaoliang”？
“吱嘎——！”
cierdechacheshengxiangqi。binjiangshijingshenweishengzhongxin（qiyuan）neisenyande、pamantengmandegaoqiangtiemen，rutongjushoudedakou，huanhuanzhangkai。yiguhunhezhexiaodushui、chenjiuzhiwuhemouzhongnanyiyanyude“pingjing”qixipumianerlai。
“xiache！doulaoshidian！”suichedefujingbanzhelian，yuqiburongzhiyi。
sanren（yao）rutongtixianmuou，beiyajiezhechuanguokongkuangjijingdetingyuan。canbaideyueguangxia，jidongfangfangzhengzhengdehuibaisedalourutongchenmodemubei。ouercongmougeliangzhedengdetiechuanglichuanlaijishengyiyibumingdesihouhuodaxiao，zaijijingdeyeligewaishenren。
“姓名？”
“王德发。”
“年龄？”
“25…大概？”
“职业？”
“…tiantingzaicebingjitudishen，bianhaobingqieryijiujiuba，jian‘tianleirugubileizhentiyanguan’farendaibiao…”wangdefamamudibeisongzhe。
“pa！”fuzedengjidezhibannanhushi（xiongpai：liujianguo）bunaifandibabipaizaizhuoshang，yanshenxiangkanyikuaibukehuishoulaji，“wowennifanjiandezhiye！shenfenzhenghao！biecheneixiemeiyongde！haitianting？tudishen？wokannishiwangxiangzhengwanqi！xiayige！”
胡丽晶被推到桌前。
“姓名？”
“胡丽晶。”
“年龄？”
“…sanbailingqi…e，25！”
“职业？”
“…qingqiushanzhurenjianbanshichushouxixingxiangguwen…jianjiutuo…”hulijingdeshengyindaizhekuqiang。
liuhushidemuguangzaitaguangtutudetoupishangtingliulezuzusanmiao，ranhouzaidengjibiao“zhengzhuang”yilanlongfeifengwuxiexia：“kuadawangxiangbantixiangzhangai（tutoufourenzheng？daicha）”。
轮到黄二。
“姓名？”
“黄二！”
“年龄？”
“erbaiwu…bu！25！”
“职业？”
“…tudimiaogongguanbujinglijianzishenhongxianqianyuanshi…”huangernulijichuchanmeidexiaorong。
liuhushimeitouningchengchuanzi，zai“zhengzhuang”lanhenhenxiexia：“guanxiwangxiangbanzhapianqingxiang（yisituanhuozhufan）”。
chubudengjiwanbi，sanrenbeidaidaoyijianmimanzhenongliexiaodushuiweide“guanchashi”。binglengdebaiqiang，canbaidedengguang，jizhangyingbangbangdesuliaoyizi。qiangjiaoyige360duwusijiaodeshexiangtou，hongdengyouyouliangzhe，rutonglengmodeyanjing。
“yifu！shenshangsuoyoudongxi！chulebinghaofu！quanbushangjiao！”yigebangdayaoyuan、mianwubiaoqingdenanhugong（xiongpai：zhaotiezhu）baozhegedasuliaokuangzouguolai，shengyinrutongjinshumoca。
wangdefasisizuanzheneibunuojiya：“tongzhi！zheige…zheishiwode…gongzuoshebei！henzhongyao！limianyouhenduozhongyaodingdanhezhaiwuxinxi！bunengjiao！”
zhaotiezhukandoumeikan，yibaduoguoneiposhouji，suishourengjinkuangli：“shenmepolanwanyier！haidingdan？zhaiwu？wangxiang！meishou！”
“wodecaomao！wodeanquanmao！”hulijingjianjiaozhexiangquhuzhutoushangjincundezunyan（suirantule，danmaozishizuihoudezhexiubu）。
zhaotiezhudongzuogengkuai，pushanbandedashouyihui，hulijingtoushangneidingwaixiedecaomaojiubeiqingsongzhaizou，luchuneikezaicanbaidengguangxiawusuodunxing、fanshezheciyanguangmangdetutou！hulijingshunjianshihua，rutongbeichouzoulelinghun，daidaidizhanzaiyuandi。
“maozi？weixianwupin！meishou！”zhaotiezhubacaomaoyerengjinkuang，muguangsaoguohulijingguangliuliudetoupi，zuijiaosihuchoudongleyixia，danhenkuaihuifubingleng，“haiyouni！huangpaozi！tuole！hualihushao！yingxiangbingquguanli！”
huangerkanzhezijineijianxiangzhengzhezuihouyidian“xianjiatimian”dezhehuangpopaozi，beicongzhonglai，danyezhinengduoduosuosuodituoxia，luchulimiantongyangzangxixidechenyi。
sanrenhuanshanglelanbaitiaowen、sanfazhexiaodushuihewushuqianren“bingyou”tiweidetongyibinghaofu。kuanda，cucao，rutongtaoshanglechirudemadai。
“jinqu！laoshidaizhe！mingtianzhurenchafang！”zhaotiezhuxiangganshengkouyiyangbatamenhongjinguanchashi，“guangdang”yishengsuoshanglehouzhongdetiemen。
shijiechedianjingle。zhishengxiatoudingshexiangtouyunzhuandeweiruodianliusheng，yijihulijingyayide、duanduanxuxudechouqi。
“whatthefa…laoniang…laoniangtangtanghuxian…luoderucitiandi…”hulijingmozhezijibingliangguanghuadetoupi，yanleiwushenghualuo，“liandingcaomao…doubujiwoliu…wuwuwu…”
“xiangu…jieai…”huangerguojinlekuandadebinghaofu，shituxunzhaoyisiwennuan，“zanmen…zanmendexiangbanfachuqua…tudiye！ninkuaixiangxiangbanfa！lianximaobushun！lianxitianting！lianxisheidouxing！”
wangdefakaoqiangzuozhe，guangtouzaidengguangxiaxianggeludan，yanshenkongdong。lianxi？nashenmelianxi？shoujibeimeishoule。gongdedian？zaizheiguidifangyoumaoyong？taxianzaizhixiangjingjing。yiji…qidaomaobushunhetadezhazhapinganwushi。
……
yucitongshi，yiyuanlingyidongloude“teshuguanchashi”。
maobushunchuanzhetongyangkuandadelanbaitiaowenbinghaofu，daidaidizuozaiyizhangtezhide、gudingzaidimiandesuliaoyishang。taduimian，zuozheyiweidaizhejinsiyanjing、biaoqingyansudezhongniannvyisheng（xiongpai：zhurenyishilisumei），pangbianhaiyougenazhejilubandenianqingnvyisheng。
fangjianzhongyangdezhuozishang，fangzheyigetezhidetoumingfangbaoxiang。xiangzili，zhengshimaobushunneiduishanshuozheweiruozijinsedianhudebaobeizhazha！pangbianhaisanluozhejikuaibeidianhuzhuoshaodefaheidezhuantousuipian（maobushunbeizhuashihuailihaibaozhejikuai）。
“maobushun，shiba？”lizhurendeshengyinwenhe，quedaizheyizhongburongzhiyidezhuanyegan，“buyaojinzhang。womenzhishixianglejieyixieqingkuang。ni…nenggaosuwo，zheixiedongxishishenmema？”tazhilezhifangbaoxianglidezhazha。
maobushunmangrandikanzhexiangzi，youkankanlizhuren，wengshengwengqi：“e…wode…zhazha…”
“zhazha？jutishishenmechengfen？”lizhurentuiletuiyanjing，“womendechubujiancexianshi，zheixiewuzhijuyouyichangdefangshexing（weiliang），bingnengshifanggaoqiangdudianliu（buwending）。feichangweixian！nishicongnalidedaode？jiechuduojiule？youmeiyouchuxianhuanting、huanshi、huozhe…ganjueshentiliyoudianliuluancuan？”
maobushungengmangranle：“e…saozhou…leipi…dianmu…tang…”tanulizuzhizhepinjideyuyan，zhilezhixiangzi，“…danglei…haoyong…”
“saozhou？leipi？dianmu？”pangbiandenianqingnvyishengfeikuaijiluzhe，xiaoshengduilizhurenshuo：“lilaoshi，dianxingdebeihaiwangxiangbanwuligongjiqingxiang！luojihunluan！baputonglajihuanxiangchengbileifabao！jiechufangsheyuankenengshiyouyin！”
lizhurendiandiantou，kanxiangmaobushundeyanshenduolejifenlianmin：“maobushun，wolijie。nikenengjinglileyixie…changrennanyilijiede‘chuangshangshijian’。bazheixielajihuanxiangchengwuqi，shiyizhongxinlifangyujizhi。danniyaomingbai，zheixiedoushijiade，shiwangxiang。zheixie‘zhazha’henweixian，huishanghainiziji，yekenengshanghaibieren。”
tadunledun，yuqigengjiarouhe：“gaosuwo，nipingshi…shibushijingchangganjueyunqitebiecha？zoulushuaidao？heshuisaiya？momingqimiaodiudongxi？”
maobushunmangrandidiandiantou：“ng…jingchang…ta…”
“zheijiuduile！”lizhurenfangfozhaodaoleguanjianzhengju，“zheishidianxingde‘zainanhuasiwei’he‘fuxingrenzhipiancha’！bashenghuozhongdexiaogailvdaomeishijianwuxianfangda，guiyinyuzishen‘meiyun’，shenzhihuanxiangchu‘saobaxing’zheizhongshenfenlaihelihuazijidebuxing！zheishibing，maobushun，dezhi！”
tazhizhefangbaoxiang：“zheixieweixiande‘daoju’，jiushinizheitaowangxiangtixidehexin！womenhuitini‘baoguan’haotamen。jiexialai，nixuyaoxitongdeyaowuzhiliaohexinliganyu，bangzhunirenqingxianshi，zhongjianjiankangderenzhimoshi。mingbaima？”
maobushunkanzhelizhuren，youkankanfangbaoxianglibeiguanqilaidezhazha，yanshengengjiamangranle。tatingbudongneixiefuzadeci，dantamingbaiyidian：tadezhazha，beidangchenglajiheweixianpinguanqilaile。tudiye…xuyaotamendanglei…
“e…tudiye…yao…”tawengshengwengqidizhengzhaleyixia。
“haole，jintianjiudaozheili。”lizhurenzhanqishen，duinianqingyishengshuo：“xiaozhang，jilu：huanzhemaobushun，chubuzhenduan：jingshenfenliezheng（pianzhixing），banyanzhongdebeihaiwangxiang、guanxiwangxiang（zirensaobaxing）、yijishoufangsheyuanyingxiangdeqizhixingjingshenzhangaikeneng。jianyi：yijihuli，geliguancha，anpaiect（dianxiukezhiliao）pingguqigongjixing。”
……
翌日清晨。
wangdefasanrenbeicubaodijiaoxing，daidaoyigegengdadefangjian。canbaidedengguangxia，jishigechuanzhetongyanglanbaitiaowenbinghaofude“bingyou”paipaizuohao。youmuguangdaizhiwangzhetianhuabande，youbutingkoushouzhide，youduizhekongqishaxiaode，haiyoujigezaidishengzhenglun“huoxingrenjingongdiqiudeshijianbiao”。
yigechuanzhebaidagua、toufashudeyisibugoudenanyisheng（xiongpai：zhuzhiyishisundehai）zhanzaiqianmian，nazhehuatong，lianshangdaizheyizhongzhiyehuade、fangfozaianfuyoueryuanxiaopengyoude“cixiang”xiaorong。
“geweibingyou！zaoshanghao！xindeyitiankaishile！rangwomenyongbaomandereqing，yingjiekangfudeshuguang！”sunyishengdeshengyintongguohuatongfangda，daizheyizhongcuimianbandeqiangdiao，“xianzai！kaishiwomenjintiandetuantizhiliaodiyixiang！chenjianhuanxingcao！genwozuo！”
yinlexiangqi！shineizhongjiqihuankuai、youzhideertonggequ！
“zuosanquan~yousanquan~boziniuniu~**niuniu~zaoshuizaoqi~zanmenlaizuoyundong！”
sunyishengdaitou，jiqikuazhangdiniudongqilai。
taixiadebingyoumenfanyinggeyi。youdemangrangenzhedong，youdezuozhebudong，haiyoujigexingfendizhanqilaishouwuzudao。
wangdefa、huanger、hulijingsanrenjiangyingdizuozaizuihouyipai，biaoqingrutongchilecangying。rangtudiye、huxianhehuangxianzuozheizhongruozhiticao？whatthefa！jianzhishiduishengedezhongjiwuru！
“dongqilai！dongqilai！shengmingzaiyuyundong！shifangnimendehuoli！”sunyishengniudaotamenmianqian，reqingyangyidiguli，“neiweiguangtoubingyou！dui，jiushini！biehaixiu！niuqilai！haiyouzheiwei…e…faxinghenbiezhidenvbingyou！dongyidong！duishentihao！”
hulijingtingdao“faxingbiezhi”，shunjianzhamao！tutoushitayongyuandetong！tamengdizhanqilai，zhizhesunyisheng，shengyinyinweifennuerjianli：“nicaifaxingbiezhi！niquanjiadoufaxingbiezhi！laoniangshitule！bushisha！zuozheizhongcaonengzhangmaoma？！nengma？！”
zhenggehuodongshishunjiananjingxialai！suoyoumuguangdoujujiaozaihulijingneikeshanshanfaliangdetutouhefennudelianshang。
sunyishenglianshangde“cixiang”xiaorongjiangzhule，suijichenxialian：“zheiweibingyou！qingzhuyinideqingxu！kangjuzhiliaoshibingqingjiazhongdebiaoxian！kanlainixuyaogeng‘shenru’dezhiliaofangan！”taduizhemenkouhandao：“zhaohugong！daizheiweiqingxujidongdenvbingyouqu‘lengjingshi’！zhunbeimect（gailiangdianxiukezhiliao）pinggu！”
“buyao！wobuqu！whatthefa！fangkaiwo！”hulijingjingkongdizhengzha，danbeiwenshengjinlaidezhaotiezhuxianglinxiaojiyiyangjiazhugebojiuwangwaituo！tadekuhanshengzaizoulangliqilihuidang。
wangdefahehuangerkandemuziyulie，queyouwunengweili。
sunyishengzhongxinguashangxiaorong，fangfoshenmedoumeifasheng：“haole，xiaochaquguoqu。womenjixu！xiamianjinxingtuantizhiliaodierxiang：xianshirenzhizhongjian！qingdajialunliufayan，shuoshuonimenlijiede‘xianshi’shishenme？yaozhenshi！buyaowangxiang！”
bingyoumenkaishiyongyuefayan（huozheshuohuyanluanyu）。
“woshiqinshihuang！daqian！fengnidangdajiangjun！”
“huoxingrenxiageyuedenglu！jidizailouxiaxiaomaibubingjuli！”
“wolaoposhiaoteman！tahuim78xingyundaguaishoule！dawanjiuhuilaijiewo！”
lundaowangdefale。suoyourendemuguangdoukanxiangzheigezengliangguangtou、biaoqingyinchendenanren。
sunyishenggulidikanzheta：“zheiweibingyou，biejinzhang。shuoshuokan，nijuede‘xianshi’shishenme？”
wangdefataiqitou，kanzhesunyishengneizhangxuweidexiaolian，youkankanzhouweineixiechenjinzaigeziwangxiangshijiede“bingyou”，zaixiangxiangbeituozoudehulijing，beiguanyademaobushunhetadezhazha，haiyouneigaiside2338.88dianzhaiwu…
yiguhunhezhehuangdan、beifenhepoguanposhuaidexiehuo，mengdicuanshangxintou！
tamengdizhanqilai，zhizhetianhuaban，yongjinquanshenliqi，fachuleshipotianjingdepaoxiao：
“现实？！”
“xianshijiushitamade——laozishitudiye！qianleleigongdianmuliangqianwu！beidianmuzhuisha！beitaibaijinxingkeng！chuangyejianmiaobeileipi！maibaojianpindangjiutuo！zuihoubeidangchengjingshenbingguanzaizheili！haiyaokannimenzheiqunfanrenzuoruozhiticao——！！！”
“whatthefa！zheicaodande‘xianshi’——laoziburen——！！！”
zheiyisangzi，guanzhulewangdefacancundesuoyoutudishenlihechuanyueyilaisuoyoudebiequ！rutongjialekuoyinlabadezhalei！shunjianxiangchelezhenggehuodongshi！zhendechuanghuwengwengzuoxiang！zhendesunyishengjinsiyanjingdouhuadaolebijian！zhendejigexingfendebingyouyi**zuohuileyizishang！
shijie，chedianjingle。zhishengxiawangdefahuchihuchidechuanqisheng。
sunyishengshoumangjiaoluandifuzhengyanjing，lianseshabai，zhizhewangdefa，shouzhidouzaiduosuo：“kuang…kuangzaofazuo！gongjixingyanlun！wangxiangxitongjiduwangu！kuai！zhaohugong！bata…bataheneigenvdeyiqi！songmectshi！jiadajiliang！like！mashang——！！！”
zhaotiezhurutongmenshenbanchuxianzaimenkou，ningxiaozhechaowangdefazoulai。
wangdefakanzheneibijindepangdashenying，zaikankanpangbianhedesuochengyituandehuanger，zuihoumozhezijiguangliuliudetoupi…
yigubinglengdejuewanggan，hunhezhedui“jiadajiliang”dianliaodekongju，rutongchaoshuibanjiangtayanmei。
“huanger…”wangdefadeshengyindaizheyisishayahezuihoudefengkuang，“jizhu…chuquyihou…zhaodaomaobushun…hetadezhazha…ranhou…jilaozi…bazheijiapoyiyuan…dianle…”
“tudiye——！”huangerfachusixinliefeidekuhao。
wangdefabishangyan，renyouzhaotiezhuneitieqianbandedashouzhuazhuzijidegebo，xinzhongzhiyouyigeniantouzaifengkuanghuidang：
Whatthe发！
zheijingshenbingyuan…bitiantinghainanhun！
dianmuniangniang…taibaijinxing…leigong…dianmu…nimen…sheixingxinghao…zaipiwoyiciba——！！！
（zheiciwobaozhengbushoufei——！！！）